corrina23 Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 Can someone help me? my fiance and i have been together since i was 14 he's now 24 and i'm 23 we have a 7 year old and a 4 year old and our daughter has just recently had a heart operation.He went on a work leaving doo 2 weeks ago as he was moving job. he didn't come home all night and i just picked up his mobile and i looked through it and something told me to ring a girl...so i rang this girl explained he didn't come home and she said actually he's here with me but he's on one sofa i'm on the other...well i went daft like you do and them calmed down...the other night he emailed this girl saying he was going to bring his company car up so she can see it and he's got a nice pay packet...then to end the conversation he said...by the way this is my new mobile number feel free to call. then he said would be nice to hear your voice again...though i'm not paying £1.50 a minute what does that symbol i just put mean and am i being paranoid...i have been on at him this week to hurry and book the restaurant for valentine's day because they are very busy and he said he hasn't got time yet he has time to e-mail this bitch at 7am and when he got a reply from her he wouldn't let me read it and turned of the computer...am i being horrible and paranoid???please help thank you xxx Link to post Share on other sites
The_Analyzer Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 I don't think you are being paranoid, I think you know the answer to what may be going on. Theres a reason for why he wouldn't let you read the email. I think you may need to either call him on it and see how he reacts or hire someone to go a little further into what may be going on. Just a suggestion if you want him caught red handed with proof of it. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly10340 Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 1. He disappears for the night at a strange girls house (I don't care if they slept on seperate couch's) 2. He gives skanky hoe girl his new cell number and says it's good to hear her voice again....in front of you. 3. He says he's too busy to make plans for valentines day, but he's not too busy to email skanky hoe in question Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 I don't think you really need a second opinion on this one, Corrina. I suspect you already know the answer. You're just in a state of shock and panic right now. Fear, confusion, denial and all those horrible stages that go along with it are just par for the course. It might take you several weeks before you process everything and reality finally sets in. So what's your plan? Have you even taken a moment yet to sit down and decide what you're going to do? Where's your family…your friends? Please go confide in someone who can offer you a shoulder and support. Turn to your family for encouragement if you're afraid to confront your fiancé without backup. There is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed or afraid about. This is NOT your fault. Link to post Share on other sites
Author corrina23 Posted October 22, 2004 Author Share Posted October 22, 2004 i did ask him...he said if i seen the email i would over react like i always do!! Our sex life isn't to hot at the moment because he dosen't make me feel special enough we always argue and then he expects me just to roll over...well i'm not a dog and will not be treated like one. if he want's to have sex with me he has to earn it not just come in from work,show's me no attention and then when we go to bed he expects sex..am i over reaction should i just give him sex??? Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly10340 Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 Um.....no! You just don't give him sex. You're not overreacting. If you don't want to have sex with him then don't have sex with him. It's that simple. You're not happy and until that changes don't give him the sex I don't care how bad he wants it. I would him to go flog his bischop until he wants to make things right again and then maybe you'll THINK about giving him the sex he wants. Link to post Share on other sites
