JackDrc Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 I apologize in advance for this long post but I'm hoping that the men and women on here can help me. I am exactly 5'9" tall barefoot. 5'10 in shoes. Not 5'5" or 5'6" pretending to be 5'9" which I hear happens frequently. I'm actually about 5'9 and a quarter on waking and shrink to 5'8 and 3 quarters right before bed. I'm 30 years old, 31 in 2 months. I finished my first year of med school in a metro area with a population of approx a million people, so while it isn't NYC, it isn't the sticks either. I will graduate from med school in 2016 and prob gonna do a 3 yr emergency medicine residency after so I won't start making the large physician salary until right before I turn 37. During residency (which I plan to do in NYC because I hear it is a great place for 25-40 year old single guys did to the surplus of single women), I'll only be making 60k a year. Right now my income is basically whatever I need to pay my expenses for med school. One upside is that I will graduate med school with no student loan deb period most graduates finish with 200k debt and I will have no debt from undergrad or med thanks to the generosity of wealthy parents who told me that I could take a few years off after college to work before pursuing more education, so they are paying my tuition and living expenses (totaling 50k a year combined). I live on about 20k but in this city that is prob equivalent to 50k in NYC in terms of purchasing power. Anyway I've had a few girlfriends and a bunch of other partners throughout my life, but I have never gotten into a relationship from online dating . A relationship is what I want, and with a month left in summer, my days are basically free before my second year of school save for some research, but I'd still have time for a girlfriend. I'm a member of four dating sites: JDate (I'm jewish but don't care about religion although I know the people on there do so might as well take advantage), Match, OKCupid, and POF. I have a few close guy friends from my med school class as well as some from high school and college and they have always told me that I'm a physically attractor guy with a good sense of humor and a kind heart. I have blue-green eyes which stand out in a crowd. I have a full head of dark brown, almost bIack straight hair. My other facial features are proportionate in size to my face. I'm very serious about physical fitness so I keep my body fat % at 10% or below and I have a six pack. I'm not the huge bodybuilding type. I generally weigh between 160 and 165 pounds. My shoulders are broad for my height but I stop fit easily into medium sized tshirts. I fit into a 42R suit jacket with 30 inch waist and a 30 inch inseam. I have never had to shop for short guy clothing and I never until now considered myself a short man. I would say that maybe 25-30% of guys in my area are shorter than me and 70-75% are taller. I have had a bit of success in online dating, but not as much as I would like. Quite a few of the girls who I message have responded that 5'9" is simply too short. Ironically, the majority of girls who I've dated from online this past year have been 5'7" or taller. A couple were my height or maybe even 5'10". My girlfriends (whom i met through school or mutual friends) have ranged from 5'3" to 5'10". This one girl on POF who was 5 feet even told me that I was pathetic for messaging her because she said in her profile that she wants guys who are 5'10"+. I've met maybe 15 girls from websites since last August and none of them went past a second date. 3 of them said that I would be perfect if I was 6 feet plus but I was just too short. None of them were over 5'6" so I would have been slightly taller than them in heels even. I'm honestly at a loss for what to do here. There hasn't been a time in adulthood where I've felt short but I will admit that it bothered me a bit as a child. I was only 4 feet tall at age 10 and so growth charts said I would only be 5 foot 4 tall with 5 foot 5 being a maximum. I'm not gonna lie to you and I'll admit that if I was 5 foot 4 I would have been dramatically insecure about it in adulthood, but until now I never thought that a 5'9" adult male was treated similar to a guy with a noticeably unattractive face or a very obese dude. It seems as if these women have much higher standards than I do. My only physical requirement is that the woman be in good shape. This doesn't mean size 0, I'm talking a size 10 or below on most women, maybe size 12 on taller ones (think Michelle Obama, she's definitely not fat). I'm open to dating women of any race. I don't care if a woman has a smaller than avg cup size or if her nose is a little large for her face as long as they have self confidence and these things don't bother them. I used to have self confidence, but the past few months have been devastating to it. The most recent example was meeting a 5'3" tall girl from Match at this bar near the beach. I was wearing flip flops and I did notice after hugging her that she was only a couple inches shorter than me. This was explained by her 4-5 inch heels. We hung out and when I went in for the kiss after walking her to her car, she gave me the cheek. I messaged her a couple days later and she said that while