statsgirl Posted December 5, 2004 Share Posted December 5, 2004 thankyou!!! That is all I can do; let it hurt until I get tired of it. I am not as bad as I was 2 months ago. 2 months from now, I expect I'll be better than I am now. I'll except each day as it comes. I will grow away from him one day at a time and do my best to ignore him. I am now trying to seek out new people. I talked to my neighbor(85 year old woman) for the first time in months. It felt good just to talk to someone. I'll get there. Thanks for your support. Link to post Share on other sites
Author beejsea2 Posted December 7, 2004 Author Share Posted December 7, 2004 Moon, I'm glad to hear that you made it over a major hump. I'm slowly getting better day by day. I can at least sleep an entire night and that's an improvement!! Taking to my friends has been alot of help too!! I even talked this past weekend to a guy I know and told him the entire story. After I was done he looked at me and said "you do know that this in not about you? right?" It made me feel good ...and I will eventually know that I did nothing wrong that I loved and supported my ex and because of some f-up on his part he took off. It helps that his true colors are coming through...he left me with a credit card bill that he promised to take care of ....well I haven't seen a cent. Link to post Share on other sites
DoggyDog Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 Beej It's December now and I was wondering how your feeling. I am in my second week of NC from MM who left me with a phone call... Said that he wasn't good for me and was holding me back....I am trying to forget the "Whys" every day...I ask myself too, how can you spend a birthday together with me then tell me 5 days later "ON THE PHONE" that you want to end things.(maybe not in those words, but I got the message )...Maybe I did or said something, which is what I keep asking myself...my sister also said he was a "coward" doing it like that....No face to face...and not call to see how I am, what a "bas...rd"... Do we need that??? So this is how I'm trying to move on..keep thinking that he is doing just fine with his W and perfect little home...and could care what I'm going through....20 yrs of this MM in my life....God that hurts. He knew me like no other..... I read thru these posts everyday...just gives me insight of what I am dealing with. I went thru the anguish for a couple months before this, and I promised myself I wouldn't do it again....and I haven't this time....I'm sad and have cried but not like last time when I felt he betrayed me....I'm really trying hard this time not to fall apart.....I tell myself to get angry for NC from him, and say to myself that he is sleeping with his W.. (though he said he wasn't ) .so why should I keep love for him in me....this keeps me going each day....I had a good nights sleep without thinking this past week....before, I'd be up all night writing and writing all my thoughts and crying.....Not this time...I refuse to do it...Have you? Well, take care yourself and everyone out there do the same. Lv DD Link to post Share on other sites
Author beejsea2 Posted December 7, 2004 Author Share Posted December 7, 2004 Doogy Dog, Thanks for asking about me. I'm doing alot better than I was almost two months ago when he waited for me to be at work to sneak out. Thanksgiving was hard but I got through it with the help of my family and friends. It's going to be hard with Christmas and my bday coming up...but all I have to do is remember all the lies and read the note he left that said he was going to pay the remainder of the credit card bill...which he hasn't. I get stronger every day and I just keep telling myself that I DID NOTHING wrong!! All of my friends tell me how much better off I am without him in my life. I still think about him but I have to remember the lies and how he was a coward and ran off...like you my ex told me the week before he left he loved me, the week before we were talking about taking a vacation in January.... Stay strong!! Link to post Share on other sites
DoggyDog Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 I'm just wondering if anybody has done what I have,....I took every picture and cards of him last night and with my sister at my house I threw them in the garbage. It just made me sick that he visited with my family (and neice whose only 9) and was all happy and everything....My little neice even made him a card "Welcome to My home" because she always talked to him on the phone when she stayed with me some weekends....How Dare Him....that's what makes me so mad...I feel hate for him for that...Plus when we got home from there, I asked him if he was taking her little card with him....He gave me a more or less, "No, just keep it here"....thinking about that pisses me off.....feel like we've been used, if you know what I mean....You would think he would have taken it, just to make me happy and then throw it away if that's what he wanted to do....so the anger is there for him doing that to "MY FAMILY"...I should mail it to his W....wouldn't that be a pisser??? My sister said I should mail the cards etc to her too..I told her that would make me look like I'm really hurtin in his eyes and I want him to not know a thing of how I'm doing...Does that make sense? I just put everything in the garbage last night...Part of me wants to get it back out....."Did I just say that??" See what I mean.....thoughts back and forth....but then why do I want to KEEP the stuff and keeping going over his loving words in the cards and his undying love for me....Once the stuff is dumped, there's no returning...that scares me into thinking maybe I shouldn't throw the stuff out....Any thoughts for anyone would be appreciated. L DD Link to post Share on other sites
Author beejsea2 Posted December 7, 2004 Author Share Posted December 7, 2004 I know the feeling. My ex left alot of things behind. He even had dirty clothes in the clothes hamper...so I waited a week or so after he left and went and threw every piece of clothes, shoes etc that I found that he left behind in the garbage. I also found some personal items..his high school diploma, discharge certificate from the Air Force and car loan papers, and the flag that draped his brother's coffin when he died...those things are in a box and I'll sit on those for a time being. My sister had suggested that we burn all the paper work at Christmas. I'll forgo that and just keep them in box and see if he contacts me for them. I felt guilty about throwing his stuff out!! Imagine that!!! He had to sneak out on me while I was away and I felt bad...but like my friends said it just shows that I'm a better person. My mom made this blanket for him and he left it behind...I was hurt but my mom said oh well took the blanket and gave it to my brother-in-law. Things that my family had given him he left...maybe he felt guilty I do not know! Link to post Share on other sites
DoggyDog Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 Forgot something else to say....My mother (who is deceased now) once told me after a really hard breakup when I was in my 20's....."YOU HAVE TO EAT...BECAUSE YOU CAN'T FIGHT ON AN EMPTY STOMACH" I was literally starving back then because of heartache from a man.....I swore that I would always think of those words from her anytime I was having a heart break again....I don't eat alot anyway but I will put something in my stomach even if it's toast or cereal....and I do love my "coffee".....So just a note to say that YOUR health is important....don't let anyone take that from you..... Note: Beeja Forget that bill....try and pay on your own...The reason is because it will keep you tied to him...get mad at the fact that HE left that with YOU TO DEAL WITH....Asses do that you know....My boss's H left her with debt that can't imagine having. Big 4 wheeler truck, house, plus loans from credit cards that he made sure was in her name....They were' only married one year.....Talk about devistation....She was a mess. That was a little over 2 yrs ago....She got thru it with all that she dealt with. I look at her and say........My MM always helped me out and for that I am thankful....but now I WILL do it MYSELF...just like my boss did....I did it BEFORE HIM and I will do it again. Link to post Share on other sites
DoggyDog Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 Beej, The flag from his brother coffin??? I wouldn't want that kind of stuff...I think I'll just stick with the pictures and cards...Don't blame you for wanting to get rid of the stuff though...Can you send it to a family member? I'm sure they would want it. If anything, I think I would put the stuff in a box and "bury" it....how's that thought. I even thought of doing that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author beejsea2 Posted December 7, 2004 Author Share Posted December 7, 2004 As for the credit card bill he left me with...I already paid for it...of course he doesn't know that! The brother's flag I will hold on to it for a while and see if anyone contacts me. I have a feeling that his sisters do not know that he left the flag behind. Plus I really don't want to contact them... The stuff I didn't throw out were things that I thought he would want when he thinks about them...or maybe not! Link to post Share on other sites
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