Author beejsea2 Posted November 18, 2004 Author Share Posted November 18, 2004 My ex left a bunch of important documents at my house...I've emailed him to let him know he left them behind. Since I don't really know where he is..how long do I hang on to these items?? I don't want to be mean and nasty like he was to me. Any suggestions how long I should hand on to these documents and items?? Link to post Share on other sites
DESI Posted November 18, 2004 Share Posted November 18, 2004 If I were you I would just take all his items and put them in boxes. I had to do that with my ex because it just hurt me more to see his stuff. I would just put them somewhere like the attick or something like that. You already e-mailed him to let him know, so sooner or later he will have to come get his stuff. Just wait until he asks you, it will happen eventually. My ex called me about his stuff, and that was the only time. It is quite sad. Link to post Share on other sites
jamwinswim Posted November 18, 2004 Share Posted November 18, 2004 Personally I wouldnt have emailed him. They may be important in your eyes, but if they truly are important to him, he'll make sure he gets them. Emailing him, now you've done it, its almost regressing, its almost an excuse just to get in contact with him. You can say "well I just wanted to be nice, and let him know that these documents are here", but the guy has treated you like crap. Alot of people would have just thrown them out - if they arent important to you, why are you taking care ofthem? He took the things he thought were important, like the stereo and stuff. Dont email him again. Its ruining the no contact thing. And seriously, its just an excuse to get in touch with him. If he had something that you thought was important, you would get in contact with him right? Just take care of yourself, thats the only thing you can be sure in right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author beejsea2 Posted November 18, 2004 Author Share Posted November 18, 2004 My ex moved out of state. I don't want to throw stuff away that I know some day down the line he'll need...I really should just burn it all but that's not me. I could contact his ex-wife, I've been told that's where he is again...but knowing him he lied to her too!! Link to post Share on other sites
jamwinswim Posted November 18, 2004 Share Posted November 18, 2004 it doesnt matter if he moved out of the world - why are you doing this for him? Why are you taking care of his stuff? He ran out on you and treated you like crap, yet you're going to treat his stuff well as if he really needs it. He packed up his truck and took some of your stuff - obviously what HE sees as important, and left the rest. Like Desi said, box it up and put it away until he has to pick it up. You're only defeating yourself if you leave his belongings out, and tell yourself that he really needs this stuff. If these things are personally important to you, keep them as they are important to you. If YOU think they are important to him, but not to you, box them up, put them away, and if he ever picks them up, you know where the junk is. Stop fighting with yourself, convincing yourself that you need this reason to contact him. You know what meals he likes to eat, but you dont call him to tell him you're cooking a roast tonight! So why bother him if his bills turn up etc etc. He has issues, and it really is his problem if these important items end up causing him trouble, not yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Author beejsea2 Posted November 18, 2004 Author Share Posted November 18, 2004 I have the items boxed up already...I guess I just need to know if I have any obligation to keep them for an extended time. If you remember I have the flag that draped his brother's coffin when he died and I know of a place that accepts donations of flags and I've been thinking of donating the flag but I didn't know if I should hold on to it for a certain amount of time. I guess I was also having a brain *art!! I need to put myself first!! I'm glad I have people like you Jam to help me through these damn rough spots!! Link to post Share on other sites
jamwinswim Posted November 18, 2004 Share Posted November 18, 2004 its okay beejsea. My advice my not come across as the "nicest", but at least it comes across as really honest, and true. None of us want to see you regress at all, and we're all here for you to vent at, b*tch at, cry to, moan at etc etc. That is something important, the flag, and its a shame that your ex isn't a big enough man to take care of something that important. I was thinking it was bills or something. But that..... hmmm.... put it in the box and just leave it be. Just box it away somewhere, unless your house is totally crammed and has no space. Its a tough cookie. At least you took care of it. You let him know, and yeah you had a slight brain *art, but it happens. If he doesnt want it, it kinda shows his true face, dont you think? Pretty sad, huh> Link to post Share on other sites
Author beejsea2 Posted November 18, 2004 Author Share Posted November 18, 2004 It guess his true colors are shining thru!! I have a friend and he was like he has his dad's flag and it's something that he wouldn't just want to leave some place... Maybe it shows that if he cares that little for something that belongs to his family that he's not worth the worries and the tears!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author beejsea2 Posted November 23, 2004 Author Share Posted November 23, 2004 It's been over a month that my ex left. I know that he's not coming back. The thing that I have such a problem with is how can you live with someone for 4 years and they not even look back. The only contact I had from him was when a check from our joint account didn't go through because I closed it the day after he left. I guess I don't understand how he could walk away and not even contact me. I know that I'm stuck in a rut over this but can someone please tell how can he just walk away and not look back? Link to post Share on other sites
