Met a girl online and fell in love?!

[TheOne25]

Alright here's my story:

 

I met a girl online around 8 months ago. We generally began talking & then fell for one another. We both confessed how we felt after 3 months of talking. We've seen each other on webcam and have access to each other's social media so she's real and obviously so am I.

 

Wondering what the problem is then.. She's more recently been kind of neglecting me, she doesn't spend much time with me. We use to talk everyday and now we barely talk once a week. She takes ages to reply to my emails, before she'd reply within a few hours. We haven't met as yet & I'm mean't to fly to her city in 3 months! I'm really wondering is it worth going to see her now!! Yep, I am f*ckin pissed.

 

I know she's not seeing anyone else but I can't be too sure. She's either home or at work 99% of the time. She's a bit of a loner. I know she's home because when she's home, she spends all her time playing video games, yes I said video games. She told me she's met some new people to game with and I know she's chatting with them. She considers them as friends but these guys are single and I know that they're talking to her for one obvious reason. Its common sense. I feel that's the problem, she's neglecting me for some gaming friends.

 

I haven't spoken to her about her sh*ty behaviour just as yet but I intend to soon. Any advice on whether I should or shouldn't? I'm 25, I've had gf's in the past, real ones in my city & I've never been treated this way by a girl so I need advice on what to do? And how to react? I know I can walk away but I really like this girl and can see a future with her if she acts right..

Edited July 9, 2013 by TheOne25

[Turtles]

It sounds like she is a bit bored of the long distance thing, you need to escalate or let it go. What are your medium term plans, if you fly to her city, are you just going there for a short trip, staying there for a few months, or intending to move there? If your plan is to do a short trip then keep it LDR for a while I am thinking it is going to be tough and in that case it may be better to just nip it in the bud. Ideally if you have good enough comm with her you can talk to her about it, trying not to sound clingy or jealous.

[TheOne25]

It sounds like she is a bit bored of the long distance thing, you need to escalate or let it go. What are your medium term plans, if you fly to her city, are you just going there for a short trip, staying there for a few months, or intending to move there? If your plan is to do a short trip then keep it LDR for a while I am thinking it is going to be tough and in that case it may be better to just nip it in the bud. Ideally if you have good enough comm with her you can talk to her about it, trying not to sound clingy or jealous.

 

Thanks for the reply

 

Hmmmm, it could be that she's bored. That is a possibilty but I doubt it. She's behaved this way with me a few times in the past, basically given me the hot and cold treatment. It lasts a little while then she becomes normal again but this time it's lasted more than a month, it's why I'm concerned.

 

I'm gonna take a short trip for a week or so, but it all depends on her behaviour now whether I see her or not.

 

I recon I will talk to her about it, I just need to make sure I don't lose my cool or as you said sound "clingy".

[LittleTiger]

I haven't spoken to her about her sh*ty behaviour just as yet but I intend to soon. Any advice on whether I should or shouldn't? I'm 25, I've had gf's in the past, real ones in my city & I've never been treated this way by a girl so I need advice on what to do? And how to react? I know I can walk away but I really like this girl and can see a future with her if she acts right..

 

Of course you should talk to her! How else will you find out what she's thinking or feeling? We're not mind readers here so we can't help you on that score.

 

I don't think she's actually doing anything 'sh*tty', unless you've agreed you're going to talk at particular times and she regularly fails to show. If she's busy doing other things, like playing video games with other guys, when you're sitting online hoping she'll talk to you, that's her choice and your bad luck.

 

You have never met her so presumably you're not in an exclusive relationship. Which means she can do what she likes with her time and she doesn't owe you anything except common courtesy.

[FitChick]

She probably met someone locally -- in person.

[umirano]

She probably met someone locally -- in person.

 

That's completely unsubstantiated.

 

OP, my girl did the same. It turned out she was under exam stress, under the threat of being thrown out of her apt by her grandfather and some other issues. She was shy to tell me and couldn't get herself to log in. I reacted the same way and I was pretty much in the same situation as you (had previous local GFs, never been treated this way, etc.) I called her out on it and said we can as well break up if I'm not worth a little of your time every now and then. This caused her to do a 180 and she became very apologetic. Though this happened later again to a lesser extent (after our first meet up) I cannot observe this behavior in the recent past. I was always crystal clear on this, I do not accept her disappearing on me. That's just plain rude. There is always time for a little message, there's an abundance of social networks, phone apps and computers and phones to use. Unless if she's in a remote pocket in Afghanistan backpacking there simply is no excuse what so ever to not reply or give updates. It's very rude and a sign of immaturity and not yet developed respect for SOs. Get her on track. If she cannot do that and you cannot calm yourself down, your LDR will be very painful and you will have a fair number of sleepless nights, wondering where she is and what she's doing. She has no right to expose you to this kind of feelings as long as she claims to care about you and love you.

 

I, being inexperienced and very angered (especially after the second time) became very unpleasant and rude myself. That is bad, harsh words are uttered easily (for some people) and it's hard, after making up, to get rid of them, it's hard to show remorse over the distance. So I'd suggest you take a quiet minute with her and calmly explain how her behavior makes you feel and that you actually suffer from it. If she cares about you, she will understand and work on herself.

 

My girl simply didn't know how wrong this was, she wasn't a bad person. She just didn't know. She was used to all the guys running after her and treating her like a glass figure. Her family and a lot of other people put her on a pedestal sort of. So she had to learn with me, that others have needs too and that she needs to respect them. I also made sure I always let her know what I am up to and where I go. I did not want us to have a mutual 24 hr surveillance, but her living in a rather political unstable and traffic-wise dangerous country had me on egg shells many times. Now things are considerably better though still sometimes she tells me "I'll be out with friends" while wanting to know exactly who (i.e. names!) I'll meet. I'll have to talk to my girl too in this regard, and I'm sure, letting her know quietly will eventually give results.

 

PS: After rereading my post, I want to add that we, the guys in this case focus on the rudeness. It seems to me that the girls disappearing could be related to their own insecurities (i.e. not wanting to have to tell us something they feel bad about, like fights with family, school or work related problems, etc). But still, being in a relationship, especially LDR, means communication, and sharing, not sucking things up and evade contact. So, like I said, take it easy, calmly talk to her about it and hear her out.

 

Good luck!

[TheOne25]

Of course you should talk to her! How else will you find out what she's thinking or feeling? We're not mind readers here so we can't help you on that score.

 

I don't think she's actually doing anything 'sh*tty', unless you've agreed you're going to talk at particular times and she regularly fails to show. If she's busy doing other things, like playing video games with other guys, when you're sitting online hoping she'll talk to you, that's her choice and your bad luck.

 

You have never met her so presumably you're not in an exclusive relationship. Which means she can do what she likes with her time and she doesn't owe you anything except common courtesy.

 

Yeah, I know I need to talk to her and I will, very soon.

 

Hmmmm, we usually never "agree" to talk at certain times but we know each other's schedule for the week so we contact each other when we know the other one is free. But lately, the time we use to spend together is now spent with a bunch of strangers (her new gaming friends). I've been there before these guys, she knows I love her a lot and would do just about anything for her, I've been there for her in her most difficult times, i.e. people in her family passing away....and now I get neglected for strangers hence sh*tty treatment.

[TheOne25]

She probably met someone locally -- in person.

 

That is a possibilty but I doubt it. I trust her enough to tell me if that was the case.

[TheOne25]

That's completely unsubstantiated.

 

OP, my girl did the same. It turned out she was under exam stress, under the threat of being thrown out of her apt by her grandfather and some other issues. She was shy to tell me and couldn't get herself to log in. I reacted the same way and I was pretty much in the same situation as you (had previous local GFs, never been treated this way, etc.) I called her out on it and said we can as well break up if I'm not worth a little of your time every now and then. This caused her to do a 180 and she became very apologetic. Though this happened later again to a lesser extent (after our first meet up) I cannot observe this behavior in the recent past. I was always crystal clear on this, I do not accept her disappearing on me. That's just plain rude. There is always time for a little message, there's an abundance of social networks, phone apps and computers and phones to use. Unless if she's in a remote pocket in Afghanistan backpacking there simply is no excuse what so ever to not reply or give updates. It's very rude and a sign of immaturity and not yet developed respect for SOs. Get her on track. If she cannot do that and you cannot calm yourself down, your LDR will be very painful and you will have a fair number of sleepless nights, wondering where she is and what she's doing. She has no right to expose you to this kind of feelings as long as she claims to care about you and love you.

 

I, being inexperienced and very angered (especially after the second time) became very unpleasant and rude myself. That is bad, harsh words are uttered easily (for some people) and it's hard, after making up, to get rid of them, it's hard to show remorse over the distance. So I'd suggest you take a quiet minute with her and calmly explain how her behavior makes you feel and that you actually suffer from it. If she cares about you, she will understand and work on herself.

 

My girl simply didn't know how wrong this was, she wasn't a bad person. She just didn't know. She was used to all the guys running after her and treating her like a glass figure. Her family and a lot of other people put her on a pedestal sort of. So she had to learn with me, that others have needs too and that she needs to respect them. I also made sure I always let her know what I am up to and where I go. I did not want us to have a mutual 24 hr surveillance, but her living in a rather political unstable and traffic-wise dangerous country had me on egg shells many times. Now things are considerably better though still sometimes she tells me "I'll be out with friends" while wanting to know exactly who (i.e. names!) I'll meet. I'll have to talk to my girl too in this regard, and I'm sure, letting her know quietly will eventually give results.

 

PS: After rereading my post, I want to add that we, the guys in this case focus on the rudeness. It seems to me that the girls disappearing could be related to their own insecurities (i.e. not wanting to have to tell us something they feel bad about, like fights with family, school or work related problems, etc). But still, being in a relationship, especially LDR, means communication, and sharing, not sucking things up and evade contact. So, like I said, take it easy, calmly talk to her about it and hear her out.

 

Good luck!

 

Thanks for the advice, so far the most helpful post. I will calm down and then I'll talk to her about it. I know she's stressing about a few things, but if she has time for some strangers then she should have time for me too.

 

I am so thankful for her & I'm gonna show her how much she means to me rather than blasting off, which I have done in the past. I hate making her upset and I'm gonna aviod it, thanks once again mate and good luck to you too!