I HAVE THE ANSWER!!! I HAVE THE ANSWER!!! Taking a break is not breaking up!

[FolderWife]

I just read on another website about this girl who wanted to be single, but she loved her boyfriend. She wanted to be free to do whatever she wanted, but she wanted her boyfriend too. She still loved him. She still wanted him. She just wanted to not HAVE to call him every day (even though she probably still would) and she wanted to not HAVE to see him every day, and she wanted to not have to answer to him if she was attracted to someone else, or if she flirted with someone else.

 

So they discussed it, and they decided to take a break. But he said he still loves her, and he'll wait for her. So her plan is to try being single *since she's never been single* and see how it is. If she decides she can't live without her boyfriend, they'll get back together. It's nothing against him, it's just she's never been single, and wants to give it a try.

 

And I can understand that.

 

Hope I helped those who wanted to know the difference.

[Jilly10340]

I guess I can see where you're coming from, but...

 

 

I don't think you should ever have to wonder about whether you love someone enough to be with them. If you love them, you know they're the one you want. If you're not sure, then you probably have no business being with that person. I know when I want and love someone, I don't want to be single again. I'm happy being in that relationship because....well...I want and love them.

 

I mean, you go out with someone for a few months or so and you start to get the itch so you take a "break." So, are you supposed to take a break every couple of months to confirm your love for that person? I think that if you can't stay in a steady relationship without all the breaks, your hearts trying to tell you something. I don't need a break to know that I love my bf.

[blind_otter]

personally i don't believe in taking a break. i just break up and get back together like a lame-o. When I break up it's never about wanting to see other people...it's about being unhappy in my current relationship.

 

jilly, don't take this is "talking down", but - I used to feel the way you do, when I was younger (in undergrad), but after a marriage and a big messy separation....

 

well, sometimes people have personal issues that prevent them from openly expressing their emotions to themselves or other people. You love the other person but YOU have a problem you need to deal with. Women or men who were physically or sexually abused/molested often confront this issue because we never learned about reciprocity in a love-based relationship.

 

To put it simply, baggage can get in the way of the best intentions.

[Jilly10340]

hey, I take no offense.

 

I'm not the person who believes that if you love someone then you can get through anything. That would be good in a perfect world but this is reality. Sometimes things happen to drive the people apart. I know this.

 

But in Mondays post she said that the girl didn't want to HAVE to see the guy, didn't want to HAVE to call him, and didn't want to HAVE to answer to him if she was attracted to someone else. This situation isn't about being abused/molested, it's about feeling tied down and that's different. So it sounds like this girl wants to see what else is out there, and that it is possibly about seeing other people.

 

I think if you really love someone and are in a relationship, you don't want to be with someone else and you don't want to be without them. This could be different if there are personal problems or problems within the relationship, but this doesn't seem to be the case in this situation. She wants to know what else is out there.

 

I just don't believe in putting someone who loves you on hold just in case during that break nothing better comes up. It's kind of like saying, "Okay, I'm going to put you on the side for a little bit and go see if there's something better but if there's not, you'll be right here waiting right?"

[blind_otter]

I can see that...I suppose that's why I refuse to "take a break" - just break up and get it over with. I also don' t agree with making someone hang out and wait for you while you get your rocks off.

[Jilly10340]

Yeah, I don't take breaks either. It's either all or nothing with me. I break up with them, and if I realize that I was a stupid idiot for letting them go, I try to get them back. I don't want someone waiting for me. I think it's mean to want someone to put their life on hold for you while you "figure things out."

[Weird]

I think a good % of relationships have one party (or both) that wants to have some space and focus on the other stuff in their life and put the relationship on the backburner. The problem is most can't just come out and say this and think the other person will be pissed off so they just go and break up all the while still having their feelings. Then time goes by and they finally are ready for a relationsip but they start to assume the other party won't be interested anymore. I really am convinced this is what happens in a huge % of the relationships/break ups these days.

 

It all just boggles my mind. It doesn't help that many people go and put their relationship over everything rather than balance their time with it and other stuff in their life like work, school, other friends, etc. Instead of these people realizing they have an issue with time management, they go and pit the relationship/their partner against the rest of their lfie and create an altimatum of sorts in their mind. It's like

 

"Either relationship or everything else in my life...I choose everything else!"

 

I guess it just shows that people who do that aren't emotionally mature and they will go and over react to a simple thing. If a person truly loves you then they wil udnerstand you need time to focus on other aspects of your life. I just don't get how people who do the above end up getting married and dealing with their individual life and also their married life...I guess they just mature by that time.

[bluechocolate]

I hear 'ya Weird - but in this instance Monday is describing someone who wants to "experience the single life" & still have the b/friend waiting in the wings.

 

I think there is a difference between wanting/needing to focus on other stuff in your life & wanting to be free to play the field with the knowledge that there's always a fall back option.

 

I for one would never be the fall back option.