You will find someone better !

[Zammo25]

Well, then I guess you should just head to the local suicide booth and put yourself out of misery...

 

And, there are plenty of us in our 30's, 40's and beyond on LS. I, myself, am 41 and hope I never take on an attitude like your's...

 

Good luck anyway, Negative Nancy

 

Hey, maybe I will. Thanks for the advice and confirming what I thought.

[Zahara]

Too late now. At 50 there is no chance now.

 

Too bad. I'm close behind you and don't live by that attitude. Sorry you feel that way. Hope the next 20 or so flies by fast because I can't imagine living through each day with such negativity.

[Babolat]

Too late now. At 50 there is no chance now.

I am 47, and life has been fantastic for me since my divorce 2+ years ago. I have not met "the one" but I am happier then ever. I have my moments of feeling weak, alone, scared, but overall life is very good.

 

I am working on enjoying being by myself and working on new types of relationships. For example, for the first time in my entire life I am friends with a very attractive single woman..maybe best friends, and there is no romance. And I want to keep it that way. We spend hours together talking, and she is like a buddy, someone I get to go out with, and not just the two of us, we do a lot of things with other couples. I truly see her as a great friend. Had I been married or lost in a relationship this would not have developed.

 

And yes, I do go to the gym. For one, it's great for reducing anxiety. And, I feel good when I go and I get to see some of my gym friends and be social.

[Zammo25]

I feel like Zammo is trolling

 

Not at all. I see loads of threads with " school " highschool " and frankly I can't take any of them seriously as they are kids. They have not been through the school of hard knocks, ie life to 50 and the fact their first " love " got off with someone else on prom night is something I find ridiculous. As I said LS needs an age forum, 17 years olds jilted at prom night and 50 year olds been though the mill will never relate to each other.

[Zammo25]

Too bad. I'm close behind you and don't live by that attitude. Sorry you feel that way. Hope the next 20 or so flies by fast because I can't imagine living through each day with such negativity.

 

You can't seriously think at 50 you have any chance in life now ? You are deluding yourself.

[esteem-jam]

@Zammo25 - state, what exactly do you want?

 

And define "better". Better as bigger boobs? Bigger ass? Smaller nose? Less kids? Darker hair? Better parents? Knows more languages? ... what is better? ...

 

Cause if it is boobs, for example, there is definately an endpoint, where some girl on this planet has the biggest boobs... so, either you strive for that girl as your goal... or... you already had THAT girl with the largest boobs? And now its over and no girl can compare, mathematically, cause she has the biggest boob record. In this case you could be proud you HAD the girl with the biggest boobs. Ok this was nonsense, but I and you could argue about every other "better" quality, thing, detail. You can rationalise about the "better" element in your free time, I think it is interesting thing to do, I think youll agree.

 

And state what is it you want? A girlfriend? Any GF? Any meat you can make yours? ;p I think there are some very desperate women out there, but I think you will not take them, and I wont too. Cause we want a good one. What is it you want?

[Babolat]

Not at all. I see loads of threads with " school " highschool " and frankly I can't take any of them seriously as they are kids. They have not been through the school of hard knocks, ie life to 50 and the fact their first " love " got off with someone else on prom night is something I find ridiculous. As I said LS needs an age forum, 17 years olds jilted at prom night and 50 year olds been though the mill will never relate to each other.

 

I understand your point.

 

I have often thought it would be nice to know the age of a poster so one can use that as a measure, a gauge if you will, on the advice or the question. An 18 year old giving relationshipo advice is much different than a 50 year old giving advice. In the end though, it's just an opinion.

 

I take what I can that applies to me or helps me and discard the rest.

[Zammo25]

@Zammo25 - state, what exactly do you want?

 

And define "better". Better as bigger boobs? Bigger ass? Smaller nose? Less kids? Darker hair? Better parents? Knows more languages? ... what is better? ...

 

Cause if it is boobs, for example, there is definately an endpoint, where some girl on this planet has the biggest boobs... so, either you strive for that girl as your goal... or... you already had THAT girl with the largest boobs? And now its over and no girl can compare, mathematically, cause she has the biggest boob record. In this case you could be proud you HAD the girl with the biggest boobs. Ok this was nonsense, but I and you could argue about every other "better" quality, thing, detail. You can rationalise about the "better" element in your free time, I think it is interesting thing to do, I think youll agree.

 

And state what is it you want? A girlfriend? Any GF? Any meat you can make yours? ;p I think there are some very desperate women out there, but I think you will not take them, and I wont too. Cause we want a good one. What is it you want?

 

I don't want anyone " better " I am not looking anymore. My thread was to take issue with the mantra " you will find someone better " as it is clearly bull**** and desperate people looking for some hope. Give it up !

[mtnbiker3000]

Not at all. I see loads of threads with " school " highschool " and frankly I can't take any of them seriously as they are kids.

 

I see these posts too. And I don't read them. You can find those who are about the same age or otherwise can relate too. Then you just respond to/with them. Geez, man. Take your negativity somewhere else. Seriously!!

 

You can't seriously think at 50 you have any chance in life now ? You are deluding yourself.

 

No, you are deluded!

[Zahara]

You can't seriously think at 50 you have any chance in life now ? You are deluding yourself.

 

I don't even know what's going to happen tomorrow. I could meet someone that could sweep me off my feet tomorrow, next year, 10 years from now. Or I could never find that person, and while that would sadden me to some extent, I'd still be content in making sure that I live my life the best way I can and make it as whole as possible.

 

I can't tell what's in store for me and I don't choose to limit my life with such negative finality as you do.

 

It has nothing to do with delusion. Delusion is believing that going to the gym and improving yourself will help you find someone better, which is something you toyed with only to realize life doesn't work that way. And now you're disappointed with that sad fact.

[Babolat]

I don't want anyone " better " I am not looking anymore. My thread was to take issue with the mantra " you will find someone better " as it is clearly bull**** and desperate people looking for some hope. Give it up !

It's a journey my friend..we try, we fail or fall down, we learn, we get back up, we grow....

 

If you want to be alone, then be alone, nothing wrong with that at all.

[Zammo25]

I see these posts too. And I don't read them. You can find those who are about the same age or otherwise can relate too. Then you just respond to/with them. Geez, man. Take your negativity somewhere else. Seriously!!

 

 

 

No, you are deluded!

 

I am sorry my alternative viewpoint grates with you and by all means carry on with your happy clappy life is great attitude but sometimes a harsh dose of salts is needed as some people on here are delusional and think that going to the gym and being positive will open up a wonderful new world of opportunities to them and I am saying that is bull and a load of old rubbish. Cliche and boring and infact untrue.

[tinker683]

Not at all. I see loads of threads with " school " highschool " and frankly I can't take any of them seriously as they are kids. They have not been through the school of hard knocks, ie life to 50 and the fact their first " love " got off with someone else on prom night is something I find ridiculous. As I said LS needs an age forum, 17 years olds jilted at prom night and 50 year olds been though the mill will never relate to each other.

 

 

.....yeah I'm not inclined to believe you.

 

Judging from your OP and your responses and the thoughts/way in which you've gone about expressing yourself, I just can't help but feel like you're trolling and/or being dishonest about yourself.

 

At best you sound like someone drowning so far in their own pain that you can't tell the difference between the forest for the trees.

 

The reason people focus on going to the gym is two reasons: Because exercise releases endorphins and sticking to the gym is liability to get you into good shape, which will increase your chances of attracting someone. It's not rocket science.

 

The reason people say "focus on yourself" is because, in most of these situations, that's the only option you really have! You can sit here and whine and cry about how you lost your One True Love or you can get off your cross, use the wood to build a bridge and get the hell over it.

 

It's quite possible that, depending on your circumstances, you may indeed have thrown away a good thing but odds are if you were with someone who didn't appreciate you then of course you'll find someone better because the only direction you can go from there is UP!

 

Maybe you will or won't but life doesn't begin and end with relationships. Maybe you have screwed something up with a really good thing and perhaps you may end up spending the rest of your life alone.

 

Whatever might happen, *YOU* still have to make the choice: Do you want to be happy?

 

Get over yourself. I'm sorry your hurting but all you're doing to projecting all of your angst all over the thread. This nonsense you make about segregating the forums based on age is just due to your inability/refusal to deal with your issues.

 

And that's entirely your problem.

 

Assuming, of course, that you're not trolling.

[esteem-jam]

I don't want anyone " better " I am not looking anymore. My thread was to take issue with the mantra " you will find someone better " as it is clearly bull**** and desperate people looking for some hope. Give it up !