I was taller than she expected (I've heard this before because apparently a lot of guys who put 5'9" in their profile are actually 2-4 inches shorter), that she couldn't get past the fact that I was 5'9". She needs the guy to be 5'10" or 5'11" but ideally 6'. She actually told me that I should have just put 5'10" on my profile because that's what she would have guessed my height as and then she could have gone on thinking that and maybe gotten past it. So while only maybe a handful of women total have mentioned my height, I feel it is a real problem. I have never mentioned my height or the height of the girl during the course of a date. Now I'm spending my time looking into things like elevator shoes to add 3 inches to my height but this just seems deceptive. I've looked into getting my limbs lengthened to be 6'0 or 6'1. Yes, that sounds pathetic and it is expensive and very painful, but if I need to I will. I guess I'm going to stop wearing sandals on any dates that I have because they don't add to my height. While a few of you may think that I'm lying or exaggerating this I ensure you that I'm not. The women who didn't mention my height after rejecting second or third dates with me must have been doing it because of my height. I just need help in determining what to do. I was a confident, sweet but teasing and funny guy before this. Now the confidence is basically gone. As I said, I don't think my standards are unreasonable. I realize some may find it shallow that I refuse to date overweight women or women with kids, but these are just rules I have. I'm not a hypocrite though. I can't hold a woman preferring or requiring taller men against her if I have my own preferences. I'd date a woman of any height, even one who stood 4'10" or 6'2", although I'd worry about a future son's being very short (like under 5'5" if I married a 4'10" girl), but that's a minor concern. Personality is far more important to me once the basic physical requirements are met. I'd say that I'm probably physically attracted to 70% of the women under 35 I see who are of normal weight, so more than 2 out of 3. I'd be wiling to date a woman as old as 35 though I'd prefer not to go that old just because I domn't want to have kids till I finish residency and that means I'd be 37 and she would be 42. Fertility would be dramatically impacted due to her age. But basically all I'm saying is I'm not just messaging girls under 25. That 5'3" girl at the beach was the same age as me (30). This post has dragged on way too long but I'm just at my wits end. Should I do what beach girl suggested and just put 5'10"? It's a lie of one inch but I doubt most women would notice it. I really don't want to do this because I feel like a woman who wouldn't date me at 5'9" but would at 5'10" just isn't a good match for me.
Phoe Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Plenty of women would be happy with 5'9. Putting 5'10 is just silly and not necessary I'm 5'8 and considered tall as a woman, some men consider me too tall. Most women will be shorter than me so you're still gonna be taller than most women, and that'll do just fine. I'd be pleased with a guy who's 5'9, as the majority of the men I've dated were shorter than me. 4
InsaneTrombone Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 I think you just went through a really bad run or something. Your height isn't bad at all, I'm 5'7 and think I have issues, I usually date short girls though around 5'2. Do not get some kind of surgery to extend your limbs or anything, that's far too crazy. 1
soccerrprp Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 JackDrc, Is this for real? Good god! Another height sob story from a guy who is not short. Dude, I'm 5'6 inches tall and have little or no problems getting quality women to date. In fact, I have dated (currently seeing) a couple of women who were 2 inches taller than myself. I seriously think it must be the women in NYC! I just can't explain it otherwise. Good grief! 6
PJKino Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Plenty of women would be happy with 5'9. Putting 5'10 is just silly and not necessary Youve never tried online dating as a guy..being under 5'10 is a dealbreaker for most Im near 5'8 proably closer to five seven and a half and old i might as well be a leper..hell even in the real world in nyc being might height is a huge disadvantage
Cracker Jack Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 No need for leg lengthening surgeries or anything like that. You're not your height--it's only one aspect of yourself. You (like myself at a certain point) are thinking way too deeply about it. I'm only 5'8" and I'm sure this has ruled me out in the eyes of plenty women. And you know what? It doesn't even matter, because there are women who are attracted regardless. It's not something you have control over, so don't obsess about changing something that's merely one part of yourself. Also, you're closer to average height than I am... Just live life and don't focus on things as trivial as height. Some women won't like your height and plenty will. You're good. 2
soccerrprp Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Holy crap, man! You're going to be a fricken' doctor and from a wealthy family to boot. Get a grip and open your eyes to the fact that you will find plenty of ladies who will be interested in you. I'm pretty certain you're quite aware of this. Goodness. If you think you have a height problem....sheesh. You don't have a problem. Unless you're jerk, YOU DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM. I don't feel sorry for you at all....hell, I don't feel sorry for myself. 1
Kamille Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 A lot of guys lie about their height and say they're 5'10. I'm 5'8. If a guy lies about his height, I can spot it the minute we meet up. After all, if you're between 5'7 to 5'9, you're basically my height. So I'll know that you lied. I generally think it's funny and understand that guys feel discriminated against because of height, but... The only thing the lie tells me is that: they're insecure. And insecurity isn't a great first step towards building attraction. That said, you're probably right that OLD is hard for men who aren't 5'10 or above. So how about trying some other form of dating, such as speed dating? 1
Sun Devil Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 If you are a 5 foot 9 guy who complains about height, then something must be wrong with your mentality. At that height, you should have no issue. I am only 5 feet even, so I have it much worse than you.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 This is ridiculous. I really doubt how true this story is. Women tell you straight up that you are too short even though you are 5'9"??? I think it's highly improbable for women to openly tell you that you are too short even if you were 5'6". A friend of mine that is 5'9" and nearly bald makes a killing on OKC. 3
MsSmurf Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Anyway I've had a few girlfriends and a bunch of other partners throughout my life, but I have never gotten into a relationship from online dating . A relationship is what I want, and with a month left in summer, my days are basically free before my second year of school save for some research, but I'd still have time for a girlfriend. I have had a bit of success in online dating, but not as much as I would like. Quite a few of the girls who I message have responded that 5'9" is simply too short. Ironically, the majority of girls who I've dated from online this past year have been 5'7" or taller. A couple were my height or maybe even 5'10". My girlfriends (whom i met through school or mutual friends) have ranged from 5'3" to 5'10". This one girl on POF who was 5 feet even told me that I was pathetic for messaging her because she said in her profile that she wants guys who are 5'10"+. I've met maybe 15 girls from websites since last August and none of them went past a second date. 3 of them said that I would be perfect if I was 6 feet plus but I was just too short. None of them were over 5'6" so I would have been slightly taller than them in heels even. Ok so while I read your entire post I've taken the liberty of focusing on what I consider the key points. You've had girlfriends in the past that you successfully met through school or mutual friends. Now you're online dating and the success is minimal and the women you're meeting on there are fixated entirely on height. Why are you continuing to bother online dating? It isn't getting you the results you want, you've been successful in the past via other means, and you actually want/have time for a relationship. It's like they say if it ain't broke don't fix it. You getting your legs lengthened (ouch!!!!) or elevator shoes to impress women online would be like me getting implants or stuffing my bra to impress guys online. I have small tits, they can get over it or move on. My constantly dwelling on my small tits will do nothing but turn off guys who don't care, just like your dwelling on your height will turn off women who don't care. I can speak to this from personal experience as a guys height has never been a big deal, but going out with guys 5' 9 or under that kept harping on it got old real quick. My whole point is you altering yourself just doesn't make any sense if prior to this experience you were perfectly happy with yourself and met women who were perfectly happy with you. What does make sense is getting offline and meeting women the way you were before. If you feel that isn't yielding enough options then expand your networks. Check out new venues, make new friends, etc. Yes I get the life of a med student is hectic, but it isn't impossible if others are able to make friends and get into relationships. So get off your computer and get out in the world, oh and don't forget your sandals =) 3
gaius Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Something else is turning them off but they're telling you it's the 5'9 thing to be nice. 7
soccerrprp Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Something else is turning them off but they're telling you it's the 5'9 thing to be nice. BINGO. Jimminy Crickets! This is pitiful. 3
SammySammy Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Wow. The things men worry about. I'm 5' 9" also and have never had trouble finding women to date. I have NEVER been told I'm too short. I suspect what the women are reacting to is your insecurity and not necessarily your height. It's a confidence thing. 3
