MMY Posted July 12, 2013 Share Posted July 12, 2013 Married for 21 years, both in our mid 40's. 2 kids (18 and 17). A lasted 18 mths. We did go to counseling. The first guy we both didn't care for. I found another guy and really liked him. He gave us several books to read (I don't read a lot) but I finished all 3 books in a few weeks. I hope I can use my experience to help others. Helping others helps me also. I will be glad to answer any questions you have and give you a guys perspective. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Author hippetyhop Posted July 12, 2013 Author Share Posted July 12, 2013 Thank you for sharing your story. As I mentioned in my email draft to him, and I think on this board-- they aren't that far into their marriage that it isn't salvageable if they work together (married 8 years). All of this is so emotionally draining. I sit and wonder (although I shouldn't) if this will be a weight off his shoulders as it will be off mine? Now he doesn't have to worry about keeping 2 women happy/satisfied. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hippetyhop Posted July 12, 2013 Author Share Posted July 12, 2013 He may actually feel relief. It's too hard to juggle a wife and mistress. I can't tell from your post if you are sincere or facetious, but that is why I'm throwing in the towel for the two of us. Link to post Share on other sites
MMY Posted July 12, 2013 Share Posted July 12, 2013 There was a weight lifted. That is my first and last A because I deep down am not that type of person. There is plenty of sadness but like I said that will get better. My W could not believe the lies I told but once I started the next lie got easier and easier. It was a struggle to find that hour or two to meet, making certain I covered my tracks, the panic if my W picked up my cell phone, the worry of AP husband saw us or any of our friends saw us. My worked suffered because we spent so much time texting and meeting for long lunches. I wish my exAP the best, I loved having her to talk to but there is no way to focus on my M or myself by straddling the fence and living 2 lives. NC has been the best thing and like I mentioned (I think) She is the one that went NC and I am glad she did although after almost 4 mths now I still have thoughts running through my head. BUT IT GETS BETTER!!! Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted July 12, 2013 Share Posted July 12, 2013 Good for you for wanting to end it and realizing that you want/need a real relationship that doesn't involve sharing the man with another woman. A full time relationship, and not breadcrumbs. You will move on from this, and you will then be open to find someone who can be a full time partner, and who can be fully invested in a relationship with you. I'm glad you realize you deserve better than what you have been putting up with. Link to post Share on other sites
MMY Posted July 12, 2013 Share Posted July 12, 2013 Starting my Friday and this is the song that came on. I go back a little further than some but a great song by a great group. Eagles Waisted Time Well baby, there you stand With your little head, down in your hand Oh, my God, you can't believe it's happening Again Your baby's gone, and you're all alone And it looks like the end. And you're back out on the street. And you're tryin' to remember. How will you start it over? You don't know what became. You don't care much for a stranger's touch, But you can't hold your man. You never thought you'd be alone this far Down the line And I know what's been on your mind You're afraid it's all been wasted time The autumn leaves have got you thinking About the first time that you fell You didn't love the boy too much, no, no You just loved the boy to well, Farewell So you live from day to day, and you dream About tomorrow, oh. And the hours go by like minutes And the shadows come to stay So you take a little something to Make them go away And I could have done so many things, baby If I could only stop my mind from wondrin' what I left behind and from worrying 'bout this wasted time Ooh, another love has come and gone Ooh, and the years keep rushing on I remember what you told me before you went out on your own: "Sometimes to keep it together, we got to leave it alone." So you can get on with your search, baby, and I can Get on with mine And maybe someday we will find , that it wasn't really Wasted time Mm,hm Oh hoo, ooh, ohh, Ooh,ooh, mm 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hippetyhop Posted July 12, 2013 Author Share Posted July 12, 2013 Starting my Friday and this is the song that came on. I go back a little further than some but a great song by a great group. Eagles Waisted Time Well baby, there you stand With your little head, down in your hand Oh, my God, you can't believe it's happening Again Your baby's gone, and you're all alone And it looks like the end. And you're back out on the street. And you're tryin' to remember. How will you start it over? You don't know what became. You don't care much for a stranger's touch, But you can't hold your man. You never thought you'd be alone this far Down the line And I know what's been on your mind You're afraid it's all been wasted time The autumn leaves have got you thinking About the first time that you fell You didn't love the boy too much, no, no You just loved the boy to well, Farewell So you live from day to day, and you dream About tomorrow, oh. And the hours go by like minutes And the shadows come to stay So you take a little something to Make them go away And I could have done so many things, baby If I could only stop my mind from wondrin' what I left behind and from worrying 'bout this wasted time Ooh, another love has come and gone Ooh, and the years keep rushing on I remember what you told me before you went out on your own: "Sometimes to keep it together, we got to leave it alone." So you can get on with your search, baby, and I can Get on with mine And maybe someday we will find , that it wasn't really Wasted time Mm,hm Oh hoo, ooh, ohh, Ooh,ooh, mm Very nice song He told me the song he thinks about me to is One Republic- Feel Again :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 How are you holding up? I hope you are finding your peace and strength. Was your MM expecting you to end it? I know I have to block MM for my own sanity. On Facebook, I don't want to see his profile picture. I don't want to see anything associated with him. I'm even going to hide newsfeeds of his friends/people he comments on often. As to whether or not he'll contact me, that is up in the air. In the email, I'm going to state "I respected you and your wishes and not contacting me when you are with your family; please respect mine by not contacting me". I cannot find myself in the same addicting place. I'm doing this to help me. I think I'm slowly doing better. At least I'm having more and longer periods of not obsessing about him. He wasn't really surprised I'd ended it. I'd given him several ultimatums and even threatened to tell his wife during a weak moment. I have finally stopped doing stuff like looking at his FB. That is progress. Hopefully soon, I'll feel better. I hope you start to feel better too. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hippetyhop Posted July 13, 2013 Author Share Posted July 13, 2013 I think I'm slowly doing better. At least I'm having more and longer periods of not obsessing about him. He wasn't really surprised I'd ended it. I'd given him several ultimatums and even threatened to tell his wife during a weak moment. I have finally stopped doing stuff like looking at his FB. That is progress. Hopefully soon, I'll feel better. I hope you start to feel better too. I'm glad to hear you are doing better It is a rough spot and any step you take away from him is a step in the right direction. Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 (edited) I can't tell from your post if you are sincere or facetious, but that is why I'm throwing in the towel for the two of us. Sarcastic or not, it is true. I believe my exMM, who was madly in love with me (whatever that means in an affair), was both sad and relieved when we went NC. He spent a lot of time sneaking, far more than I realised at the time, and I'm certain it was draining. He'd call me at weird times, which meant he had to create excuses to leave the house. He'd concoct ridiculous reasons to travel and then go about hiding expenses. I'm sure a big emotion he experienced was relief. While the primary feeling I had when it was over was grief, there was also a lot of relief to not be participating in that mess anymore. Oh, and of course I'm sure he felt TONS of relief that he'd not been caught...a homerun for him, really. Edited July 13, 2013 by Goodbye Link to post Share on other sites
Author hippetyhop Posted July 13, 2013 Author Share Posted July 13, 2013 Sarcastic or not, it is true. I believe my exMM, who was madly in love with me (whatever that means in an affair), was both sad and relieved when we went NC. He spent a lot of time sneaking, far more than I realised at the time, and I'm certain it was draining. He'd call me at weird times, which meant he had to create excuses to leave the house. He'd concoct ridiculous reasons to travel and then go about hiding expenses. I'm sure a big emotion he experienced was relief. While the primary feeling I had when it was over was grief, there was also a lot of relief to not be participating in that mess anymore. Oh, and of course I'm sure he felt TONS of relief that he'd not been caught...a homerun for him, really. Maybe I am too nice and flexible, but he let me know up front when he was able to meet and when he wasn't able to. Saturdays was best for him as his wife thought he was going into work. With my schedule, it worked for me as well. He knew to keep it down to routine. He didn't make up excuses at night or anytime out of the ordinary to come and see me. While he would take me to lunch and whatnot, she thought he was at work. As for traveling and whatnot, he is near me (about 30 min) or so. He would and still does make comments like "if I could see you everyday I would"..and I'm thinking to myself--yes, you really can if you CHOOSE to. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts