Waiting til Marriage

[napy666]

I have always wanted to get married and plan to someday. Which also means that I am waiting until after marriage to have sex. Yes I am a Virgin and I am proud to be one at 25. Most people as young as 10 years old is having sex, from what I've read and seen on TV. It's sad but what you gona do haha.

 

Anyway my point here is that will I find a guy who is willing to wait that long? My mom tells me no guy is going to wait that long. Most guys will want sex before marriage or even during marriage if your not having sex on a daily bases they will find it elsewhere i.e. cheating etc.

 

I know what I want to do as far as marriage and sex is concerned and I am not going to back down for anyone. But yet it has me thinking will I find a guy who will wait? Not many people even marry nowadays. Or if they do they get divorced.

[Eggplant]

Date guys from other more traditional cultures.

[carhill]

Anyway my point here is that will I find a guy who is willing to wait that long?

 

Sure, generally if you have a strong social circle of similarly-minded people and get to know young men outside of 'dating' and progress an association to exclusivity and marriage in a manner which isn't described as 'that long', rather 'we know what we want and are consistent in moving it along'.

 

IMO, and YMMV, you're unlikely to grow such a dynamic with a young man who's been sexually active, as he has become used to a certain social circle, generally different in philosophy than yours, and having sex feels 'normal' to him. Exceptions exist but seeking one will likely limit potentials markedly.

[juicygirl]

You just meet to date and socialize with like minded people.

 

I would try and date men who are also waiting until marriage so you're both in the same boat and there's no pressure.

[Eggplant]

I get the impression that many 25-year-old men are virgins as well.

[deadparrot]

Sure, they're out there. Granted, the vast majority (90%+) of the population will have had sex before they marry, so you might have to do some legwork to find a better pool of guys for you.

 

It might be an unfair assumption on my part, but are you religious? If so, I'd get involved in a group for young people within your faith community. There, I would guess you'd be more likely to find people committed to postponing sex until marriage.

 

If you're into OLD, I would make your desires clear on your profile and in any surveys you complete. The sex question is tricky and often a deal-breaker one way or the other, so stating it clearly will act as a fairly efficient filter.

 

Best of luck!

[will1988]

I get the impression that many 25-year-old men are virgins as well.

 

most of the ones on LS are, anyway (excluding myself, of course).

[carhill]

In my age group, at the time of being 25, I was quite outlier in being a virgin and wanting to be in a serious relationship, engaged to be married, prior to contemplating PIV-type sexual relations. IMO, most of the 'virgins' on LS are involuntarily so, preferring to have sexual relations with a woman immediately and, if so, would be poor candidates for a relationship such as the OP has described. Unfortunately, the style of prosecuting relationships wouldn't match up.

[pink_sugar]

OP, I have a friend who is your age and also waiting for marriage. Surprisingly, she actually is not religious at all. Unfortunately, I think the majority of people with this view are probably religious. Sex is a big part of the relationship and if you're not connecting in the bedroom, your marriage will quickly go downhill.

[pteromom]

You don't simply want to find a virgin male.

 

You want to find someone who shares your beliefs and feelings about sex. Who sees sex as something only to be had between man and wife.

 

It will be a challenge to find, but if you hold out until you find it, it will work much better.

 

As far as cheating during a marriage, that has very little to do with whether a guy is having daily sex in his marriage. It has more to do with a man's feelings about entitlement to sex, and his ability to be grateful for what he has rather than wondering what he's missing.

[JackDrc]

You don't simply want to find a virgin male.

 

You want to find someone who shares your beliefs and feelings about sex. Who sees sex as something only to be had between man and wife.

 

It will be a challenge to find, but if you hold out until you find it, it will work much better.

 

As far as cheating during a marriage, that has very little to do with whether a guy is having daily sex in his marriage. It has more to do with a man's feelings about entitlement to sex, and his ability to be grateful for what he has rather than wondering what he's missing.

 

Women withholding sex from loving partners is a form of emotional abuse. This does not mean daily but if you aren't getting it at least twice a month then there's a problem. Obvious exceptions for during pregnancy and for a period after due to hormone levels. female Viagra and similar drugs are now on the horizon.

 

Why exactly should a man be grateful for having sex maybe 5 times a year, if that? That's simply unacceptable.

Edited July 13, 2013 by JackDrc

[Nyla]

I have always wanted to get married and plan to someday. Which also means that I am waiting until after marriage to have sex. Yes I am a Virgin and I am proud to be one at 25. Most people as young as 10 years old is having sex, from what I've read and seen on TV. It's sad but what you gona do haha.

 

Anyway my point here is that will I find a guy who is willing to wait that long? My mom tells me no guy is going to wait that long. Most guys will want sex before marriage or even during marriage if your not having sex on a daily bases they will find it elsewhere i.e. cheating etc.

 

I know what I want to do as far as marriage and sex is concerned and I am not going to back down for anyone. But yet it has me thinking will I find a guy who will wait? Not many people even marry nowadays. Or if they do they get divorced.

 

Keep in mind that when you find a man that you are in love with and attracted to, you will struggle with keeping your virginity. It is easy to say you will wait when you are single but much more difficult when you are in love with someone you care about.

 

It will be very hard to find a man who will wait but they certainly exist. You might find it easier to find a religious man who wants to wait until marriage.

 

Another issue is that sometimes when people marry with no other sexual experience but their spouse, they wonder what they missed out on once they hit a certain age and look back on their life. Sometimes those feelings can lead to having affairs. I am not saying that people need to sleep around before they are married but some regret not sowing some wild oats in their youth.

[Eggplant]

Keep in mind that when you find a man that you are in love with and attracted to, you will struggle with keeping your virginity. It is easy to say you will wait when you are single but much more difficult when you are in love with someone you care about.

It's easier to hold off when you're a virgin and still have some fear about it.

[Nyla]

It's easier to hold off when you're a virgin and still have some fear about it.

 

I don't think so. I knew a lot of Catholic women who wanted to wait until marriage, yet had a very hard time "staying pure" once they found boyfriends that they wanted to marry.

 

One woman in particular judged me harshly for having an active sex life, but she apologized once she met her husband and experienced passionate love for the first time.

 

I too wanted to wait until marriage until I fell in love at 17. I lost my virginity to my high school sweetheart after a year of dating. Those new feelings were just too powerful and while I was nervous, the passion overrode my fears.

[ThomasD]

Scientifically credible research (by, e.g., the U.S. Nat'l Institute of Health) indicates that something like 5% - 10% of never-married 25 year olds have not had intercourse. That's a definite minority, but still a sizable minority. As others have pointed out, it gives you an easy way to focus your attention on those who are more likely to be compatible life partners. (But PLEASE - this isn't a topic for discussion on the first date, or before even considering a date.) There are a few others who, although they experimented with sex at much younger ages, changed their position and have voluntarily abstained in later relationships.

 

My wife and I were wedding-night virgins at age 23. As already mentioned . . . when you find THE ONE to be your life partner, BOTH of you will want to have sex with each other and waiting for marriage will become a joint effort, requiring you to work together to reach that goal.

 

In our experience, justifying premarital sex on the basis of "testing sexual compatibility" is a very weak argument. In our first serious "sex talk" (about a month or so after meeting) my wife made the statement that she definitely wanted to be a virgin when her wedding day started . . . and she wanted to have plenty of sex afterwards. She said that no husband of hers would be able to justify an extramarital affair because he wasn't getting sex at home. She has lived up to that promise. As we dated, became engaged, and moved toward marriage it became more and more clear that we were "sexually compatible", even though our affection and lovemaking didn't include intercourse.

 

You may find the thread "Postponing Sex and Effects on Relationships" at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/sexual-reproductive-health-practices/395596-postponing-sex-effects-relationships-6.html#post4916522 rather interesting. There are also discussions in "

Saying you want to wait until marriage is like saying you've got the ebola virus... " at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/398396-saying-you-want-wait-until-marriage-like-saying-you-ve-got-ebola-virus and " Is waiting until the relationship is solid before having sex a thing of the past? " at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/397833-waiting-until-relationship-solid-before-having-sex-thing-past

[Silly_Girl]

I have always wanted to get married and plan to someday. Which also means that I am waiting until after marriage to have sex. Yes I am a Virgin and I am proud to be one at 25. Most people as young as 10 years old is having sex, from what I've read and seen on TV. It's sad but what you gona do haha.

 

Anyway my point here is that will I find a guy who is willing to wait that long? My mom tells me no guy is going to wait that long. Most guys will want sex before marriage or even during marriage if your not having sex on a daily bases they will find it elsewhere i.e. cheating etc.

 

I know what I want to do as far as marriage and sex is concerned and I am not going to back down for anyone. But yet it has me thinking will I find a guy who will wait? Not many people even marry nowadays. Or if they do they get divorced.

 

I don't know of anyone in my social circle or anyone I've ever discussed it with who would be prepared to wait.

 

Often the school of thought is that sexual compatibility and boundaries/opinions on porn etc is an important a factor as whether one wants kids, a career, who bears what responsibilities in life/the house etc. They're fundamental and not easy to be the subject of compromise.

[pink_sugar]

Although my husband and I didn't wait until marriage, we waited over a year for sex, because I was under 18 at the time and of course I did not want him to get into trouble for statutory rape. A lot of people didn't believe we really waited though.

[pteromom]

Women withholding sex from loving partners is a form of emotional abuse. This does not mean daily but if you aren't getting it at least twice a month then there's a problem. Obvious exceptions for during pregnancy and for a period after due to hormone levels. female Viagra and similar drugs are now on the horizon.

 

Why exactly should a man be grateful for having sex maybe 5 times a year, if that? That's simply unacceptable.

 

You obviously aren't the man for the OP. So don't worry about her values, and instead find someone who shares yours. Sex isn't the #1 priority in a relationship for everyone - not even for all men.

[Radu]

I get the impression that many 25-year-old men are virgins as well.

 

I sure was, and so were quite a few of the guys i knew.

Hell, i know a 32yr old who is still a virgin.

[MJTig]

Why don't you just go out there and see?

 

We did not wait until marriage but my husband and I waited a good 2 years into our relationship, I was 24 and he was 22. He was happy to wait until we both decided to go down that road. We were both virgins.

 

It's possible, you might be surprised.

[Woggle]

You can find a man like that but honestly it is very hard in this day and age unless you want some religious extremist. If you really want it it is worth waiting though.

[Madman81]

You could find a guy willing to wait, but the pool of prospective partners will be MUCH smaller. Like, a fraction of what it would otherwise be. This may sound harsh, but it's the truth.

 

If you don't want to get stuck waiting forever, I agree with somebody who said it earlier: your best bet would be to focus on religious guys. Guys whose beliefs are more likely to be in line with yours.

[napy666]

People keep telling me I will not find a guy who is willing to wait no guy will. but I think a guy would wait if they truly love and care about you they will.