unsure Posted December 23, 2000 Share Posted December 23, 2000 My girlfriend and I have been 'seeing' one another for almost 6 months now. I am having a problem with her changes of heart. At the end of the month, she goes through a crying spell where she's 'not sure if I'm her type...' whatever that is supposed to mean. All month long she's fine. We talk and get along perfectly but for the last week she starts crying and pulling away emotionally. At first I didn't see the cycle and thought that she was insecure but the last 2 months I have realise that the time of month that this starts happening is the same. I don't think that she enjoys being this way and when she gets like this I feel rather insecure. I try to be understanding but I don't understand. Last month I got very angry with her and said some really nasty things because I felt the strain. I love her and want her to be happy. She loves me too. She's a terrific person 3 weeks of the month but when she gets this way I have no idea what to do. Is there anything I can do? Could her body be so strained from her menstral cycle that her feelings toward me would change? Is it her cycle at all? Does anybody know what's going on with her? I don't have a clue what I can do to make it easier for her. Like I said I love her and ultimatly, if we are going to 'be together', then I would like to know what I can do, if there is anything I can do at all. I'm really rather heart broken at the moment because she is pushing me away again and she has a history of 'looking for comfort' (no she hasn't slept with anybody else) while she feels like this. She doesn't seem to care. I don't want to loose her if there is something that can be done. In about 2 weeks time this will be over and all will get back to 'normal'. I want to understand, I want to be good to her so that she knows that whatever happens I will always try to be positive and make her life easier. This is killing me though to see her like this, I want to hold her and comfort her (as I said I live far away so it's not possible for me to be 'with' her). I just don't want to be going through this for the rest of our lives, if she doesn't break up with me this time. Help me because I'm scared and lonely and I don't want to burden her with my fears anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Stargazer Posted December 23, 2000 Share Posted December 23, 2000 Hello! Ummm how old is she??? I went through the same thing as far as my emotions went for 2(!) weeks of the month when I was about 17/18, it took someone else to point out my jeckyl and hyding as far as personality went. I was advised at the time to go to my GP, he suggested the pill. It saved my sanity (and everyone else's!!). I stayed on it for over 10 years, it worked for me, it sorted out my hormones, it sorted out my emotions. This is not to say it will work for her, everyone is different. Sounds like she may like to give it a try though, it's not a total cure, she'll still be crabby premenstrually but not as much or as bad, I still suffer from bloating, slight depression, it's normal. Lots of women go on the pill strictly because they are a depressed, quivering, emotional basket case for about a week or two out of every month. Damn hormones! I dare say that this is her problem, I don't really think it's about you because you say she's loving and 'normal' the rest of the time. Perhaps if you go get some literature on the subject, look up info on the net - here's two sites to get you started: http://www.ncpamd.com/PMS.htm http://www-cgi.cnn.com/2000/HEALTH/women/05/10/nuisance.natural/index.html Read up about the effects of hormones for yourself then gently point out your observations to her, suggest that she might like to visit her doc. Tell her it's very, very normal. Believe me she'll probably thank you for it, in the long term. I'll bet she doesn't even know what's going on herself! Hope this helps *Warm Hugs and a Merry Christmas* :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 23, 2000 Share Posted December 23, 2000 Is there anything I can do? Yes, you can stop being so dense and understand that some women are greatly affected by their menstual cycle or "period" and react to it very emotionally for about three to six days a month. The time varies for each lady. Some women have killed their husbands or boyfriends during this time and were let off by juries after doctors testified that their minds were chemically altered by the hormones produced by their period. Read up on PMS, pre menstrual syndrome. It's a biological thing I won't explain here...but you can read about it. This is the condition that causes some women to get weird just before and sometimes during part of their period. You can read about it free on the Internet or get a book at a good bookstore. And if you think you have it bad now, pray that when she hits her forties and goes through menopause, it's not as bad as some go through. They don't call it the "curse" for nothing. It is not a pleasant thing for any woman to go through. While some females remain relatively stable emotionally during their cycle, others get like you girlfriend, and some even become immobilized with pain. When you learn more about this, then approach your girlfriend and ask her the best way to deal with her during this time. And, by the way, women get really pissed when you blame stuff they do on their period...so don't do that either. Just have some understanding for what she is going through and thank God every minute of the day that you don't have periods yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Mimi Posted December 24, 2000 Share Posted December 24, 2000 I am one of those women who has suffered from PMS for many many years. I daresay some years and months are definitely worse than others. Also, I can tell you that birth control pills can definitely help. She needs to be on the ones that the dosage changes gradually during the pack(each few days the pills are a different color). I used to be on one that was a single dose the whole month, and the last week, they are placebos(sugar pills, so you continue taking pills every morning so you dont' get out of the habit), those pills made me even more emotional. I like Ortho_Novum. PMS unfortunately is a not understood very well within society. I had a boyfriend who would say, Oh, I know you have PMS, but I'm sure you're affected by it more because you are the sensitive type. That is precisely what PMS is not. It is strictly hormonal, and has no bearing on your personality type. You feel highs, lows, like crying. I would cry at seeing a little tree dying, at a baby laughing, silly normal things. Normally when your period starts, within 2 days, you feel better. This is something that she needs to see her gyneacologist about. He will then put her on birth control pills. These pills do no harm, and have nothing other than a positive affect. What you are describing is exactly what I have had. I can now lead a very normal happy life, and not make everyone around me miserable. Also, PMS, is different all the time. If gets worse every once in a while for many women. It probably affects 30-40 percent of women. Some in their teens, some 20's some 30's, some their whole life. It just is not normal conversation so you probaby had not been exposed to it before. Also, just because you date somebody that doesn't have PMS, doesn't mean that they won't get it down the road! So dont' dump her We women are wonderful creatures most of the time, but boy watch out when we are not!!!! HE He Link to post Share on other sites
