Fed Up...

[RavenGirl]

Hi, I'm new here and just need someone to talk to...I hope I'm posting in the right place.

 

I've become really depressed and it's taking it's toll on me. I am so tired of my relationship...we have been together for 13 years (not married but posting here anyway since we've been together so long).

 

Well...let me start...my 'husband' has bipolar disorder. We have lived with that fact for years and at times (when he's manic), he's unbearable to live with...but I have stayed with him through all of his ups & downs. He gets SUPER-religious and becomes a big-time bigot. Well...long story short, he went through a manic episode when I was pregnant with our first child, last year around July. He was still manic (but not full-blown) when I gave birth to our son, Matthew, in September.

 

We argue a lot about his religious beliefs (the bigotry stayed with him). Over these years, I've become agnostic b/c of all the religiosity that I have had to withstand over these years. BUT my beliefs are beside the point...I look at people as HUMAN BEINGS, not by what they do or don't believe.

 

I try not to argue with him when he says things about his beliefs...I just say "I don't believe that way" and he gets pissed off. This past year, we mostly argue about him NOT working. He is doing a lot better (illness-wise, on his meds etc.) but he won't work and provide for our family. We don't have many bills so it's not like it's a lot of

pressure. Last month, he worked like 3 days the ENTIRE month and this month so far only 1 day. He wouldn't even buy our son a new car seat (my Mom had to!) He also didn't even get our son anything for his 1st birthday this past month...I'm just fed up.

 

We are always to the point of getting evicted or getting our utilities turned off (sometimes they have been turned off). I'm just really tired of it....I want a better life for my son, even if I have to be a single mother. He doesn't spend much time with our child as it is and when he does, we end up arguing and he SCREAMS (and has choked me too) right in front of our boy...I know I have parts in our fights, I know I run my mouth but I cannot be silent when something is wrong. I'm very outspoken in our relationship, always have been!

 

It won't be no big thing if I do leave either b/c we haven't had a real relationship since before our son was born (no sex, affection, nothing...and no he's not cheating, I know that for a fact). BUT, even though things are the way they are I still do have feelings for him...I still want our son to grow up with both parents. BUT I'm tired of my son witnessing all this crap!!

 

Am I completely fooling myself, hoping that things will get better? They've gotten worse over this past year...he used to work & WANT things but now we live as if we were dirt poor when we don't have too. When I say anything about him not wanting things he says "God doesn't care about money or working"...How can I live this way?

 

How do I get the strength to leave and not look back?

[Merin]

You've been with this guy for 13 years.. so I'm going to say the chances of him changing are slim to none, and none just left the building.

 

I'm so sorry you're going through such a rough time.. Bi Polar disorder is a very difficult thing to deal with.. and your case your husband is more than Bi Polar, he is LAZY... unfortunately there isn't any medication for that!

 

You don't have to stay in a horrible place because you share a child.. while I can understand your not wanting your son to not be a part of his Dads life.. from where I'm sitting he really isn't involved in Matthews life now... not to mention the bad example he is setting up for years down the road if you continue to stay in this mess.

 

You and your son deserve far better than this... and 13 years of broken empty promises is all you've seemed to aquire with this guy.

 

You mentioned that your Mom had helped you to get a car seat for your son.. is it possible for you and your baby to go stay with your Mom for awhile so that you can get on your feet?

 

You know, IMHO it is one thing to choose to stay in bad relationship when it is only yourself to consider... it is something else when you have a little person to consider as well... and all the decisions you make or don't make will effect him...

 

Please, find the courage to do better for yourself and Matthew... IF your husband was ever (or is) serious about getting help and making things right, then let him demonstrate that in ACTIONS and let his words fall upon deaf ears.

 

Best Wishes