Your Friends And Their Role In Your Dating Life

[MrCastle]

This is something that doesn't seem to be talked about much on here, but I'm curious as to how much it affects your dating life.

 

Do you listen to them when you're not sure about a man/woman or do you ultimately do your own thing?

 

I'm a believer in finding things out for myself, I don't really take into account how my friends feel about who I date. I mean I haven't really been in a situation where a girl has come between me and my friends, or had friends tell me the girl was no good -- I hope to never be in that situation, but knowing myself, I think I'd continue seeing her if I felt personally she was a good fit for me.

 

I have a friend who had a cold girlfriend. Cold in regards to how she treated his friends. She was not the warmest person you'll ever meet and she made no effort to get to know his friends at all. My friends and I figured it was not our place to tell him how we felt as that's his girlfriend, and we didn't want to further strain our friendship.

 

It's a tricky situation when you really like someone but they hate your friends or your friends hate them.

 

You always hope that the person you find is able to be part of your current circle of friends and not have a situation where you have to split your hangout times between them and their circle, and you and your circle.

 

I feel like this is a bigger situation when it comes to women. If a girl's friends do not like you, that's an uphill climb not many man can get past successfully. Whereas in my experience, most men, even if they don't like their friend's girl, will keep their mouth shut and let it play out.

 

How big of a role do your friends play in your dating life? What happens if they don't like the person you're seeing? How do you please both sides?

[soccerrprp]

Listen Castle, people always say things like "I should have listened to him/her" or "I should have done this/that" when things don't work out. The truth of the matter is that, though your friends can be more objective, they can also be dead wrong.

 

I listen to my friends carefully and weigh my own impressions and insights to make a final conclusion. Friends mean well, but their observations are wrong at times, too.

 

You tell your gf that you have a life that existed prior to you meeting her. That you will be hanging out with your old friends and that there will be opps for your gf to join in, if desired. An understanding partner would not have a problem with that. But if a gf/bf is actively alienating your friends, that's a red flag and further examination needs to take place. A confident, trusting gf/bf would not be engaged in such activity, that is, alienation.

 

If you have some shady, drugged-out friends, well, of course, you gf/bf should be cautious, right? If they are doing what is best for you, then I see nothing wrong with the influence. But be warned, again, perception based on limited or no attempt to get to know one another is all conjecture, guesswork and no amount of so-called "gut feeling" guarantees that there is sound judgment in the appraisal of another human being.

 

Just my 2-cents.

[Keenly]

I used to not ever care what my friends said about that kind of stuff. But I have recently had some experience that may make me pay more attention to the people on with the most.

 

My ex and I were together for 2 years. My friends got to see plenty of her, especially since we were almost always together.

 

In the beginning I was so happy. Everyone could see it. Beaming I believe the expression is. Then fast forward a year and I was no longer happy. I was behaving in a delusional manner though, because my brain was overriding my heart telling me that it was unhappy. I'd convinced myself that I was , even though I wasn't. My friends saw this .

 

My room mate that I have known since seventh grade , while he never actually said anything bad about her, I'm assuming out of respect, he saw it. He knew what was happening.

 

My close friend would get shifty and uncomfortable. Changed the subject every time she came up.

 

 

One of my closest and most trusted friends is some one I have never actually met in person. He lives on the east coast, I on the west coast. We played a lot of games together over the span of a few years and when you voice chat with people for that long you develop strong friendships.

 

He was the only one who said something. I remember he said to me " you know man. I know you really like her and I can tell you care a lot about her but I've seen you behaving differently lately. You are not as happy as you once were. I don't think she is good or healthy for you man " and I just brushed it off at the time . "Naah man we are fine"

 

 

I think I'll be looking for more neutral third party opinions when i feel like something is not quite right after that.

[white]

I don't give a **** what they think. They've all got their own problems, they're no saints or geniuses themselves. There's only one I'd even care to hear input from and he married his first girlfriend early, so doesn't know anything except how to make a marriage work, which'll be great if I can ever damn well get married, but before then makes him pretty clueless.

 

In terms of bringing girlfriends into the circle of friends, obviously I'd like to but considering I usually can't stand her friends nor she mine we usually just implicitly agree not to bother.

[ThaWholigan]

Like the OKC question about parents:

 

I consider their opinion then I go my own way .

[SarcasticAbby]

I would have to say that I'm not one to listen largely on the thoughts of my friends when it comes to who I date. I do want their opinion and I hope they all get along, however if I'm happy, that's what matters to me most.

 

I recently met a guy who I've been dating for about 3 months. He's treats me and my children wonderfully, we get long great and I have a lot of fun with him.

 

He's met many of my friends and they all seem to like him but one of my friends told me she didnt think he was attractive. I have to admit that does stick in my mind and honestly weighs on it. But... In the end I am attracted to him (although he's not the kind of guy I'd normally go for) I'm very happy. So I've made a decision not to let her comment bother me.

[miss_jaclynrae]

My best friend isn't my mans biggest fan, but I'm not her boyfriends either. Lol

 

 

 

We support one another, choose our words carefully when giving advice, and ultimately understand that it isn't our job to judge.

True friends know thier boundaries. I really think it takes maturing to reach that point in a friendship.

 

 

 

 

Back when we were sixteen if she didn't like the guy she would tell me to dump him, as we have grown up, we both have a better understanding as to what our roles as friends are.

[miss_jaclynrae]

My best friend isn't my mans biggest fan, but I'm not her boyfriends either. Lol

 

 

 

We support one another, choose our words carefully when giving advice, and ultimately understand that it isn't our job to judge.

True friends know thier boundaries. I really think it takes maturing to reach that point in a friendship.

 

 

 

 

Back when we were sixteen if she didn't like the guy she would tell me to dump him, as we have grown up, we both have a better understanding as to what our roles as friends are.

 

 

 

I also want to add that my man isn't my best friends biggest fan either, but he respects our friendship as well. For Fourth of July I had then both at my parents house, thy are friendly to one another, just because you don't approve doesn't give you the right to be disrespectful. I love my friend and my boyfriend for both caring about my happiness more than how they feel about the other party. It's why they both are my true loves. I feel very lucky, I don't think many people have such an understanding unless they have been in a serious relationship. When in one, and it's all new to you, it's difficult to find that balance. It isn't about pleasing both parties, it's about respect from all angles and understanding.

[shexy]

My friends take no role really....I usually don't tell anyone I"m dating someone until I'm several dates in and have already decided everything I need to decide for myself

[Ninjainpajamas]

I think friends and family offer a valuable outside perspective that's often ignored since while you are dating this person on your "own terms" you usually have the blinders on and not looking at things as realistically or objectively as you may think because they may have a more transparent view or compatibility or see things that you intentionally overlook or dismiss/play down while you think of course that you know what's best for you.

 

I think they also understand you well, after all they've probably known you for years and are close to you and have a good understanding of your personality and what isn't going to work...you ultimately make the decision and most people obviously do what they're going to do right or wrong, but after the fact you might realize they had a point or were right about that person after all...as much as you may not want to admit that, or refuse because you don't want to wrong and insist on justifying the relationship through whatever convinces yourself.

 

If your friends approve of your SO then you probably have a pretty solid catch, if not there's probably a reason and you should consider their feedback/input...assuming that they're level-headed people who's opinion you trust.

 

I think ultimately people like to draw this line in the sand where friends/family don't want them to be happy, and honestly I think friends/family are more often right than wrong about your relationship choices in the end.

 

People tend to have things in common with their friends, that's why they might be compatible as friends in the first place unless you go around making friends with people you can't relate to or stand, so if your SO doesn't like or approve of your friends maybe there's something that they don't like about that you do, or how you are.

 

At any rate, I think you know who's opinion to trust and who's not to...and you ask people honestly for an unbiased answer they might provide you with some insight, even if it's not something you want to hear.

[todreaminblue]

I had this "best friend" once when i was younger, who didn't like my boyfriend supposedly, was always bagging him out saying i could do better, why was i with him,said he was too controlling, i always responded with i love him and that's that........found out later years onwards she had slept with him at some party i didn't go to

 

I don't go by friends opinions, if i am going to go by preference i go by my own personal preference, most of the time true friends i have see and understand why i like someone because i can tell them why i like them so much....i havent really had any friend prtoest as mu7ch as th esupposed friend did.....and her method to madness was ulterior obviously.......most true friends will be supportive and stand by a friend in their choices.......that's my opinion

 

btw ((((((hugs castle)))))))smilin....deb

[Eternal Sunshine]

I hate my best friend's boyfriend. He is not intelligent at all, very crude, into alcohol, drugs and partying and he talks about when/where he last threw up from over-drinking constantly. I can't stand to be around him for more than an hour. The only thing that he has going for him is a 6-pack. They have NOTHING in common.

 

Unfortunately, I spoke my mind and she is barely talking to me now.

 

As far as I know, their relationship is still going strong.

 

Also, my friends are very looks obsessed. When I was with my ex, they constantly told me that I could do better looks wise. That had no effect on me.

[KungFuJoe]

Honestly, no one gives a **** what their friends say.

 

Last girl I was with, I had a friend of mine (female) straight up tell me, "OMG, you're dating WHO!?!?". I guess she didn't have the most favorable opinion of her. Didn't affect me one bit.

 

My best female friend is with a guy that is just SO wrong for her...but she sticks around. My wife straight up tells her to dump him...but does she listen to her? Nope.

[Woggle]

Some of my friends are very bitter towards women and if I listen to them too much it starts rubbing off on me.

[Star Gazer]

I care a great deal about what my friends think of the men I date. My friends are my chosen family, and "he" must fit in with them.

 

I also know they have my best interests in mind, and have the ability as an outsider to objectively see things that I can't. I might think one of them is crazy or being a naysayer, but if there's a consensus one way or the other, I try to pay attention.

[Eggplant]

Too bad I didn't listen to my older friend about my ex. She's been around the block and recognized a liar right away. Lesson learned: listen to your friends.

[USMCHokie]

My friends are all very capable of going out and having casual sex with strangers. I became jealous of that and anytime I dated anyone, hanging out with my friends and listening to their stories made me want to stop dating one person.

 

Generally speaking, my friends always wanted me to be single.

[Silly_Girl]

Like the OKC question about parents:

 

I consider their opinion then I go my own way .

 

That's me, too.

 

My friends all adore my man, but that can't be said about the previous couple. Didn't stop me though!

[Emilia]

My friends are all very capable of going out and having casual sex with strangers. I became jealous of that and anytime I dated anyone, hanging out with my friends and listening to their stories made me want to stop dating one person.

 

Generally speaking, my friends always wanted me to be single.

Indeed. When I went through a hard party phrase the people around me were exactly the same.

 

I listen to friends' opinions but will evaluate it based on what I think their strength and weaknesses are: ie how worldly/level headed/etc. Ultimately however I trust my own gut and make my own decisions. I've learned over the years that I make better decisions for me than other people do.