Just Visiting Posted November 23, 2004 Share Posted November 23, 2004 He's a weiner Bee.....that's why. If he was a real man, he wouldn't have done the things did. Link to post Share on other sites
Author beejsea2 Posted November 23, 2004 Author Share Posted November 23, 2004 I guess you're right...he was a coward, chicken etc and so forth. I guess I feel stupid that I could invest four years of my life to someone that could pick-up and walk away without even looking back. Link to post Share on other sites
jamwinswim Posted November 23, 2004 Share Posted November 23, 2004 Dont feel stupid over 4 yrs invested. You've loved, you've learned, and sadly it happens like this. Its not as if every time we fall for a new person we sign a contract saying "till death do us part" - it sucks yes when it happens, and for most people on this forum, it happens in the most ugly of ways. Sadly, most of us believe that breakups happen mutually, until everything that can be salvaged is unsalvagable. Well.... its a two people thing, and sadly, the other person is never 100% honest with their intentions. I can definately see why you are upset - its been a month, and 4 yrs ago (when u were last single) was a hell of a long time ago. Just keep being strong, and trying to get over the rut. Keep busy, positive self talk, try new things - just be the best you that you can be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author beejsea2 Posted November 23, 2004 Author Share Posted November 23, 2004 Thanks Jam, I guess the main thing is that I really never knew him. I would have thought he would have sat down and talked to me about leaving...but nothing made sense. The man I was with would have never done what he did, the man I loved would have talked to me, contacted me. I'm getting better day by day...I'm just hurt how easy it was for him to leave and not contact me. Plus I can't believe all the important documentation and things he left behind that he hasn't contacted me about. I guess I only knew the person that he wanted me to know and not who he really was or is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author beejsea2 Posted November 24, 2004 Author Share Posted November 24, 2004 Just want to wish everyone on this forum and those who have supported me a great Thanksgiving. I take things now one day at a time. A friend last night sent me a saying that I think best shows the difference between me and my ex. "Your worth consists in what you are and not in what you have." My ex walked out with material things and left personal items behind...because for him he measures things by the material items and I measure things by actions and words! Link to post Share on other sites
Author beejsea2 Posted November 29, 2004 Author Share Posted November 29, 2004 Had a major breakdown on Thanksgiving...thinking about my ex and how we always did something special for the holidays. Question how do you make it through the holidays?? Thanksgiving was hard but Christmas is just around the corner and we always had a great Christmas and my birthday is the 31st and he went all out every year...I know that I'm slowly getting over him but I don't want this break-up to ruin my holdidays what can I do? Link to post Share on other sites
jamwinswim Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 The holidays are always a tough time - probably the toughest time of year to be trying to get over something. But here is a way that I look at the holidays - it is a time for those that are special to you, and to celebrate with those people. Yes, that did include him in the past, but I am sure there are plenty of other people who are special and that you are thankful for. Make an extra special effort to do something special for them - celebrate with the ones that love you - friends, family. If you feel like you need to do something extra special, to make you feel even better about the xmas spirit, how about donating some volunteer time at a soup kitchen, or make some donations to a thrift / goodwill store, so others less fortunate than ourselves can still celebrate the xmas season. I know its still going to be tough, but don't let that defeat the christmas spirit in you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author beejsea2 Posted December 1, 2004 Author Share Posted December 1, 2004 I'm really have a hard time these past few days with the holidays and all coming up...my ex and I always had a great Christmas plus my bday is on the 31st and he always went all out cooking a great meal, cake, flowers etc. Last night I was in the store and walked past the dairy section and I almost broke down and cried when I came to the Egg Nogg (my ex loved it). As everyone knows I've only heard from him once...I thought he'd leave a message for Thanksgiving...NOT! I guess I just need some pointers on how to make it through the end of this month. Plus does anyone think I'll ever hear from him to collect his personal items he left behind??? Link to post Share on other sites
jamwinswim Posted December 1, 2004 Share Posted December 1, 2004 B. You're digging your hole again. I know its a tough time, it will be for a lot of us. But the thing is here, you are focusing on things about him, that he likes, that you guys did in the past etc etc. Your birthday is still the same date, always has been, and so is Xmas.... and you know what? You will have your friends and family around to celebrate it with - people that WANT to celebrate with you. Even if it sounds harsh, dont you think you should put your full efforts into making it a good one for the people that want to spend it with you (instead of putting your energies into a guy that walked out). And then expecting a call..... the worst thing is to come to expect anything. I dont say this in spite, but when you have no expectations, you cannot be disappointed. You saw eggnog, and yeah it hit home hard.... but dont you like eating turkey (or chicken, or ham.... whatever it might be), being with family, being with friends, the xmas spirit? Yes xmas can be a lonely time, but people still want to spend it with you. Just like the fact you dont like him neglecting you, you wouldnt want your friends and family thinking you're neglecting them? Right? be strong girl. Dont focus on things you have no control over - thats an easy way to get upset. Just be yourself, be the Bee that is awesome and fun. Keep busy. Like a balloon, stop blowing air into it, it will just inflate your thoughts. Eat some chocolate..... thats something you like, surely? Link to post Share on other sites
Author beejsea2 Posted December 1, 2004 Author Share Posted December 1, 2004 Thanks Jam, I hate the fact that I feel as if I'm regressing!! I know in the long run I'm so much better without him. I guess part of me keeps thinking that he's with another woman...and I should be happy because let her deal with him...because he's not committing to anyone but himself. Your right about my bday, last week I was telling my Mom how it was going to be hard and she said than I'll take you out, I've had a GF tell me don't make plans for your Bday because I'm taking you out for supper. I'm lucky to have family and friends around me that support me. I'm glad to so many people on this board for giving me that kick in the pants that I need. I guess I really need to stop feeling sorry for myself things could be worse!! I still have my health, my family & friends, a good job and house and I need to focus on the good and not the bad!! Link to post Share on other sites
DoggyDog Posted December 1, 2004 Share Posted December 1, 2004 Beeja, Sorry it's been awhile but I got lost thru the threads and just say my name and post to ya....Well, since last spoken of my words of wisdom about my cousins ex of 24 yrs just dropping completely out of her life....I have my own story now.....My MM of 20 yrs just let me go on a phone call a week ago today.....His explanation was "he was not good for me"..(what a line huh?) and that he was holding me back blah blah blah....Now I want to tell you I've had a break with him a few months earlier and I was devestated and did just what you're doing, Crying, Crying, Crying, not sleeping, eating, and hardly functioning at work or anywhere else....The pain was unspeakable...thought my heart was gonna jump out of my chest... Then "WE TALKED" on the phone and planned a mini vacation....Mind you this was in August from June (breakup).....Had a great vacation in his City, we are LDR besides......lots of loving, cuddling, you name it. This month he came here to see me for just a few days and when he left, I was so happy etc etc....I thought everything was wonderful.....well this is where it gets good.....4 days later just before Tksgvg he laid the rountine of how I deserve more and he was holding me back, and on and on.....But Beeja, don't you worry, I didn't collapse like the first time....Why, I think it was because I willed myself to be stronger and to say.....Screw you.....you coward.....your not gonna win this time....and decided to write on LS until I felt better.....It really is a blessing for this great site....I found it when I was like you are feeling NOW...by mistake in June and when this just happened in November I got right back on.....because it will help you heal....just let it out.....I mean I wrote on and on into the night on a pad of paper everything I was feeling about my MM and my feelings...I tried to sleep but then I would think of something and had to write again.....Pages of thoughts and words......It was good therapy for ME I guess when I think about it now but then it was just getting it out....I ended up destroying them when I made up with him....Wish I didn't now, because I would have liked to re read the stuff I wrote. Instead, I'm writing here now and this will help you too. I know this is long .... not my usual style, but you too will feel like I do right now....not completely good....but then....not completely bad either...I take Tylenol everyday because I do have a strain headache...from the stress...and wine at night helps too.....but I am telling myself everyday....the "Hell with him"..... as I toast a glass of wine in the air....(really)... Take care and know I'm here anytime, if I can find the site again (LOL) DD Link to post Share on other sites
jamwinswim Posted December 1, 2004 Share Posted December 1, 2004 keep being strong, keep being positive. we are all here for you girl when you need us. Just like in Good Will Hunting, the best day for us all is when you won't need us anymore...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author beejsea2 Posted December 1, 2004 Author Share Posted December 1, 2004 I hope that some day I'll be able to come onto this site and help people that are going through the same thing that I am right now! Link to post Share on other sites
moon Posted December 4, 2004 Share Posted December 4, 2004 In relation to your post.....I'd just like to say that it was seven weeks today that my ex dumped me and six weeks ago that I found out he had moved on to another woman (and probably cheated with her in the past, but I have no confirmation of that). They had only known each other for a month, so there probably wasn't much cheating going on. Today was the very first day (and it's 8 pm now) that I did not cry about it. I could go through much of the day and not cry for the past few weeks. But usually there would be some tears in the morning. I'd wake up and not be able to connect with my ex (mentally) and start to cry. I know that sounds strange. But I've dealt with a few break ups now and with a few of them for like a year later I could still get that closeness to my ex just by thinking about them. It was like they were thinking about me, too, and we could connect that way. Anyhow, each morning when I woke up and didn't feel like I could connect with my ex mentally (feel his spirit) basically I would start to cry. But today was the first morning I woke up and said the heck with it. So be it....the guy's moved on to another girl. His new relationship isn't brand spanking new anymore. He's probably gotten comfortable with this new girl now (she's his next door neighbor), so why would he be thinking about me. So in regards to when do you get over him.......I consider it a personal victory today that I didn't once let his memory aggravate me so much that I would be brought to tears. I was able to rationalize the break up everytime he came up in my mind today. I didn't make myself upset. I think that is why N/C is good because if you have no contact (I haven't had any contact in almost six weeks) with the guy you have no idea what he's doing (I've already moved 500 miles away from him) and can't judge his situation anymore. I don't know who or what he's doing. He could have broken up with the girl weeks ago and I wouldn't know that either. So anyway, my guess is that about a few months after a break up, a relationship, and all its hurts, start to get pushed back in your mind a bit. I still think about him many times a day, but it is more when I am trying to figure out how I got into the situation with this type of man in the first place. But I feel so much better than I did seven weeks ago. So you just have to give yourself time!! It is the greatest feeling when you start to actually "get over a person!" It's like you have a fresh start! Link to post Share on other sites
moon Posted December 4, 2004 Share Posted December 4, 2004 In relation to your post.....I'd just like to say that it was seven weeks today that my ex dumped me and six weeks ago that I found out he had moved on to another woman (and probably cheated with her in the past, but I have no confirmation of that). They had only known each other for a month, so there probably wasn't much cheating going on. Today was the very first day (and it's 8 pm now) that I did not cry about it. I could go through much of the day and not cry for the past few weeks. But usually there would be some tears in the morning. I'd wake up and not be able to connect with my ex (mentally) and start to cry. I know that sounds strange. But I've dealt with a few break ups now and with a few of them for like a year later I could still get that closeness to my ex just by thinking about them. It was like they were thinking about me, too, and we could connect that way. Anyhow, each morning when I woke up and didn't feel like I could connect with my ex mentally (feel his spirit) basically I would start to cry. But today was the first morning I woke up and said the heck with it. So be it....the guy's moved on to another girl. His new relationship isn't brand spanking new anymore. He's probably gotten comfortable with this new girl now (she's his next door neighbor), so why would he be thinking about me. So in regards to when do you get over him.......I consider it a personal victory today that I didn't once let his memory aggravate me so much that I would be brought to tears. I was able to rationalize the break up everytime he came up in my mind today. I didn't make myself upset. I think that is why N/C is good because if you have no contact (I haven't had any contact in almost six weeks) with the guy you have no idea what he's doing (I've already moved 500 miles away from him) and can't judge his situation anymore. I don't know who or what he's doing. He could have broken up with the girl weeks ago and I wouldn't know that either. So anyway, my guess is that about a few months after a break up, a relationship, and all its hurts, start to get pushed back in your mind a bit. I still think about him many times a day, but it is more when I am trying to figure out how I got into the situation with this type of man in the first place. But I feel so much better than I did seven weeks ago. So you just have to give yourself time!! It is the greatest feeling when you start to actually "get over a person!" It's like you have a fresh start! Link to post Share on other sites
a2nxtc28 Posted December 5, 2004 Share Posted December 5, 2004 Ive been there.I just hope it wont happen to me again.Grieve...it's natural.It might take a long time but you'll get over him.It hurts like a bitch doesnt it?Everything happens for a reason maybe this guy is not for you.So girl just hang in there you will be aite!There's a lot of sharks in the sea. Link to post Share on other sites
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