Karma does not exist.

[KatZee]

So, throughout life I've always heard, "Karma will get them." But I'm really coming to see that there is no such thing as Karma.

 

I notice that everyone who acts like an a.sshole in life, or girls who act bitchy, or people who have no morals or integrity are the ones who climb through the ladders of life.

 

Take my ex for example. He severely screwed over HIS ex, and then wound up with me. I treated him like gold for 3 years. He then severely screwed ME over and has since: been promoted, has his own apartment, and a beautiful new great girlfriend.

 

I used to believe if you did bad things to others, you accrued "bad karma" and it would come back to kick you in the a.ss.

 

Another example: myself. I am nothing but nice to everyone. I'm cool, laid back, I don't throw fits, I'm not drama, I'm good with compromise, treat people with respect, have fun, and am over all a very happy person. I treat my partners with utmost respect, I have high morals and integrity. I say what I mean, and mean what I say. I don't cheat others, play others, use others, or otherwise take advantage of situations/people.

 

Where does this get me? Lied to. Time and time again. Cheated on. Played. Used like a tissue and thrown in the garbage like I am nothing but something to play with. I'm often tossed aside, discarded, overlooked, passed on. I'm always the "in between person" or the "person for right now." I get relationships failing, then I lose my job, I'm about to give up my car because I can't afford my rent on unemployment.

 

What karma is this? What have I ever done to have life just take dumps time and time again all over me?

 

I'm at the point where I don't even want to be a nice person anymore. I'm on the ledge and about to jump of and just be like everyone else. What incentive do I have to remain the way I am? I get walked on like a rug.

 

I have major trust issues from my ex and now I've realized you can't even trust people when they're being nice. People always have an agenda with me.

 

I used to fear karma. I'd feel guilt if I did something wrong. I think I'm going to toss that mentality right out the window.

[LostGirl11]

I'm beginning to to think the same. My ex is a horrible person yet has all the luck in the world!

 

I'm going to be a bitch from now on, see if things start going my way.

[TheFinalWord]

Hi KatZee,

 

Firstly, sorry for the pain you are experiencing.

 

As far as karma goes, I will leave the technicalities of what that means to TaraMaiden.

 

What I think you are basically frustrated with is that you see yourself as trying your best to do the right thing and perceive yourself as getting nowhere and you see other people with bad character getting the best in life.

 

I think we have all been there when we feel an injustice.

 

One thing to keep in mind is that everything can seem great in their life, but this world and its tokens of a great life (relationships, career, looks, status) are passing away.

 

King David explains (would recommend to listen to this a few times):

 

Playing Psalms 73 by Alexander Scourby - picosong

 

While I am sure there are others here that can also offer advice, please allow me to explain how I have coped with it

 

In the romance department, I have felt the same way more than once. I sometimes have a good laugh because literally the last 5 girls I have dated have ended up engaged/married to the man they meet immediately after me. It's sort of humorous in a way, but I have also felt like "why me"? I have a great career, in good physical shape, in the prime of life. When I start focusing on myself and what I have to offer, the next step in my thoughts quickly go to...if those things are really my perceptions of myself, than what is the deal? Why isn't it working for me? Then I start to think I am not that great after all...STOP. You see how that works? We have a projection of ourselves, and then we allow other people to shatter that projection through their rejection of us as romantic partners. We start to define our self-worth based on the decisions of others. That's where we mess up. With this other guy, you were with him a long time. So he has to have some good qualities, but when we get frustrated with their decisions, we begin to magnify their faults and amplify our own good characteristics (believe me we all have faults). Then we get stuck in this perpetual state of unhappiness to the point that we actually get a revenge type of mentality. "I'll show that ex, I'll be a jerk like they are and that will teach them!" We start living vicariously through a vengeful mindset. There's a saying "revenge is a dish best served cold." Revenge is never good, but basically the proverb is saying that when we enter into a vengeful mindset based on emotional unrest, we typically engage in destructive and foolish behaviors. A vengeful mindset is poisonous to the fulfillment of the purpose for our existence. From my personal spiritual perspective, this is exactly what our enemy (satan) wants. For us to be defeated, living in negative emotions, and unfocused on our purpose in life.

 

So, how to overcome it? Forgive these people, recognize that not all relationships are meant to last forever, and stop focusing on them at all (I believe it is termed "no contact" here; for example, you seem to know a lot about what he is up to in his life. However, you are acquiring that knowledge, please cease from it.).

