Pardon_me Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 It's been about two months since I have had any contact with ex MM. I miss him as much as ever. Nothing has gotten easier, I still think about him multiple times a day. I have to stop myself from driving by his work, or looking at his social network profiles. I just miss him, and us, so much. The only good part is it hasn't gotten any harder. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ScarlettKaren Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 I'm at 3 and 1/2 months and I understand. Try to think about little bits of progress. fewer full on breakdowns. faster recovery when they do happen. Have you seen any of this progress? Keep going. And hugs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pardon_me Posted July 12, 2013 Author Share Posted July 12, 2013 Yeah some. I have blocked him on pretty much everything. I haven't peeked in about a week or so. I did dream about him the other night, for a moment it was really blissful but then his wife appeared and I woke up just feeling sad. I just feel so broken since the end of things. Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardSpiral Posted July 12, 2013 Share Posted July 12, 2013 Hi Scarlett - sorry you are struggling. It's been about six weeks for me since we last communicated, a few months since we were actually together. It hasn't gotten any better for me. This is our 2nd - and LAST - breakup. It had gotten better - meaning I didn't obsess ALL day long - at about the 3 month mark - and then we started over/again. Then he ended it again. I never planned a future with him and knew it would end, but it still sucks. If you're tempted to go back, I will tell you my experience - it's not the same and never will be. It really drove home for me that he just wanted Someone on the Side - not ME in particular. He hopes I'll be hanging around pining for him when he decides - again - that he wants someone besides his wife. It won't be me. That doesn't stop me from obsessing about what we had. It's a crappy stage to be sure - angry, sad, rejected, lonely. It's like a death but no one knows you're grieving except you. Link to post Share on other sites
couldhavebeen Posted July 12, 2013 Share Posted July 12, 2013 It's been about two months since I have had any contact with ex MM. I miss him as much as ever. Nothing has gotten easier, I still think about him multiple times a day. I have to stop myself from driving by his work, or looking at his social network profiles. I just miss him, and us, so much. The only good part is it hasn't gotten any harder. Just hang in there! I've been with my MM for almost 4 years and we had an on and off R. Now, My patience had overflowed and can no longer endure our situation so, just like you I'm on NC and it's almost 2 months now. The only difference is that I'm pregnant. He knows it but he can't stand by me so, I finally gave up on him and is now focus on keeping my self healthy physically as well as emotionally. So, goodluck to us all who is trying our best to let go =) thanks for this site, it really helped me a lot too from realizing how much I am missing out there. We must start to love ourselves first so we start to heal from all this pain. Link to post Share on other sites
BrookeM Posted July 12, 2013 Share Posted July 12, 2013 Keep going! Almost two months is impressive. Every time I had a falling out with my now xMM, I would crack after about 5 days. This time our break up is permanent. I'm hurting too but seeing someone else make it this long is inspiring. Good luck and **HUGS** to you. Link to post Share on other sites
BrookeM Posted July 12, 2013 Share Posted July 12, 2013 If you're tempted to go back, I will tell you my experience - it's not the same and never will be. It really drove home for me that he just wanted Someone on the Side - not ME in particular. He hopes I'll be hanging around pining for him when he decides - again - that he wants someone besides his wife. It won't be me. That doesn't stop me from obsessing about what we had. It's a crappy stage to be sure - angry, sad, rejected, lonely. It's like a death but no one knows you're grieving except you. You are spot on Link to post Share on other sites
zevahc Posted July 12, 2013 Share Posted July 12, 2013 Most of you on here appear to be OW. I'm an OM. But yet I feel the exact same. I've made 10 days NC at best...and we've had several. But lately she's pulled back so much because she started MC...she keeps telling me she wants to be my friend...but i see no place where that works...because our friendship was based on the intimacy and sharing conversation about work, life etc..every day. She has no kids, but I'm a single parent. I truly think I have to go complete NC somehow with her to give her the space to work on her marriage or figure her life out. I think even if it's only every 10 days that she talks to me that is her being a cake eater... What advice do you woman have for me...a male...who is the OM. This is killing me...and I feel like the only true way to being healthy is complete NC..but I know...i know...that i will not get over this girl...unless I find the same connection with someone else. I've waited 10 years and never had it with anyone else...it scares me have to death to think that I can't or won't find it again. And it seems sad to me..that she has decided that duty trumps love...i respect it and want her to do what she needs to do...I'm rambling...but want to know thoughts from you OW. Link to post Share on other sites
