Can being single for too long become unhealthy?

[iris219]

You might think I'm being pessimistic, but this is a 25 year old with ZERO experience. That's quite significant. Even if a woman did express interest one day, do you really still think she would still be interested in a man once she finds out he has zero experience?

 

Do YOU express interest in women? How many women have you asked out this year?

 

Maybe you'll be single forever, I don't know, but at 25 it's way too soon to resign yourself to a life of bachelorhood. You're still very young.

[Titania22]

At my age now (25), I've never had any sexual experience whatsoever, never even kissed a woman, and during these last 6 months I've started to hear more and more comments from people that I "really need a girlfriend." Even my family members have been hinting about finding a partner and it's making me feel more abnormal than ever.

 

 

I've never been the type of man women are interested in, so this is just the way it turned out. The opportunity was never there. What I'm really worried about now is can being involuntarily single for a long time have an unhealthy effect on an individual?

 

 

I read an article that stated people who are single for years start to experience serious depression, unhappiness and frustration later in their lives, and this is something that I don't want to happen. I'm starting to wonder if I will develop psychological issues and if they would be curable.

 

 

 

 

So my question is, is there any chance I could get used to being single and somehow remain even slightly normal, or will it eventually start to take its toll?

 

My brother got his first girlfriend at age 29. Up until that point it looked like he would be single and untouched forever.

 

What changed? It became his top priority. He landed a full time job. He took some martial arts classes. He joined a gym. He started posting inane things like his dinner on facebook. He started having a very busy social life, i.e. if anyone invited him to dinner he said yes, if there was a meetup group he was interested in he attended. I don't know how he actually met this girl (possibly online, no idea). But the point was he completely changed the way he lived his life, radically. He has quite a few female friends (no doubt friendzoned), but if they were getting together for something, like a girly weekend or brunch, he went, took photos and posted them on facebook. I think the whole facebook thing must have been a strategy, to create a really positive impression of himself.

 

Really I think it took less than a year of this new life before he found his current girlfriend. And keep in mind he did all this while still living at home with his parents. She has moved very fast, after only 2-3months, she is now living there too.

 

Hopefully this story gave you some hope.

[hppr]

Honestly the longer you are single the harder it will become to make yourself un-single if that makes sense. And you will have a harder time relating to others, making friends, that kind of thing. If you want things to change you have to change them. This might mean new job, moving to a different town etc but I think that it is worth it. .

[Ryan R.]

I guess. I've already experience depression many times out of feeling inadequate. I've also already planned my life out with the expectation that I will be single forever so maybe I'm messed up that way. A lot of people do planning in their heads that they'll be married by 30 and have a white picket fence with a happy family. Not I.

 

IMO, the main thing is that as a single person, you might get set in your ways. If you do things long enough one way, it becomes difficult to see a different view point, and to adjust to a different type of life with a partner. Being in a relationship allows you to learn to compromise, see another person's viewpoint, expand your view on things (and how to do things), be flexible with another person's schedule, etc.

 

Yeah, you've got it alright.

[RogerWallace111]

Honestly the longer you are single the harder it will become to make yourself un-single if that makes sense. And you will have a harder time relating to others, making friends, that kind of thing. If you want things to change you have to change them. This might mean new job, moving to a different town etc but I think that it is worth it. .

 

I know that's a pretty common idea but I don't really agree. If by "single" you mean spending all your time alone and getting into some sort of depressed, self-loathing rut, questioning yourself over your lack of intimacy, you're right. Or if you simply mean that by getting more content with being single you'll put out less effort to find a girlfriend. I mean, yeah, I do agree that if there's serious anxiety building up over it, more time without romantic success can make one question themself to the point it feels harder to attain.

 

OP, I'd suggest taking an approach like Titania's brother's above. Not piece for piece necessarily; just generally kicking **** up a notch, improving yourself and getting social. And I don't mean the cliche "exercise, dress better and start hanging out at yoga classes". I mean getting your mindstate positively geared up by living a more social life and being generally proactive.

[Sun Devil]

For me, being single for so long is starting totake its toll on me. I am improving myself and continually asking girls out, but I cant do this forever. I already decided that if I have not experienced love by the time I am in my 30s, then I know it wont happen. I will then end my own life and my suffering will die with it

[El Brujo]

I read an article that stated people who are single for years start to experience serious depression, unhappiness and frustration later in their lives

 

Yes, it's true. Just enjoy it.

[scubasteve]

For me, being single for so long is starting totake its toll on me. I am improving myself and continually asking girls out, but I cant do this forever. I already decided that if I have not experienced love by the time I am in my 30s, then I know it wont happen. I will then end my own life and my suffering will die with it

 

Not sure if you are serious?

[KathyM]

Thank you for your advice. I think this is what I need to do - accept and become satisfied with a life of bachelorhood. At 25 years old I think that I'm in too deep now and too set in my ways; I could probably never adapt to anything else. If I was younger maybe it'd be different, but the best thing for me to do is to block it all out and focus on other things, like my career and money. I always feel better when I'm at the gym or at work and thinking about anything but myself.

You're only 25. You have your whole life ahead of you. All I'm saying is that if you want a relationship, then do what it takes to get one. Improve yourself in whatever ways might be holding you back, put yourself out there, and give it some time. You are only 25. If you want a relationship, then go after it. If you want to remain single, then there's nothing wrong with that either. Many things, many interests you can have in your life that would make it fulfilling. Your choice. But don't do anything out of fear. Don't enter into a relationship because you are afraid to be alone. Don't forego a relationship because you are afraid of rejection. To allow your choices to be determined by fear is an unhealthy place to be. You may want to explore this in counseling, if fear is what is influencing your decisions.

[Pompeii]

You're only 25. You have your whole life ahead of you. All I'm saying is that if you want a relationship, then do what it takes to get one. Improve yourself in whatever ways might be holding you back, put yourself out there, and give it some time. You are only 25. If you want a relationship, then go after it. If you want to remain single, then there's nothing wrong with that either. Many things, many interests you can have in your life that would make it fulfilling. Your choice. But don't do anything out of fear. Don't enter into a relationship because you are afraid to be alone. Don't forego a relationship because you are afraid of rejection. To allow your choices to be determined by fear is an unhealthy place to be. You may want to explore this in counseling, if fear is what is influencing your decisions.

 

He's 25. With zero experience. You expect him to start dating women and getting numbers within the next year? It takes a while to get good with women. Years... Some of my friends who are great with women started at 16. Now, we're almost 20 and they're having a ball. I'm sorry but being a virgin at 25 is pretty much a death sentence.

[ThaWholigan]

He's 25. With zero experience. You expect him to start dating women and getting numbers within the next year? It takes a while to get good with women. Years... Some of my friends who are great with women started at 16. Now, we're almost 20 and they're having a ball. I'm sorry but being a virgin at 25 is pretty much a death sentence.

lol no it isn't.

[joystickd]

He's 25. With zero experience. You expect him to start dating women and getting numbers within the next year? It takes a while to get good with women. Years... Some of my friends who are great with women started at 16. Now, we're almost 20 and they're having a ball. I'm sorry but being a virgin at 25 is pretty much a death sentence.

So wrong!!!! I was a virgin until 25 and lost my virginity to a married woman. In a way I regret doing it with that particular person because of what she did to me and it kind of leading me into a path of me being an OM for a while. The positive was I learned more about attraction from being an OM than trying to date single women.

 

The reality is it doesn't take long to get good with women. You just have to have an open mind and find some successful men to learn from.

[Beast_117]

I'm almost 22 and have always been single.I have no experience with women at all.I've never really held a proper conversation with one.

 

 

I see myself being single forever but i don't really care anymore, it doesn't bother me.I've realized that I don't have the personality/character to get a gf...much less keep one.But I like how I am and I'm not gonna change that.

[Sun Devil]

scubasteve, I am serious. If Iam in my thirties with no relationship experience at all, I will put a gun to my head and pull the trigger. I will reject the "gift" of life.

[somedude81]

At my age now (25), I've never had any sexual experience whatsoever, never even kissed a woman, and during these last 6 months I've started to hear more and more comments from people that I "really need a girlfriend." Even my family members have been hinting about finding a partner and it's making me feel more abnormal than ever.

 

 

I've never been the type of man women are interested in, so this is just the way it turned out. The opportunity was never there. What I'm really worried about now is can being involuntarily single for a long time have an unhealthy effect on an individual?

 

I read an article that stated people who are single for years start to experience serious depression, unhappiness and frustration later in their lives, and this is something that I don't want to happen. I'm starting to wonder if I will develop psychological issues and if they would be curable.

 

 

 

So my question is, is there any chance I could get used to being single and somehow remain even slightly normal, or will it eventually start to take its toll?

I got my first girlfriend at 31.

 

The bold part described me perfectly before I met her. I was also very quick to anger and prone to snapping. I was simply not happy.

 

I had no self-esteem and felt like I was a steaming pile of sh*t. Suicide was a very common thought. I absolutely hated the world and the people living in it.

 

And now that is all gone because of one girl who truly likes me.

[KathyM]

He's 25. With zero experience. You expect him to start dating women and getting numbers within the next year? It takes a while to get good with women. Years... Some of my friends who are great with women started at 16. Now, we're almost 20 and they're having a ball. I'm sorry but being a virgin at 25 is pretty much a death sentence.

Everyone starts somewhere. 25 is young, and by no means a death sentence if you don't have experience by then. Making the attempt is what is going to get him past this. An attempt to approach women and connect with them.

[Socks At Play]

He's 25. With zero experience. You expect him to start dating women and getting numbers within the next year? It takes a while to get good with women. Years... Some of my friends who are great with women started at 16. Now, we're almost 20 and they're having a ball. I'm sorry but being a virgin at 25 is pretty much a death sentence.

 

This assertion that guys reach some age and then are written off is ridiculous. If you walk around thinking, "Oh, I'm a virgin, woe is me!" then yeah, probably you're going to stay that way. If you walk around and think, "She's cute and I want to talk to her!" and then do something about it, then you're on the path to gaining experience.

 

"It takes a while to get good with women?" That sounds like putting on an act around women. That's a waste of time for both parties. If you can't be yourself around her then the whole thing is pointless. If you're talking about bad sex, there are threads here that seem to show that women do have a little bit of patience with it (and that some guys who think they're "good with women" in this respect actually are not). As KathyM said, we've all got to start somewhere.

 

Not all women are going to appreciate the baggage-free man, but there are plenty that will.

Edited July 13, 2013 by Socks At Play

[Darkmaybehandsome]

For me, being single for so long is starting totake its toll on me. I am improving myself and continually asking girls out, but I cant do this forever. I already decided that if I have not experienced love by the time I am in my 30s, then I know it wont happen. I will then end my own life and my suffering will die with it

 

Please don't go down that path

 

IMO from ur post the women you have met are shallow and would you really want affection/love from them? Which I highly doubt they are capable of doing as opposed to some superficial notion of love that they have with their partners.

[ANewBeginning]

Sorry if what I say makes no sense as I only skimmed through all the prior comments. It can and cannot have an effect on you dependingly. If you have a healthy social life; catching up with not only friends but with female friends on a one on one basis, it is not unhealthy especially if you have other things in your life i.e. sporting or study commitments on top. It's a matter of confidence and going with the flow of things. Many a times, the common denominator is you; you're not trying hard enough, you think you are gods gift and have too high a standard or simply, you just don't know what to do. Regardless, what you should do is GET that experience. Start with female friends - go on little coffee catchups and build up your people skills, go out. You're not going to change over night but if you take a punt, you'll get there.

[Sun Devil]

Why shoould I not go down that path. Without love, life has no meaning. I do try hard to meet women and even make friends with some of them. Nothing works. I am no closer to getting a girlfrield then i was several years ago. All that hard work accomplished nothing.

[MustGetRich]

Everyone starts somewhere. 25 is young, and by no means a death sentence if you don't have experience by then. Making the attempt is what is going to get him past this. An attempt to approach women and connect with them.

 

 

In a way he is right, though, it is a kind of death sentence... because the chances of me finding a woman who doesn't get turned off by a 25 year old man with no experience is very slim. It signals a huge red flag and she'll think there must be something seriously wrong with him. This is just the way it is.

 

 

18 is young. 21 is young. But 25 isn't.

[MustGetRich]

Sorry if what I say makes no sense as I only skimmed through all the prior comments. It can and cannot have an effect on you dependingly. If you have a healthy social life; catching up with not only friends but with female friends on a one on one basis, it is not unhealthy especially if you have other things in your life i.e. sporting or study commitments on top. It's a matter of confidence and going with the flow of things. Many a times, the common denominator is you; you're not trying hard enough, you think you are gods gift and have too high a standard or simply, you just don't know what to do. Regardless, what you should do is GET that experience. Start with female friends - go on little coffee catchups and build up your people skills, go out. You're not going to change over night but if you take a punt, you'll get there.

 

I don't think I'm god's gift. I don't have high standards either. I have tried to approach women and have been rejected brutally every time. One thing I do know for sure though is that there is definitely something repulsive about me that turns women off. A large part of it is my face - even in the street young women have commented about how ugly I am - but the other part must be my social awkwardness. When I'm out people stare at me weirdly, like I'm an alien. Some even look intimidated. Maybe they think I give off a creepy vibe. I would change and try to improve my social skills, but I'm not sure where to start. I'm introverted, distant, and stern.... and I'm not sure if I can change that. At this age it might just be my nature. Female friends would be an option but I don't have any of those either.

[MustGetRich]

For me, being single for so long is starting totake its toll on me. I am improving myself and continually asking girls out, but I cant do this forever. I already decided that if I have not experienced love by the time I am in my 30s, then I know it wont happen. I will then end my own life and my suffering will die with it

 

Please don't do that. I know life is hard but that isn't the answer. Get therapy or something.

[Darkmaybehandsome]

Please don't do that. I know life is hard but that isn't the answer. Get therapy or something.

 

Therapy is good but its important to distinguish that he may not have a physcological disorder as lack of love and sheer shelfish on behalf of women in not giving him a chance can cause much heart ache.

 

Therapy and genuine dating coaches who will go the extra mile would be very helpful.

[ltjg45]

Why shoould I not go down that path. Without love, life has no meaning.

 

That is false. Look at me. I'm 26, turning 27 in 2 months and I'm still a virgin. A proud virgin but still a virgin.

 

I hated my father, I have respect for my mother despite she constantly pisses me off to this day, I don't get alone with one of my 3 brothers and I only go with the motions with the other 2. I only got 1 friend and she has taken the role of being my stepmother.

 

Outside of those people and the Yugioh allies I talk to on Facebook and Pojo, I don't have anyone else.

 

Yet I'm still alive, quite healthy, and is not concerning one damn bit about dating, love, and relationships. I don't know what love feels like and, at this point, I'm not even looking for it.

 

Just because you don't have love doesn't mean you can't live a good life. Of course, it does make it harder because now the only person you can ever rely on is yourself and you will soon stick to that belief the longer this happens.