 

How to forgive? Not always easy. Personally, God has helped me to do that. There are times when I do not want to forgive them because my pride is so strong. But I will just keep using affirmations "I forgive John/Jane Doe" and actually say it out loud until it settles into the soul. If I can't utter even those words, I will pray and tell the God "Lord, I can't forgive this person, but I will forgive them for your sake". One epiphany I have had that has helped me to do this is to realize, no matter how vile or evil I think the person is, God loves them just as much (and died for them just as equally) as He loves me

 

Forgiving someone means releasing them from our hate and freeing them, 100%.

 

In terms of relationships, I recommend this book for summer reading and when you are ready to forgive this man and move forward with your life.

 

Decisive: How to Make Better Choices in Life and Work: Chip Heath, Dan Heath: 9780307956392: Amazon.com: Books

Edited July 8, 2013 by TheFinalWord

[youngnlove89]

I am sorry you are feeling this way.

 

I'm in the same boat as you. I have a job, but it doesn't pay well. I am living paycheck to paycheck. I can't even buy groceries right now. Someone mentioned how I looked like I lost weight, little do they know it's because I haven't eaten much. I deal with mean people most of my day. I deal with stress, PTSD, money issues and inadequacy every day. It's turned me into a mean depressed person for the most part.

 

Sad thing is, being a moody unthankful human doesn't make life any better. Being bitter, being upset, moody, distraught, stressed doesn't benefit us. In fact, it just makes it harder for US. And it also makes less people like you.

 

Life is just tough. For everyone. And if we can just be that little ray of sunshine than it has to mean something, right? If we can make someone smile, if we can give a few bucks to the beggar on the street, if we can find the good in the bad, if we can help the person on the side of the road, by someone a coffee for the heck of it, give someone a hug because they need it...it has to help a little, right? Paying it forward isn't to benefit us, but to benefit others.

 

Don't become one of those bitter people because life has you spent. Don't let it get to you. Be that sweet person. Be you. We need more sweet people anyways. If everyone become bitter than life would be hell.

 

The other night I had lost AC in my apartment. It was 110 outside and in the 90's in my apartment. I was miserable! I hated life and already that same day, I had a crappy day. I kept thinking, "why is life so unfair to me". Then I turned on the news and found out that 2 hours away a wild fire took the lives of 19 firefighters. I was sad for them and their families. How awful, I couldn't even imagine the immense pain. It made me appreciate my life, and even though I felt like my life wasn't great, in that moment it became great. I have my friends, my family, my boyfriend, my health, all my limbs, I have a roof over my head.

 

I'm not trying to minimize your feelings or thoughts. You have every right to feel what you feel. And it isn't fair. Not at all.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I would hate to see another kind, happy, genuine person's spirit be poisoned.

[Star Gazer]

Karma doesn't manifest on YOUR timetable or in the manner YOU want it to.

 

But all energy we put out we get back. It's not a matter of if, but when.

[tbf]

This has nothing to do with the concept of karma. What you're describing is the social game of "niceness" where people are preemptively "nice", looking for payback for their niceness, even though others haven't agreed to play by the rules of the niceness game.

 

There's also a bit of schadenfreude being described.

[Leegh]

I used to watch when I was younger some of the old westerns on tv, where in the end of the program, the bad guy would be punished and the good guy would win. Unfortunately, that is not the way it is in real life. I think you are correct what you wrote in your post. Sometimes, though, we do not see the full picture yet, as perhaps in ten years the folks who seem to be doing well, will have had their share of disappointments. I have known plenty of people who seemed to have it all after marrying, etc., but a number of years down the road, they were indeed miserable. Try to just take a day at a time, and hope for the best. Good things are to come.

[KatZee]

This has nothing to do with the concept of karma. What you're describing is the social game of "niceness" where people are preemptively "nice", looking for payback for their niceness, even though others haven't agreed to play by the rules of the niceness game.

 

There's also a bit of schadenfreude being described.

 

I'm not looking to get a "payback" so to speak. I'm nice because I'm genuinely nice. I care about others, I live to the best of my ability. It would at least be nice to just not get s.hit on like I'm a garbage can. That's what I don't get.

[KatZee]

Karma doesn't manifest on YOUR timetable or in the manner YOU want it to.

 

But all energy we put out we get back. It's not a matter of if, but when.

