Husband Looking up Happy Ending Massage

[ZenFree4]

Zen:

Sorry you are here. I know you have kids, so it does make it different. So while analyzing your sitch, make sure you think about how his behavior might come across to them. Like, does it put them at risk for any disease?

 

$1100 is more than a massage. He didn't go with friends. You know that right?

 

Ew, I know right? That is one of the questions I have. I want to demand he gets tested. I have to agree, I know more happened, & I hate it!

[It-is-what-it-is.]

So I texted him a good morning message and said I was here if he needed anything.

 

He texted back that what he needs is for me to be gone. That what he needed was trust and that if he makes my life so miserable that I would be better off without him.

 

I still feel like this is anger and that he doesn't mean it. What do I do? I have not talked to my friends or family about this. I guess I should start there.

 

How are you doing today?

[Dontdateinthegulch]

Run!! Don't walk run. I knowingly dated a "recovering sex addict" ( his drug of choice was escorts.) please don't judge...this is a man that NO ONE. Would assume he as into this...like at all. He had been in rehab twice . Said he was not perfect but it was all progress not perfection. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, he reeled me in...gave me what he knew I needed ( to feel like I was wanted) and was very generous and giving. I fell head over freaking HEELS finally found out after we parted ways for a couple weeks, the truth. i Found out ( snooping....I'm sorry but I never snooped until after we were broken up and he reeled me back in again) he had been soliciting escorts via backpage.com while he was married, while he dated his last Gf, while he was cheating on them both with another affair girl, while he was dating me...all this sex and the man still needed escorts)!! I called his bluff and didn't really know everything but when i told him i knew something i lied and said i looked at his phone back when we were together....which i had not. he totally fessed up and said he had hired 2 ( which means more than one and way more than 2 escorts when we were exclusively dating and subsequently falling in love...ass) He had been on every gross site (Ashley Madison, naughty reviews.com, even has an account with an escort checking place or whatever it is you would call it...preferred411.com), adult friend finder, everything.

Now, did I know he was capable of this? Absolutely. Did I think he would do it to me? Nope..he had me snowed. I honestly thought the entire time we were together he was good to me. He was so upfront and honest with me at first i swore he was not capable of doing this to me...hahaha.

 

I honestly know now that these people have a malfunctioning brain. because there is NO WAY this man needed more frequent or better sex. It isnt about sex, it isn't about the women they are dating or married to. its about their f'd up minds telling them to go do what is shameful so they can thrive off of that shame...the shame they so desperately say they have worked to be rid of, lies lies lies. He just could not stop seeing escorts.and let me tell you....these women were nasty. Just gross. I'm sorry but maybe one or two were ok but the ones he contacted mostly were pure trashy, nasty girls. I guess it leads to the shame he thrives off of faster if he does a nasty girl. All of his ex gf's/wives ( including myself ) were very beautiful women. This man has no moral compass when it comes to sexual encounters. When I asked him , in tears, why he couldn't just STOP...he actually said " don't you think if I could I would?" No. I'm sorry but I do NOT think that. If you want to stop contacting escorts why not delete their phone numbers and stop texting them all night long for attention when you ave a hot girlfriend you can text? one that actually does not require payment afterwards??? Or here is a novel idea...why not TELL your gf what you are feeling and what your brain is wanting to go and do..and she will help you through it, like she would help talk you off a ledge. What you do NOT DO is keep playing all these women and then look for a new one as soon as the last one finds out the truth to who you are. Karma train will crash into him...of this I am certain. And I a, so glad I will NOT be at the station when it does.

 

 

 

For weeks now my husband has been looking at Happy Ending massage parlors, in our town/neighborhood. A couple weeks ago he was looking at casual encounters in our town/neighborhood.

 

Over our marriage I have confronted him about porn related things. Now when I snoop--yes I know how some people feel about this--and confront him on things he gets mad and says he can't believe I accuse him of such things. Asks if I think he is the type of person to ruin our marriage over this, etc. He also says if I can't trust him than this relationship won't work. When I asked about the casual encounters he said he looked at reviews to get aroused by people's stories. My problem is that he looks at places near us.

 

Now he has been looking up happy ending massage parlors on yelp, craigslist, Google, Bing, yellow pages, all local places. He even goes to their websites and clicks on map/directions.

 

I have checked our phone record and I don't see where he has called these places and I looked at our GPS and I don't see these addresses in there. However he could still walk in without calling and can find them based on knowing their address.

 

I don't know what to do. If I confront him he will deny it and get angry at me for accusing him of cheating for the 20th time. I guess I would understand the looking to read stories, but WHY look at places near us that he can physically go to?

 

Part of me things it's time to just end the relationship and get divorced. I won't be able to trust him and he keeps looking up things that makes it impossible for me to trust him.

 

Add to our sex life lacking. With him having problems getting aroused or keeping an erection - I think desensitized due to porn.

 

I am happy with our life we have built together. We have a nice house, good money, wonderful pets, similar interests. He is sweet and attentive to me and does nice things for me. I am in my early 30's and think I have to make a choice and soon.

[strongnrelaxed]

I was relentlessly stalked by my ex wife. For 20 years. I finally cracked and left her. She never caught me doing anything because I didn't do anything. But that didn't stop her from accusing me plenty of times.

 

If you loved your husband you would divorce him immediately. If he is resorting to finding comfort in this way he is likely desperate. I can only imaging the creepy feelings he feels towards you knowing that you are stalking him in this way.

 

I do not care what any woman ever says - it is NOT okay to stalk your partner no matter what the gender. It is creepy, strange, weird and disturbing.

 

You owe him some deep apologies and some peace of mind -that is if you can see past your own selfishness.

Edited August 9, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator