bobwhite007 Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 Checked yesterday morning,Two phone calls to two different motels, checked again yesterday evening they weren't there. Link to post Share on other sites
TobyBoy Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 Put a GPS on her car...pronto!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
janedoe67 Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 I disagree. Just leave. For the rest of your lives there will always be something you think she is doing. If she IS doing all this stuff, why would you want to stay with her? If she isn't....good Lord set her free. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 Knowing the truth can be critical for a BS. Agreed on the GPS. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bobwhite007 Posted July 11, 2013 Author Share Posted July 11, 2013 Honestly really I don't know what to think about any of this.she says I'm crazy and paranoid and I'm begininning to think I am. I don't think she wants to split up or if she does she wants it ti be my fault and my doins. I do know I ain't givin a clue I think anything this time.I dunno know if she is trying to see if iam still spying or how much I know or what.she ask me what's wrong a lot and I used to just tell her what I was thinking or suspected but not any more I say nothing at all is wrong, just tired or something like that.I am getting tired. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 If she's doing nothing, she will hand over her phone any time and agree to a GPS just to soothe you. If she won't, don't waste time on her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 They want you to doubt yourself, it's right out of the cheaters handbook. Deleting information, specially about motels is way more than a red flag. You have enough information to satisfy yourself. If she can't make you feel safe, get the hell out. Some need absolute proof, I guess walking in on them would give you that, others of us just need to know they have secrets they are keeping from us. Is this what the rest of your life is going to look like? Are you feeling the love? You deserve better than this and only you can decide when enough is enough. Remember one thing, woman don't think of weak as an attractive attribute. They will do to you what you allow them to do. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 Read this: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/power-in-relationships/200905/are-you-being-gaslighted Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 I would suggest seeking some individual counseling to deal with your paranoia issues. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 I would suggest seeking some individual counseling to deal with your paranoia issues. Do you think he imagined the phone calls? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 There are any number of possibilities for the calls to TWO hotels. Were they local or were they in other locales? Someone she may work with could be staying at two different hotels. How long did the calls last? Why not call them on a cell phone? I'm not saying there could not be something to the calls, but he really hasn't given much information as to why they should mean anything. The OP kinda has a track record of paranoia. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 There are any number of possibilities for the calls to TWO hotels. Were they local or were they in other locales? Someone she may work with could be staying at two different hotels. How long did the calls last? Why not call them on a cell phone? I'm not saying there could not be something to the calls, but he really hasn't given much information as to why they should mean anything. The OP kinda has a track record of paranoia. I hear you. Just seems pretty sketchy that they'd be in call history one day and not the next. One thing is for sure. Bob needs to either become a better investigator or give it up entirely. With all of the confronting he's done, I'm surprised that she would leave those calls in history and then delete them. Perhaps she slipped or she's testing to see if he's checking. I'd compare to the phone bill. It's definitely getting old repeating the advice to get a VAR and a GPS. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 I hear you. Just seems pretty sketchy that they'd be in call history one day and not the next. One thing is for sure. Bob needs to either become a better investigator or give it up entirely. With all of the confronting he's done, I'm surprised that she would leave those calls in history and then delete them. Perhaps she slipped or she's testing to see if he's checking. I'd compare to the phone bill. It's definitely getting old repeating the advice to get a VAR and a GPS. Amen! The wife knows she is dealing with someone who is very suspicious. So the deleting doesn't really alarm me. I agree with everything you said. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 I really thought this would be a turning point. I guess not. Okay, we had a very long talk today.she says yes she hasbeen very aangry over a lot of issues.I had 3 surgey's over the winter which has hurt our finances.our grown children have been a pain in our asses causing us much worry and stress.she has takin it out on me, she said so.I have never really worried about anything.I don't know how I do it I just do.I haven't told her that everything will be ok because I never thought to.when she started blocking me out, so to speak, I started looking for the why.she works in an industry that is more or less a man's world and she is damn good at it.she has really helped alot of these men make alot of money.when they need something she has the right answers and the right solution.I can say after much investagation and interrogation she is the most upstanding reliable honest hardest working moat dependable responsable women I have ever known.I have taken her qualities for granted and yes I have forgotten that she is actually a human woman with needs and nurturing I wasn't giving her.I wasn't doing anything different than ever I just didn't see her struggling and she didn't want me to know she was.all the tects and phone calls were absolutly all business.I have put her thru hell the last few weeksand I regret ever doubting her.I will try and do better.Our marraige has been under attack both barrels have been shot right at us and with the good Lords help we will and have survived.Yes warning signs can be there and no affair or sexual misconduct.they were warnings that something was bad wrong and could have went that way quickly.These other men have relied on her to take care of them in there business dealings.if they weren't hood men she wrote them off and sent them packing The man that tect her the day I left was possibly "fishing"because he knew I left town.he says he was just checking in with her as he is looking for a new job and ahe might know of one, I say bs and if we can help hom to let us know.he didn't respond after that.there are a lot of men who have no morals and will do anything to get in someone's pants married or not. I can now say let them try.at least now I know what and what not to do as part of an investigation, lol.i cant blame them for tring to get my woman cauae she is truly one of a kind.I will be paying more attention to her and her needs from here on out.I will continue to check in here and if I can help any of you let me know.Without much prayer and communication we would have been done. Link to post Share on other sites
janedoe67 Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 It has been my experience on most marriage forums that no matter how out there the paranoia, just based on the clientèle, if someone says they are worried, most everyone will assume the spouse is cheating. In fact, on some forums, if a spouse asks for advice about a paranoid souse, they get told they MUST be doing SOMETHING wrong. If she is cheating - then she is some kind of mean mean woman after all this. If there ever comes a time that the OP CAN be assured that she has never cheated....he should probably pray that it isn't followed by her walking out the door. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 It has been my experience on most marriage forums that no matter how out there the paranoia, just based on the clientèle, if someone says they are worried, most everyone will assume the spouse is cheating. In fact, on some forums, if a spouse asks for advice about a paranoid souse, they get told they MUST be doing SOMETHING wrong. If she is cheating - then she is some kind of mean mean woman after all this. If there ever comes a time that the OP CAN be assured that she has never cheated....he should probably pray that it isn't followed by her walking out the door. Exactly! It is like he can't help himself. He is destroying the relationship he so wants to keep. Or does he? That is why I suggested some individual counseling. Bit by bit he is driving her away. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 (edited) delete please Edited July 11, 2013 by Darren Steez Link to post Share on other sites
Author bobwhite007 Posted July 12, 2013 Author Share Posted July 12, 2013 1-My counselor says iam not crazy.2-the hotels were not local but in a small resort type town (tourist).she has two phones, one is a work phone , can't check bill.the other phone is not getting used except to call or text me.she guards the other one and carries it wherever she goes. Sorry some of you get what seems to be aggrivated with me but I think I have reason to be suspicious.I have stopped confronting her about her whereabouts and such.I am still open to the fact maybe she is innocent.I thought sunday was a turning point as well but that was before the calls to the motels.I didn't think to check the length of the calls that is what I was going to do when I discovered they had been deleted. I just want to know dor sure what's up.yes I agree my investigator skills suck but I'm getting better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bobwhite007 Posted July 12, 2013 Author Share Posted July 12, 2013 delete please Delete what? Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted July 12, 2013 Share Posted July 12, 2013 Some quick rules on suspected adultery/cheating. If you suspect something is going on - it often is. You know your spouse better than anyone. It might not be full on cheating, but you know something has changed. If you suspect something - never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever.....ever.....did I say ever? ...... tell the other person your worried, suspect something, or start asking questions about what your seeing or found, or acting insecure. Do the opposite - be happy, be confident, be unconcerned - and then start investigating. If you find nothing - then bad on you - keep it to yourself, get some IC for your paranoia, and take them on a nice romantic get away. If do you find something...keep quiet and keep finding more until you got it all. You don't say nothing till your holding all the cards. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bobwhite007 Posted July 13, 2013 Author Share Posted July 13, 2013 Does the ws ever take the bs where "they" have been? Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 Does the ws ever take the bs where "they" have been? Can you clarify? And have you considered a GPS or a VAR? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bobwhite007 Posted July 13, 2013 Author Share Posted July 13, 2013 I guess I'm not trusting the gps for some reason? I gave up too much of what I knew too early now its hard to get anything.some wierd s@#t I'm finding out. Is there a pm option here? Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 I guess I'm not trusting the gps for some reason? I gave up too much of what I knew too early now its hard to get anything.some wierd s@#t I'm finding out. Is there a pm option here? I think you have to have 100 or 150 posts before you get PM privledges. I put a GPS on my wife's car and the first download showed her at a hotel from 10pm to midnight. She was supposed to be at work. Then I went to the hotel and got a duplicate receipt. Then I saw how many "points" she had earned. So I went to the hotel website and guessed her username and password. Then I saw that she had 17 stays there going back over the last six months. It was actually nice to know that I wasn't paranoid. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 I guess I'm not trusting the gps for some reason? I gave up too much of what I knew too early now its hard to get anything.some wierd s@#t I'm finding out. Is there a pm option here? You don't have enough posts yet for pm's. I hope you don't feel like you can't say it on here because of anything I have said in the past about what you have divulged. Just called it as I saw it. Link to post Share on other sites
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