 

I mean, is there actual evidence of this? I'm not saying I'm going to be some huge a.sshole now, but sometimes I get paranoid in life if I do something wrong, I think to myself "oh this is badddd karma!" For example, my coworkers and I once ran out on a lunch bill. I felt SO horrible about it I made the guy go back to pay the bill. That was totally bad energy.

 

But if I can just cut corners and live life like people who really don't care about karma or even believe in it, especially when they don't even suffer for it, why not?

 

Why do I care about strangers I don't even know? If I go out and play people and use them for sex with no consequence, why not? People play around with feelings, emotions every day and nothing happens.

 

I get that it's not on my timetable, but is there really any reason that it's necessary to watch someone who's screwed me so horribly, succeed in life? And then to finally experience something in my own life where it's like "yes! finally! I'm happy!" only for it to be a huge joke... where the universe is just laughing in my face going "HA HA!" ala Nelson on the Simpsons?

 

What is even the point of that?

[xxoo]

There are a lot of interesting concepts here, not necessarily related to karma.

 

What is it you need to be happy?

 

Do you want to live a good life because of fear of bad karma, or because of the person you wish to be? Conscience?

 

How do you define a successful life?

 

Is there something you want to do that you are resisting?

[tbf]

I'm not looking to get a "payback" so to speak. I'm nice because I'm genuinely nice. I care about others, I live to the best of my ability. It would at least be nice to just not get s.hit on like I'm a garbage can. That's what I don't get.

What you want is payback. Otherwise there would be no expectations of any kind of return, only altruistic giving. I also don't see anything wrong with wanting a reasonable return for your emotional and actionable investment.

 

As a thought, refer to the LS concept of the proverbial "nice guy" who lacks personal boundaries but perceives himself stepped on, being nice to women they're attracted to by befriending them but inside, expecting return in the forms of sex and relationships. When the "niceness" isn't returned based on their preferred forms of currency (sex and/or relationships), they usually get bitter about it, bouncing to the other extreme of being jackarses to women/other people through misogyny, misanthropy and PUA.

 

Kat, it's time to look into personal boundaries. If you do [insert service, gift, any positive act] and the other person doesn't return, stop doing it. Doing more of same won't make the other person want to return, whether to befriend, want to date, want to treat you better. The minute you try to prove your worth to someone else, you've embraced the inferior role within the social transaction game.

[KatZee]

Kat, it's time to look into personal boundaries. If you do [insert service, gift, any positive act] and the other person doesn't return, stop doing it. Doing more of same won't make the other person want to return, whether to befriend, want to date, want to treat you better. The minute you try to prove your worth to someone else, you've embraced the inferior role within the social transaction game.

 

I have very rigid personal boundaries and the second people cross them it's done.

 

What happens with me is I keep getting people that keep crossing my boundaries. Keep pushing it and keep trying to pull one over me, or to get past me so to speak.

 

Why is it that I just get crappy people in my life?

 

Guy I was just talking to had all the qualities of a good guy. And something just happened this past monday and I ended it. Done. You cross my line like that and you're outta here. But why can't I meet one good person?!! LOL.

 

I don't get why I see terrible people getting the best of everything. Career. Relationships. Meanwhile I'm a good person, I have boundaries... and I get delivered crap. Crap crap crap. Always.

[KatZee]

There are a lot of interesting concepts here, not necessarily related to karma.

 

What is it you need to be happy?

 

Do you want to live a good life because of fear of bad karma, or because of the person you wish to be? Conscience?

 

How do you define a successful life?

 

Is there something you want to do that you are resisting?

 

I'm not unhappy at all. I spent the past year+ living well. Making plans all the time, reconnecting with friends, really growing on a personal level. I took this past year to get over my ex, heal my wounds and I felt it was time to get back out there.

 

In the span of like 2 months I was laid off, guys take advantage, I have to give up some of my "luxuries" (car/TV) to be able to just keep my apartment, my mother is in ill health, I mean why the s.hit storm on me?

[xxoo]

And then to finally experience something in my own life where it's like "yes! finally! I'm happy!" only for it to be a huge joke...

 

 

That's why I asked what you need to be happy.

 

Are you happy? If so, who cares what others have or do not have?

 

About the sh.t storm, well, that happens to everyone. Everyone. No one has a perfect life, although it may appear perfect from the outside.

 

Do you think that it is possible that you look past some decent men?

[tbf]

I have very rigid personal boundaries and the second people cross them it's done.

