Crumbs or I want you back?

[golk]

Hey guys its been a while since I've been on here. Been feeling a lot better and thought I'd be off the forums for good. But I recently got some contact from the ex and would like some outside opinions on it. Basically had NC from my side for 2 months but she would text me every few weeks, usually I ignored them. There was NC interspersed thoughout the 10 months as well but seeing each other at school ruined that. I was at the point where I made up in my mind that we wouldn't ever be together again and can truly sayi was pretty okay with things, but her saying things got me thinking lol.

 

So I'm not sure if this is the "I made a mistake speech" or just crumbs..

Here are some of her texts to me..

 

 

 

How are you doing!? It's just been really hard lately being on this stranger status

 

Yes we have but I mean... It hurts .. Like i really still care a lot

 

So u really think too much **** went down

 

I didn't! One person. That's it. Total. I've just been single. Not seeing anyone or wanting to be with anyone but still heart aching for you

 

I understand and I don't wanna go thru that again but I feel differently about a lot of things that's kind of why I wanted to see if u wanted to stop over and talk but I understand. Not the right time

 

If I could take it back I would. Just super nostalgic about it... I stuck to my word and am trying out the single life like I wanted but I ultimately realize I was happier with you

 

I just wish something could work out but It's wrong time or i just missed my chance

 

I've been alone and by myself for a while and im OK with that but just really truly appreciative of what we had it was so genuine and that's what I wish I didn't give up on

 

I did. But I needed to be by myself for a while . Made me appreciate it on another level

 

It's nice to have been reconnecting and spending most of my time with friends but there's still a void that's irreplaceable

 

I'm sorry.. I wish you could take my word for that but I do understand

 

 

These came within a one week period but she said she wanted to tell me for the last few weeks but has always felt that way.

[BC1980]

I think she is testing the waters to see if you might want to get back together. She is not outright saying it out of fear most likely. Proceed with caution.

[AllTooWell]

Agree with above.

 

Do you feel the same way? She's saying she seems to have learned from your breakup and that she thinks it was a good thing (usually they are)

 

Do you even want to reconcile with her?

 

 

Think about what you want out of this situation!

[golk]

Agree with above.

 

Do you feel the same way? She's saying she seems to have learned from your breakup and that she thinks it was a good thing (usually they are)

 

Do you even want to reconcile with her?

 

 

Think about what you want out of this situation!

 

I do feel that I've grown a lot and learned from the BU. I know I miss her and the memories and if I knew 100% that this was genuine, then I would give us another shot. I just don't want to be sucked back in only to be disappointed.

[Eddie Edirol]

I dont think she is testing the waters, I think she just misses talking with you some, but doesnt want to get back with you. Has she suggested getting together? I think she had her eye on someone and it didnt work out like she thought, and still wants to see if there is someone better out there. I think she is just lonely, dosnt have the prospects she thought she would, and you are her last resort for someone familiar, maybe a lil nostalgic, but thats it. I think she is curious but not romantically. I'd tell her to shyt or get off the pot, give her a clear choice. Make her work for you, dont make it easy. Let her think you are moving on. If she doesnt have the freedom to talk to you like she does now, she will either miss you more and reconsider, or have to move on. And really, if she WANTS to move on, you dont want to be with her.

 

My vote is crumbs.

[BC1980]

I do feel that I've grown a lot and learned from the BU. I know I miss her and the memories and if I knew 100% that this was genuine, then I would give us another shot. I just don't want to be sucked back in only to be disappointed.

 

That the question isn't it? Take a chance and get sucked back in, or move on. I can't tell you what to do. You run a risk by going back.

 

If she wants to get back together, she can prove these aren't breadcrumbs. Don't ask her. Act like you don't care.

[StrongLass]

Know what my ex said when he wanted me back?

 

"I want a second chance with you"

 

When they want you back they'll make it known. Everything else is wishy washy BS that's for their benefit...not yours.

 

Don't read things into those ambiguous guilt-easers she's sending you. She's missing you SOME...but not enough to actually take initiative and get you back.

[AllTooWell]

That the question isn't it? Take a chance and get sucked back in, or move on. I can't tell you what to do. You run a risk by going back.

 

If she wants to get back together, she can prove these aren't breadcrumbs. Don't ask her. Act like you don't care.

 

 

I agree with this. It'll hurt you a LOT if you get your hopes up only to find out she's just lonely.

 

Do you have any mutual friends or anything? Like is there any way of you knowing if she just got dumped, just had something happen that would cause her to 'resort' back to you?

 

I think you should wait a bit, see if she keeps texting you. When you reply, keep it light, do not talk about your feelings, do not say you miss her, do not do anything like that. Wait. If she does want to get back together she will come straight out and say it.

[golk]

Know what my ex said when he wanted me back?

 

"I want a second chance with you"

 

When they want you back they'll make it known. Everything else is wishy washy BS that's for their benefit...not yours.

 

Don't read things into those ambiguous guilt-easers she's sending you. She's missing you SOME...but not enough to actually take initiative and get you back.

 

Yeah that's what I feared. She is a very strong willed person and I was thinking maybe she just didn't want to seem weak by saying it outright. Probably just my wishful thinking though.

[golk]

I agree with this. It'll hurt you a LOT if you get your hopes up only to find out she's just lonely.

 

Do you have any mutual friends or anything? Like is there any way of you knowing if she just got dumped, just had something happen that would cause her to 'resort' back to you?

 

I think you should wait a bit, see if she keeps texting you. When you reply, keep it light, do not talk about your feelings, do not say you miss her, do not do anything like that. Wait. If she does want to get back together she will come straight out and say it.

 

I wish I could find out if she just got dumped or screwed over. That's the part that's got me thinking. Bc if she jut got dumped or whatever there's no way in hell I would even talk to her. I asked her this and of course she said no. But there's no way to tell in these situations.

[IfiKnewThen]

ok here my 2 cents. i think she does want you back and is sorry but proud and doesnt want to beg or come on strong and scare you away or worse make u cocky. give yourselves a chance to meet. just be reserved. dont fight. date again sort of. i wish you well. i feel there is a chance here. but you have to respect each other. but it takes a first step. so dont get your hopes up about the outcome. but take a chance on a beginning step. this may be that window of opportunity. and she might feel like backing off if she doesnt get some form of positive feedback from u. positive can be ok we can talk sometime. or lets both think about a date to talk. and be strong and go forward. i think u can do it and survive. : ) her dialog does sound good and sincere. imo.

[happydate]

Golk,

 

Here's food for thought.

 

Were you happy with her all this time throughout the years? I think not cause you did make up your mind to ditch her and forget her. In you, she doesn't present any positive elements that lead you to consider or otherwise you wouldn't be here asking us on Loveshack! You loved her because of the sex I think; the Oxytocin and the woman knows it. You have signs of drug withdrawal and you want to go back to get that feel good feeling. It's not her character you want, it's her body you want and that you need a woman to complete you no different than her needing you. It is not healthy.

 

If this is a functional relationship, it will feel balanced. You will never felt changed. In fact, you will feel enhanced during a relationship, NOT downgraded .

 

Here's the problem. If she broke up with you, there is an extremely high probability that she will do it again; unless no man wants her and she's lonely and that you are the best she could get.

 

Now, what does it really say about you?

[IfiKnewThen]

sometimes ppl really do step back and re-evaluate things. i think this is the case here with her . OR sometimes us females do stupid things like break it off in the hopes the man will come back and put forth a better effort. i dont know what her story is, but it could be she has learned something about appreciating him now. but he wont know till he tries and meets her "half" way. yes thats right...halfway. because now she has to give half back. it has to be give and take. period. or no deal.

[AllTooWell]

I would stop replying to her at this point.

 

I know you may think she might be scared to just come out and say it if she wants you back... but think of it this way

 

If she's too scared to ask you, she clearly isn't too scared to lose you.

[golk]

ok here my 2 cents. i think she does want you back and is sorry but proud and doesnt want to beg or come on strong and scare you away or worse make u cocky. give yourselves a chance to meet. just be reserved. dont fight. date again sort of. i wish you well. i feel there is a chance here. but you have to respect each other. but it takes a first step. so dont get your hopes up about the outcome. but take a chance on a beginning step. this may be that window of opportunity. and she might feel like backing off if she doesnt get some form of positive feedback from u. positive can be ok we can talk sometime. or lets both think about a date to talk. and be strong and go forward. i think u can do it and survive. : ) her dialog does sound good and sincere. imo.

 

Honestly it's this inkling of hope that keeps me wondering. My friends all say she's playing me, lonely, and all that. And I have that feeling too. But Im a little jaded from what happened in the past so idk. I'm going to

Make a decision about it though, I'm just not sure which way to go.

[golk]

I would stop replying to her at this point.

 

I know you may think she might be scared to just come out and say it if she wants you back... but think of it this way

 

If she's too scared to ask you, she clearly isn't too scared to lose you.

 

That's a good point. I actually saw her at the bar last night. She was definitely fawning for my attention throughout the night and we talked a while, flirted a little, made jokes and all, her friends giving her the thumbs up, but by the end of the night she was talking to a bunch of other guys. And I'll admit, it did piss me off. I told her I'd hear out what she had to say but probably said some lther things i shouldnt have. So we've been texting today.

 

To sum it up, she's been saying she has strong feelings still for me. She wants to meet up and talk and "see where things go". Thing is, we've tried that before and she went cold again. But supposedly this time is different? Idk. She said it felt like we were still together... But then shouldn't your attention be on me all night? Especially when you're trying to get me back?! I'm pretty torn right now.

[Enna]

I've got the opposite problem - I know my ex is sending me crumbs, but my friends keep trying to persuade me otherwise. Yours have got the right idea!

 

She dumped you...why on earth would you have to be the one making it easy for her to come back? How would that make you feel?

 

I've had 'I love you' (after the initial 'I have loved you'), 'I have cried so much over you', 'I miss you horribly' and more recently 'I didn't ditch you.' All CRUMBS!!!!

[golk]

I dont think she is testing the waters, I think she just misses talking with you some, but doesnt want to get back with you. Has she suggested getting together? I think she had her eye on someone and it didnt work out like she thought, and still wants to see if there is someone better out there. I think she is just lonely, dosnt have the prospects she thought she would, and you are her last resort for someone familiar, maybe a lil nostalgic, but thats it. I think she is curious but not romantically. I'd tell her to shyt or get off the pot, give her a clear choice. Make her work for you, dont make it easy. Let her think you are moving on. If she doesnt have the freedom to talk to you like she does now, she will either miss you more and reconsider, or have to move on. And really, if she WANTS to move on, you dont want to be with her.

 

My vote is crumbs.

 

After seeing her at the bar, she has suggested getting together and meeting up. She said she wanted to see me, saw me and wants to see me again and felt the connection and all the feelings were still there. Whether that's genuine or not I cant say. But I will say that I literally told her, "it's a sh** or get off the pot situation."

 

Her idea was just get together and talk and see where it goes. Leave it open. She said it "could" work out. The thing is we tried that months ago and it didn't work out but it was only a few months after the breakup. Maybe since more time has went by, this is the way to go?

 

I just don't know if I can risk it when she says it "could work out". That doesn't sound promising to me. I guess I don't really know how this process works. My thoughts were start from the beginning but only if we're 100% committed to each other. Nothing with anyone else. No hooking up, dating, "talking" or anything of the sort. I feel like that's the only way this would work while there is no label.

 

What are your guys' thoughts?

[AllTooWell]

After seeing her at the bar, she has suggested getting together and meeting up. She said she wanted to see me, saw me and wants to see me again and felt the connection and all the feelings were still there. Whether that's genuine or not I cant say. But I will say that I literally told her, "it's a sh** or get off the pot situation."

 

Her idea was just get together and talk and see where it goes. Leave it open. She said it "could" work out. The thing is we tried that months ago and it didn't work out but it was only a few months after the breakup. Maybe since more time has went by, this is the way to go?

 

I just don't know if I can risk it when she says it "could work out". That doesn't sound promising to me. I guess I don't really know how this process works. My thoughts were start from the beginning but only if we're 100% committed to each other. Nothing with anyone else. No hooking up, dating, "talking" or anything of the sort. I feel like that's the only way this would work while there is no label.

 

What are your guys' thoughts?

 

 

I think that's bull.

 

If my ex (who left me) came back and said "it could work out" I would slam the door in his face. Either you try your hardest to make it work, because you LEFT ME, or don't bother trying at all.

 

Like others have said many times before, love is a choice. The grass is greenest where you water it.

 

If she thinks you guys are just gonna miraculously be together and happy and okay, she's being ignorant.

 

Enough time has past that yes, you guys could work out now, but I think this girl needs to really put her game face on and actively pursue you, being straight up about what she wants.

 

Saying "we might work out" to me translates to "I have nothing else going on so I'll half-ass this for a bit and see what happens."

[Eddie Edirol]

After seeing her at the bar, she has suggested getting together and meeting up. She said she wanted to see me, saw me and wants to see me again and felt the connection and all the feelings were still there. Whether that's genuine or not I cant say. But I will say that I literally told her, "it's a sh** or get off the pot situation."

 

Her idea was just get together and talk and see where it goes. Leave it open. She said it "could" work out. The thing is we tried that months ago and it didn't work out but it was only a few months after the breakup. Maybe since more time has went by, this is the way to go?

 

I just don't know if I can risk it when she says it "could work out". That doesn't sound promising to me. I guess I don't really know how this process works. My thoughts were start from the beginning but only if we're 100% committed to each other. Nothing with anyone else. No hooking up, dating, "talking" or anything of the sort. I feel like that's the only way this would work while there is no label.

 

What are your guys' thoughts?

 

If you say that shes done this before and gone cold again, its because she doesnt want to be alone, but she doesnt really want to be with you. I think she is looking to "See where it goes" which means she gets you to be with her until she finds someone better. Plus, you cant be 100% committed at the beginning of a relationship to see if it works. Heres why I think the reason is.

 

I think she is hiding the reasons that she didnt want to be with you. She may have said she wants to be free to explore or whatever, but did she ever tell you the real reasons she lost her attraction to you in the first place? I think if you are going to go through with this, she needs to be honest about why she is so wishy washy in the first place. I think she has reasons in your head that she lost her attraction to you and wants to go elsewhere, but wont tell you because she doesnt want to make it work. or she knows she cant really change people. Whatever it is, she sees it as an incompatibility and doesnt really want to work on it.

 

I think she is considering you now because she didnt get the guys she really wants, I honestly dont think you should settle for 2nd or 3rd best. I wouldnt try to make it work with a woman who dumped me (again) because she thought she could do better. I say you should move on, find a woman that is TOTALLY into you, and is not wishy washy about it. let this one find a new guy on her own without you there to be her backup and safety net.

[golk]

I think that's bull.

 

If my ex (who left me) came back and said "it could work out" I would slam the door in his face. Either you try your hardest to make it work, because you LEFT ME, or don't bother trying at all.

 

Like others have said many times before, love is a choice. The grass is greenest where you water it.

 

If she thinks you guys are just gonna miraculously be together and happy and okay, she's being ignorant.

 

Enough time has past that yes, you guys could work out now, but I think this girl needs to really put her game face on and actively pursue you, being straight up about what she wants.

 

Saying "we might work out" to me translates to "I have nothing else going on so I'll half-ass this for a bit and see what happens."

 

That's how I feel as well. Like why try at all if not 100% or more? Just seeing where it goes to me is unbelievably nervy. This girl broke my heart about a year ago. I think that if she's not going to try on MY terms I'm not going to give her a chance.

[golk]

If you say that shes done this before and gone cold again, its because she doesnt want to be alone, but she doesnt really want to be with you. I think she is looking to "See where it goes" which means she gets you to be with her until she finds someone better. Plus, you cant be 100% committed at the beginning of a relationship to see if it works. Heres why I think the reason is.

 

I think she is hiding the reasons that she didnt want to be with you. She may have said she wants to be free to explore or whatever, but did she ever tell you the real reasons she lost her attraction to you in the first place? I think if you are going to go through with this, she needs to be honest about why she is so wishy washy in the first place. I think she has reasons in your head that she lost her attraction to you and wants to go elsewhere, but wont tell you because she doesnt want to make it work. or she knows she cant really change people. Whatever it is, she sees it as an incompatibility and doesnt really want to work on it.

 

I think she is considering you now because she didnt get the guys she really wants, I honestly dont think you should settle for 2nd or 3rd best. I wouldnt try to make it work with a woman who dumped me (again) because she thought she could do better. I say you should move on, find a woman that is TOTALLY into you, and is not wishy washy about it. let this one find a new guy on her own without you there to be her backup and safety net.

 

Yes I agree on most of your points. The hot cold thing to me is a sign of a safety net too. Like, she suggests to hang out again and I haven't heard from her in a few days. I know that if I felt that I made a huge mistake and lost someone and wanted them back, I would do anything to make it up to them. I would put 100% effort into it.

 

The compatibility issue I'm not sure about. She really changed her behavior towards me around when her environment changed and was around all new people, had a new lifestyle, and lots of attention. I feel that it was just a catalyst though. She said she felt differently for about 8 months before but never mentioned anything during the relationship.

 

I won't be anyone's 2nd or 3rd choice. I feel that I have a better head on my shoulders and more going for me than 95% of guys my age. It's just realllllly hard not to believe someone you used to love so much. Especially when they're telling you what you want to hear. My gut is telling me that she's just lonely and is going through a dry spell but I didn't want to believe it. I hope I'm wrong. We'll see if she continues with this.

[IfiKnewThen]

all i know is to everything ..there is a time and purpose under the heavens. well if u believe in the good book.... everything has its time. a time to plant a time to sow, a time for war a time for peace. with that said....there is the time for things in relationships too. i feel even tho she "should go out of her way" to be back with you........people can be reserved to in fear of turning you off or scaring you off. so dont count on an ex running back screaming i love you. and that doesnt mean they DONT love or want you. they too are proceeding with caution as to how you will view them now after you have been injured. but to me.....(and this is just me) i think there are times for everything and this is NO exception. if she wants to make a mends.....maybe....just maybe take the first step now...because later on it may be too late. at least get clarity and closure. so if she isnt sincere at least you tired. you know. but if she is sincere......wow . but remember time might be running out as u both misunderstand each other. so, dont live in fear. go forward and give it a try. good luck

Edited July 17, 2013 by IfiKnewThen