paranoid?

[bobwhite007]

Bob, what say you to all of this? Sounds like you have a real wily wife! Just curious - what do you think she would say or how do you think she would react if you suddenly hit her with divorce papers ? The answer to this could help you get your head straight.

 

Yes I should have never said a thing untill much later. I didn't listen. I would know the whole truth now for sure. Yes she is very "wily". She is very smart. She is being very cautious. I am not ready to have the papers served. From the looks of things she has some money tucked away and it must be a pretty good little nest egg. Why else would she need a asset management company. Her 401k is handled by a different company than the one in her browser history. If she does I want to be sure and get what I can of it. Like I said before she helped this man make a lot of money over the years. She said he offered to pay for us a condo for vacation last year and she refused. A move I never will understand. Why not let him pay for it? I spent some time with two of her former workmates yesterday and they asked how is everything going I answered that some wiered **** has been happening. They look at each other and say like what? I say just a lot of wierd ****, I got the feeling these two girls know excaatly what I meant. One always showed up in her phone history right after she had been talking to ap. She should have been at work and gps always showed her not at work when that happened. She was ready to cover for her I guess? I am coming to the realization that I will never know the truth.

[BetrayedH]

You'll never know ALL of the truth. In that regard, you're like most of us. It is very hard to accept and I'm still not all the way to acceptance of that in my case either.

 

But you know she has an AP and isn't willing to admit it or stop. You know enough to take action.

 

I suggested filing for D because it will either make her wake up or it won't (in which case you get the divorce you need). It forces her to make that choice.

 

By the way, smart move when it comes to those financial accounts. She could be in deep shi t if she tries to hide money during a divorce. It makes judges have a coronary.

[aliveagain]

Stay in this this mind f**k you call a marriage or get out of this insanity and have a real life. You have enough information to make a decision about you. Are you in a no fault state, country? Being alone has to be way better than the relationship you have now. Put your big pants on and make a decision, it's time. Go talk to a lawyer and find out what your worst case scenario looks like, your killing us with your indecision.

[miguelcervantes]

Yes I should have never said a thing untill much later. I didn't listen. I would know the whole truth now for sure. Yes she is very "wily". She is very smart. She is being very cautious. I am not ready to have the papers served. From the looks of things she has some money tucked away and it must be a pretty good little nest egg. Why else would she need a asset management company. Her 401k is handled by a different company than the one in her browser history. If she does I want to be sure and get what I can of it. Like I said before she helped this man make a lot of money over the years. She said he offered to pay for us a condo for vacation last year and she refused. A move I never will understand. Why not let him pay for it? I spent some time with two of her former workmates yesterday and they asked how is everything going I answered that some wiered **** has been happening. They look at each other and say like what? I say just a lot of wierd ****, I got the feeling these two girls know excaatly what I meant. One always showed up in her phone history right after she had been talking to ap. She should have been at work and gps always showed her not at work when that happened. She was ready to cover for her I guess? I am coming to the realization that I will never know the truth.

 

Why are you not ready to have the D papers served ? What are you waiting for ? You said yourself that you are not likely to get the truth now so this might be the only way to force her hand. The real question is if you did file for D, why would she want to stay in a marriage with you ? Seems like she has her finances and security sorted, has another man lined up and is not dependent on you in any way.

[Realist3]

Bob,

 

Please stop torturing yourself over this. Either get a divorce or let it go.

[bobwhite007]

Bob,

 

Please stop torturing yourself over this. Either get a divorce or let it go.

 

I would most likely let it all go but not without the truth. The lies are the worst part. I'm gonna be here till I know the truth.

[miguelcervantes]

Bob, how are you going to get the truth out of her ? You have already alerted her to the fact that you are snooping/investigating and she has gone underground and covered her tracks to the point of taunting you about it. The only way forward is to ask her to take a polygraph test and for us to assist you with the questions you ask her. If she agrees to the test then go through with it - do not back down thinking she has nothing to hide. Sometimes you get confessions at the very last minute. If she does not agree to the test, then you are never going to get the truth but you at least know that something happened and it is time for D.

[miguelcervantes]

I would most likely let it all go but not without the truth. The lies are the worst part. I'm gonna be here till I know the truth.

 

Just curious - why would you let it all go if you found out the truth and the truth was that she was cheating ?

[BrokenPrincess]

I would most likely let it all go but not without the truth. The lies are the worst part. I'm gonna be here till I know the truth.

 

That's exactly the problem. The truth is not here on LS! It's with your wife! Either step up your investigation from these half-a$$ed efforts that you back away from as soon as you find something fishy or hire a PI and get the truth once & for all.

[bobwhite007]

Bob, how are you going to get the truth out of her ? You have already alerted her to the fact that you are snooping/investigating and she has gone underground and covered her tracks to the point of taunting you about it. The only way forward is to ask her to take a polygraph test and for us to assist you with the questions you ask her. If she agrees to the test then go through with it - do not back down thinking she has nothing to hide. Sometimes you get confessions at the very last minute. If she does not agree to the test, then you are never going to get the truth but you at least know that something happened and it is time for D.

When you say taunting me does liein to me yesterday about her whereabouts count? I just don't know how to react when I'm lied to . We were talkingabout her day , I knew where she had been, she specifically says she never made it to the place that she was at for the longest amount of time. I just don't get it. Does she do that to see how I will react? Does she really not know I know where she was at? Is that where they met? I allready know what kind of responses this will get.

[BetrayedH]

When you say taunting me does liein to me yesterday about her whereabouts count? I just don't know how to react when I'm lied to . We were talkingabout her day , I knew where she had been, she specifically says she never made it to the place that she was at for the longest amount of time. I just don't get it. Does she do that to see how I will react? Does she really not know I know where she was at? Is that where they met? I allready know what kind of responses this will get.

 

So I'm guessing that you're tracking her via GPS on her phone.

 

I suppose that she might not know you're tracking her, in which case it's likely that she used that time to conduct her affair.

 

However, I seem to recall that she previously shut off the GPS (on both phones?). That implies to me that she knows you're tracking her with it; she's smart enough to know it didn't just turn itself back on. If that's the case, she could just be taunting you knowing full well that you looked at the GPS. She could have just lied to gauge or enjoy the reaction.

 

I think it's time to just turn this over to a PI.

[turnera]

Dude, SHE DOESN'T CARE IF YOU KNOW. You are DEAD to her. Don't you get that?

[BetrayedH]

Dude, SHE DOESN'T CARE IF YOU KNOW. You are DEAD to her. Don't you get that?

 

I also think she is mocking you. I should clarify that I only recommend the PI so you can confirm this for your own state of mind, and so that you can share it with your divorce attorney.

[Owl]

Bob...I know I've spelled this out before, but I will try it again.

 

A woman cannnot remain in love with a man she cannot respect.

 

She cannot respect a man she can treat like excrement.

 

Your wife is treating you like excrement...she has no respect for you...and she is not in love with you, in part because she can treat you like excrement.

 

You need to change this dynamic.

[miguelcervantes]

When you say taunting me does liein to me yesterday about her whereabouts count? I just don't know how to react when I'm lied to . We were talkingabout her day , I knew where she had been, she specifically says she never made it to the place that she was at for the longest amount of time. I just don't get it. Does she do that to see how I will react? Does she really not know I know where she was at? Is that where they met? I allready know what kind of responses this will get.

 

OK so let's assume the following:

• She is having an affair (for whatever reason)
  
• She has lost respect (and love) for you
  
• She has set up or is in the process of setting up her finances
  
• She is deliberately taunting you and lying to you to push you into action (for some good legal reasons perhaps to do with a divorce)
  

 

So what are your options given that you have strong proof of the lies and some circumstantial proof of an affair (which by the way would be secondary to the real issue here which is SHE WANTS OUT OF THIS IN THE MOST FINANCIALLY BENEFICIAL WAY POSSIBLE):

• You can carry on playing dumb which actually might eventually frustrate her but would be living hell for you too
  
• You can definitely confront her on the lies (as to where she was) because yoyu have concrete proof and initiate divorce as an immediate step (having already secured as much of your finances as possible)
  
• You can continue looking for more concrete proof and this could take forever given that you hand has now been tipped
  

 

Given the current circumstances I would simply go for the second option and show her immediately that you have proof that she is lying about where she said she was, and this coupled with a number of other things that you know (don't tell her what they are and with what evidence), makes D the only way out for you and then act on it. Do the 180 to make yourself better (not to coax her back into the marriage), separate and secure as much of your finances as possible, work on yourself physically, read literature referenced in this forum to help you along, and get an attorney and file for divorce. Just do it and do not hesitate or show her any signs of weakness. I assure you that you will feel much better for taking that step because it will wake her up if she is in the fog, restore respect for you and enable you to go forward.

[BetrayedH]

OK so let's assume the following:

• She is having an affair (for whatever reason)
  
• She has lost respect (and love) for you
  
• She has set up or is in the process of setting up her finances
  
• She is deliberately taunting you and lying to you to push you into action (for some good legal reasons perhaps to do with a divorce)
  

 

So what are your options given that you have strong proof of the lies and some circumstantial proof of an affair (which by the way would be secondary to the real issue here which is SHE WANTS OUT OF THIS IN THE MOST FINANCIALLY BENEFICIAL WAY POSSIBLE):

• You can carry on playing dumb which actually might eventually frustrate her but would be living hell for you too
  
• You can definitely confront her on the lies (as to where she was) because yoyu have concrete proof and initiate divorce as an immediate step (having already secured as much of your finances as possible)
  
• You can continue looking for more concrete proof and this could take forever given that you hand has now been tipped
  

 

Given the current circumstances I would simply go for the second option and show her immediately that you have proof that she is lying about where she said she was, and this coupled with a number of other things that you know (don't tell her what they are and with what evidence), makes D the only way out for you and then act on it. Do the 180 to make yourself better (not to coax her back into the marriage), separate and secure as much of your finances as possible, work on yourself physically, read literature referenced in this forum to help you along, and get an attorney and file for divorce. Just do it and do not hesitate or show her any signs of weakness. I assure you that you will feel much better for taking that step because it will wake her up if she is in the fog, restore respect for you and enable you to go forward.

 

I agree with all of this but I'm not sure confronting her is necessary. I would confront with divorce papers.

[aliveagain]

I agree with all of this but I'm not sure confronting her is necessary. I would confront with divorce papers.

 

I've said it before, being single would be a huge improvement over the relationship you have with your wife. Why do you choose to torcher yourself, get out while your young enough to have a life(I assume your still under 70).

[miguelcervantes]

I agree with all of this but I'm not sure confronting her is necessary. I would confront with divorce papers.

 

That is actually what I meant by option 2 - just confront and divorce at the same time and get it over with.