GiveAndTake Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 I'm not sure I agree with not giving him sex. When 2 people are married or in a committed relationship, sometimes you have to sacrifice. Sometimes we don't feel like going to his/her parents house on a holiday, but we do it. Sometimes we don't want to talk about the other's problems, but we do it. Sometimes we don't want sex, but we do it. Everyone has needs. When you make a commitment to someone, sometimes you sacrifice your needs for his/hers. When you're too selfish to do that, the other may be resentful and stray and/or leave. If you don't 'feel like' having sex, you should find out why, not just abstain. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly10340 Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 I'm sorry but your body is YOUR body. If you don't want to have sex, you don't have to. Just because you marry someone that doesn't mean that that person OWNS your body. You shouldn't feel obligated to have sex to keep him happy. Sex is not an obligation, it's an act of love between two people and he doesn't seem to be acting too loving right now. Don't let him treat you like sh*t and then expect sex, that's not right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author corrina23 Posted October 22, 2004 Author Share Posted October 22, 2004 if your saying you have to give and take then if i'm just giving him sex whats he giving me???i would be as well going and selling my body would i not?? are you male or female giveandtake?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author corrina23 Posted October 22, 2004 Author Share Posted October 22, 2004 and when 2 ppl are in a relationship it takes too not just one... Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly10340 Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 Exactly. Marriage is not "You treat me like sh*t but I'll still give you sex because it's my marital "duty" " He's not giving you what you need and want, why should you give him what he needs and wants. I'd tell him no dice, your goodies are yours and he's not getting any. Link to post Share on other sites
GiveAndTake Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 I'm female. My response was a general response to what Jilly wrote Just because you marry someone that doesn't mean that that person OWNS your body. You shouldn't feel obligated to have sex to keep him happy. Of course relationships are a 2 way street. He should be meeting your needs as well. I was stating in general, relationships do not work if both parties ALWAYS did what they want regardless of the other's needs. Link to post Share on other sites
Karina Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 Do you really need us to tell you that HE IS CHEATING ON YOU AND YOU ALREADY KNOW WITH WHO!!!!! come on now. He didn't let you read the email because to him it was none of your business what she had to say to him, RIGHT?.AND HE DIDNT COME HOME BECAUSE HE WAS TO BUSY ON THE SAME COUCH WITH HER, BEFORE YOU CALLED.!!!!!! . I mean shyt , what kinda nerve does your husband of so many years have to do this to you. Right when that girl picked up the phone and told me he was there with her, EVERYTHING would of changed.!! All his shyt would of been OUT THE FUCCKIN DOOR. don't let men walk all over you ladies. Your obviously smarter than you think. You already know whats going on and who he's doing it with, now act on it. AND DO IT NOW. make sure you kicked that bytches ass. because im sure she knows you guys have kids and have been together for so many year, but it doesnt seem to bother her any to still go ahead and fucc your husband. BEAT THAT HOE with a baseball BAT!!!!! lol. im being serious too Link to post Share on other sites
catindahat Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 That says chaeting all over to me. It doesn't matter if you've benn together forever. When he's doing something wrong, you shuold not let it float by! Examan it more closely,if he's not home when he should be, call him. Talk this "bitch" more ofen, email, phone, whatever so you find out about her. Link to post Share on other sites
TIFF Posted August 13, 2005 Share Posted August 13, 2005 HEY, I'M SORRY BUT YOU MAN IS CHEATING ON YOU NO MATTER HOW YOU LOOK AT IT. EITHER HE'S GETTING A PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIP FROM SAID GIRL OR HE'S HAVING A EMOTIONAL AFFAIR WHICH IS THE SAME THING, B/C HE'S GIVING HER YOUR TIME AND AFFECTION. LETS GET ONE THING CLEAR YOU TWO ARE NOT MARRIED YOUR HIS FIANCE? SEX IS ENTENDED FOR MARRIAGE IF HE CAN'T WALK DOWN THE ISLE AND SAY I DO YOU DON'T NEED HIM. YOU'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR SEVEN YEARS ALL OF YOUR TEENAGE AND COLLEGE YEARS MAYBE HE'S FEELS LIKE HIS MISSED OUT ON A LOT OF HIS LIFE. I'VE BEEN WITH MY MAN FOR 8 YEARS AND I'M 21. SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE I'VE MISSED OUT ON DATING ETC. BUT THAT IS NO EXCUSE IF HE FEELS THAT WAY HE NEEDS TO TELL YOU AND NOT LEAD YOU ON. SOUNDS