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What Would Bother You More: Rejected Due to Looks or Personality...?

USMCHokie

By USMCHokie,
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runningfar

runningfar

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Depends what part of my personality -- if it's a feature I like about myself it would make me feel like it's their issue more than an issue wrong with me. I had someone tell me - granted somebody I would never date - that they would never date me because I insist on researching everything and being so skeptical. It didn't bother me at all because I appreciate that in a person.

 

Maybe personality because I'm more secure in my personality. I very much enjoy who I am. I am less secure in my looks, and what is considered aesthetically pleasing is less diverse.

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USMCHokie

USMCHokie

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Depends what part of my personality -- if it's a feature I like about myself it would make me feel like it's their issue more than an issue wrong with me. I had someone tell me - granted somebody I would never date - that they would never date me because I insist on researching everything and being so skeptical. It didn't bother me at all because I appreciate that in a person.

 

Maybe personality because I'm more secure in my personality. I very much enjoy who I am. I am less secure in my looks, and what is considered aesthetically pleasing is less diverse.

 

Does the converse hold true? If someone rejected you based on something you don't like about yourself, would you be more affected...?

 

And does the bolded above apply for physical traits as well...? That is, would you tend to dismiss rejection based on physical traits you like about yourself?

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runningfar

runningfar

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Does the converse hold true? If someone rejected you based on something you don't like about yourself, would you be more affected...?

 

And does the bolded above apply for physical traits as well...? That is, would you tend to dismiss rejection based on physical traits you like about yourself?

 

Yeah. It would bother me more for insecurity. Though I can't think of an example of what that would be personality-wise. I am not at all insecure about my personality.

 

 

I would dismiss if it was for a physical trait I liked about myself, though it's hard to really imagine the situation. Even if it were a physical trait I liked, it has a greater chance to bother me than any personality trait.

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AD1980

AD1980

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I also think looks can sway your thoughts on personality slightly..I know my good looking friends get laughs from things that are not all that funny where coming from a more unattractive guy wouldnt get the same reactions..

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EasyHeart

EasyHeart

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Personally, I don't like getting rejected for either one. ;)

 

But forced to choose, I think I'd rather get rejected for my appearance. The reason is that if a woman rejects me for my appearance, I'll know right away. Looks are the first thing we notice about a potential romantic partner and if a woman doesn't like my appearance, then she won't talk to me or won't be receptive to my advances and there's virtually no effort or investment on my part. OTH, if a woman rejects me because she figures out that I'm an arrogant SOB, I'll have invested weeks or months in dating her that will all be wasted (assuming I wanted to continue the relationship).

 

Other than that, I think Iris is probably right.

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MrCastle

MrCastle

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Personality probably.

 

Looks you can write off pretty easily with either "they're shallow" if they ruled you out for something minor, or plain old "I wasn't their type".

 

But I would assume the majority of people want the same basic traits personality wise. Someone honest, someone with a good heart, someone with a sense of humor, someone interesting, someone confident, etc.

 

So if you're being rejected constantly for personality traits, it forces you to really look at yourself and figure out why that's happening. What personality flaw is affecting your success.

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therhythm

therhythm

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Both are ok for me, I can imagine that there are women who may not like my personality or my looks or even both... Different people different tastes!

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deissy_12

deissy_12

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Personality! The guys I've dated tell me I'm beautiful but that I'm not their type. It usually takes me some time to open up and be myself with my dates, but when I finally do it's too late and they're already losing interest :(

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Imported

Imported

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Both are ok for me, I can imagine that there are women who may not like my personality or my looks or even both... Different people different tastes!

 

Yep, like maybe the other persons view point is not the end-all-be-all so why let it bother you.

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AD1980

AD1980

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Personality probably.

 

Looks you can write off pretty easily with either "they're shallow" if they ruled you out for something minor, or plain old "I wasn't their type".

 

But I would assume the majority of people want the same basic traits personality wise. Someone honest, someone with a good heart, someone with a sense of humor, someone interesting, someone confident, etc.

 

So if you're being rejected constantly for personality traits, it forces you to really look at yourself and figure out why that's happening. What personality flaw is affecting your success.

 

Personality can be objective also though.. i know tons of people who are bores or vapid or just bad people who are in relationships so its not like its only the most interesting fun people in relationships..