Author JackDrc Posted July 11, 2013 Author Posted July 11, 2013 Plenty of women would be happy with 5'9. Putting 5'10 is just silly and not necessary I'm 5'8 and considered tall as a woman, some men consider me too tall. Most women will be shorter than me so you're still gonna be taller than most women, and that'll do just fine. I'd be pleased with a guy who's 5'9, as the majority of the men I've dated were shorter than me. Hi, thanks for the response. Yes I'm not tall for a guy (I think avg height in this country for 18-40 guys is 5'10" so I'm an inch below average. Avg female height is like 5'4.5". Honestly, from what I see when I see women in places outside of bars and clubs (where heels distort my height perceptions), the vast majority are shorter. I'd estimate that for women in my age range, I'm taller than 90%, 5% are my height, and 5% are taller. There are almost no girls I see who are taller than 5'10 in person (although I have noticed that 5'8+ women do tend to be over represented online, probably the same with guys under 5'10). I am not a tall guy but I have good posture and I feel like I physically tower over girls who are 5'0-5'2", but I respect that they want guys who are 6'+. It is clearly impossible for every girl to have their guy be 6'+ when only 25% of guys my age are that height or taller. Half of them will be below average attractiveness so now we're down to 10% of the dating pool. Remove 65% who don't have college degree (which seems to be a dealbreaker for many women who do not wish to date someone who they perceive island status, and now you're at less than 4% of guys aind of course a sizeable percentage of that remaining 4% must be removed as well. This next part might be offensive and if so I apologize but ill say it. I honestly think girls are very poor judges of how tall guys actually are and this skews the perspective of women as to how many 6'+ guys are out there. It seems the shorter a given woman is compared to a man, the worst she is at judging. Part of this might be due to guys fibbing their heights online and offline, sometime by tremendous amounts. One of my good friends is my height exactly and yet his girlfriend of 5'3" seems to be convinced that his height is 5'11". My 5'5" ex swore up and down that I was at least 5'10". My tallest friend is 6'2" and he said girls rarely guess his height as less than 6'4". If most women are bad at guessing height to within two inches, do you think this skews their perspective of how many tall guys are out there?
SteveC80 Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 You're right near average while you wont enjoy tall guy perks you arent in as bad position as shorter guys I always tell short guys to go after plainer women attractive women with options that include tall men are not gonna go with short men when thye dont have to.
Phoe Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Youve never tried online dating as a guy..being under 5'10 is a dealbreaker for most Im near 5'8 proably closer to five seven and a half and old i might as well be a leper..hell even in the real world in nyc being might height is a huge disadvantage Sure for some women it'll be a dealbreaker, but for plenty of women 5'9 is no problem. Alot of women have an "ideal" that includes men over 6 feet, but that doesn't mean they wouldn't be totally fine with going outside of that "ideal" for a guy who seems great. If I were doing online dating and saw a profile of a man listed as 5'9 I would have no issue.
MrCastle Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 You're right near average while you wont enjoy tall guy perks you arent in as bad position as shorter guys I always tell short guys to go after plainer women attractive women with options that include tall men are not gonna go with short men when thye dont have to. Very good advice. I typically tell shorter men to try and find women with severe disfigurements.
soccerrprp Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Plenty of women would be happy with 5'9. Putting 5'10 is just silly and not necessary I'm 5'8 and considered tall as a woman, some men consider me too tall. Most women will be shorter than me so you're still gonna be taller than most women, and that'll do just fine. I'd be pleased with a guy who's 5'9, as the majority of the men I've dated were shorter than me. Thank you very much, Phoe! You're the type of woman I date all the time! Little or no concern for height and completely open to the things that matter most! Thank you! Crimey. Complaining about being 5'9..... 1
sillyanswer Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 I'm a member of four dating sites: I think that dating sites place undue emphasis on the statistical things that can be documented, classified and searched for. That's perhaps understandable since you can't show off any body language or personality etc like if you had met someone face-to-face, but the result is that people with average or below average "stats" will get overlooked. Try dating a different way. If you're getting as far as dates and people are telling you it's your height then it isn't. Try figuring out what it is and changing it (or, accept that those women just weren't the ones for you).
Phoe Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Hi, thanks for the response. Yes I'm not tall for a guy (I think avg height in this country for 18-40 guys is 5'10" so I'm an inch below average. Avg female height is like 5'4.5". Honestly, from what I see when I see women in places outside of bars and clubs (where heels distort my height perceptions), the vast majority are shorter. I'd estimate that for women in my age range, I'm taller than 90%, 5% are my height, and 5% are taller. There are almost no girls I see who are taller than 5'10 in person (although I have noticed that 5'8+ women do tend to be over represented online, probably the same with guys under 5'10). I am not a tall guy but I have good posture and I feel like I physically tower over girls who are 5'0-5'2", but I respect that they want guys who are 6'+. It is clearly impossible for every girl to have their guy be 6'+ when only 25% of guys my age are that height or taller. Half of them will be below average attractiveness so now we're down to 10% of the dating pool. Remove 65% who don't have college degree (which seems to be a dealbreaker for many women who do not wish to date someone who they perceive island status, and now you're at less than 4% of guys aind of course a sizeable percentage of that remaining 4% must be removed as well. This next part might be offensive and if so I apologize but ill say it. I honestly think girls are very poor judges of how tall guys actually are and this skews the perspective of women as to how many 6'+ guys are out there. It seems the shorter a given woman is compared to a man, the worst she is at judging. Part of this might be due to guys fibbing their heights online and offline, sometime by tremendous amounts. One of my good friends is my height exactly and yet his girlfriend of 5'3" seems to be convinced that his height is 5'11". My 5'5" ex swore up and down that I was at least 5'10". My tallest friend is 6'2" and he said girls rarely guess his height as less than 6'4". If most women are bad at guessing height to within two inches, do you think this skews their perspective of how many tall guys are out there? I'll admit I'm guilty of looking at dating in terms of percentages too, but it's BAD! Because making percentages means you're basing all your calculations on assumptions. "assumptions" about what "most women" want. assumptions about what is or isn't acceptable for height, assumptions about status. Whenever you make assumptions you set yourself up to totally cast aside the women who fall outside of those parameters. The women who aren't all that fussed about height. The women who aren't fussed about status. And when you accidentally lump those women in with the rest (because of your assumptions) you lose out on a great opportunity! It's pretty likely that women are not great at judging height. I personally don't try to guess a man's height because I'll probably be off and really, what's it matter whether he's 5'10 or 5'11, or 5'7 or 5'8? meh.
Author JackDrc Posted July 11, 2013 Author Posted July 11, 2013 JackDrc, Is this for real? Good god! Another height sob story from a guy who is not short. Dude, I'm 5'6 inches tall and have little or no problems getting quality women to date. In fact, I have dated (currently seeing) a couple of women who were 2 inches taller than myself. I seriously think it must be the women in NYC! I just can't explain it otherwise. Good grief! I should clarify that I'm not in NYC. I'm in a medium sized metro area but plan to live there after school. And to everyone insisting I'm lying or that it is due to height insecurities, I'm not lying and I doubt that's the reason. If it's due to insecurity, why would I have not thought about my height since childhood until this past year? I think it is what others on here said: online dating is tougher on guys than meeting reboots school or other social or professional circles. I really was not considering lying and claiming 5'10" or wearing elevator shoes. I want to be liked for who I am. If a woman of avg height would date me at 5'10" but not right now then I don't want her. No offense intended but I don't want her . I want to be judged on my merits and not try to deceive people. I do honestly feel though that so many guys in online and offline dating lie about their heights that girls no longer believe them. Probably 60% of the guys online claiming my height are not 5'9. I could emphasize the fact that I'm not lying about my height in my profile but that would definitely come off as insecure.
thefooloftheyear Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Im 5'7" and the woman I am currently seeing is 5'9"...(shrug).. TFY 4
Author JackDrc Posted July 11, 2013 Author Posted July 11, 2013 You're right near average while you wont enjoy tall guy perks you arent in as bad position as shorter guys I always tell short guys to go after plainer women attractive women with options that include tall men are not gonna go with short men when thye dont have to. So you're saying I should go for women who I'm not attracted to? I'm not looking for model looks here and wouldn't want that for long term anyway. I want a girl who I think is cute. I hate using a rating scale but I'm looking for girls who are 6 or 7 or not 9 or 10. Most girls of normal weight who I see are 6s or 7s in my book.
soccerrprp Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 JackDrc, I know that I haven't been helpful, but it's gotta be the women in your area! What else explains it? You think that they have been deceived so often that they are not conditioned to believe that you must be lying about your height by 2+ inches? That's what you think? Well, then, if true, there's a whole lot of issues going on in that area then...yikes. Like I said, I am 5'6 and date beautiful, put-together, every race, intelligent women. But maybe it also has to do with the age group I date. Late 30s to mid/upper 40s. Don't worry about your height. You're fine. 4
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