 

What happens with me is I keep getting people that keep crossing my boundaries. Keep pushing it and keep trying to pull one over me, or to get past me so to speak.

 

Why is it that I just get crappy people in my life?

 

Guy I was just talking to had all the qualities of a good guy. And something just happened this past monday and I ended it. Done. You cross my line like that and you're outta here. But why can't I meet one good person?!! LOL.

 

I don't get why I see terrible people getting the best of everything. Career. Relationships. Meanwhile I'm a good person, I have boundaries... and I get delivered crap. Crap crap crap. Always.

Is it that they deliberately push your boundaries or are they being themselves, where using a venn diagram, different people will have different personalities so everything outside of the venn intersection, you view as threatening.

 

When someone pushes your boundaries, whether deliberately or being themselves, you assert yourself but not in a confrontational way or cut them off immediately unless they're attempting something that's exceeding detrimental to you emotionally or physically. When asserting yourself, you have to do it consistently. Most often, people will learn and stop. When people won't stop, that's when you cut them off.

 

As all this relates to the romantic aspect of life, it takes a lot to find someone compatible. But we also attract based on personal energy. Like attracts like.

 

I have to question why every person around you is horrible and the only constant which is yourself, is nice. For your own emotional well-being, consider this aspect and how always focusing on other people's negatives can provide a detrimentally pessimistic view of life.

[Col1]

I believe in karma. Bad deeds eventually could come back to bite the person. Example: Someone disrepects 99 people with no consequence, but the 100th person answers back with a gun... That sort of thing. However, they may get away with bad behavior without penalty (and even benefit too).

[BetheButterfly]

So, throughout life I've always heard, "Karma will get them." But I'm really coming to see that there is no such thing as Karma.

 

I disagree. I wouldn't really call it "Karma" but I do think that we only see a very small part of the picture. The whole of the picture of life is not just on the physical level. There's a whole spiritual level which encompasses and surpasses that level.

 

I think "Karma" or "natural consequences" or "punishment by God" has no time limit and is not even restrained to a mere mortal's lifespan on earth.

 

I notice that everyone who acts like an a.sshole in life, or girls who act bitchy, or people who have no morals or integrity are the ones who climb through the ladders of life.

 

Many who climb the "ladders" of what some people term as "success" do so by being motivated by greed or hatred or lust. However, those ladders are again only observed by physical measurements, not spiritual measurements which again, encompass and surpass the physical.

 

Take my ex for example. He severely screwed over HIS ex, and then wound up with me. I treated him like gold for 3 years. He then severely screwed ME over and has since: been promoted, has his own apartment, and a beautiful new great girlfriend.

 

As he hurts others, his soul suffers. While of course you don't see it now, that doesn't mean that it's not affecting him on the spiritual level. Oftentimes the consequences of hurting others is not seen on the physical level, yet the ramifications are boiling under the surface. It's not something to be happy about, but rather something that is huge cause for concern.

 

Instead of wanting harm to come to him, why not want him to be ok? Just curious. Sure he's hurt you, but there's immense power in forgiving and in wanting people to grow instead of get hurt themselves. Hurt people hurt people. Instead of this guy being hurt more, why not want him to heal?

 

 

I used to believe if you did bad things to others, you accrued "bad karma" and it would come back to kick you in the a.ss.

 

Sometimes it does but then again, other times it only affects one at the spiritual level, which is just as real as the physical, yet much more complicated.

 

Another example: myself. I am nothing but nice to everyone. I'm cool, laid back, I don't throw fits, I'm not drama, I'm good with compromise, treat people with respect, have fun, and am over all a very happy person. I treat my partners with utmost respect, I have high morals and integrity. I say what I mean, and mean what I say. I don't cheat others, play others, use others, or otherwise take advantage of situations/people.

 

Where does this get me? Lied to. Time and time again. Cheated on. Played. Used like a tissue and thrown in the garbage like I am nothing but something to play with. I'm often tossed aside, discarded, overlooked, passed on. I'm always the "in between person" or the "person for right now." I get relationships failing, then I lose my job, I'm about to give up my car because I can't afford my rent on unemployment.

 

The one I follow, Jesus Christ, got crucified. He however firmly believed in loving others to the point of dying for them. While I personally don't appreciate the idea of suffering, it shows me there's more to life than what other people do to me, you know?

 

What karma is this? What have I ever done to have life just take dumps time and time again all over me?

