How to handle bf rarely coming to my family events?

[chelle21689]

My boyfriend is close to his family and will have a big get together with extended family 1-2x a month. I see his family all the time and we constantly hang out with his sisters or triple date with them. Sometimes go to his mom's place too.

 

My family is large and they all have their own lives and little families unlike my bf's sisters who are not married with children. My family works hard too and often so it's not often we get together. We will cook out once every month or two.

 

It's difficult because it seems whenever my family plans something, his family had already planned something in advanced....so I end up going to my event alone and they often ask where he's at.... And it makes him look bad as of he doesn't care to spend time with them. He's more comfortable around his family than mine...maybe cuz it's all girls lol.

 

Anyways, it hurts me. I feel like I'm always with his family. I told him about this and he just said "Ok" and that's it.... -_-

 

his step dad is having a weekend get away two hours away....his birthday is same as my sisters. again, he will miss it and go to his step dads birthday get away. My family hasn't seem him in two months.

 

Don't get me wrong, he has come to Christmas and family vacations but our get togethers are rare and not often.

[Dread Pirate Roberts]

My boyfriend is close to his family and will have a big get together with extended family 1-2x a month. I see his family all the time and we constantly hang out with his sisters or triple date with them. Sometimes go to his mom's place too.

 

My family is large and they all have their own lives and little families unlike my bf's sisters who are not married with children. My family works hard too and often so it's not often we get together. We will cook out once every month or two.

 

It's difficult because it seems whenever my family plans something, his family had already planned something in advanced....so I end up going to my event alone and they often ask where he's at.... And it makes him look bad as of he doesn't care to spend time with them. He's more comfortable around his family than mine...maybe cuz it's all girls lol.

 

Anyways, it hurts me. I feel like I'm always with his family. I told him about this and he just said "Ok" and that's it.... -_-

 

his step dad is having a weekend get away two hours away....his birthday is same as my sisters. again, he will miss it and go to his step dads birthday get away. My family hasn't seem him in two months.

 

Don't get me wrong, he has come to Christmas and family vacations but our get togethers are rare and not often.

 

Early on my mom did, but gradually as the years went by she just stopped going to my dad's family events. They were together over 20 years, before she died. All you can really do is talk to him about it and try to get him to go now and then, but really my dad's side is pretty crazy; as I grew up I realized that and didn't question my mother so much. Haha.

[Emilia]

My family is large and they all have their own lives and little families unlike my bf's sisters who are not married with children. My family works hard too and often so it's not often we get together. We will cook out once every month or two.

.....

his step dad is having a weekend get away two hours away....his birthday is same as my sisters. again, he will miss it and go to his step dads birthday get away. My family hasn't seem him in two months.

 

Don't get me wrong, he has come to Christmas and family vacations but our get togethers are rare and not often.

It sounds like you don't see them much more often than he does either? How often do you see his family? I assume this works in both ways.

[chelle21689]

I'm sorry, not to sound rude but did you even read the paragraph carefully? In the beginning I mention I constantly hang out with his family. Big family events once or twice a week, I see his sisters all the time and we always triple date or hang with them, and visit his mom and step dad every week or two and she visits vice versa.

 

 

He always have tons of family events and mine is rare. So he kinda chooses his family events over mine even though we rarely have them. I just think its be fair if he came to mine instead of his or try to make both for once. I have bonded with his family because i see them alllll the time but he barely knows mine.

[Emilia]

I'm sorry, not to sound rude but did you even read the paragraph carefully? In the beginning I mention I constantly hang out with his family. Big family events once or twice a week, I see his sisters all the time and we always triple date or hang with them, and visit his mom and step dad every week or two and she visits vice versa.

Yes I did miss the first sentence.

 

However you haven't answered my other question: how often do you see yours? You are saying they have events rarely therefore if he misses one he has to wait a month or two for the next one?

[chelle21689]

When you say see you mean spend some time right? Not just stop by or if you're living with them lol.

 

all together once a month. I hang out with my cousin maybe a couple times a month with her and her bf. yeah, if he misses a fam event the next one isn't til a month later cuz we usually only have it on holidays and birthdays

[Emilia]

When you say see you mean spend some time right? Not just stop by or if you're living with them lol.

Seeing them meaning visiting. How is semantics relevant here?

all together once a month. I hang out with my cousin maybe a couple times a month with her and her bf. yeah, if he misses a fam event the next one isn't til a month later cuz we usually only have it on holidays and birthdays

So in this case wouldn't you say that he is doing the best he can? As some of your occasions co-incide with his and his family appear to be more relaxed than yours (your words:"My family is large and they all have their own lives and little families unlike my bf's sisters who are not married with children. My family works hard too and often so it's not often we get together. We will cook out once every month or two.")

[chelle21689]

Visiting as in stoppin by for less than an hour doesn't really count to me

 

No, I don't think he's doing the best he can. He goes to all his family functions with the thousands they have and won't even skip one to be with my family.

[pink_sugar]

My brother and his ex fiance had this issue amongst many others. Needless to say, it didn't last long. You both need to compromise. It doesn't sound as if he's taking you seriously unless he's making some major changes. Spell it out for him, this sort of thing can break relationships. Alternate holidays and visiting. My family would also always plan things in advance, while my husband's family was more short notice. Once we'd hear from my family, we'd ask my husband's relatives what they are doing for that particular holiday. This was his step-family, so they made it clear that we make our other relatives the priority and that it's no big deal. If I were him, I would tell his family, "Sorry, this thing with my girlfriend's family came up short notice and since we don't see her family very often, I'll have to take a rain check this time." or something to that effect. I've done that before. I see my family much more often than my husband's, so even if we did have something planned, I tell them something with his family has come up and since we almost never see his relatives, we will not be attending said event.

Edited July 8, 2013 by pink_sugar