crying for help

[scared]

I went out with this man for 4 years, we had a child together. we ended the relationship because he started to do drugs. drugs scare the hell out of me so for myself it was best to get out.

 

because of our daughter we stay in contact with each other and try to help each other. he was clean for some time then about a year ago he started to use again, within the 5 years that we have been together i was with a man that helps people with drug problems so i have become bright to this subjust. we have traveled across Canada to educate people on the subject and harm reduction.

 

Now that he has this habbit back again his parents are calling me to help. i love his parents with all my heart, they are still mom and dad to me. his mom is in her 70's and was on the phone crying to me.

 

i got into the habbit of going out to find him, wait for him then get him out of there. this man is in another relationship and last night she came here very mad + drunk.i called him and told him to come her and get her. (he decided to move out of her place) he came not realy wanting to and they ended up fighting, i seen her in a different light, she was slapping him nad screaming at him, calling him down. he was trying ot tell her that he has a serious problem and that he has to stay away from her for now because she was being very hurt by him.

 

the problem started because she gave her friend my number and now i am gettign phone calls all hours of the night and her friend is threating me, while his girlfriend was here she also slapped me twice ( he does not know this). i really liked her before but now i hate her and wish to never see her again, i feel hurt because i only want to help him and because she does not have control over this she is being a bitch to me. after everything happened in my house last nigth ( for about 4 hours) they left.today i called there and they are acting as if nothing at all happened, laughing and joking, his girlfriend acts like what she had done here was nothing and it was very normal. i on the other hand am thinking about changing my number and not giving it to her

 

bottem line is that i am here crying and they are unaffeted by this. i know the next time he does this ( in about a week) his parents wil be calling me crying again. i do not have the heart to hurt them more by saying sorry i can not help you. when they call i have to do it for them. if i do nto then they will. they are not educated enough to be in that place, i go up there with friends, friends that know the place like i do. they will get hurt up there.

 

what do i do in this situation?

 

he said that he wanted to stop and i told him that he is in a very unhealthy relationship in order for him to stop it would be best for him to return home, where ther is peace and quite. time for himself that he can work on what he needs to. he agreed that it was true. he also asked me to help him get into a treatment centre. all i canm say is that everything was going good then boom shes back. what do i do?

[Tony T]

Get your ex into a treatment center and wash your hands of the situation.

 

If anyone comes to your door who you don't want to deal with, lock your door. If they persist knocking, call the police.

 

You don't need to be involved in this at all. You don't need to feel guilty when this guy's parents call and ask you to save him. Find the phone number of an appropriate social agency and give it to his parents to call when he needs to be saved from himself.

 

His parents need to realize this guy is a grown man and he needs to live his life without their interference.

 

Get your phone number changed and give it ONLY to people who absolutely need it.

 

Life is just to very short to be involved in this kind of drama. Living clean is the only way to do it. Take stock of your entire life and weed out the people and circumstances you don't need...the stuff like this that weighs you down...and eliminate it from your life.

[Pat]

I'm sorry for your terrible situation.

 

However, there are terrible situations all over and we cannot and should not be responsible for helping everyone. This situation will wear you down and affect your own personal life, and you should put your own relationships and people in your life first.

 

What you need to do is not wait for the next bad situation to happen. Contact his parents with three or four telephone numbers of people and treatment centers, now. Before they call during the next episode. When they are calm and not so hysterical they will accept your reasoning that you cannot and will not be involved any longer.

 

Then change your telephone number. If you are afraid of people losing sight of you. Get a company to answer your telephone calls for you so they can weed out the calls you need until you can notify all people you care about of a new telephone number.

 

Call the police immediately, next time your ex or his girlfriend come to the house. They will realize you are serious about getting yourself clean from them.

 

Next: Take this situation seriously and do the following. It will take a lot of strength, but doing it during a calm time will be a lot easier than when all hell breaks loose.

 

Good luck.

[Deejette]

This man has brought his whole mess into your life and you are not responsible for it. You didn't create it and you are not the one to get him or his girlfriend out of it.

 

Just because you have a child with him does not mean you have to put up with being slapped by his girlfriend and being leaned on by him and his parents. You are not a drug treatment counsellor and that is what he needs.

I'm sorry for your terrible situation. However, there are terrible situations all over and we cannot and should not be responsible for helping everyone. This situation will wear you down and affect your own personal life, and you should put your own relationships and people in your life first. What you need to do is not wait for the next bad situation to happen. Contact his parents with three or four telephone numbers of people and treatment centers, now. Before they call during the next episode. When they are calm and not so hysterical they will accept your reasoning that you cannot and will not be involved any longer.

 

Then change your telephone number. If you are afraid of people losing sight of you. Get a company to answer your telephone calls for you so they can weed out the calls you need until you can notify all people you care about of a new telephone number. Call the police immediately, next time your ex or his girlfriend come to the house. They will realize you are serious about getting yourself clean from them. Next: Take this situation seriously and do the following. It will take a lot of strength, but doing it during a calm time will be a lot easier than when all hell breaks loose. Good luck.