I saw a similar thread in some other section of this forum. Maybe it was in Water-Cooler. I thought you posted it, but search doesnt say so. The content was similar: poster was pissed that people give advice like "do this and you will find a partner". There is no 100% guarantee that if you go to gym or style your hair - that then you will find a mate. There is no guarantee. But there are things which increase your chances. Theres a proverb - water does not flow under a lieing stone. If you do different things your chances increase, but it is never 100 %. Dont you agree?

[Zammo25]

.....yeah I'm not inclined to believe you.

 

Judging from your OP and your responses and the thoughts/way in which you've gone about expressing yourself, I just can't help but feel like you're trolling and/or being dishonest about yourself.

 

At best you sound like someone drowning so far in their own pain that you can't tell the difference between the forest for the trees.

 

The reason people focus on going to the gym is two reasons: Because exercise releases endorphins and sticking to the gym is liability to get you into good shape, which will increase your chances of attracting someone. It's not rocket science.

 

The reason people say "focus on yourself" is because, in most of these situations, that's the only option you really have! You can sit here and whine and cry about how you lost your One True Love or you can get off your cross, use the wood to build a bridge and get the hell over it.

 

It's quite possible that, depending on your circumstances, you may indeed have thrown away a good thing but odds are if you were with someone who didn't appreciate you then of course you'll find someone better because the only direction you can go from there is UP!

 

Maybe you will or won't but life doesn't begin and end with relationships. Maybe you have screwed something up with a really good thing and perhaps you may end up spending the rest of your life alone.

 

Whatever might happen, *YOU* still have to make the choice: Do you want to be happy?

 

Get over yourself. I'm sorry your hurting but all you're doing to projecting all of your angst all over the thread. This nonsense you make about segregating the forums based on age is just due to your inability/refusal to deal with your issues.

 

And that's entirely your problem.

 

Assuming, of course, that you're not trolling.

 

I am not trolling at all. Just get frustrated with all the bull on here and the " you will meet someone better " crap, it really winds me up. It is as if people honestly think going to the gym , working on themselves and being a good person will somehow reward them with a " better " partner as that is what is said and I am saying that is sh*t as whatever good you do will not make a jot of difference to your circumstances and chances in life. Infact the more good you do, the worse your life will get. That is a GUARANTEE.

[Zahara]

I am not trolling at all. Just get frustrated with all the bull on here and the " you will meet someone better " crap, it really winds me up. It is as if people honestly think going to the gym , working on themselves and being a good person will somehow reward them with a " better " partner as that is what is said and I am saying that is sh*t as whatever good you do will not make a jot of difference to your circumstances and chances in life. Infact the more good you do, the worse your life will get. That is a GUARANTEE.

 

And if some people believe that, let them. You're old enough to create your own perceptions of what life truly has to offer you. Judging from your posts, maybe you do need to work on improving yourself, not because you need to find someone better but maybe it will help you cope with what's been dished out to you a lot better and maybe with a more positive attitude.

 

One thing is for sure, there's a zero to minute chance of you finding anyone "better" if you present yourself this way. No one wants to be around someone that exudes negativity. A big fat X against you already.

[Zammo25]

And if some people believe that, let them. You're old enough to create your own perceptions of what life truly has to offer you. Judging from your posts, maybe you do need to work on improving yourself, not because you need to find someone better but maybe it will help you cope with what's been dished out to you a lot better and maybe with a more positive attitude.

 

One thing is for sure, there's a zero to minute chance of you finding anyone "better" if you present yourself this way. No one wants to be around someone that exudes negativity. A big fat X against you already.

 

Whatever. I don't need to work on myself I am fine.

[Zahara]

Whatever. I don't need to work on myself I am fine.

 

Yes, of course. You're generally a positive person with a balanced outlook on life. You're having a bad day and you just needed to vent. I understand.

[Zammo25]

Well sometimes the pot needs to be stirred. The fact this thread has imploded instead of the usual 1 reply per 2 days on here means I have touched a nerve and for the record I do not take back a word I have posted and am not trolling. I have been on here for over 3 years but the " happy clappy " **** on here does my head in sometimes as does the " join the gym ", I am so happy now I am helping old ladies across the road every day or the " I am so wonderful I have improved myself in so many ways so surely someone till want me ? " bridage. Well I don't go for that **** as it is me with a packet of cigarettes and a large glass of whisky, telling it how I see it. And I have NOT been to the Gym tonight.

