nsaonly Posted July 12, 2013 Share Posted July 12, 2013 Hi everyone, I am new here and would very much appreciate some help and advice. I am 33yrs old and have been married for 11 years to a great guy who I love very much. We have a great relationship and are best of friends. However our sex life is non-existent! 9 months ago I decided to join a nsa affairs website and ended up meeting a guy just for sex. All I wanted was no strings attached fun with someone. 9 months down the line we are still hooking up every 2-3 weeks. He is single by the way! Any way I have found out he has been with another 3 women in the last couple of months and I feel devastated. I am angry with myself for getting too attached and feeling so jealous. We had an argument about it and he told me this was all just meant to be fun, he doesn't want to feel like he is in a relationship and that is why he joined the site in the first place. I have always known this but I just feel so low! The sex between us is great and now I feel like I’m the one being cheated one! What the hell is wrong with me? I know I don’t love him but I am utterly and madly in lust with this guy. The thought of him being with someone else makes me feel sick and I have never felt so miserable. I keep trying to stop myself thinking about him and keep trying to focus on my husband and family. But I'm finding it so hard. He has said to me maybe we shouldn't see each other any more because what we had was meant to be no strings but he feels like this has strings written all over it! I just need advice on what to do to get this guy out of my head. I know I should stop all contact with him but I feel like I can’t at the moment. The thought of never being with him again makes me feel sick. I know I don’t need him…but at the moment it feels like I do! I feel like I have some mad obsession over him and I hate feeling this way. What should I do? Thank you x Link to post Share on other sites
Author nsaonly Posted July 12, 2013 Author Share Posted July 12, 2013 My husband does know about this guy. I actually asked him how he would feel if i met someone just to be a FB before i joined the site. We had an agreement that as long as it just stayed about the sex then it would be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted July 12, 2013 Share Posted July 12, 2013 Maybe you should tell your husband that it's no longer just a FWB situation for you anymore. He doesn't know about the feelings you have for this other guy. Also, stop seeing this other guy. Link to post Share on other sites
threelaurels Posted July 12, 2013 Share Posted July 12, 2013 This other guy does not reciprocate any of the feelings you have for him. He wants sex and sex alone. He's not interested in being your friend, lover, or anything more than a warm body. He has every right to go out and date, sleep with, and even have relationships with other women. You, after all, have a husband and did not agree to be exclusively together. If you can't handle all of that, it's time to move on. Go to marriage counseling and work on your relationship with your husband. Your husband is only going to get better at sex through practice, and he's not exactly getting a lot of that while you're out getting your needs fulfilled elsewhere. If he has a low sex drive, there are ways to fix that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whycan'tI Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 You are not hiding this from your husband so that is good. I think.you move on from guy and take some time to really think about how sex and feelings in a fwb situation work. Once you realize that sex is just sex, it means little in a fwb situation, then you won't have this situation happen again. Sorry you caught the feelings, don't destroy your life over a FWB. Link to post Share on other sites
psm04 Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 I'm currently not practicing what I'm about to preach, but if you truly want to put focus back on your family, the only thing I can think of that would work is to cut off all contact, which your OM seems to think as well. Yes, he'll still be in your mind for a while, but it will get better, and you will feel like yourself again. It's good that you love your husband. I know what it feels like to love and have a secure/stable/best friends marriage with someone, but have a non-existent sex life. The difference is that my H would never understand or accept what yours has. You just need to figure out if the great sex you are having is worth all the negative feelings that you have that take focus away not just from your family, but from yourself as well. Or, the alternative is to see if you can truly have this nsa relationship, and curb the jealousy, if that's the path you want to continue. Good luck :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author nsaonly Posted July 14, 2013 Author Share Posted July 14, 2013 I know he has no feelings for me what so ever! But it hurts. when I first met him it was only for the sex, nothing else. I was honest with him back in January and told him that I would like it if we was just having sex with each other. And as far as I know from Jan to May we was. Me and my husband haven't had sex this year! But then i found out he had slept with some else twice and i was gutted because i had asked him if we could meet up but he kept telling me he was too busy! I live 10 mins away from him but he had time to meet this other girl who lives over an hours drive away. I know he's single and can sleep with who he wants, but it still hurts when I find out about this girl and the other one I've just found out about! About a month ago he told me he classed us as lovers and said he would be jealous if i was to sleep with someone else! But that was all rubbish obviously! I feel like such a mug and so miserable. I know I need to put the effort into my family but I'm finding it so hard! I only came on here because I really have no one else to talk to. No one knows about this guy apart from my husband but i cant tell him the reason I'm so down is because of him. I know I need to walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nsaonly Posted July 15, 2013 Author Share Posted July 15, 2013 He text me yesterday saying he wants to remain friends. I asked him does that mean no more meets and he just replied with laters x So I get the message loud and clear!! I have stuff at his house I need but he now won't reply to my text. All I asked him is it ok if I pop round one day next week just to collect my stuff! I have had a ling think about what we had and at the moment even if he did ask for a meet I don't know if I would....I just feel so low he doesn't want me. If he did I think I would be ok! I suffer really bad with problem skin and he kind of gave me my confidence back with our meets. He made me feel sexy and wanted. Now I just feel like I'm not good enough! Link to post Share on other sites
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