Affair with Friends husband

[lollipopspot]

His soon to be ex wife and my former best friend .. She is living about 3 hours away. I miss her like I can't explain. I ache for what I did to her and I miss her so much everyday and know that I really did want her and him in my life I wanted them both.

Hard to explain her stance. She has asked me to stay away from him and work on my relationship with her. I am unable to do that but I wish I could.

 

That must be painful for her...she's wanting you to choose her over him. It's a complicated situation if you are close to both the wife and the husband.

[rae_lana]

I'm confused. In this post, you said that you have no kids, but in your last post, you mention having kids...You also said that you were going to seek individual counseling, but now you're afraid of it? You know, there are a lot of caring people here trying to help you, but unless you tell the truth, they are simply wasting their time.

 

This thread was the first time I had posted at all about my situation. I said I didn't have kids because I had seen people reactions to mothers in affairs and wanted advice without that colouring it. I did say later I realized I was in complete denial and my kids have everything to do with this and I needed advice about them too and was honest about it. I have obviously left out key details or else anyone that knew me could find me here.

 

I've been going to IC once sometimes, twice, a week since mid October.

[rae_lana]

That must be painful for her...she's wanting you to choose her over him. It's a complicated situation if you are close to both the wife and the husband.

 

My biggest regret is lying to her hurting her. It's a very conflicting feeling because everything else in my life is better now, I made the right choice to live separate from my husband, my kids will be better off in the end, I found someone I feel the most connected to on my life, but I miss my friend so much. I really did love her and I won't ever forgive myself for being able to lie to get face like I was able to do.

[rae_lana]

That must be painful for her...she's wanting you to choose her over him. It's a complicated situation if you are close to both the wife and the husband.

 

My biggest regret is lying to her hurting her. It's a very conflicting feeling because everything else in my life is better now, I made the right choice to live separate from my husband, my kids will be better off in the end, I found someone I feel the most connected to in my life, in the other man..

 

we are the same person, really seems like it.

 

but I miss my friend so much. I really did love her and I won't ever forgive myself for being able to do what I did to her.

Edited December 1, 2013 by rae_lana
Double post sorry

[Oldspiceywolf]

I just caught on t this thread yesterday. I read the first four pages the mostly just your posts and what you were responding to. Wow! What a whirlwind.

 

I was rooting for you to be happy the whole time. I'm not always sure coming clean is the best decision but when a person is dealing with emotional issues tied to finding out who they really are and reconciling the lies that people tell themselves and others to have acceptance inevitably the truth will set you free.

 

I know you guys aren't in an open relationship now, you have to actually have to have an actual functional relationship to in its that in but with your past abuse and his bisexuality I hope you can have any type of relationship that you cAn handle and that it makes you both happy.

 

I'm sorry for your friend and your loss of her friendship, she seems to be emotionally confused by the whole situation, but like you said, she was not open to him being who he was and your husband wasn't open to you being honest about who you are, it's not sustainable.

 

I don't know you at but I hope for your family and yourself have all the love in the world.

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

You sound like you have borderline personality disorder. I have it.

 

Hyper sexual

Only feeling connected during sex

Attachment issues

No sense of identity

Hiding your true self

Suppressing guilt

 

I'm going out on a limb and guess you are probably emotionally unstable. At least on the inside, right?

 

Are you self-absorbed? Are you so obsessed with your own emotional well being that you will fill your own needs at the cost of others feelings? I'm talking if you truly feel it will relieve the empty feeling inside you.

Edited December 2, 2013 by AShogunNamedMarcus

[Oldspiceywolf]

I don't know why I can't leave this alone but I just feel it could give you the personal insight and comfort with yourself that you have been looking for.

 

For myself, I don't care what people think so much because(similar to what you've written) I don't think like everybody else. I don't believe in right or wrong unless it involves hurting others unnecessarily, I just believe in doing what's most right for you at the time and living with that.

 

You seem to have come very far this year. I read you are in IC now but also read you haven't had mush success do to not letting the whole truth of what you are come out. If you've conquered this problem then the advice I have for you might not be up your alley, hell this is extreme but you will get the results you want.

 

Have you considered trying therapy that includes the use of psychedelics? If anybody is reading this and has never tried psychedelics and is critical of what I'm saying keep your opinion to yourself because you just don't know the healing properties I've experience through self exploration with psilocybin and MDMA and I'm not alone.

If your skeptical look into Aubrey Marcus CEO of Onnit or Graham Hancock author of entangled as well as many other literary works. MAPS.org is a great website for finding alternatives and new paths for mental/emotional healing.

 

I'm not a junky. This is not something that is part of my day to day life. I was a foreman for union plumbing contractor for 15 years but now I'm a stay at home dad in my senior year of getting my bachelors in child psychology. I'm not advocating drug use but for some people with deep emotional trauma(being rented out at age 10-18) PTSD, and issues with addiction this may be the only way to get the healing you deserve.

 

I would seriously consider(when you have the time and means) looking into an Iahuasca healing journey and I would strongly suggest taking OM with you as well. This may sound crazy today but when the day comes that you can no longer wait for the answer to come to you, you can look back here.

[rae_lana]

I don't know why I can't leave this alone but I just feel it could give you the personal insight and comfort with yourself that you have been looking for.

 

For myself, I don't care what people think so much because(similar to what you've written) I don't think like everybody else. I don't believe in right or wrong unless it involves hurting others unnecessarily, I just believe in doing what's most right for you at the time and living with that.

 

You seem to have come very far this year. I read you are in IC now but also read you haven't had mush success do to not letting the whole truth of what you are come out. If you've conquered this problem then the advice I have for you might not be up your alley, hell this is extreme but you will get the results you want.

 

Have you considered trying therapy that includes the use of psychedelics? If anybody is reading this and has never tried psychedelics and is critical of what I'm saying keep your opinion to yourself because you just don't know the healing properties I've experience through self exploration with psilocybin and MDMA and I'm not alone.

If your skeptical look into Aubrey Marcus CEO of Onnit or Graham Hancock author of entangled as well as many other literary works. MAPS.org is a great website for finding alternatives and new paths for mental/emotional healing.

 

I'm not a junky. This is not something that is part of my day to day life. I was a foreman for union plumbing contractor for 15 years but now I'm a stay at home dad in my senior year of getting my bachelors in child psychology. I'm not advocating drug use but for some people with deep emotional trauma(being rented out at age 10-18) PTSD, and issues with addiction this may be the only way to get the healing you deserve.

 

I would seriously consider(when you have the time and means) looking into an Iahuasca healing journey and I would strongly suggest taking OM with you as well. This may sound crazy today but when the day comes that you can no longer wait for the answer to come to you, you can look back here.

 

We both have issues with past and present addictions.. So I'm not sure what tht best plan of action is but I will look up to see what you mean.

 

Right now the best therapy as been just talking about literally everything to each other. Both of us just kept so many things to ourselves over the years and never thought we would even talk out loud about them. The feeling of release just to nf able to say it out loud and on top of that have that person listening to know what you are feeling has been overwhelming and so amazing at the same time. I just want to move really slow. I never imagined there was people who felt the same as me and I feel lucky to have found that person but Im still very conflicted about things.