What Would Bother You More: Rejected Due to Looks or Personality...?

[GoodOnPaper]

So you think this is less a gender-based difference and more based on prior relationship experience?

 

Probably prior relationship experience. However, I think a lot more women than men can take the initial attraction part of dating for granted, so it may appear like a gender-based difference.

[USMCHokie]

It's just a coping mechanism. Don't you think that a lot of struggling guys internalize the "I'm-not-good-enough" part too much?

 

I think that could be the case, while simultaneously lashing out that wimmenz are shallow...?

[Philosopher]

No, if you aren't able to get past a first date - it may be harder to determine; however it will be easier to say someone didn't like you for a physical trait rather than your personality. Which is why we see the guys on L.S complain about this all the time. However not taking care of yourself physically which may cause for a guy to get rejected initially - is sitting on the couch all day with a beer gut really not a personality problem?

 

If you have got to a second date or beyond and are rejected, then in my opinion it is probably due to some aspect of your personality or interests. Your date would know what you look like right away, so if they were going to reject you on looks alone, then it would probably be when you asked them out or on the first date if you meet online.

[xxoo]

At 20: personality

 

At 40: looks

[BradJacobs]

I'm used to having women reject my personality (too flirty, too direct, too polarizing, not PC enough, ...).

 

Being rejected for looks would bother me more.

 

It's still rejection either way you spin it and since I can't control compatibilities, I really don't care.

[SammySammy]

I'd feel the same about both. Neither would bother me very much.

 

I try to stay well-groomed, physically fit and well-dressed. Proper hygiene. I don't feel there is much more I can do for my appearance. Can't spend much time worried about what others think of that.

 

As I've gotten older, I've become less willing to try to adjust my personality to suit other people. I am who I am. I'm introverted, reserved, observant ... and all of those other ISTJ personality traits. I must be true to myself and own that. I'm not interested in being a fake to please other people.

 

So, to be rejected for being who I am - appearance or personality - would barely register with me. That's just someone's opinion. Doesn't define who I am.

[Treasa]

Honestly? I don't give a ****. As my mom has said all my life, "If people don't like you, it's their problem." She's pretty funny.

 

If people reject me, that's cool.

[ThaWholigan]

If a girl rejected you, which reason would you prefer hearing, regardless of the true reason...?

At this point, I'd say looks.

 

Either way, rejection is rejection.

[Pyro]

Before 25: both bothered me just as much.

 

After 25: neither bother me. There are no universally perfect people out there. Everyone gets rejected.

[mesmerized]

Both would bother me... I'm not sure which one would bother me more to be honest, it really depends on the situation and what about my personality or looks they didn't like. I think though that looks is more likely to bother me because I can't change it. I can always change my personality for the better.

 

I think women are rejected for their looks way more often than their personality. Men would put up with a lot of crap if a woman is gorgeous.

[Eternal Sunshine]

You never really know what you are being rejected for.

 

People generally assume that if you are rejected on say a 5th date, it can't be your looks anymore. Not true. You could have been meh about the looks but hoped it will grow (I did this with the last guy). Or for guys, he could have hoped for some easy sex, yet he didn't find you attractive enough for a gf.

[USMCHokie]

Before 25: both bothered me just as much.

 

After 25: neither bother me. There are no universally perfect people out there. Everyone gets rejected.

 

What changed at 25 for you...?

[mesmerized]

You never really know what you are being rejected for.

 

People generally assume that if you are rejected on say a 5th date, it can't be your looks anymore. Not true. You could have been meh about the looks but hoped it will grow (I did this with the last guy). Or for guys, he could have hoped for some easy sex, yet he didn't find you attractive enough for a gf.

 

Soo true! you can even have a relationship and be broken up with because your looks weren't "good enough".

 

I don't often attribute the rejections I get to my personality, I think it's usually my looks or other shallow reasons that are totally out of my control. Kinda sucks.

[Pyro]

What changed at 25 for you...?

 

I rounded. It was 23-24. That is when I realized a lot of things about myself, did some reading, and learned not to let the opinions from others affect me. Call it an epiphany.

[Imajerk17]

I'd MUCH rather be rejected for my looks.

 

I don't think that ever happens to a guy. See Looks Don't Matter To Women. No matter wgat any of them might say...

[iris219]

The answer is whichever you are most insecure about.

 

If you're secure with your looks and your personality, rejection isn't going to bother you that much because you value yourself beyond what others think of you.

[Woggle]

Don't really care either way. They don't like then they don't like me. Nobody can attract every single person in the world so no big deal.

 

Also men can reject attractive women because of their personality. Believe me I have done it.

[SmileFace]

I think I say personality because I have been actually told by guys - that either my beliefs , interests were not up to par with theirs - which I'll throw in with personality.

However these guys still stick around.

Which is my own damn fault , lol.

 

However I have always had a problem since I always withdraw from people to protect myself - which has hampered my dating life.

So when guys say that it is actually my personality it hurts.

It is something I am insecure about.

I am not insecure about my looks - I have no reason to be. I worked hard for my body and I am proud of it.

[USMCHokie]

The answer is whichever you are most insecure about.

 

If you're secure with your looks and your personality, rejection isn't going to bother you that much because you value yourself beyond what others think of you.

 

Hmmm, I think you're onto something here...do you think there's a pattern though as far as what men and women tend to be insecure about more?

[iris219]

Hmmm, I think you're onto something here...do you think there's a pattern though as far as what men and women tend to be insecure about more?

 

I don't think there's a pattern based on gender. I'd say it's based more on the individual and their experiences.

[amaysngrace]

I don't give a crap about what someone rejects me for. They can kiss my ass.

[USMCHokie]

I don't give a crap about what someone rejects me for. They can kiss my ass.

 

Well of course this is ideal mentality to have. But not everyone starts out that way...

[AD1980]

For me looks because ive never even gotten a first date or ever validated for my looks..Ive been valdiated somewhat personality wise because all my females friends [mostly friends wives] love me and say what a great guy iam..

 

If i had some hook ups dates and initmacy with a women then id know at least i pass the physical threshold for some women and its probably my lack of personality and id worry about that more but id know that through physical attraction id at least get more chances at first dates and more chances to click with somebody..

 

The problem if you dont pass the physical threshold for most women is that you get a minimal number of dates and chances to click with people and show off your personality to the person it connects with..

 

A good looking person can get his foot in the door more and get more attempts at finally clicking with someone who matches your personality humor etc

Edited July 13, 2013 by AD1980

[carhill]

Perhaps nonsensical, but I would, if having to choose, choose appearance, as a lifetime of socialization and experience melded into a personality I'm quite comfortable with and has brought success in professional and personal relations. If people reject because of it, I really don't care. OTOH, having experienced ridicule and bullying due to appearance at a young age (meaning prior to/during peer integration), those emotional memories are pervasive enough to 'matter' more. I've been expressly rejected for both aspects, the strongest period of which occurred perhaps 20-30 years ago, and the rejections over appearance seem to 'linger' longer.

[pcplod]

I've noticed a trend in some of the threads here, and it made me wonder...what would bother you more, getting expressly rejected by someone citing your physical characteristics, e.g., height, weight, body shape, facial features, skin color, etc., or personality and non-physical traits?

 

Neither to be honest. Frankly I am well beyond caring and frankly I have never come across anyone that daring to be that blunt about either, at least no-one whose opinion I would either care about or would value. Maybe I have just been 'lucky' that way.