Edited July 8, 2013 by Zammo25

[Zahara]

I don't think you touched a nerve but people were trying to get you out of your negative bubble.

 

So, the gym doesn't help you find a better person. Done deal.

 

Now you can move forward by creating and sticking to your own coping mechanisms.

[marqueemoon4]

I can sorta relate to what you're saying, but wow it really comes off as self pitying. Do you think most 50yr old people, single or otherwise have the grim outlook you do? Like Zahara said, if the gym isn't your thing then fine, try to improve yourself in other ways. I get it though, you're in pain and struggling to cope with it. I'm a pretty jaded person, but I'm learning to be more positive. Keep your chin up.

[thefooloftheyear]

I acn only speak for myself...

 

Yes, since my BU in Dec 2012 I have met and dated a few women..All but one, blow the doors off the ex... Its not even debateable...In fact, I can honestly say its one of the major factors that helped me to cope with the loss. And quite frankly, I am downright embarrassed for pining after her as I was in January..Its like missing the flu at this point..

 

Evidently she couldnt find better...Shes been wanting back for the last month and I have turned her away..Its not happening...Shes a distant memory..My last words were "I wish you well, but I have completely moved on..There is nothing more to say at this point"...

 

I wish you all well..They are just men/women not Superheroes.

 

TFY

[JourneyLady]

It is all just platitudes and empty words. At 50 I know as a FACT I will never find someone else now. It is too late. I am too old now. So I suck it up and live or rather exist one day at a time now. Ok, if you are 30 you have a chance at 50, no chance. None. So it really grates me with the " you will find someone better cr*p "

 

HA! I found potential at 50 and again at 51. So that's disproved.

At 56 I'm so much better mentally than I was then and don't look very much older (they say).

 

What I keep in mind is that if I do find someone willing to give me their time and attention (and vice versa) I'm going to make very very very sure that I'm worth their while!!! So I'm constantly improving myself - in the important triangle: mentally, physically, emotionally. I've been with someone who was less than I deserve, but certainly I kept improving that whole time and will continue on even faster now.

 

Couple next door to me just got married and I'm pretty certain they are in their mid sixties or so... :-D

[JourneyLady]

I forgot to add that the two I found (not at the same time) were better in some ways than the ex-h and not in others. Specifically

 

bf#1 - introduced me to all sorts of interesting adventures and a couple of hobbies - things the ex-h couldn't have done.

- was so much better at actually having conversations about stuff, instead of blowing together time on a lot of tv.

- was not a workaholic

 

bf#2 - was also on a spiritual quest and got me into some interesting journeys there. - was much better in the pleasure department. - also had interesting adventures with...

 

The thing about both of them is that although it was dynamic and a lot of fun, they were relatively uncommitted compared to the way I felt. I've improved my chances of finding a committed person by educating myself on how to find one recently. I'm sure I will, but I'm not going to worry about it.

 

In all truth, you sound like a guy I was pm'ing on a dating sight. He was so negative about people in general that I sort of told him he was a depressant and I didn't feel that was something I could deal with... Whereas, the upbeat guy who's political ideals are partially too much away from mine still has my attention because of the way he likes people and lives his life positively!

 

I do have a hot date - I'm going to a lovely party next weekend with a whole group of really cool folks!

[candie13]

Very constructive and intelligent thanks for adding to the debate. Everyone knows that people who just throw out insults are infact MORONS so it is quite funny, check out Alanis Morrisette. On second thoughts, forget it, it would go over your head.

 

Zammo, 50 years old people don't give advices that say " check out Alanis Morrisette". I don't mean any offense to the other posters in their 50's, but I doubt they know who Alanis Morrisette is...

 

Any person who says the problem are the others, refuses to see that the problem is themselves. Whatever emotional shock you've been through made you wake up, why not use this opportunity to do some clean up inside? Your refusal to acknowledge this need only reinforces the fact that actually, you are very late in that aspect. It's never too late to become a better person, but it's a pity to waste even more time. It is a painful process, it means you need to hold yourself responsible for a lot of things that went wrong, but this will also give you the energy to move on.

 

As I always say it, just like with the gym, the most difficult part (for me) is to start the process - getting out of the house. Once I get to the gym, I'll go train, no pbm... but getting out of the house is a killer...