ScarlettKaren Posted July 12, 2013 Share Posted July 12, 2013 Zevahc, I wish I had the magic bullet for replacing that connection. I haven't and the hole is huge and still something I am trying to fill. I've tried to busy myself with friends and hobbies and community/professional involvement all to have modest returns on the distraction level. Not any level of connection found. Just churning through it here. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 12, 2013 Share Posted July 12, 2013 It's been about two months since I have had any contact with ex MM. I miss him as much as ever. Nothing has gotten easier, I still think about him multiple times a day. I have to stop myself from driving by his work, or looking at his social network profiles. I just miss him, and us, so much. The only good part is it hasn't gotten any harder. You need to try your absolute best to stop thinking of him. You're reminiscing way too much and by doing that it keeps him close to your heart and in your head! What are you doing to keep busy? Why are you cyber snooping on him? For ONE week, do NOT google him or look him up online. For ONE week, ANY time you have a thought of him, distract yourself and push thoughts of him out of your head. Get busier! Call friends and go out, even if you don't feel like going, GO! After that week has gone by, you'll feel a bit more detached and happier too. Wallowing in this and thinking of him all the time IS preventing you from healing. You need to be tough on yourself and make yourself accountable by being pro active in doing NC on all levels and that includes thinking of him and searching online. how can you get over him if you allow yourself to think of him all the time?? Link to post Share on other sites
zevahc Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 You need to try your absolute best to stop thinking of him. You're reminiscing way too much and by doing that it keeps him close to your heart and in your head! What are you doing to keep busy? Why are you cyber snooping on him? For ONE week, do NOT google him or look him up online. For ONE week, ANY time you have a thought of him, distract yourself and push thoughts of him out of your head. Get busier! Call friends and go out, even if you don't feel like going, GO! After that week has gone by, you'll feel a bit more detached and happier too. Wallowing in this and thinking of him all the time IS preventing you from healing. You need to be tough on yourself and make yourself accountable by being pro active in doing NC on all levels and that includes thinking of him and searching online. how can you get over him if you allow yourself to think of him all the time?? I see this recommendation so often...and it's the right one...believe me. But it isn't that easy. I have no single friends...i'm a single parent....and I don't think it's easy just to find people and things to preoccupy yourself when you don't have that in your life....I've spent many a holiday and weekend evening at home alone when my daughter was with other family (or her mom on a holiday) because I absolutely know nobody in my situation that I can call up to just go to dinner or hangout. All of my friends are married etc....so it's easier said than done for some of us... Link to post Share on other sites
zevahc Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 Why not look up single parent groups on Meetup.com? I didn't know that existed... Link to post Share on other sites
zevahc Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 Try this... Do you have anyone one these boards you have gotten to know? If so, email, chat, or text them instead of contacting your xAP. Isolation, coupled with the secrecy of the affair, makes the worst combination. Communicating with someone in the same situation might be the fix. That certainly has helped. I've found someone who seems to mimic my situation and personality type and has been a great support. I've also recently started hanging out with a female who is single...but I have no romantic interest in..but it's a good distraction...and a quality relationship. But it has taken a long time...and I had to work to find even that relationship...my situation and environment (work and home) don't lend me to meeting new people often. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pardon_me Posted July 13, 2013 Author Share Posted July 13, 2013 Keep going! Almost two months is impressive. Every time I had a falling out with my now xMM, I would crack after about 5 days. This time our break up is permanent. I'm hurting too but seeing someone else make it this long is inspiring. Good luck and **HUGS** to you. I honestly didn't think I could make it this long. I still have a long way to go (obviously) but it helps to know I'm helping somebody else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pardon_me Posted July 13, 2013 Author Share Posted July 13, 2013 Feel free to add me to your list. I'm always up for good conversation with people who genuinely want to move past this point in their lives. May I add you too? I would like to chat with a sort of "Mentor" to help when I have those days. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pardon_me Posted July 13, 2013 Author Share Posted July 13, 2013 I see this recommendation so often...and it's the right one...believe me. But it isn't that easy. I have no single friends...i'm a single parent....and I don't think it's easy just to find people and things to preoccupy yourself when you don't have that in your life....I've spent many a holiday and weekend evening at home alone when my daughter was with other family (or her mom on a holiday) because I absolutely know nobody in my situation that I can call up to just go to dinner or hangout. All of my friends are married etc....so it's easier said than done for some of us... I hear it too, and I'd love to take this advice. I just can't sometimes. I am a single parent, in the same situation. Things just feel so lonely sometimes I am trying, but it helps to know I'm not alone in these feelings. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sweet_pea Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 Good job on the 2 months NC. Eventually, it will become easier for you! Before you know it, it'll be 4 months, then 6, the a whole year. You can do it. Focus on yourself and getting the help you need/making yourself happy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
zevahc Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 I hear it too, and I'd love to take this advice. I just can't sometimes. I am a single parent, in the same situation. Things just feel so lonely sometimes I am trying, but it helps to know I'm not alone in these feelings. You are most definitely not alone...it's good to know that there is at least one more out there like me that finds it sooooo difficult to find people and things to busy me. I want it badly. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts