Should I break up with him?

[keithkat]

This may be long but please help me. I really need you opinion.

 

...

 

I met my partner while we're both doing our solo travels.

 

He's in his world-hitchhike adventure, and I was curious on how it's like, and he invited me to join him to see if hitchhiking is for me. I decided to go for it because it seemed like I am physically and emotionally safe with him (I didn't want to fall in love).

 

After a few weeks, we eventually got intimate but still no strings attached. I left him a week after basically to run away and get a clear hold of my self. However i found myself missing him and and he said he missed me too so we joined forces again and travelled together for 2 more months.

 

We got official during this "2nd" trip together and then I had to go home and he had to keep on travelling. We decided to keep a long distance relationship, and after several months of being away from each other, he finally booked a flight ticket to my place and we will be together in a few weeks to plan how to cut the distance between us for good.

 

A few weeks ago, his ex-girlfriend added me, and I told him about it. I told him that if he still wants to get back with his ex, I'm fine with it. He then got disappointed saying that he was sure he wants to stay with me forever but it seemed that we aren't in the same page after all.

 

That's when I got stirred up about our relationship. I thought we're doing fine until I started analysing the things which provoke me to say that maybe he still wants to go back with his ex.

 

Just for the background, he was living with his ex for several years and was already like a family together although there's no child involved, around a month before he started his world travel, he told his ex about it. His ex said she'd wait for him for a year but he said not to wait for him anymore because he wants to travel for not just a year but several years. He said their relationship was already broken even before he left her.

 

So they broke up the day he started his travels. He had experienced a lot during his travels and he said he was sure he already got over his ex after four months of travelling. And that if I break up with him now, he won't go back to his ex anyway.

 

However, there are some things which made me think that maybe he still is not over his ex.

1.) He still wears this necklace with a half heart as a pendant given to him by his ex. He said it doesn't mean much to him anymore and it looks good on him so why not wear it.

2.) In his online profile (not fb), he only has solo pictures of himself and one picture with his ex. He said he put them up before he started travelling and said that a picture with a girl makes him more trustworthy that's why he put it.

Also, when we were still travelling, I found this photos of his ex wearing lingerie in his memory card.

3.) He still has constant communication with his ex due to the fact that he made a joint bank account with her so that it would be easier for him to handle his finances, and the girl also helps him with his insurance, and other stuff. He said they only chat for official reasons.

4.) He said that she is a special person to him because they lived together for several years.

5.) He didn't tell her that he already has a girlfriend because he doesn't want to ruin what's going on between them now. He doesn't want her to be hurt. And when we were still travelling together, he told me he would also be hurt if his ex would get somebody else because they were together for so long. But when I confronted him about it recently he said it's not true.

 

So these are the main reasons why I think he hasn't gotten over her yet.

 

My boyfriend says that we may have spent only a few months together but it feels like we've already known each other for a long time. Maybe it's because we were always together 24/7 encountering different people and challenges, and just know a lot about each other's character.

 

He said he's really sure he wants to be with me, and he's doing a lot of things to connect with me. He wants to be with me forever, and is always talking about his plans with me and our future together.

 

He's been travelling for more than a year now, and he's plan was to travel for 3 years with no attachment involved. He's been with a lot of girls while travelling before we met, but it seems like I he's able to change his plans for me. He's actually willing to compromise his dreams (get into an exclusive ldr with me, giving up studying something somewhere if i wont go with him, going to my country which was out of his way, took really long (more than 24 hours) bus rides with me to catch my flight when he used to have this rule never to take a bus towards a certain direction, etc). I thought we will go separate ways if I don't take care of his plans and dreams but he said he's willing to give them all up because his greatest dream is to be with me.

 

Since I have known him, I actually observed that he doesn't say things he doesn't mean. It took him a while to tell me "i love you".

 

He told me if he only told really close people about us and if his ex would ask he would of course admit that he already has me.

 

Should I just wait for him to come here, and observe more?

If he's not my boyfriend he's like a best friend, and I don't want to change his plans and let him spend a lot of money on me when it seems like I'm not sure about this.

 

However, I still couldn't help but doubt. :-/ I don't know if I should just break up with him or not.

 

My boyfriend is very communicative and does a lot to make me feel loved. This is so far the best relationship I ever had.

 

It's just that he began questioning me if I see forever in him, and I began to analyse things which make me doubt.

 

Can anyone help me clarify the situation? Thank you so much.

[keithkat]

Well I've done a lot of travelling and it isn't like real life. You meet people and form instant, intense bonds. I've had some wonderful relationships with girls I met while I was travelling, and I think if you can overcome the distance issues then it is entirely possible to work a relationship that starts through meeting like this.

 

The big problem to me though is his ex. If he broke up with her on the day he left after being together for 7 years, by travelling he has effectively pushed the 'getting over her' period to one side. That means that when he does settle down on terra firma somewhere and stops moving about so much, he may realise he misses her.

 

On the other hand he was determined enough to travel that he gave her up, so maybe the relationship really was on the way out anyway before he left. And he seems genuine enough about you. I say go for it, but just be careful.

 

Thank you for your reply. :-)

 

He is very willing to overcome the distance for us.

 

They've been together for 3 1/2 years, and he has somehow settled somewhere right now for 3 months turning 4, and is working hard to save up money to travel more and afford to be with me.

 

I also told him that maybe he now realizes that he went away from home only to find out that all he's been looking for is at home all along. But he said it's not true, and that I should believe him.

[Space Ritual]

He is still in contact with his ex and she adds you on FB?

he just demands you continue to "believe" him?

 

something is amiss......

 

Please do yourself a favor and RUN...nothing good is going to come of this relationship.

[keithkat]

He is still in contact with his ex and she adds you on FB?

he just demands you continue to "believe" him?

 

something is amiss......

 

Please do yourself a favor and RUN...nothing good is going to come of this relationship.

 

Thank you for your reply.

 

Could you please help me analyse what you said?

[keithkat]

No problem. The truth is that basically there is no way of knowing for definite until you settle together and he stops travelling so much. To me he sounds genuine at the moment, but there is a chance that he might feel differently once he's stopped moving. From your part try to make sure you don't convince him that he wants something that he might not actually want (his ex!). I guess its just up to you whether you want to take the chance of giving it a real shot and risk getting hurt. If this is the best relationship you've ever had then I think it's worth the chance. If he's right and he's sure of his feelings for you then throwing it away now would mean you threw it away for nothing, for fear.

 

 

PS. I took the chance with a girl I met travelling... It didn't work out, but that was only down to me. It could have gone the distance. I got hurt in the end but I regret nothing, I had an amazing time with an amazing person.

 

Thanks again for your reply. :-D

 

Yes, I don't want to throw it away for nothing. And I don't want to convince him of something that is not true.

 

What do you think should be my right moves right now?

 

Wait for him to come here, observe a little more, and then after a week of being together confront him about the list that I made?

 

Honestly, I somehow understand that he should be in contact with his ex. He needs someone to take care of his bills and insurance and maybe other stuff while away. And his ex is willing to do it for him since his official stuff are addressed to where they used to live where his ex is still living right now.

 

I think the ex wants him back because she still takes care of his stuff. And why do you think she added me? I didn't accept her request because we've never spoken to each other.

 

Anyway, I agree on you about giving love a chance. I kept on running away from a romantic relationship until I decided to pursue whatever's going on between us. :-)