MM no longer leaving, now what?

[Thrones]

I'm new here, so here's the story. I've been able to find the same type of question online but the situation is slightly different.

I started a new job in february and was instantly attracted to a man that worked there (warehouse setting, we don't work for the same company, but are often in the same area). I had no idea he was married until I had developed actual feelings for him. We were flirty, but nothing overly personal. We developed a closer relationship and I eventually admitted to him that I had feelings for him. He admitted he did for me as well, and that he would like to pursue a relationship but he needed time to end things with his wife as he wasn't happy and hadn't been in a few years. I let things progress, we started communicating outside of work and spending a bit of time together. We didn't have much of a physical relationship aside from hugs and kissing.

 

About 2 months ago I mentioned to him that things would be easier for me if I were to move back to where I am from as I have children and it would be nice to have family around. He asked a few times if I wanted to leave, and I always said no as he has a small child and I didn't think he would want to relocate. I received an email one night saying that myself and the children deserve to be happy and if going home would make me happy then he would come with me as long as I would be understanding of him making trips to see his son. Of course I had no issues with that.

 

We started planning, he made lawyers appointments, bought a new car that would be more reliable for the trips back and forth and put in a transfer for his job. Then suddenly, a week before it was supposed to move he backed out. Said he can't leave his son and although his wife is a pain in the ass he does still love her. I can understand all of that and hold nothing against him. Our affair is basically over except for occasional messages and talking at work.

 

Here's my dilemma. His wife doesn't know. She was going to know when he left, but now that he's not leaving he has no plans of telling her until after they fix things. In other words, never. Should I tell her? He was actually going to leave, and took the steps to do it, there are a lot of people at work that either know or have pretty much figured out what was going on. Its not about revenge, I've been in her shoes and I guess I'm just feeling guilty now.

[kareena]

IMHO don't contact her,he will only hate you for it.

[Pierre]

Please don't do it. You will feel worse afterwards.

[jphcbpa]

Move on and learn from this

[beach]

He SAID he did all those things but did he actually do them?

 

Did you see the job transfer paperwork? The new car? Did you see him file his divorce papers?

 

I'd bet money those are all lies.

 

MM lie all the time.

 

Date an available, SINGLE man.

 

And no, don't tell her. I'm sure she's not the pain he says she is. More likely, HE is the the pain in the a$$.

[Thrones]

He SAID he did all those things but did he actually do them?

 

Did you see the job transfer paperwork? The new car? Did you see him file his divorce papers?

 

I'd bet money those are all lies.

 

MM lie all the time.

 

Date an available, SINGLE man.

 

And no, don't tell her. I'm sure she's not the pain he says she is. More likely, HE is the the pain in the a$$.

 

I actually did the paperwork for the transfer, all that was left was for an open position he was suitable for to open up in the location he needed. And yes, he did buy a new car. We work together, and spent time together so I have definitely seen it with my own eyes. He did not file for divorce, he had just made an appointment with his lawyer.

 

As for his wife, I live in a small town, and have been part of and heard many conversations about their relationship. I'm sure she isn't quite as bad as people say (not just him), but the general consensus is that they are not in love. But really, that's neither here nor there.

 

I think its just the BW side of me coming out. His wife has been tipped off a few times by other people that he was up to something but no proof could be provided. I remember that time in my situation very well, knowing something wasn't right but trying not to believe rumors with nothing to back them up. I just wanted someone to come clean with me. Both of the ow came clean in my situation, but had to be confronted first.