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na49

na49

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Probably personality. I consider myself to be a "good guy" so if someone were to reject me because of that, I'd have a hard time dealing with it.

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HokeyReligions

HokeyReligions

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I've noticed a trend in some of the threads here, and it made me wonder...what would bother you more, getting expressly rejected by someone citing your physical characteristics, e.g., height, weight, body shape, facial features, skin color, etc., or personality and non-physical traits?

 

Any rejection is going to sting. But I think being rejected for something over which I have no control would would make me relieved because its the dumpers choice and I could shrug it off and move on.

 

If its something I can change about myself that's going to cause me to really think about myself and how much I value the dumper and well I've been down that road... be it physical or personality self change is dang difficult.

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sweetkiwi

sweetkiwi

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Both are ok for me, I can imagine that there are women who may not like my personality or my looks or even both... Different people different tastes!

You, Sir, are an excellent specimen of man :love:.

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Anela

Anela

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Neither one works for me, and I can be very insecure now - especially with attacks on my character. I know I'm a mess, hence my not bothering to meet anyone.

 

Although, maybe if I hadn't been so rejected for my looks in the past, then I wouldn't have been so insecure in the first place. I've either been seen as some sort of sexual creature right away - because they thought I was sexy - or not been asked out at all, once someone knows me well (but they still compliment me in other ways). Unless they're looking to effing cheat, or have been desperate. That's been mostly my experience.

 

Now I feel unattractive all-around, and it really isn't very nice. Of course, some self-help guru would come along and say, "well, if you're consistently rejecting yourself instead of loving yourself, then you shouldn't expect better from anyone else." Or something along those lines.

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Pompeii

Pompeii

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Definitely would hate to be rejected for not being aesthetic enough. Personality is stupid, if you know how to play it, you can pretend to be anyone you want. Being rejected because you lack facial or bodily aesthetics is no good. That's why if you're facially aesthetic, the rest doesn't matter.

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Hermaeus Mora

Hermaeus Mora

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being rejected because of personality bothers me more.

 

 

 

Looks can be easily changed (hair, clothes, gain weight, losw weight)

 

But my personality is rigidly set. I am who I am. We like to say personality is changeable, but it isnt. We can FAKE our personality, but we can;t actually change it.

 

 

We all heard to "not judge a book by it's cover" and "like women for their personality"

 

but why should I love their personality no matter how it is, and yet have to change my soul just for her sake?

 

 

In our society, a woman's personality needs to be loved and praised, but a man's needs to always be altered.

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Eve

Eve

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Neither would concern me. If we are not matched that's ok. Being soft, I would be inclined to have a big hope for them that they would find someone who is matched to them.

 

.. but I am the one who has in the past done the rejecting, although I would term it less abrasively than that.

 

Can't force something which isn't there. So, for me it wouldn't really even be about looks or personality, it's deeper than that.

 

Take care,

Eve x

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Emilia

Emilia

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Probably my looks because I'm getting older. I think I'm probably slightly paranoid about some of the signs but then one day that paranoia will become reality. I agree that if you are insecure about aspect of your looks, being rejected for that particular thing is worse since it confirms that 'something is wrong with you'.

 

Being rejected for my personality does not bother me the slightest because I know the reason behind it is incompatibility so that's fine. I get on with men pretty well overall so I suppose I get enough validation from that.

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ltjg45

ltjg45

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Hard to say, really. Perhaps personality.

 

Looks? I guess I am OKish looking at best. I won't win the heart of a woman with options but I guess I can settle for so-so looking women if I wanted to. If I get rejected because of it, I can live with that. I'm not exactly handsome so expecting a woman to kiss this creature that is me and to actually like it sounds like quite the tall order, esp. since I have no kissing experience to begin with so I can live with it if I get rejected because of that. To be honest, I wouldn't kiss a female version of myself.

 

Personality? I can be quite boring since I live such a boring life but I can definitely talk if the opportunity arises. To say that I'm good enough in the looks department and yet I failed the personality test would definitely hit me quite hard and keep me down for a little while afterwards.

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soccerrprp

soccerrprp

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Pointless question. I never get rejected for either. There are the 10 other reasons that do me in! :) jk

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