 

What others have done to you is not your fault. It is their responsibility. However, it is important, in my opinion, to choose carefully the person you trust. I have been hurt by guys before but I don't blame them or Karma. I realize I freely chose to trust those guys. I learned though from what they did to me, forgave them, and am now thankfully loved and love a wonderful man who I do trust! Don't give up on life! Just learn from it.

 

I'm at the point where I don't even want to be a nice person anymore. I'm on the ledge and about to jump of and just be like everyone else. What incentive do I have to remain the way I am? I get walked on like a rug.

 

Again, I think a lot of this has to do with who do you trust? Please don't just trust anybody. I learned the hard way to trust those who I found are trustworthy. Not everyone is trustworthy, sad to say.

 

I have major trust issues from my ex and now I've realized you can't even trust people when they're being nice. People always have an agenda with me.

 

Yeah I learned being "nice" is not the main criteria in order to find out if a person is trustworthy. Sometimes my husband is not "nice." He is very blunt, yet I know he loves me and I know he is faithful to me. Sometimes I'm not "nice" to my husband; I am moody and sensitive sometimes. Yet he knows I love him and I am faithful to him. The main criteria is not niceness, but rather knowing that a person lives by the convictions important to him or her. Love is a conviction important to both my husband and me, and that includes what love is, and what love is not. Love isn't weak or just "nice" many times, but rather love is putting the other person before yourself.

 

I used to fear karma. I'd feel guilt if I did something wrong. I think I'm going to toss that mentality right out the window.

 

Well, I do think it's best not to fear karma, but rather to do or not do something because of Love. Love is stronger than fear anyways.

[KatZee]

I have to question why every person around you is horrible and the only constant which is yourself, is nice. For your own emotional well-being, consider this aspect and how always focusing on other people's negatives can provide a detrimentally pessimistic view of life.

 

No where did I say every person around me is horrible. Nor did I ever say I have a detrimentally pessimistic view of life.

 

I'm actually ridiculously optimistic, to the point of annoying others. I just get bummed sometimes when I'm so positive, happy, easy going, and the storm comes down on a GOOD PERSON like me, and not on people that DESERVE it. IE: the liars, cheaters, phony's, criminals, etc.

 

I have great friends, great family. It's the guy's who always come into my life who turn out to be less than optimal.

[KatZee]

BeTheButterfly, that was a great post.

 

Yes, I know my ex has tons of issues and that's why he does what he does. But I can't wish for him to heal, he has to want that for himself, and he doesn't. All he does is push things further down below the surface, and then ruin other people. He ruined his ex, he ruined me, and now he's doing it with someone else.

 

Why would the spiritual realm, or God, or karma, or whatever it is WANT people to have to suffer by his hand?

[BetheButterfly]

BeTheButterfly, that was a great post.

 

Yes, I know my ex has tons of issues and that's why he does what he does. But I can't wish for him to heal, he has to want that for himself, and he doesn't. All he does is push things further down below the surface, and then ruin other people. He ruined his ex, he ruined me, and now he's doing it with someone else.

 

Why would the spiritual realm, or God, or karma, or whatever it is WANT people to have to suffer by his hand?

 

That's true that he has to want to heal for himself, and it's a possibility he doesn't think he did anything wrong, which is not helpful.

 

I don't think God wants people to suffer by anyone's hand. Based to Jesus' teachings, I think God wants people to love others. However, free will includes the ability to not love.

 

Your ex doesn't show that he knows what true love is, based on his treatment of you and his other exes. I think the suffering you and his exes experience is based on not receiving true love from him. It's like you thought he would give you a beautiful flower, yet instead he gave you a thorn that dug its way deep into your skin.

 

Forgiving him eases the pain of suffering, because it frees you to concentrate on others instead of keeping always in your mind the injustice he did to you and them.

 

I do think he will suffer the consequences for not loving but rather hurting you, but the important thing is not for him to suffer, but rather for him to learn and heal. Hopefully he learns from his past and heals, and doesn't hurt anybody else but rather blesses people instead.

 

When suffering or consequences teach us lessons, that really helps. I got hurt by a guy I wanted a beautiful flower from (true love) yet instead he gave me a thorn (rejection). Forgiving him though removed the thorn from me and helped me heal. Once healed, I met my husband and am so thankful that the guy who rejected me rejected me!

[tbf]

It's the guy's who always come into my life who turn out to be less than optimal.

Unless these guys are using coercive means like threat of physical violence, how do they get into your life? With your ex, were you aware of his ex when you got together with him?

[KatZee]

Unless these guys are using coercive means like threat of physical violence, how do they get into your life? With your ex, were you aware of his ex when you got together with him?

 

I was aware of his ex. I wasn't aware of what had gone on with them until we had been dating over 2 years. My ex put on a show of epic proportion. I thought he was someone he completely wasn't. He turned out to be a complete liar, had cheated on me with his ex. I found out very far into our relationship. He then dumped ME! and I walked out of his house. He never saw or heard from me again.

 

I seem to choose people that put on shows? Same case for most recent guy. Taking me out on dates, dinners, movies, we got closer, we had sex (d'oh) and when I went to have "the talk" he completely ghosted on me.

 

I mean... THE HELL! How can you even trust people when they are one way to your face, but below the surface completely phony?

[KatZee]

That's true that he has to want to heal for himself, and it's a possibility he doesn't think he did anything wrong, which is not helpful.

 

I don't think God wants people to suffer by anyone's hand. Based to Jesus' teachings, I think God wants people to love others. However, free will includes the ability to not love.

 

Your ex doesn't show that he knows what true love is, based on his treatment of you and his other exes. I think the suffering you and his exes experience is based on not receiving true love from him. It's like you thought he would give you a beautiful flower, yet instead he gave you a thorn that dug its way deep into your skin.

 

Forgiving him eases the pain of suffering, because it frees you to concentrate on others instead of keeping always in your mind the injustice he did to you and them.

 

I do think he will suffer the consequences for not loving but rather hurting you, but the important thing is not for him to suffer, but rather for him to learn and heal. Hopefully he learns from his past and heals, and doesn't hurt anybody else but rather blesses people instead.

 

When suffering or consequences teach us lessons, that really helps. I got hurt by a guy I wanted a beautiful flower from (true love) yet instead he gave me a thorn (rejection). Forgiving him though removed the thorn from me and helped me heal. Once healed, I met my husband and am so thankful that the guy who rejected me rejected me!

 

I'm not sure I'm capable of forgiving my ex. He hurt me far too much to earn any forgiveness from me. I did however forgive myself, for allowing myself to be with him, for believing him, and for ignoring certain red flags.

 

I don't hate him anymore, I'm completely over him... I put myself out there and bam! rejection again lol. I seriously think I must have been a serial killer in my last life because for the life of me, I can never catch a break.

[carhill]

Why would the spiritual realm, or God, or karma, or whatever it is WANT people to have to suffer by his hand?

 

Presuming 'his' is an ex or other human's hand, IMO there is no spiritual imperative which governs the actions and words of the flesh. People choose, both those who 'have to suffer' and those who enact suffering. The consequences of those choices in the reality of everyday life are their 'karma'. Do some people appear to 'skate' responsibility for their actions? Perhaps. OTOH, no one but them lives their life and no one but them knows what's in their mind. When I ponder dynamics like you've forwarded in this thread, my general conclusion is that I'm very happy to not inhabit their skin and to generally just leave them on their path. With this mindset, TBH, I've had few problems of real consequence in life and only a few violent encounters as resolution to boundary incursions. I don't rate romantic failures as being of any real consequence in the larger picture of life or worthy of 'karmic' intervention/resolution. Perhaps we differ on that prioritization.

 

I put myself out there and bam! rejection again lol. I seriously think I must have been a serial killer in my last life because for the life of me, I can never catch a break.

 

That's OK. Keep putting yourself 'out there' on your terms without dependency on the outcome. Life is one moment at a time. Make them count, for you. Good luck.

[tbf]

I was aware of his ex. I wasn't aware of what had gone on with them until we had been dating over 2 years. My ex put on a show of epic proportion. I thought he was someone he completely wasn't. He turned out to be a complete liar, had cheated on me with his ex. I found out very far into our relationship. He then dumped ME! and I walked out of his house. He never saw or heard from me again.

 

I seem to choose people that put on shows? Same case for most recent guy. Taking me out on dates, dinners, movies, we got closer, we had sex (d'oh) and when I went to have "the talk" he completely ghosted on me.

 

I mean... THE HELL! How can you even trust people when they are one way to your face, but below the surface completely phony?

A sample size of two men? I'd carry on. It's going to take a lot more dating and relationships before you find someone compatible.