LIKE THIS GUY WANTS TO HAVE HIS CAKE AND EAT TOO. NOT GONNA HAPPEN UNLESS YOU LET IT. DON'T LET HIM WALK OVER YOU. YOU CAN DO BAD BY YOUSELF. A WOMEN IS MADE TO COMPLETE A MAN NOT COMPETE WITH HIM. IF HE DOES NOT SEE YOU VALUE AND WORTH YOU DON'T NEED HIM I AGREE THAT SEX IS IMPORTANT IN A MARRIAGE. IT SAYS IN THE BIBLE WIFES DO NOT LEAVE YOU HUSBAND WANTED SO THAT HE DESIRES ANOTHER. BUT IF ALSO SAY TO HUSBANDS TO LOVE YOUR WIFES AS CHRIST LOVES THE CHURCH THATS A WHOLE LOT OF LOVING CONSIDERING THAT CHRIST DIED ON THE CROSS FOR OUR SINS. YOU FIANCE DOES NOT FEEL THAT WAY AND PROBALLY WOULD NOT WISK HIS LIFE FOR YOU. HE'S TO BUSY CARING ABOUT WHAT THIS NEW GIRL THINKS TO CARE THAT IT UPSETS YOU AND MAKES YOU FEEL UNWANTED WHEN HE SPENDS TIME WITH THIS GIRL AND TALKS WITH HER ON THE PHONE EVEN IF THERE IS NOTHING GOING ON BETWEEN THEM. FRANKLY IF THERE WAS NOTHING GOING ON BETWEEN THEM HE WOULD NOT LET HIS NEED TO KEEP HER AS A FRIEND BREAK UP 7 YEARS OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP. ALSO JUST BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN LIVING LIKE YOUR MARRIED IN HIS MIND YOUR NOT BECAUSE HE HAS NOT SAID I DO. SO BASICALLY HE'S NOT GOING TO BUY THE COW ( NO OFFENSE) IF HE'S GETTING THE MILK FOR FREE. THERE IS NO NEED FOR HIM TO WALK DOWN THE ISLE WHEN HE;S GETTING ALL THE BENIFITS OF MARRIAGE. I WOULD TRY TO TALK TO HIM IF HE INSISTS ON HAVING THIS GIRL AS A FRIEND YOU NEED TO LEAVE OR FACE BEING CHEATING ON AND EVENTUALLY HIM LEAVING YOU FOR HER. Link to post Share on other sites
wizdom Posted August 13, 2005 Share Posted August 13, 2005 HEY, I'M SORRY BUT YOU MAN IS CHEATING ON YOU NO MATTER HOW YOU LOOK AT IT. EITHER HE'S GETTING A PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIP FROM SAID GIRL OR HE'S HAVING A EMOTIONAL AFFAIR WHICH IS THE SAME THING, B/C HE'S GIVING HER YOUR TIME AND AFFECTION. LETS GET ONE THING CLEAR YOU TWO ARE NOT MARRIED YOUR HIS FIANCE? SEX IS ENTENDED FOR MARRIAGE IF HE CAN'T WALK DOWN THE ISLE AND SAY I DO YOU DON'T NEED HIM. YOU'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR SEVEN YEARS ALL OF YOUR TEENAGE AND COLLEGE YEARS MAYBE HE'S FEELS LIKE HIS MISSED OUT ON A LOT OF HIS LIFE. I'VE BEEN WITH MY MAN FOR 8 YEARS AND I'M 21. SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE I'VE MISSED OUT ON DATING ETC. BUT THAT IS NO EXCUSE IF HE FEELS THAT WAY HE NEEDS TO TELL YOU AND NOT LEAD YOU ON. SOUNDS LIKE THIS GUY WANTS TO HAVE HIS CAKE AND EAT TOO. NOT GONNA HAPPEN UNLESS YOU LET IT. DON'T LET HIM WALK OVER YOU. YOU CAN DO BAD BY YOUSELF. A WOMEN IS MADE TO COMPLETE A MAN NOT COMPETE WITH HIM. IF HE DOES NOT SEE YOU VALUE AND WORTH YOU DON'T NEED HIM I AGREE THAT SEX IS IMPORTANT IN A MARRIAGE. IT SAYS IN THE BIBLE WIFES DO NOT LEAVE YOU HUSBAND WANTED SO THAT HE DESIRES ANOTHER. BUT IF ALSO SAY TO HUSBANDS TO LOVE YOUR WIFES AS CHRIST LOVES THE CHURCH THATS A WHOLE LOT OF LOVING CONSIDERING THAT CHRIST DIED ON THE CROSS FOR OUR SINS. YOU FIANCE DOES NOT FEEL THAT WAY AND PROBALLY WOULD NOT WISK HIS LIFE FOR YOU. HE'S TO BUSY CARING ABOUT WHAT THIS NEW GIRL THINKS TO CARE THAT IT UPSETS YOU AND MAKES YOU FEEL UNWANTED WHEN HE SPENDS TIME WITH THIS GIRL AND TALKS WITH HER ON THE PHONE EVEN IF THERE IS NOTHING GOING ON BETWEEN THEM. FRANKLY IF THERE WAS NOTHING GOING ON BETWEEN THEM HE WOULD NOT LET HIS NEED TO KEEP HER AS A FRIEND BREAK UP 7 YEARS OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP. ALSO JUST BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN LIVING LIKE YOUR MARRIED IN HIS MIND YOUR NOT BECAUSE HE HAS NOT SAID I DO. SO BASICALLY HE'S NOT GOING TO BUY THE COW ( NO OFFENSE) IF HE'S GETTING THE MILK FOR FREE. THERE IS NO NEED FOR HIM TO WALK DOWN THE ISLE WHEN HE;S GETTING ALL THE BENIFITS OF MARRIAGE. I WOULD TRY TO TALK TO HIM IF HE INSISTS ON HAVING THIS GIRL AS A FRIEND YOU NEED TO LEAVE OR FACE BEING CHEATING ON AND EVENTUALLY HIM LEAVING YOU FOR HER. Link to post Share on other sites
deveera Posted August 15, 2005 Share Posted August 15, 2005 You two are both very young with some very HEAVY and REAL responsibilities (2 kids under 10 and one that just had heart surgery). Please forgive me for stating the obvious, but you're both under a lot of pressure. Your children need you right now more than ever. Please think of them. Ask your fiance to go to counseling with you and see if you can get some of this stuff out in the open and straightened out. It's not fun now, I know, but that doesn't mean it has to get worse. Work on it? Together. For your children's sake. <smile> Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts