Can being single for too long become unhealthy?

[Pompeii]

We've been over this, Pompeii. This may be true among your college buddies, it's not true in the real world after that

 

I've said it before and I'll say it again... I will take a virgin over someone who's had casual sex (any amount of it) ANY DAY, all other factors being equal.

 

YOU. YOU would. Not others. I know many guys who have graduated college and are virgins or sexually inexperienced guys. It's a turn off, generally.

[Arabella]

YOU. YOU would. Not others. I know many guys who have graduated college and are virgins or sexually inexperienced guys. It's a turn off, generally.

 

Yes... and I can think of at least 3-4 female posters who have expressed THE SAME THING!

[Revolver]

Unhealthy from a technical standpoint? No of course not. Your not gonna get sick from not being in a relationship or being a virgin lol

 

From a social standpoint? Yes. I believe the longer a man goes without experience the worse it becomes, especially when he starts to get into his 20's. Most of the guys who are great with women started from 14,15,16 etc. It took YEARS of practice,rejections, failures to get to that level. And that's not getting into the whole "women running from make Virgins like the plague" thing.

[Ross MwcFan]

Maybe some people can be happy being single. I am not one of them. I am at the point were suicide coould be a permanent solution to a permanent problem.

 

I used to think that too. Now at 37 I don't give a crap about being single and a virgin, I don't really feel inadequate (even though I guess I must be), I don't crave sex or having a relationship that much, in fact I think I;d feel less happy with a girlfriend now. I'm totally happy with being single.

 

Maybe you could end up feeling the same when you're older *shrugs*.

[Ross MwcFan]

That is false. Look at me. I'm 26, turning 27 in 2 months and I'm still a virgin. A proud virgin but still a virgin.

 

I hated my father, I have respect for my mother despite she constantly pisses me off to this day, I don't get alone with one of my 3 brothers and I only go with the motions with the other 2. I only got 1 friend and she has taken the role of being my stepmother.

 

Outside of those people and the Yugioh allies I talk to on Facebook and Pojo, I don't have anyone else.

 

Yet I'm still alive, quite healthy, and is not concerning one damn bit about dating, love, and relationships. I don't know what love feels like and, at this point, I'm not even looking for it.

 

Just because you don't have love doesn't mean you can't live a good life. Of course, it does make it harder because now the only person you can ever rely on is yourself and you will soon stick to that belief the longer this happens.

 

Just because it's false for you doesn't mean it's false for him.

 

I hate it when people dismiss another persons feelings, values or tastes, and class them as being 'wrong' as though it's a fact, just because they feel differently.

[Sun Devil]

As I have gotten older, my desires and frustrations have gotten worse. I won't wind up like you. Instead, if my luck doesn't change, I will reach a breaking point

[Pompeii]

From a social standpoint? Yes. I believe the longer a man goes without experience the worse it becomes, especially when he starts to get into his 20's. Most of the guys who are great with women started from 14,15,16 etc. It took YEARS of practice,rejections, failures to get to that level. And that's not getting into the whole "women running from make Virgins like the plague" thing.

 

Women, like most anything are simply something you have to put the time in to. In order to get to the mastery level of success with women, you have to put yourself out there and get shot down, get rejected, get dates, get sex. Of course there are people who end up with their "one true love" but I don't believe in romanticism. True love is VERY hard to find and cultivate, especially in the modern day. I'd be better off trying to search for a treasure chest under a beach than I would be trying to find my soul mate. It's a fruitless pursuit.

 

That's why I believe guys who are "players" or "ladies men" or whatever have you have the best chance of falling in "love". Why? Because they know how to weed out the bull****. They've seen tons of women before. They've seen it all. They're experienced. They don't fall in love with the first woman they get into a relationship with, which is a mistake many guys make.

 

Even though I am not dating, I have so many friends who are good with women and I hear these stories that in a way, their experience transfers to me. I know what women will do for certain guys. I know what they won't do for certain guys. I know how they act. I know what they say. I know what they respond to. Now, when I meet girls I am not impressed. I am not fazed by beauty, I am unimpressed by regular girls. There are too many guys who do not have the perspective of being successful with women and these guys are bound to fail.

[ltjg45]

Just because it's false for you doesn't mean it's false for him.

 

I hate it when people dismiss another persons feelings, values or tastes, and class them as being 'wrong' as though it's a fact, just because they feel differently.

 

Who said I dismissed how he felt? I know how he feels because I feel it every day. Just because I'm able to move through each day without sex and love doesn't mean I don't feel the backlash of getting horny and not having an activity to make use of it besides masturbating.

[Ross MwcFan]

Who said I dismissed how he felt? I know how he feels because I feel it every day. Just because I'm able to move through each day without sex and love doesn't mean I don't feel the backlash of getting horny and not having an activity to make use of it besides masturbating.

 

He said that for him life has no meaning without love, you told him that is false.

[skydiveaddict]

So my question is, is there any chance I could get used to being single and somehow remain even slightly normal, or will it eventually start to take its toll?

 

Sure. It's a matter of self mastery and mental discipline. Priests do it all the time.

[fortyninethousand322]

I tend to take what people say on this site with a grain of salt. Sure, some women will say they are ok with an inexperienced man, but I doubt that a majority of women in the real world truly are. There have been plenty of threads on this site that demonstrate that very fact.

 

As for the point about at what age it become "too late", I tend to look around at the people I know. Not a single man I know who has made it to 21 without any romantic experience (either with sex or a relationship) has been able to find success. We're talking about men from different cultural backgrounds, personality types, financial success, etc. No real common denominator except inexperience. If you look at the studies done on virginity, you see that after 21 the virginity rates flat line, with no real change.

 

I won't say that if you're a 25 year old virgin you're doomed, because that's an awfully bold prediction that would have to stand true for a few decades and even a blind nut finds a squirrel every once in a while. But, the odds are not very good...

[Pompeii]

I tend to take what people say on this site with a grain of salt. Sure, some women will say they are ok with an inexperienced man, but I doubt that a majority of women in the real world truly are. There have been plenty of threads on this site that demonstrate that very fact.

 

As for the point about at what age it become "too late", I tend to look around at the people I know. Not a single man I know who has made it to 21 without any romantic experience (either with sex or a relationship) has been able to find success. We're talking about men from different cultural backgrounds, personality types, financial success, etc. No real common denominator except inexperience. If you look at the studies done on virginity, you see that after 21 the virginity rates flat line, with no real change.

 

I won't say that if you're a 25 year old virgin you're doomed, because that's an awfully bold prediction that would have to stand true for a few decades and even a blind nut finds a squirrel every once in a while. But, the odds are not very good...

 

Yeah, there's quite a bunch of conjecture that goes on here. People simply take sexual experience for granted. Most people are "socialized" into being sexually active since their teenage years, so it seems normal for them. Pretty much like walking into a closet and putting on a shirt. For people who missed those crucial developmental years, they will inevitably run into problems. You don't make it to become a virgin past 21 without some type of problem, whether it is self-imposed or something that you have been born with (ugly or whatever).

 

If you haven't lost your virginity past a certain age, your hope declines every year. We just need to accept the fact that not everyone will get to mate. Most of our ancestors are female. Most males didn't get to have sex back then. It's just a continuation of a trend that has always existed. We need to stop this "there's someone for everyone bull****". Nope. Some guys get 5 girls, some guys get none.

[Beast_117]

Yeah, there's quite a bunch of conjecture that goes on here. People simply take sexual experience for granted. Most people are "socialized" into being sexually active since their teenage years, so it seems normal for them. Pretty much like walking into a closet and putting on a shirt. For people who missed those crucial developmental years, they will inevitably run into problems. You don't make it to become a virgin past 21 without some type of problem, whether it is self-imposed or something that you have been born with (ugly or whatever).

 

If you haven't lost your virginity past a certain age, your hope declines every year. We just need to accept the fact that not everyone will get to mate. Most of our ancestors are female. Most males didn't get to have sex back then. It's just a continuation of a trend that has always existed. We need to stop this "there's someone for everyone bull****". Nope. Some guys get 5 girls, some guys get none.

 

Very true. Though it still sucks being that guy that never got any. It is what it is though..

[Pompeii]

Very true. Though it still sucks being that guy that never got any. It is what it is though..

 

Hey, at least you don't have a debilitating mental or physical ailment. At least you weren't born as an infant in a third world country. At least you can read and write. We have a lot of blessings in our lives, its just that we're too focused on the negatives to see it. I agree with Emerson where he says that for every good thing in life, there is a bad thing. I know someone who is 6'3, facially aesthetic, gets girls, etc. But he struggles in school. School is a nightmare for him. I don't think he'll be able to graduate college, he's had to repeat freshman year twice.

 

I haven't met anyone in life who has a royal flush. Even those who do, don't really know how to play it.

[ltjg45]

He said that for him life has no meaning without love, you told him that is false.

 

For what it is worth, it is false.

 

If he doesn't want to believe or accept it, that's on him. I can't change his mind.

[Knoxpwns]

At my age now (25), I've never had any sexual experience whatsoever, never even kissed a woman, and during these last 6 months I've started to hear more and more comments from people that I "really need a girlfriend." Even my family members have been hinting about finding a partner and it's making me feel more abnormal than ever.

 

 

I've never been the type of man women are interested in, so this is just the way it turned out. The opportunity was never there. What I'm really worried about now is can being involuntarily single for a long time have an unhealthy effect on an individual?

 

 

I read an article that stated people who are single for years start to experience serious depression, unhappiness and frustration later in their lives, and this is something that I don't want to happen. I'm starting to wonder if I will develop psychological issues and if they would be curable.

 

 

 

 

So my question is, is there any chance I could get used to being single and somehow remain even slightly normal, or will it eventually start to take its toll?

 

 

 

Sir Issac Newton, the English scientist who created the equations to help explain physics, on top of being one of the smartest men in human history and a huge player in the scientific revolution, died a virgin. So I would say that being single and remaining normal is entirely possible, but it will only be a problem if you allow it to. if YOU are comfortable being single, then it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks.

 

To be honest, I was like you for a long time. I was 18 before I met my first girlfriend, and up to that point I had never even hugged a girl, simply because a relationship meant nothing to me at that time. My first relationship fell into my lap and I wasn't even trying to get it, and it brought me some of the happiest and most painful moments of my life.

 

Call me jaded right now, but you are probably more mentally stable remaining single. I've never experienced emotional pain greater than that of a failed relationship could bring me.