young91 Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 I got engaged around 8 months ago now and we have been together a little under 3 years. We've had some tough times due to my working hours and distance etc, but have always been a very strong and compatible couple. I love my fiance to pieces and she is everything to me, my fiance, my best friend and my family (not biologically!!!). We work well together and have never had any problems where we have thought about splitting up, no matter what's happened and I couldn't wait to get engaged and live with her and have a family and all that jazz, however, recently I've started a new job (which I love), and I just seem to be getting cold feet about everything. I'm really not sure what's wrong, as I'm still madly in love with her and there seems to be no problems on the surface, but deep down I am freaking out, which is totally out of character for me. I've tried to ignore it and take my mind off of it, but its getting worse, so this is an attempt at getting some help. Many thanks for your time, its much appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted July 14, 2013 Share Posted July 14, 2013 (edited) Cold feet could be a normal thing that many people have before getting married. Or, it could be that subconsciously, something more is bothering you about getting married. Maybe the reassurance you get from some other advice here, might be all you need to feel at peace about getting married. Or you may need to talk it out with a professional therapist to figure out if there is more to it, and you aren't ready to get married or she is not the one for you somehow. There is "Pre-Marriage" counseling offered at many churches or via therapists, etc. Dave Ramsey, the famous Christian financial guy, suggests that couples go through his "Financial Peace University" (a 9 week class, available on DVD or much better, in person at local churches) to be SURE that both people are 'equally yoked' and on the same page when it comes to how they plan to spend their money. I can't say enough good things about Dave Ramsey. He is a SERIOUSLY very wise man regarding money, marriage, and family. His webpage is www.daveramsey.com You need to check it out. And here is his page about his 'Financial Peace University' (it is a short course, not an actual university nor a college credit of any sort) http://www.daveramsey.com/fpu The big reasons folks get divorced is not being in agreement about how to spend money, religious differences, not in agreement about having children, incompatible sex drives, problems with extended family and/or in-laws, - but mostly money! Dave Ramsey really helps people with the money stuff. To a lesser extent, he is also helpful in guiding people how to gently and kindly to tell the extended family to 'f*ck off' when the try to get into your business or ask for money. That causes alot of marital fights. Do some reading, see if you get a better grip on what is causing you the anxiety, via educating yourself on the things you should be aware of before getting married. All the best to you! Edited July 14, 2013 by Forever Learning Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted July 14, 2013 Share Posted July 14, 2013 I just Googled "Pre Marriage Counseling" and found hundreds of good websites, you should do the same. Knowledge removes fear. Here are a few: 7 Issues to Address in Pre-Marital Counseling | Ron Edmondson Premarital Counseling Premarital counseling - MayoClinic.com Popular Premarital Counseling Books Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted July 14, 2013 Share Posted July 14, 2013 And now, I have one more for you. This one might be the best of all. It's an article written by someone who went through 2 different pre-marital courses with her fiance. And still, they got divorced, even though everything seemed great during the pre-marital counseling. The reason why is, her fiance lied all through the pre-marital counseling, making everything seem rosy and good, when he really wasn't on the same page..... and he had no plans to actually take to heart the things taught in the pre-marital counseling courses. She said she had a strange feeling in her gut but couldn't pin point it, before the wedding. That feeling was her instinct and inner knowledge, telling her that he wasn't the one she should marry, but all outward signs pointed otherwise, so she married him anyway. And then later they got divorced. Sometimes, these things happen, depsite your best intentions. That's called life, by the way. Amira Young: Why Premarital Counseling Didn't Work For Me Link to post Share on other sites
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