unsure Posted December 25, 2000 Share Posted December 25, 2000 hi, thanks for your advice and sharing your experience with me, it helps to know that there are people out there who are open to share their experiences. my girlfriend and i have a very open relationship and when the time is right i wil aproach her about it. i was not sure if it could be purely her menstral cycle, you have set my mind at ease one more thank you for your kindness. happy holidays to you too. oh and to answer your question she's 33. Link to post Share on other sites
unsure Posted December 25, 2000 Share Posted December 25, 2000 hi, i seem to have offened you and i appologise if my message came across as being an assult on the changes womens bodies go through during their menstral cycle. i was asking out of concern for my girlfriends well being if it was possable that her cycle could have anything to do with her emotions. i love my girlfriend and want her to be happy and content all the time. i want to be loving and understanding. i am just a person with feelings, i want to understand, if i am ignorant i appologise. she's a very loving and kind woman and i want to be good to her so that she knows that i will always try to understand her feelings and respect her wishes. i hope that you understand me and my point of view a bit more. thank you for your insight and i will certainly be more sensitive to her needs now. happy holidays Link to post Share on other sites
unsure Posted December 25, 2000 Share Posted December 25, 2000 hi, i was not aware that PMS had such a profound effect on emotions (even the way you feel about the people you love). i am thankful for your input. my girlfriend and i have been very open about our feelings right from the start. i dare say that is why i am crazy about her. i love her and don't want to leave her for the world. she is wonderful and that is why i posted my message i want to understand her beter so that i can be a beter parter and more sensitive to her needs. thank you very much for your constructive advice. i am grateful. happy holidays. Link to post Share on other sites
Stargazer Posted December 25, 2000 Share Posted December 25, 2000 Hi Mimi, Ummmm when you say this: "and the last week, they are placebos (sugar pills, so you continue taking pills every morning so you dont' get out of the habit), those pills made me even more emotional" do you actually mean that the sugar pills make you even more emotional? If so, then don't bother taking em, I never have, just throw the pack out when you get to em, just remember that in 7 days you have to start your new pack. They shouldn't affect you emotionally at all, they are only sugar! "These pills do no harm, and have nothing other than a positive affect" This is NOT true at all, contraceptive pills can have huge side affects, everyone is different, have you ever read the little pamphlet that comes with them? There are huge dangers in women taking the pill and smoking, blod clots, all sorts of side effects. That's not an accurate statement, at all. Why do you think they take your blood pressure when you get a new script? Please don't post statements like this because for someone who doesn't know it can be very misleading. This is only an option, it can and usually does help in relieving PMS symptons but again everyone is different, what works for you may not work for another in the same situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Stargazer Posted December 25, 2000 Share Posted December 25, 2000 You are so very welcome Unsure, I'm a bit surprised this has only started to affect her like this now, I don't know if that's 'normal' or not - but then again I didn't start getting crazy like a cow until 17 or 18, had my periods for years before that, or maybe I just never noticed by emotional disturbances before that!!!!!! Ho! Ho! Ho! Link to post Share on other sites
Stargazer Posted December 25, 2000 Share Posted December 25, 2000 Hey Hon, Did you go check out those web sites? All the info you need is at your fingers! Link to post Share on other sites
not_as_unsure Posted December 29, 2000 Share Posted December 29, 2000 I have decided to ride out the holiday season before i aproach her about it. we're doing aright i have just let her be and not reacted on her mood. i have given her room and just tried to be light hearted and happy during this time when she needs it and it seems to be better. she is still irritable but we're not fighting and that feels good. i think that i had better aproach her when she is not so emotional and then we'll look at the sites together. you've been a darling, stargazer, thank you. i could hug you, i feel alot better and self assured, not so unsure anymore. :) THANK YOU!! happy new year Hey Hon, Did you go check out those web sites? All the info you need is at your fingers! Link to post Share on other sites
Stargazer Posted December 30, 2000 Share Posted December 30, 2000 Pleasure Hon, Go check em out yourself first, ya dag, will help YOU get a better understanding. Go on hug me, could use as many of em I can get! *Warm Hugs* Link to post Share on other sites
unsure Posted December 30, 2000 Share Posted December 30, 2000 hughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughug *lol* i will check them out right now. Pleasure Hon, Go check em out yourself first, ya dag, will help YOU get a better understanding. Go on hug me, could use as many of em I can get! *Warm Hugs* Link to post Share on other sites
Stargazer Posted January 3, 2001 Share Posted January 3, 2001 Awwwwwww shucks, thank you! So how is everything hon? Drop me a line <e-mail address removed> if you want, would love to see how you two are doing! Loving Light Link to post Share on other sites
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