Diesel Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 My gf , when she talks with any other guy i get Jealous and start fighting with my GF , i tell her , what were you guys talking about ( furiosly ) ? I dont know but i really get jealous when she talk to anyother guy. What should i do to prevent myself from Jealousy ? Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 just TRY to remember that it is illogical to think that she will not talk with other guys, just because you two are dating. do you still talk with other girls? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Diesel Posted October 22, 2004 Author Share Posted October 22, 2004 Yeah i do. I trust her and she trusts me too but still i get jealous when i see her talking to other guy with grin. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 well...it is a natural reaction, kinda....just bite your tounge, show some self control. i mean you can still ask, but be nice and polite, "oh, who is your friend?" in a casual interested sort of way. you can still be jealous, but you do not have to act like you are lividly jealous.....get it. Link to post Share on other sites
teck21 Posted October 23, 2004 Share Posted October 23, 2004 Everytime it happens, ask yourself, and make sure you answer with a simple yes or no: 'Do I feel threatened?'. I still do still get jealous myself, but I make sure I relax and it's all forgotten within 5 minutes. Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted October 23, 2004 Share Posted October 23, 2004 Not alone there Diesel. I am the same way and it has caused problems in my marriage. So try to get this under control as soon as possible. With me I feel jealousy because I want to be the guy who makes her laugh and smile and have a good time. If there are problems in the relationship and you haven't been talking as much she is going to need to feel secure and that she is still desireable and fun to be around. If you aren't giving her that reassurance, she will try to get it from someone else. She most likely isn't cheating on you. Just trying to get the attention she needs that you haven't been giving her. Try talking about general things, not arguing about this or accusing her of anything. If she feels secure about herself and your relationship she will probably not talk or flirt with other guys as much and you will feel more secure about the relationship and not worry about it so much. Just keep reminding yourself she is with YOU for a reason and she isn't cheating on you by talking to another guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Diesel Posted October 23, 2004 Author Share Posted October 23, 2004 Originally posted by Devildog Not alone there Diesel. I am the same way and it has caused problems in my marriage. So try to get this under control as soon as possible. With me I feel jealousy because I want to be the guy who makes her laugh and smile and have a good time. If there are problems in the relationship and you haven't been talking as much she is going to need to feel secure and that she is still desireable and fun to be around. If you aren't giving her that reassurance, she will try to get it from someone else. She most likely isn't cheating on you. Just trying to get the attention she needs that you haven't been giving her. Try talking about general things, not arguing about this or accusing her of anything. If she feels secure about herself and your relationship she will probably not talk or flirt with other guys as much and you will feel more secure about the relationship and not worry about it so much. Just keep reminding yourself she is with YOU for a reason and she isn't cheating on you by talking to another guy. Ok , Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
kellydontwanttasleep Posted October 23, 2004 Share Posted October 23, 2004 you need to cut that shet out now or any girl worth staying with will leave you. Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted October 23, 2004 Share Posted October 23, 2004 Gee, kelly, did you have a relationship with a guy like this? He is trying to cut it out, that is why he asked for help. It is easier to change a problem if you understand what causes the problem rather than just trying to deny the feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
Vitruvius Posted October 25, 2004 Share Posted October 25, 2004 Devildog is right, but I would like to clarify his response a bit. It may not be that her talking with the other guys stems from her not getting any attention from you necessarily, although it might. For, to her, these guys are just friends and she simply enjoys hanging out with them. And if she is laughing and joking around with them, that is just an aspect of her personality that she is at that particular moment in time choosing to express with those guys she has pre-chosen to be her friends. Since you do not own her soul, whether as a boyfriend or husband, you, Diesel, do not have the right to question her as to what she was just talking about with her friends---that is none of your business unless she chooses, on her own accord, to share that info with you (but if she chooses NOT to share or answer any questions, that is not an indication of being deceptive or dishonest with you necessarily, but simply a manifestation of her legitimate need for personal privacy to which she already has an absolute and inalienable right that you must accept and respect ungrudgingly (unless you objectively DO have the right to have access to this particular piece of info). Besides, you do not possess any hard or direct proof of unfaithfulness on her part, so you are not legitimately offended by the mere appearance of things, i.e., her merely talking to her male friends does not itself constitute or signify unfaithfulness on her part, and so you do not have the right to demand that she give up her right to privacy to prove her innocence or her love for you). Nor do you have the right to demand that she reserve that aspect of her personality for you and your enjoyment alone or to control or determine how she spends her own private time with her friends (her friends---and not you ALONE---have a right to be friends with her and she with them) and you need to give her the freedom to be herself, for if she is not allowed to be herself short of being actually unfaithful to you, then she will be unhappy and will want to get out of her relationship with you, and particularly so if she is only dating you and so does not owe you anything. That's why Kelly is right, but I can see that Devil is also right since you, Diesel, honestly admit to being jealous and ask how you can resolve this problem. It is natural and normal for everyone, including all Christians like myself, to feel a pang of evil or illegitimate jealousy, but it is always wrong for them to act on this feeling. Besides, refraining from becoming irrationally jealous or from acting on their irrational jealousy is a mark of maturity of not just themselves but also their love for their respective "significant others". Let me further clarify something I said a bit: I said earlier that you or any other BF do not have the right to control or determine how your girlfriend spends her own private time with her friends. If you two should marry and have children, then her priorities will change somewhat. She can still keep all her self-chosen friends and spend time with them, but she won't quite be as devoted to them as she used to be because she cannot neglect her actual responsibilities to her husband and especially her children. What those responsibilities actually are is a whole new subject for another posting, so I will for the purpose of this posting limit myself to saying merely that she can still be devoted to all her friends and relatives outside of her and her husband's immediate household---as long as it is done WITHIN REASON. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Diesel Posted October 25, 2004 Author Share Posted October 25, 2004 That was very helpful Vitruvius , I have learned alot from you. Thank you soo much. Am i allowed to PM you when i need advice Vitruvius ? Link to post Share on other sites
Vitruvius Posted October 25, 2004 Share Posted October 25, 2004 Originally posted by Diesel That was very helpful Vitruvius , I have learned alot from you. Thank you soo much. Am i allowed to PM you when i need advice Vitruvius ? Yes, you are. And you are welcome! Link to post Share on other sites
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