tjnilles25 Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 Starting when I was 19 years old I dated a girl for 1.5 years, and we quickly and intensely fell in love. We had some relationship problems due to immaturity at the time, and both of us realized we weren’t ready for a serious relationship. We broke up (still said we loved each other), and she wanted to remain friends. I cut contact with her for 4 months until I figured out my own flaws, and then I tried to regain her friendship. But she decided she wasn’t ready for friendship, felt angry, and never wanted romance between us again, so we kept our distance. Both of us have dated since—at least 20 women myself—but we haven’t spoken in 2 years. I haven’t found anyone as special as this girl or a love as intense, including an ongoing 2-year relationship I have now. What I want out of a relationship has changed as I’ve matured, and the relationship problems we originally had would never be problems for me now. I feel I need to at least try to re-open the lines of communication between us even though she lives across the country. Now I’m 23 years old, still have strong feelings for her, and would like to know how to attempt to reconcile? What methods/strategies work? Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 I would suggest that you have to test the waters in a very slow & considered manner. Send a card (don't email - I think snail mail in this instance would show some thought & effort) & just say that you've been thinking about her lately & wondered how she was doing. Then leave it at that & see how/if she responds. However, I think you should seriously consider if it is a good idea at all. Years have passed & you haven't even spoken to each other - she is no longer the person you remember. There may be a distinct possibility that she will be resentful of your attempts to rekindle this. Are you absolutely positive you want to open up old wounds, hers as well as yours? Despite your memories of intense love & her being so special, these are just that, memories. Things are not going to be the same between you two. Plus there is the *small* matter of you being involved with someone at this moment & have been for 2 years. Is it your intention to keep this person around until you discover if this old flame is interested in you again or not? I don't mean to be critical here, but I thought you said that you've grown & matured? The grown up & mature thing to do would be to end your current relationship before attempting to start another, no matter how remote the possibility of success. Link to post Share on other sites
Confused28 Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 Wow, that is a tough one! I say go for it, bluechocolate my be right, you may each have totally changed, but I'm going through that "What might have been" thing right now, too, and that is very painful. I agree with bluechocolate that you should end things with your g/f now before you try and pursue your ex, that is only fair and right, otherwise, it is kind of the beginning steps of cheating. I know that no one wants to be alone, but if you stay with your current g/f, it should be because you want to be with her, not that you just don't have anyone else. But, if you feel like it could work, then go for it! otherwise you will never know :-) Confused28 Link to post Share on other sites
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