KongKing Posted July 9, 2013 Share Posted July 9, 2013 Hello everyone. First time poster here I am male, 26 years old, and i have some romantic "issues" that i would like a unbiased, neutral perspective on This is quite a long story, so i will try and make it as short as possible. Part I: -3,5 years ago: Met this fantastic girl, and fell almost instantly in love. She had just gotten out of another relationship, and wasn't really ready for another one. Somehow we ended up together anyways (guess i was to charming for her ) -The first two years was great. Both physical attraction and a strong friendship was there. -Then 1,5 years ago, things started to go downhill for various reasons. Both were really busy with University, she was finishing her degree that semester and had to move away and various other issues. I've had a really bad experience with a long distance relationship in the past, and had doubts of my own - Some of it was my own fault: I gained weight, became lazy, boring and comfortable. -Later she has told me there also was two other major things on her mind: There was another guy and a big part of her wanted to be single and independent. Her last relationship had lasted for 5 years, and when that was over, she looked forward to being single for a while (and then she met me) -Inevitably, our relationship ended about 16 months ago. It was tough on us both, but amicable. I told her it was best we had as little contact as possible (and so we did) Part II: -After she had moved (like any break up), it was a rough couple of months at first, but slowly i started to feel better. For roughly 4 months, we had no contact. By then i was starting to feel like myself again, and had even been on two dates - On her birthday (she was turning 25) i decided i should congratulate her. I sent a text, saying happy birthday and asked how she had been. She responded immediately, and looked real happy to hear from me (lots of smiles and stuff). We texted a bit back and forth, and i ended up calling her to have a talk. -From there on, we started talking more and more. Online, texting, phone etc. It was weird, because it felt like we hadn't been apart at all. We still laughed at past experiences and our silly inside jokes. And after 3 months (7 months after the break up) we decided to met up. That day was both very fun, and a little bizzare. Both of us spent the entire day, with big stupid grins on our faces, and there was quite a bit of hugs and "accidental" physical contact from both parts. -After that, our conversations got increasingly more flirty, and we also meet up several more times to hang out. This easter, she came to visit and spend the night (because we had planned on skiing). I had made the bed in the guestroom, but after a day outside and a couple of glasses of wine, she told me she wanted to sleep in my bed. Short story: We ended up having sex, and it was pretty passionate. -We have met more 3 more times after that. And i would describe us as very good friends with benefits (or something like that). This is the situation, and i think i am starting to fall for her again. The thing is: Both of us has a hard time opening up, so none of us has had the guts to talk about whatever feelings we may or may not have. I've never been in a situation like this, and it's making me confused to put it mildly. So what should i do ? Regards Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 9, 2013 Share Posted July 9, 2013 Here's your big mistake, right here: - On her birthday (she was turning 25) i decided i should congratulate her. I sent a text, saying happy birthday and asked how she had been. Ever wondered why the phrase "let sleeping dogs lie" ius so true? Well, here you have it. This is the situation, and i think i am starting to fall for her again. The thing is: Both of us has a hard time opening up, so none of us has had the guts to talk about whatever feelings we may or may not have. I've never been in a situation like this, and it's making me confused to put it mildly. So what should i do ? Honey, this is a no brainer. Either establish effective and positive communication, or simply look to repeat the same schytt you did before. Sure as eggs is eggs, unless you learn how to talk and open up, you've neither of you remedied anything, and you'll just fall into the same old habits again. Either talk - or go No Contact. Your deal. It's really not rocket science.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author KongKing Posted July 9, 2013 Author Share Posted July 9, 2013 Honey, this is a no brainer. Either establish effective and positive communication, or simply look to repeat the same schytt you did before. Thanks for the reply My first instinct was to sit back, and let things develop naturally, and let the chips fall where they may. I know that one of us has to lay our cards at the table at some point, but i have a feeling that both of us are afraid to do so. The thing is: I am not quite sure what her intentions (or feelings) are, and i suspect she thinks the same about me. Last time around, i kinda pushed her into something she wasn't ready for, and i don't want to ruin whatever we have now, by being to eager/pushy...if you get what i mean Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 9, 2013 Share Posted July 9, 2013 No, I don't. The indecision of the situation just drifting along is unhealthy, particularly if no boundaries are established. What if, during this 'casual plateau' she eyes someone else and her mind wanders? What if, not having established any form of exclusivity, she goes off on a date with another guy? (There was 'another guy' before, remember?) Where does that leave you, apart from shuffling back to 'square one' again? What are you actually both 'afraid' of? Commitment? rejection? (Can't see that happening....) Communication is severely underrated and sadly, under-used. You need to try it some time. it's amazing what a good talk does to clear the air.... better than hopping from one foot to another and never taking a decisive step. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KongKing Posted July 9, 2013 Author Share Posted July 9, 2013 Heh, you make a strong argument We have planed to take a short trip together in a couple of weeks. I will talk with her then. Better to do it face to face i reckon. Thank you very much for your help Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts