Hopexo Posted July 9, 2013 Share Posted July 9, 2013 Ok, this is going to be kind of long but I really need people's advice so if you read this, please reply. My bf and I have been together for almost 4 years and we are engaged. He's given me a ring and his family knows about it, but we won't officially announce it until u graduate college in December. I'm 23 and he's 25. Right now he's still living at home with his older and younger brother and parents. I stay at his house but u don't technically live there because I still go home to my parents house. His older brother's girlfriend does live at the house with the family. I'm going to call her Kim. I'm a easy person to get along with and I like everyone but there's always been something about Kim that I don't like but I could never figure out what it was. I've always felt that my bfs dad liked her more bc he always makes an effort to talk to her and he doesn't really do that with me. I know his dad likes me but I know not asynchronous as Kim. By the way I am a different race that my bf. his mom and I have always been really close and she calls me her daughter in law. She always tells me that her and her husband love me and they want me to marry their son. This is all wonderful to me and I can't wait til I officially marry into the family because u love them. Now here comes the problem. My bfs family has money but I wouldn't call them rich. They are just very well off like my parents. I could care less about their money bc I love my bf and his family regardless of their bank accounts. I'm in it for the love. Now I have recently found out that Kim is a gold digger. Her mother made a speech at one of her family parties that she's glad that Kim is going to marry into a family that has money. I also found out that Kim's 26 year old sister slept with my bf younger 21 year old brother and is currently trying to get with him bc of the money. She is married by the way so she's cheating on her husband. One of my bfs cousins knew kim and her sisters n high school and she told me that they always go after men with money. With that being said my bf has a very expensive luxury car that he bought with his own money that he saved and the windows were busted the first week of June. There's a rumor in his family going around that Kim's sisters husband did it to get back at my bfs brother for sleeping with his wife. I guess my bfs car was the only one that was outside when this happened. What a coincidence that Kim caught the person busting the windows, so it could if been her sisters husband. If I ever find out that Kim's sisters husband did that then I don't know what is do. I've tried being friends with Kim but she never talks to me. We have gone to family dinners and will not speak a word to me. I've just come to the conclusion that after being around her for almost 4 years she just doesn't like me. I don't care anymore about that but the fact that there's a possibility that she's in this for the money. To back this up, she leaves plates of food around the house, doesn't clean up after herself. After she came out of the bathroom there was period blood all over the toilet and doesn't speak to extended family members at gatherings just plays with her phone. When my bfs mother went to mexico for 2 weeks ste said how happy she was to have a party in their house when their mother was gone. when sge for back home kim didnt come downstairs to greet her. How do you live in someones house and you don't come a greet her after she's been out if the country for 2 months? I really love his family and his parents and I feel that my bfs older brother deserves a nice girl. Does this make the rumors true that she's a gold digger? His family are the nicest people and I feel that they don't deserve to have a girl like Kim dating their son. What should I do knowing all of this info. One of my bfs cousins who is one of my best friends told me this and I know she wouldn't make up this or lie to me. Should I tell my bf what I heard? I'm not a gossiper. Link to post Share on other sites
StrongLass Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 HOLY WALL OF TEXT BATMAN. I'm not sure if english is your first language but PLEASE make an effort to split your stories into smaller chunks next time. It's a small thing but you'll get more quality replies guaranteed if you do. That said, Whomever your bf's brother decides to date is solely his call, for good or ill. It's understandable that you're concerned since they're practically family already to you. However anything you do from here on out needs to be done with tact and discretion, especially since she appears to be somewhat chummy with at least one of your bf's parents & has probably been around as long as you have if not longer. Basically, communicate what you've heard to your bf but don't expect much to become of it unless you want to make yourself vulnerable for some CATTY "payback". Gold-diggers aren't exactly known for honor or class (think of a dragon jealously guarding a pile of gold) so you want to make sure that your reputation, possessions, and physical being doesn't become an casualty of all this hearsay. (remember the car incident...if all this stuff about her is true do you want that to be your face?) Tread carefully and take care Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 If it were me, and i have a problem with someones behavior or attitude i talk to them, you dont really know her do you? just assumptions and conjecture second hand news...be friend her make an effort to get to know her....inspire her with your compassion and graceful discernment.....to see love and maybe she will be able to give it to that older brother in spades........do un to others........sometimes people who have been treated badly, behave badly as a reflex action to trauma........get to know her...open yourself up to possible friendship with someone you thought you could never be friends with.......expect some resistance......be patient...roses bushes are full of thorns...cultivate the thorns...or cultivate the rose...its your choice......best wishes....deb. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopexo Posted July 10, 2013 Author Share Posted July 10, 2013 Yes English is my first language, but I'm posting from my phone so it's more difficult. I've tried befriending her and she's resists, so that's out the picture. I think I just have to distance myself from her so i don't get myself upset. His family is like my own bc I don't see my own family so I feel protective over them. I think I just don't like her. Which for me is a big thing bc I usually like everyone. I think I will tell my bf what I heard I just don't want to be a gossiper and start trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 stay out of it. Because you're either going to hurt someone's feelings by not respecting them enough to deal with it or you're going to be targeted by Kim and made out to be the bad one. Besides, no one feels comfortable around someone who gossips about people, especially when it's within the family. meanwhile, just be polite. That's all you really need to do. If she wants to appear churlish or hateful by the way she responds, that's *her* problem. If she keeps it up enough, maybe the family will get fed up with her and their son will find someone more worthy of his time ... Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 If you're really that close to bf's mom, I'd make a suggestion to her that she look into the girl's family because you're worried about bf's family, and leave it at that. Link to post Share on other sites
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