boyfriend, or not boyfriend?

[Nicole]

I am extremely confused and exhausted. I do not know who read my recent posting about my boyfriend of two and a half years who hosted a lady friend of his from college to stay with his family, and did not call the entire time. Well, I told him that it hurt my feelings, I was rude, and he understands and admits to being wrong. He is truly sorry, I can tell, and I told him that I did not want a relationship anymore. So, it turns out that I am the bad one here, I am suffering because I want to see him, and he definitly wants the same. He has told me that nothing is going on...and that he thought I understood that I wouldn't talk to him much when she was there out of courtesy. I am confused as to if I should call him, if I should go out with him, because this is one of the last times I will get to spend a lot of time with him. His family is moving to another state this coming Spring, and when he comes home from college, it will not be to where he and I lived when we met. I think that I love this guy, and I want to see him, but I feel like I am letting my guard down if I do. Should I wait several days so it doesn't look like I am desperate, or just go with my gut feelings, and not worry about what he or anyone else might think?

[Stargazer]

Sorry but I'm confused, what ARE your gut feelings? Stay or go?

 

What exactly are you really pissed about here? That he didn't contact you or is the underlying thing here that you really believe he slept with her? I really think you need to get that sorted out first.

 

If it's about him not contacting you (which I think it is - doesn't really sound like you believe there was anything going on) then ask yourself if you can forgive him that. I mean YOU had choices here too you know. You've chosen to play victim and blame him for everything - YOU could have called him, YOU could have gone over there and said Hi.

 

Please don't take one incident and judge him or your whole relationship on it - get the incident into perspective here. He didn't contact you because he THOUGHT you understood that you wouldn't be communicating much, he obviously felt secure in you and your relationship to feel that he could do that without you falling to bits over it.

 

DID you guys talk about that before she arrived? DID he mention it? If it was talked about before her arrival then I think you choose to forget it because of your own insecurities and fears, it's normal. Only you know what he's been like in your two years together, look at his actions over that time. Get things into context here.

 

He knows he did wrong by you, he knows his actions upset you, he's apologised, he's sorry, there's not much more he can do, it's up to you if you can forgive him.

 

Do you believe nothing was going on? Do you believe he didn't contact you because he was just busy entertaining?

 

What do you believe? Can you forgive? Do you WANT to forgive? Can you let it go or will it always be there between you two?

 

Some things for you to think about sweetie.

 

*Warm Hugs and a very Merry Christmas* :-)

[Tony T]

This guy was real rude and has no concept of manners but if he really is sorry about what he did, call him today. And, you are NOT the bad one here. How could you say that??? He was rude, extremely rude and he seems to accept that fact. So, if you forgive him you will be the good guy.

 

Now, if you want my opinion, I still think there was something really fishy about him bringing this girl home from school, having her at his parents home, and not calling you during this time. It was actually beyond rude. Go ahead and accept his explanation and just consider him mentally and socially challenged. But I would watch his butt real closely.

 

You may love him a lot but that won't stop him from doing really stupid things, like cheating on you. Any way you slice it, it just isn't proper or ordinary IN ANY WAY...for a guy to bring a girl, friend or whatever, home to stay a few days and NOT call his girlfriend. That sucks BIG TIME.

 

Now, I know you need to accept his apology and explanation about this because you love him and want to feel good. But after the holidays, give this more thought. I think he's full of crap.

 

Now, I'm not a girl, but if he is really leveling with you and if I were a girl, I don't think I would want a guy for a boyfriend who was so ignorant that he thought it was OK to bring a girl home to his parents for a few days and not call his real girlfriend during that time.

 

Merry Christmas!!! You are a sweet and forgiving lady.

[Deejette]

I agree, there is still something not right about him bringing this lady home and not calling you for the duration. Think of how he would have felt if you brought an old boyfriend home for a week and didn't call him.

This guy was real rude and has no concept of manners but if he really is sorry about what he did, call him today. And, you are NOT the bad one here. How could you say that??? He was rude, extremely rude and he seems to accept that fact. So, if you forgive him you will be the good guy.

 

Now, if you want my opinion, I still think there was something really fishy about him bringing this girl home from school, having her at his parents home, and not calling you during this time. It was actually beyond rude. Go ahead and accept his explanation and just consider him mentally and socially challenged. But I would watch his butt real closely. You may love him a lot but that won't stop him from doing really stupid things, like cheating on you. Any way you slice it, it just isn't proper or ordinary IN ANY WAY...for a guy to bring a girl, friend or whatever, home to stay a few days and NOT call his girlfriend. That sucks BIG TIME.

 

Now, I know you need to accept his apology and explanation about this because you love him and want to feel good. But after the holidays, give this more thought. I think he's full of crap.

 

Now, I'm not a girl, but if he is really leveling with you and if I were a girl, I don't think I would want a guy for a boyfriend who was so ignorant that he thought it was OK to bring a girl home to his parents for a few days and not call his real girlfriend during that time.

 

Merry Christmas!!! You are a sweet and forgiving lady.