What Would Bother You More: Rejected Due to Looks or Personality...?

[USMCHokie]

I've noticed a trend in some of the threads here, and it made me wonder...what would bother you more, getting expressly rejected by someone citing your physical characteristics, e.g., height, weight, body shape, facial features, skin color, etc., or personality and non-physical traits?

[c57dood]

Looks. You can't do much about them but if you're clever you can alter your personality to fool people. With your looks its much harder to fool. That's why most actors are attractive people we instinctively find their make believe more credible.

[white]

Personality. Rejection for looks is water off a ducks back to me. At the same time, I'd still rather be told it was looks. That's out of my control and shallow on their part. Someone I want tells me I'm an ******* or a bore, that's less easy to dismiss.

[USMCHokie]

Personality. Rejection for looks is water off a ducks back to me. At the same time, I'd still rather be told it was looks. That's out of my control and shallow on their part. Someone I want tells me I'm an ******* or a bore, that's less easy to dismiss.

 

This is interesting, and the primary reason why I asked in this thread. Do people prefer being rejected for one reason but told the rejection was for another? Does being told that it was your looks give you personal recourse to attack and dismiss the rejector as being shallow, even if your personality indeed was lacking?

[white]

No, I'd rather be told the honest truth I suppose. It would be obvious if my personality was distasteful to them, we wouldn't have got on. But if they choose to couch it as a looks thing it does make it easier even if I know there's more to it. Who would honestly want to be told by your date you're a schmuck, even if you feel like it after a less than thrilling night? Much better to be told she prefers men with more hair and bigger muscles.

[boaaaar]

I don't really mind. When I get rejected, I usually just go with "I got rejected" and that's it. My looks and my personality are not horrible (they're not among the most amazing on this planet either), so I don't take it personally since nobody can like everyone. Some people don't like me, they don't owe me an explanation for that so I just don't ask why and move on anyway.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I would much rather be rejected for looks.

 

I have had enough guys interested in me by now solely based on looks that I know I am not ugly. If someone rejects me for looks, I don't really think they are shallow, just that I am not their type. It's easy to dismiss as I know that soon enough someone will find me their type.

 

My personality is a sore point because I have never been able to stay in relationships for long. It seems to be hard for me to keep a guy's interest and get him to commit. Usually, guys have strongest interest level at the very start and then it's all downhill from there (as they get to know me ). Being rejected for personality is being rejected for you really are and that cuts way deeper.

[Philosopher]

Definitely personality. As personality is largely the core of who you are, it feels like they are rejecting as an individual. With looks you can just dismiss it as you not being their type looks wise.

 

That said to some extent you can change both personality and looks.

[USMCHokie]

Definitely personality. As personality is largely the core of who you are, it feels like they are rejecting as an individual.With looks you can just dismiss it as you not being their type looks wise.

 

That said to some extent you can change both personality and looks.

 

Anything that is not a physical trait.

[SmileFace]

Personality.

This is usually what hurts the most - I don't expect to be everyone's cup of tea physically --however being passed up for being yourself sucks.

Which is usually the case

Exactly what E.S said

[Titania22]

I've noticed a trend in some of the threads here, and it made me wonder...what would bother you more, getting expressly rejected by someone citing your physical characteristics, e.g., height, weight, body shape, facial features, skin color, etc., or personality and non-physical traits?

 

I have absolutely no idea.

[USMCHokie]

I would much rather be rejected for looks.

 

I have had enough guys interested in me by now solely based on looks that I know I am not ugly. If someone rejects me for looks, I don't really think they are shallow, just that I am not their type. It's easy to dismiss as I know that soon enough someone will find me their type.

 

My personality is a sore point because I have never been able to stay in relationships for long. It seems to be hard for me to keep a guy's interest and get him to commit. Usually, guys have strongest interest level at the very start and then it's all downhill from there (as they get to know me ). Being rejected for personality is being rejected for you really are and that cuts way deeper.

 

Yet you also have folks (primarily men on LS, strangely enough) who dismiss rejections based on personality and focus on rejections based on physical traits as particularly hurtful.

 

Perhaps my thesis here is that men are more bothered by rejections based on physical traits while women are more bothered by rejections based on personality. This would be consistent in that men and women both tend to project their own values onto the values of the opposite gender. Since men tend to value looks first, getting rejected by looks stings more; likewise for women and personality.

[SmileFace]

No, I don't think it is a gender thing.

But bases on someones relationship history or self awareness.

Guys bitch all the time on here about being rejected over simple things like their height - I truthfully think most people just want people to feel sorry for them

rather than say it is their personality.

 

If you haven't been able to maintain a relationship but attract people I think after a while - you will figure that you're personality may be causing the rejection. However I know way more women who are capable of maintaining relationships; unlike most women on LS , who will go crazy for being rejected for their appearance. L.S is just one sided with most things.

[USMCHokie]

If you haven't been able to maintain a relationship but attract people I think after a while - you will figure that you're personality may be causing the rejection. However I know way more women who are capable of maintaining relationships; unlike most women on LS , who will go crazy for being rejected for their appearance. L.S is just one sided with most things.

 

Ok, I understand and agree with this, where you can clearly get past the initial attraction stage but can't hold onto a relationship. The reasonable conclusion would be that looks aren't the problem. Now what if you haven't been able to get a first date? Can you reasonably determine whether it's looks or personality?

[SmileFace]

Ok, I understand and agree with this, where you can clearly get past the initial attraction stage but can't hold onto a relationship. The reasonable conclusion would be that looks aren't the problem. Now what if you haven't been able to get a first date? Can you reasonably determine whether it's looks or personality?

 

No, if you aren't able to get past a first date - it may be harder to determine; however it will be easier to say someone didn't like you for a physical trait rather than your personality. Which is why we see the guys on L.S complain about this all the time. However not taking care of yourself physically which may cause for a guy to get rejected initially - is sitting on the couch all day with a beer gut really not a personality problem?

[GoodOnPaper]

Yet you also have folks (primarily men on LS, strangely enough) who dismiss rejections based on personality and focus on rejections based on physical traits as particularly hurtful.

 

I think people are most sensitive about the aspect of dating/relationships that is most difficult for them. I'm not surprised at all by your observation about LS men. Where do we consider ourselves to succeed or fail? At the meeting/attracting stage. For me, the earlier the rejection happened, the bigger the blow to my confidence and self-esteem. At that point, the rejection's all about me being ugly, nerdy, awkward, etc. That's tough to take. If the rejection came even a few dates in, I could tell myself it was about the two of us not being compatible. I may still have been bummed, but it had a less negative impact on my outlook going forward.

 

Personality-based rejections are indeed like water off a duck's back. My lifetime number of first dates is in single-digits . . . but half of those turned into exclusive relationships. So I figure I must be OK, personality-wise.

[todreaminblue]

I would have to say personality....all eight of them.....deb

[soccerrprp]

I would have to say personality....all eight of them.....deb

 

Hmmm, you intrigue me.

[Frogwife]

Personality. Rejection for looks is water off a ducks back to me. At the same time, I'd still rather be told it was looks. That's out of my control and shallow on their part. Someone I want tells me I'm an ******* or a bore, that's less easy to dismiss.

 

Not sure why it's considered shallow to not like someone because of their looks. Are you physically/sexually attracted to every person you meet?

[USMCHokie]

Not sure why it's considered shallow to not like someone because of their looks. Are you physically/sexually attracted to every person you meet?

 

And that's why I wonder whether the counter-accusations of being shallow are simply a defense mechanism to shift blame for the rejection. That is, it's not that I'm not good enough, it's that she is too shallow.

[ThaWholigan]

I think either one brings its own bothers and self-doubt. I expect to be rejected for my looks by some because I'm certainly not to everyones taste and I have not taken advantage of my physical potential as much as I should. However, I also expect my personality to be divisive because (ironicall) its too inclusive and thus seen as "wishy-washy" at times. Plus, I'm aware that I am vastly diffeent to most people, and an acquired taste .

 

So I don't think either one bothers me more, they both bring me varying amounts of botheration .

[USMCHokie]

I think people are most sensitive about the aspect of dating/relationships that is most difficult for them. I'm not surprised at all by your observation about LS men. Where do we consider ourselves to succeed or fail? At the meeting/attracting stage. For me, the earlier the rejection happened, the bigger the blow to my confidence and self-esteem. At that point, the rejection's all about me being ugly, nerdy, awkward, etc. That's tough to take. If the rejection came even a few dates in, I could tell myself it was about the two of us not being compatible. I may still have been bummed, but it had a less negative impact on my outlook going forward.

 

So you think this is less a gender-based difference and more based on prior relationship experience?

 

Personality-based rejections are indeed like water off a duck's back. My lifetime number of first dates is in single-digits . . . but half of those turned into exclusive relationships. So I figure I must be OK, personality-wise.

 

Hmmmm, interesting...yet other posters have said the same exact thing about physically-based rejections...

[USMCHokie]

So I don't think either one bothers me more, they both bring me varying amounts of botheration .

 

If a girl rejected you, which reason would you prefer hearing, regardless of the true reason...?

[GoodOnPaper]

And that's why I wonder whether the counter-accusations of being shallow are simply a defense mechanism to shift blame for the rejection. That is, it's not that I'm not good enough, it's that she is too shallow.

 

It's just a coping mechanism. Don't you think that a lot of struggling guys internalize the "I'm-not-good-enough" part too much?

[Art_Critic]

I don't really mind. When I get rejected, I usually just go with "I got rejected" and that's it. My looks and my personality are not horrible (they're not among the most amazing on this planet either), so I don't take it personally since nobody can like everyone. Some people don't like me, they don't owe me an explanation for that so I just don't ask why and move on anyway.

 

When I was single and dating I could have written this post.

 

Rejection is just a part of life.. dating, work, friends etc etc... living life has conditioned me to just accept it and move on, while nobody likes to be rejected especially if you are invested it's just best to quickly process it and look to the future...in other words.. next