Author ntvan07 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 Jeeesus hun. Get straight back onto birth control. Do NOT - repeat N-O-T even think of marrying this man. Learn from the past. Mistakes are always repeated, and this guy to be honest, is a total whack-job. Do not for all that is sacred and divine, ever, ever have a child with him. Please. he's an unfit father to his son. You have to quit this relationship, quit it for good, and never go back. Ever. Ev-er. What is the deal with the silent treatment? Is that just how he crumbles me to pieces? I have never given someone the silent treatment ever. It's brutal! Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 (edited) <commentary regarding duplicate threads deleted and moderation merged threads> LEAVE. And never go back. Sadly, the son situation is a problem you really shouldn't think twice about. if you fear for the boy, speak to whomever is necessary. Report your concerns. But him? Drop him like a ton of red-hot bricks. Edited June 25, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Don’t get pulled into the web of wondering why. There’s this book called, “Why does he DO that?” about abusers. The author is a guy named Lundy Bancroft. You might want to read it. I think it’s titled that because people in abusive relationships ask that kind of thing all the time- “but why?” Also, abusers bring up “why” all the time, to justify, explain, shift responsibility… basically to divert attention from their AWFUL NASTY actions, to talk about something else. If you want to be a loving, kind and “fair” person, you listen to why, you try to understand, to help, to be a good partner. But that’s the hook. They rely upon YOUR fairness and kindness. They’re reactive and selfish and know what words to say to appear to be fair and kind, even though they are not fair or kind. So each time you ask yourself, “why?” realize that you’re taking the bait. Don’t worry about “why” ever again. Just get out. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 What is the deal with the silent treatment? Is that just how he crumbles me to pieces? I have never given someone the silent treatment ever. It's brutal! The silent treatment is a form of mental and emotional abuse. He knows exactly how much he is hurting you and he is doing on purpose. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ntvan07 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 The silent treatment is a form of mental and emotional abuse. He knows exactly how much he is hurting you and he is doing on purpose. So how long do these people do this for? He knows that I have a weak family structure and I'm on my own. So he is basically just tearing me down until its fine for him to talk to me again. That's selfish. I haven't done anything wrong to him. I called the police to be safe. He should know that I would have done that. I owe it to myself to be safe. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 So how long do these people do this for? It doesn't matter. You should completely block him so that if ever he DOES want to contact you - he won't be able to. You should erase all traces of him from any means of contact, whatever it might be, and make sure he cannot penetrate that wall. He knows that I have a weak family structure and I'm on my own. No you're not. You have us, and we're all on your side. You're doing fine. So he is basically just tearing me down until its fine for him to talk to me again. Don't give him permission to do that. Block, delete, deny. Gain the upper hand, and do it to him before he even thinks of doing it to you... That's selfish. You don't say.... I haven't done anything wrong to him. I called the police to be safe. He should know that I would have done that. I owe it to myself to be safe. You owe it to yourself to be rid of this manipulative, controlling unpredictable, nasty monstrous piece of shytt. That's what you owe yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ntvan07 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 It doesn't matter. You should completely block him so that if ever he DOES want to contact you - he won't be able to. You should erase all traces of him from any means of contact, whatever it might be, and make sure he cannot penetrate that wall. No you're not. You have us, and we're all on your side. You're doing fine. Don't give him permission to do that. Block, delete, deny. Gain the upper hand, and do it to him before he even thinks of doing it to you... You don't say.... You owe it to yourself to be rid of this manipulative, controlling unpredictable, nasty monstrous piece of shytt. That's what you owe yourself. I'm just hoping he leaves me alone about my car. I can't refinance it right now. I pay for it religiously and would never NOT pay for it. It's registered in only my name but he is on my loan. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 I'm just hoping he leaves me alone about my car. I can't refinance it right now. I pay for it religiously and would never NOT pay for it. It's registered in only my name but he is on my loan. That's business. Just make sure you have enough in your account to cover the repayments. There is no physical connection between the two of you. It's just a financial deal. He can't stop payments coming to him. If he tries, lodge a letter together with a lawyer, stating why the payments are not being made, and that the monthly repayments of *so much* are being paid into a separate account, regularly, until the correct sum is attained, in order for all debt to be completed. Send him a copy. That way, if he tries funny legal stuff to claim you are not repaying the car, you have a letter from a lawyer stating why the payments have not been made, and that the money is in an account waiting to be paid to the recipient. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ntvan07 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 That's business. Just make sure you have enough in your account to cover the repayments. There is no physical connection between the two of you. It's just a financial deal. He can't stop payments coming to him. If he tries, lodge a letter together with a lawyer, stating why the payments are not being made, and that the monthly repayments of *so much* are being paid into a separate account, regularly, until the correct sum is attained, in order for all debt to be completed. Send him a copy. That way, if he tries funny legal stuff to claim you are not repaying the car, you have a letter from a lawyer stating why the payments have not been made, and that the money is in an account waiting to be paid to the recipient. I pay it right to our finance company. I don't ever let him touch the money for my car. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 I pay it right to our finance company. I don't ever let him touch the money for my car. Cool. Then I don't know what the problem is....? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ntvan07 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 Cool. Then I don't know what the problem is....? He always used to be like well that's my car, not yours... blah blah. Idk, I'm just trying to understand wth he is thinking with giving me the silent treatment... and why he would do so much for me just to throw it away in the end. Him not speaking to me really hurts. But if he is playing games then whatever. Idk what he gains. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 This guy could flip and do something really bad at any moment. 1,000 miles away wouldn't be far enough. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 So how long do these people do this for? He knows that I have a weak family structure and I'm on my own. So he is basically just tearing me down until its fine for him to talk to me again. That's selfish. I haven't done anything wrong to him. I called the police to be safe. He should know that I would have done that. I owe it to myself to be safe. So you are ok with him abusing you and you're ready to go back to him for some more ? I would like you to call a domestic violence hotline and talk about all this with them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ntvan07 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 So you are ok with him abusing you and you're ready to go back to him for some more ? I would like you to call a domestic violence hotline and talk about all this with them. I have an appointment in about an hour with a counselor from DV. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 You need to get away from this guy and you need to tell social services so that the child's mother can be informed of the state the father is in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 (edited) He sounds like a guy with multiple personalities - one says one thing, another says something else. You can't live like this: it would cause constant stress and drive you crazy. There may be an element of him feeling betrayed if you lied to him and he has a 'script' in his head from his past that says he should never forgive a liar. That would leave him conflicted because he knows he loves you and wants you and yet the script tells him he can't forgive you. He has put you in a kind of 'holding' situation to try to resolve this mental conflict. The best way for him to deal with this is to go into some kind of therapy. That might help him. But, he shouldn't be abusing you like he is. Obviously, he thinks this is OK, which means either he's a cruel guy or his background was pretty twisted and gave him some wrong ideas. I think because you've always found it so hard in the past with people not being supportive, because he hasn't encouraged you to leave you feel you owe him or that he is kind and worth staying with. He might have elements of kindness but it's the other factors that are punishing. The problem with abusers is that they do have feelings, they can be kind and loving, and that's one reason women stay, because they want that loving person back. Unfortunately, what you are likely to get is bits of loving interspersed with abuse. That's not a loving relationship. Edited June 27, 2015 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 how are you with boundaries??? i find people with no boundaries like pass the blame Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 Re-reading your thread, it sounds as though while you had moved out and he was seeing you, he was hoping you would both get back to living together again, hence how nice it all was. When you had the talk and you said you woudln't want to go back to where you were, for him it all fell apart. You might have meant that you don't want the moods and bad treatment back, not that you would never live with him again, but he interepreted it as the end. He is very unstable and because of that I think he's a danger to you, to himself and to anyone you are attached to. He does need help and you need to disengage in a safe way, which is why I'd suggest contacting women's aid kind of services. Link to post Share on other sites
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