white Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 Forget most of what everyone here's said. At 29, it's acceptable - expected in most places - for significant others to be a part of after hours activities. No sane place of work condemns that. On the contrary, the eyebrows would be raised at the one never with a partner. But some businesses run by conservative dickholes or particularly conservative sectors like finance or law are run by guys (always guys, always white) who think life works like it does in Mad Men, or if it doesn't, they're damn well going to make it. This vision doesn't include significant others at boozy after work evenings. They also don't approve of things like maternal leave. Exhibit A in this thread is EasyHeart, who is telling us that in his world, a phone call from your wife is career suicide. Given his frantic usherings and frightened blabberings, it seems to me this man of yours finds himself working in a place like this. Since he moved to take the position he's obviously career driven. He won't do anything at all he believes might impact his career development. Alternatively, and you won't like hearing this, but he may under the same circumstances be ashamed to reveal you haven't found a job. He has to appear every inch the cutting thrusting young man going places to these *******s, and he may feel you being unemployed makes you a ball and chain. Silly, as always with those who prioritise work over life, and I'd be far more offended if I were you, but many people are like this. Link to post Share on other sites
It-is-what-it-is. Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 Ok, I will concede, that there possibly be some company somewhere which puts it's entire value on employees based solely on a person's ability to party every night; have no noticeable familial connections or obligations; and date or be seen with only attractive people and not on the employees productivity or skills. I have not seen it with any of the law firms, corporations, consultants, start ups, banks, production companies or investment firms I have worked for or done business with. However it is certainly possible. As far as THIS situation...the moment he hid you away from anyone he stepped over the line. Your social life is your own. Respect for your girlfriend of 2 1/2 years demands better behavior. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
EasyHeart Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 But some businesses run by conservative dickholes or particularly conservative sectors like finance or law are run by guys (always guys, always white) who think life works like it does in Mad Men, or if it doesn't, they're damn well going to make it. This vision doesn't include significant others at boozy after work evenings. They also don't approve of things like maternal leave. Exhibit A in this thread is EasyHeart, who is telling us that in his world, a phone call from your wife is career suicide.I'm sure it's very nice to live inside your privileged little bubble, but out here in the real world some of us have to work. Let me know how your fantasy world works out for you when your lawyer has to leave your trial at 4:00 pm and your doctor can't perform emergency surgery on you because his wife might think he's cheating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arabella Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 I'm sure it's very nice to live inside your privileged little bubble, but out here in the real world some of us have to work. Let me know how your fantasy world works out for you when your lawyer has to leave your trial at 4:00 pm and your doctor can't perform emergency surgery on you because his wife might think he's cheating. Uhm.... unrelated much? A surgeon or lawyer performing their jobs (at whatever time of the day it may be) aren't at a bar partying, are they? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
therhythm Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 Honestly, even when he may need his own space (many people need to have their own space and don't want together time all the time), I can't seem to understand what is the problem with inviting you once and introducing you to his colleagues. It seems to me a very unreasonable position... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Drseussgrrl Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 I'm sorry - hid you from his boss? Talking about all the women up in da club? Why haven't you dumped this assclown yet? I've worked in finance for years. I've worked alongside corporate attorneys, bankers, and analysts in a major metropolitan area and I have never heard of the corporate environment that some of you here are describing. Sure we hit up happy hour after work sometimes. But at these happy hours we all discuss our personal lives, boyfriends, spouses, kids. Ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 Alternatively the OP could be less than stellar looking, depending on just how prestigious and high earning his position is you're going to get dogged on big time for dating below your level. If this is what happens and I don't doubt that it does, IT'S ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 Just because someone has standards and boundaries does not mean she's insecure. I know the difference, as I used to be insecure, and now I have boundaries. Hon, I think you should move back home, get a job, and seriously evaluate things with this guy. That way he'll have all the space he needs, and you'll be able to look at this more objectively. I don't care for what he's doing, and my gut reaction is that something is going on, but talking to him about it is only going to make him more stubborn. He isn't worried about what you're going to do. Maybe you should change that. Link to post Share on other sites
therhythm Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 It's the way the world is. If you're a man with money/power/fame or any combination of the three you're going to get the most desirable women. There's a reason Pierce Brosnans wife was all over the front page at one point, because men like Pierce Brosnan generally don't date women who look like his wife. I once had a guest lecturer come into an auditorium of STEM majors ( almost universally male ) and he went off on a motivational rant, stating he knew most guys there probably didn't get much female attention ( being nerds, mathmaticians and science geeks and all ) but that with hard work and ambition you could turn that around. While he went on I swear I could see the blood pressure of the few women there rise to astronomical levels. He proclaimed that if you were successful enough, your future girlfriend/wife/date wouldn't be one of your peers, she'd be about 7 right now talking to her friends about Pokemon and horses but she'd be ready for you in ~10 years when you had attained your success. Truer words were never spoken. OMG... http://media.tumblr.com/2d73ab654fa936f51700496d20ed47a7/tumblr_inline_mjnjntVIdX1qz4rgp.gif Link to post Share on other sites
Arabella Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 OMG... http://media.tumblr.com/2d73ab654fa936f51700496d20ed47a7/tumblr_inline_mjnjntVIdX1qz4rgp.gif Quote for truth.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 After work happy hours are bonding sessions where co-workers can get to know each other and talk about work in an informal setting. Significant others are NOT welcome because they throw off the dynamic. These are times for people with high stress jobs to unwind with other people who share the same experience. Uh, the OP says that her bf invites friends who don't work there, along to these bonding sessions. If there were nobody except colleagues there, I could maybe understand, but if he can bring non-work friends along, I definitely don't see how a gf would be an issue. He's been going to bars and clubs and after over hearing him say to one of his single friends 'you should see it in there on a Friday when all the girls come in and are gagging for some c**k'. Is he really 29? Because he sounds like he's 18. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
It-is-what-it-is. Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 (edited) Oh good lord, Erich you sound like a charmer. Edited July 11, 2013 by It-is-what-it-is. Irritation 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 OMG... http://media.tumblr.com/2d73ab654fa936f51700496d20ed47a7/tumblr_inline_mjnjntVIdX1qz4rgp.gif Hahahah, chill. Dude is talking out his arse. People who are that successful, invest a lot to get to where they currently are. Saying what this 'guest lecturer' was saying, in a public auditorium with recording, is bound to be a huge PR nightmare. Nobody that brazen gets to the top and stays there. The person he heard this from was probably his single friend in college or a PUA website. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 I think some of you might be taking too seriously what complete strangers are claiming they are doing on da internets.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
therhythm Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 I make excellent money and I've been with very attractive girls who weren't even old enough to talk about horses back when I graduated HS. That's just how it is. I hope you are proud of it... I prefer to be with someone who is genuinely attracted to me and interested in me rather than to my money... If you are ok knowing that the person who is with you is just there because of your money or success then kudos for you but that would be depressing for me. OP sorry for derailing the thread... there is no good reason for your boyfriend not wanting to introduce you to the people he hangs out with. I could understand that he would not want you to hang out with them every time but how you are talking it looks like he is hiding something! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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