EHguy Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 First off a little background info. Me and my girlfriend have 4 months together. We've known each other 7 mos. She has two kids. I am 23 and she's 25. Found out early June that she was pregnant. Here's the problem. Our relationship has not been good. We've broken up a few times and gotten back together because we care about each other. She's very insecure, jealous, and even selfish at times. I tell her to consider abortion but she is not hearing it. She has a hard time raising her two kids who by the way have a very manipulative father. He's a psycho who still refuses to acknowledge that she's not his wife anymore even though they've been separated for almost two years.She works at a fast food restaurant making a bit over minimum wage. I do not have a stable job (working on and off). She has a number of health problems (anemia, low blood pressure and a weak cervix so her pregnancy a doctor told her is risky). What gives? I mean I see her break down a few months back because she feels exhausted with all her responsibilities so why does she refuse to see this pregnancy from my perspective? I know she would have a hard time dealing with a third child. Her two kids are 4 and 6. I honestly do not see myself with this girl long term because we are always clashing and fighting. She thinks that I don't care about the child because I'm suggesting abortion but it's not that I don't care, I just feel like it's the best option. I tell her that if she wants to keep the baby I will support and I will do my best as a father but I know we're not going to be together and I fear that our kid will suffer because of it. For some reason I feel like she wants to move in together so I can help her out with her other kids but our relationship is far too young to take that step. Also it would be wrong on her part to assume I would do that because not too long ago she broke up with me because she felt I didn't like her kids. now all of a sudden I'm good enough to help her with them? Bottom line is I want to be there for her during the pregnancy since it is the right thing to do. I care about her but I know that things are not going to work out. and I'm not gonna be with her just because she has my kid. I don't know what to do. I tell her if she aborts we can continue as a couple, and try to strengthen our relationship and maybe a few yrs down the road we can talk about having a baby, but I just feel like now is not that time. What should I do? Please don't judge. serious answers only. Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 There's not really much you can do now - too late. I'd be pushing her to seek counselling, and encouraging her to work on herself so she can be the best parent possible. You should also work on your relationship (whether you stay together or not), and try to keep it as civil as possible, so that you can co-parent this child properly. Both of you need to get yourselves together and work hard to become responsible parents. Get a proper job ASAP. Sad situation. People really need to start using protection ffs 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 He's a psycho who still refuses to acknowledge that she's not his wife anymore even though they've been separated for almost two years. Regardless of your opinion about him, I'm not reading the word "divorce". Your situation becomes slightly more complicated if in fact she's married. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author EHguy Posted July 10, 2013 Author Share Posted July 10, 2013 Regardless of your opinion about him, I'm not reading the word "divorce". Your situation becomes slightly more complicated if in fact she's married. Care to explain. She's legally married yes but separated Link to post Share on other sites
Author EHguy Posted July 10, 2013 Author Share Posted July 10, 2013 Well nothing you can do since you can't force her to have an abortion. I guess you have to man up! Anyways umm I'm sorry but it wasn't off putting to you that she was 25 with 2 kids already? And worked in fast food?? I would have instantly been like "oh hells no!" Oh well, good luck! Man up how? I assume you mean taking care of my child if she decides to go through with. You must have missed the part where I said I would do my part as a dad to that child if must be. Something wrong with working in a fast food restaurant? I see you like to judge. I didn't care that she already had two kids because I felt i might be missing on a great girl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 Care to explain. She's legally married yes but separated In most states, children born to married woman are legally of the husband. It's a legal process for you to legally claim this kid. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 And what is wrong with working in a fast food restaurant? Nothing if you are 16 when you are 25 with 3 kids it is a problem. In my zip code, mature adults outnumber teens in the fast food industry. I rarely see kids as young as 16 working in such jobs. I'm in a major urban area but if you think fast food industry is a problem job, you need to look at the vast number of fast food jobs as a percent of all jobs. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 Doesn't this woman understand the term birth control? I would disentangle myself from her and go look for a person who isn't needing to be saved. And figure out why you're dating women who need to be saved. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 Doesn't this woman understand the term birth control? I would disentangle myself from her and go look for a person who isn't needing to be saved. And figure out why you're dating women who need to be saved. Please don't judge. serious answers only. Which contraceptive method is 100% effective? Keep in mind this man is responsible for this one unplanned pregnancy. Contraceptive decisions fall in BOTH partners. Why blast the woman when so few facts are known? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
juicygirl Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 Oh this situation is sticky how did you get in to this. Having two kids and working in a fast food restaurant isn't a reason not to date someone. The fact that she is married? Sometimes the ex won't let go until the divorce is signed sealed and delivered as there's always a chance they'll get back together, as crazy as that sounds it happens. If you choose to date her whilst she is separated that's fair enough, but if after only 4 months you guys were having problems why were you not using protection? She already has two kids so I would have double wrapped. What made me laugh is you said it's to soon to move in together! but it's not to soon to have a baby? Anyway all jokes aside there's not much you can do apart from support the baby if she has it. It's the worst timing in the world but don't give her false hope if the relationship is over. Sit her down and tell her the truth you care for her but it's not a love story. You'll be there for the baby and truly be there just for the baby. Please careful about what you do next 2 Link to post Share on other sites
juicygirl Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 Well nothing you can do since you can't force her to have an abortion. I guess you have to man up! Anyways umm I'm sorry but it wasn't off putting to you that she was 25 with 2 kids already? And worked in fast food?? I would have instantly been like "oh hells no!" Oh well, good luck! She was married before had two children is separated and working to support the children so what's the problem? It's not like she was asking this guy to support her two children from a pervious marriage, that's what her ex husband is for. People make mistake, but it's a shame that there is always someone so quick to judge others. I hope you never end up a single parent you might not be so quick to judge then. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 She already has two kids so I would have double wrapped. I hope you mean Double Dutch and not wearing two condoms at the same time! Link to post Share on other sites
juicygirl Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 I hope you mean Double Dutch and not wearing two condoms at the same time! Whatever gets the job done lol Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 (edited) Well I'm sorry for those people who are adults and work fast food, how sad. At least she works though I guess.. Even though I doubt McDonald's pays enough for 3 kids. Like I said good luck It's a situation somewhat akin to one feeling sad for you that you don't have an Ivy diploma, a great entry level job making enough to have an independent lifestyle. It's all about opportunity and perspective. Edited July 10, 2013 by Balzac At least you have a diploma. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 Me and my girlfriend have 4 months together. Do you know how many weeks she's pregnant? Found out early June that she was pregnant Link to post Share on other sites
juicygirl Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 I hope I don't end up a single parent working at a fast food restaurant... Oh young naive one never say never. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author EHguy Posted July 10, 2013 Author Share Posted July 10, 2013 Do you know how many weeks she's pregnant? Yes she is close to 7 weeks Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 Yes she is close to 7 weeks How certain are you that the baby is yours? Link to post Share on other sites
Author EHguy Posted July 10, 2013 Author Share Posted July 10, 2013 Doesn't this woman understand the term birth control? I would disentangle myself from her and go look for a person who isn't needing to be saved. And figure out why you're dating women who need to be saved. Well that's something i never saw her as (woman who needs to be saved). I looked at her as a strong woman being that she was busting her ass working a low paying job to get her kids ahead without any welfare or any kind of public assistance. She's also from out of the country and undocumented so her job options are kinda limited to say the least. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EHguy Posted July 10, 2013 Author Share Posted July 10, 2013 How certain are you that the baby is yours? I know there's a possibility she's lying. Deep down in my heart I feel she's telling me the truth. She's told me a number of times she's not the kind of girl who will tie a man down by having his kid, and if I want to I can bounce, but that's just her pride talking I feel. It's not me to abandon a child of mine. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 Which contraceptive method is 100% effective? Keep in mind this man is responsible for this one unplanned pregnancy. Contraceptive decisions fall in BOTH partners. Why blast the woman when so few facts are known? I wasn't telling him not to be responsible for his child. I was telling him not to STAY with a woman with such a background. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 I wasn't telling him not to be responsible for his child. I was telling him not to STAY with a woman with such a background. In case you've forgotten: Doesn't this woman understand the term birth control? By implication OP doesn't understand? Thus my query to you about 100% effective methods. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 OP doesn't understand what? That rhetorical statement was directed at the WOMAN, not him. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 And yes, there is: abstinence. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 Yes she is close to 7 weeks I encourage you to do the calculation yourself. You've stated you found out in EARLY June and we are now effectively mid July. My thought is she's more than 7 weeks gestation. Link to post Share on other sites
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