netrie Posted October 23, 2004 Share Posted October 23, 2004 I know A LOT of you have seen me as a tough girl holding my ground on the political threads for the longest time. But I need to share more of myself. I don't know what to do with all of this emotion with my ex. We have known each other for over a year and have been involved...We broke up in April 2004 but we keep on getting back together for sex as if we never parted ever---each time. It stays as intense and natural between us... That's all we want is to touch and kiss and merge our bodies through warm and wet connections---we cannot resist each other in this area. There is a strong energy between us but it is so subtle, unnoticeable until I find myself unable to completely break with him. He is all I ever think about and in my dreams too, many times. He told me a day ago that He was craving me and he used that word. i told him we are addicted to each other like a drug. Ive tried to break it up several times and I have dated many guys AND I am going on another of my dates tonight with a guy finishing up his masters degree at the same university. I had to have a glass of wine to "get in the mood" tonight and here I am! He will be here in one hour to pick me up for dinner. Our first date. i told him this week I am dating 2 guys but I am not sexually attracted to either of them so I cannot have sex. Well this only turns on my ex more and he wants me again. A bit about me in physical appearance: I used to be a model in New York and Hawaii. 5'7", long light brown/blonde hair, great body, and I am very good looking and have several men pursueing me but I cannot stop thinking and wanting to be with my ex----but my thoughts are ONLY sexual... And his are too but they don't stop and its been over a year doing this. Regardless, he will not let go of me no matter how hard I try to let go. Is this crazy in love? What does this mean? Link to post Share on other sites
head/heels Posted October 23, 2004 Share Posted October 23, 2004 relationship work? Have either of you been with others sexually since the breakups? What do you see as your future with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author netrie Posted October 23, 2004 Author Share Posted October 23, 2004 Both of us seem to have backed away when we'd get close. It was so weird... And it is still. Link to post Share on other sites
Author netrie Posted October 23, 2004 Author Share Posted October 23, 2004 Originally posted by head/heels Have either of you been with others sexually since the breakups? Actually both of us, I am sure, have been with others off and on or infrequently but this time we are both saying we havent been with anyone in a month or so... Link to post Share on other sites
head/heels Posted October 23, 2004 Share Posted October 23, 2004 and how do you feel about this ? jealous/disrespected? or ok with it? AND WHAT ENDED YOUR RELATIONSHIP? WHAT STOPPING YOU TWO FROM GETTING BACK TOGETHER? not mature enough yet? Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 23, 2004 Share Posted October 23, 2004 another person hyping up their looks. Link to post Share on other sites
seductress989 Posted October 23, 2004 Share Posted October 23, 2004 I have been the exact situation as you have, netrie. I ended things with my ex in June 2004 but we continued meeting each other for sex afterwards. We have a chemistry together that doesn't even compare to any of the guys I date now. We couldn't go for longer than a couple of weeks w/o seeing each other. I then started to realize that I am just a sex object to him and not the person he was dating only months ago. I suggest being very careful doing this. If he isn't attached, then you don't need to get attached. Trust me, you will only end up hurting yourself and he won't feel anything if he's not attached. If you can have no-strings sex w/him and enjoy it, I say go for it. Otherwise, you need to think more about how he really makes you feel. Sure, he's going to tell you that you're not just a booty call, etc. etc. But, if he's only seeing you for sex and not taking you out, then he's only into the sex. Needless to say, I officially stopped seeing my ex around Sept. 26 and I feel very strong and proud of myself. I didn't think I could do it, but now I know that I'm worthy of love and affection and not being degraded to being someone's mere sex object. I just wanted to give you some insight since I have been in your situation. Hope it helps. Link to post Share on other sites
JamieFalls Posted October 23, 2004 Share Posted October 23, 2004 Seductress, thank you! What a great message. I am currently in a similiar position to you, pre-September. I broke it off with my ex in March 2004, yet we have been sleeping together on an almost weekly basis ever since. I am so in love with him, but came to realise that he is only in 'lust' with me. He never takes me out, we just meet for sex. I also learnt he has been dating someone else, who he does actually treat with respect, such as taking to dinner etc. It's so HARD! I want to tell him to f*ck off, that I deserve better, but I feel as if I can't resist him, the chemistry is so strong. Well we were suppose to 'meet for drinks' tonight but I just rang to cancel. I'm going out with my friends instead. I wish I could be like Samantha from Sex and the City and have emotion-free sex, but the harsh truth is that it means more to me that it ever will to him. Netrie, if you enjoy having sex with your ex and don't expect anything more out of the relationship, go ahead. I applaud you! Thanks to your post, Seductress. I now believe I have the strength to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author netrie Posted October 23, 2004 Author Share Posted October 23, 2004 Originally posted by head/heels and how do you feel about this ? jealous/disrespected? or ok with it? AND WHAT ENDED YOUR RELATIONSHIP? WHAT STOPPING YOU TWO FROM GETTING BACK TOGETHER? not mature enough yet? Thanks much for your email reply! Well, I do not feel badly because I truly think I love him. I think he loves me too. If I want to see him, he makes the time for me and I have not always been so accommodating but actually I have too... Very confusing this thing. Also, I have many male pursuers and he knows this, however, I still cling to him... When I broke the relationship the last time, he found another woman but that did not work out after I emailed to him. Then he emailed to me and said he is free again. He is a good looking man with a lot to offer, nice "everything" but I am biased. There is jealousy but we do not or try not to talk about it---no disrespect? I don't know what really ended our relationship... FEAR on both our parts? Getting too close? Love? I am in therapy too now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author netrie Posted October 23, 2004 Author Share Posted October 23, 2004 Originally posted by seductress989 I have been the exact situation as you have, netrie... If he isn't attached, then you don't need to get attached. He is VERY attached to me and I know this and he knows this too. We both know this. I am attached already. Weve been seeing each other for a year this month---sporadically since April 2004 but still in touch. He emailed me again and called me today----He wants to see me. He also came over on Wednesday during his lunch in his suit and we got it on.... I also understand so much what you all mean about this being a SEX only thing possibly, but I still care about him and I know he cares about me... I tried to do the NO CONTACT and I told him I would not be a sex only relationship but I lasted 5 weeks before I missed him and only wanted to know if he is doing OK and Boom! he wants me again... Well, I will have to enjoy this ride since I am a big girl and making my own choices here. Thank you for your wonderful reply message! Think of me tonight at his place! Link to post Share on other sites
Author netrie Posted October 23, 2004 Author Share Posted October 23, 2004 Originally posted by Weird another person hyping up their looks. How about you pm me a picture so I can see for myself? Thanks LOL!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
seductress989 Posted October 24, 2004 Share Posted October 24, 2004 Hello, everyone. I'm glad that my post made some since to people such as JamieFalls. Hang in there and I promise you will make it through. I don't understand, Netrie, is if this guy is so attached to you as you claim, then why isn't he dating you? I recently read the book "He's Just Not That Into You: The No Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys" and it literally changed my life. I think it should be mandatory for all single women to read b/c it will change your thoughts entirely on guys in general. I realized that my ex wasn't into me, or he would be dating me. There is no excuse for treating someone like a booty call. You don't deserve that! I know, it is very hard to resist the chemistry that can exist with an old flame, but if he's not going to date you, then where is the relationship going? It's great if he comes to see you.......but what is he coming to see you for? Obviously not your company, your sex. I couldn't stand being degraded like this, that's why I took action in Sept. and started NC. It will make you a stronger person and you are worth being dated not a dial-up booty call. On the other hand, if you can handle the sex like most men and not get attached, go for it. I personally, cannot do that. I commend you if you can have sex and keep it on a physical level. Just be safe and don't hurt yourself or anyone else. Keep me posted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author netrie Posted October 24, 2004 Author Share Posted October 24, 2004 Originally posted by seductress989 I don't understand, Netrie, is if this guy is so attached to you as you claim, then why isn't he dating you? . We "were" dating for the first six - eight months of our relationship and then the dance of fear and intimacy started. He took me everywhere: SF symphony, dinners, zoo, movies, other nice places etc. I appreciate your advice and I sure have heard about that book... Its funny how men and women are different in so many ways yet we are both looking for the same thing---love and acceptance. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted October 24, 2004 Share Posted October 24, 2004 I truly think I love him. I think he loves me too He may well do, I hope so. Still, do be cautious, netrie. It's not uncommon for people to have sex with an ex when they do not intend to resume the relationship. Some of my friends were discussing this recently. They do it because they can, they know what makes it work for each other and there is still affection. You say the fear and intimacy started at around 8 months, almost as if they were linked. If the problems arose from your fears and you make progress in the therapy, then there may be a chance to overcome the difficulties that led to the split. This, though, is something to watch out for: I told him I would not be a sex only relationship but I lasted 5 weeks before I missed him and only wanted to know if he is doing OK and Boom! he wants me again Emotions are often confusing and contradictory, I know, but I think there are issues you may find it helpful to explore. Why did you resume a sexual relationship when you are still uncertain about how he feels? Was it your love for him or the way his need for you made you feel about yourself? Who ended the relationship first time around? At the moment, you are trying to let go of your fear when you are neither alone and in control of your emotions nor with a partner on whose love and support you can rely. If you can manage to make progress in these circumstances then all is well and time will tell what becomes of the relationship. If not, you may decide that you need break in order to resolve the issues that got in the way in the first place. If he loves you and knows you feel the same way, he'll wait. Link to post Share on other sites
Good heart Posted October 24, 2004 Share Posted October 24, 2004 It is very absurd to read comments about people in this forum trying to help somebody whose main purpose in life seems to be dating as much guys as possible not taking into consideration the effects of her behavior. of course several men pursue her and they all adore her and she then writes in this forum asking over an advice over one of them that opened up his heart for her but no, she is busy accumulating the one thousand's date. the life of a good looking girl in America seems to be centered around hooking up guys and breaking up with them when a breach of intimacy and love start to appear. I would like to see netrie's behaviour after she meets somebody more handsome and more interesting than her self proclaimed vanity who will break up her heart into pieces and then after gladiator's tears start to drop this forum will be helpful for you , at the time all the above advices written in this thread are pathetic means to make the life of more men miserable. I believe in complete freedom but a responsible one, when I start some kind of a relationship with somebody , i tell them of my intents: intimate relationship, friends with benefits, casual sex partner, stopping it now..etc... and I believe that the source of relationship problems is the dishonesty. but again this is me and people are different with respect sex is a battle Love is war Link to post Share on other sites
Author netrie Posted October 24, 2004 Author Share Posted October 24, 2004 Originally posted by Good heart It is very absurd to read comments about people in this forum trying to help somebody whose main purpose in life seems to be dating as much guys as possible not taking into consideration the effects of her behavior. of course several men pursue her and they all adore her and she then writes in this forum asking over an advice over one of them that opened up his heart for her but no, she is busy accumulating the one thousand's date. the life of a good looking girl in America seems to be centered around hooking up guys and breaking up with them when a breach of intimacy and love start to appear. I would like to see netrie's behaviour after she meets somebody more handsome and more interesting than her self proclaimed vanity who will break up her heart into pieces and then after gladiator's tears start to drop this forum will be helpful for you , at the time all the above advices written in this thread are pathetic means to make the life of more men miserable. I believe in complete freedom but a responsible one, when I start some kind of a relationship with somebody , i tell them of my intents: intimate relationship, friends with benefits, casual sex partner, stopping it now..etc... and I believe that the source of relationship problems is the dishonesty. but again this is me and people are different with respect sex is a battle Love is war Good morning, Good heart! I appreciate your comments and I did feel a bit silly putting in my good looks. I suppose that I added that to let others understand that "looks" are not everything nor is "intelligence" without heart. As a kid, a military brat (my dad was a Col. in the USAF) Ive lived and traveled around Asia and the world and I understand what you mean about "American women and good looks" and I apologize if I sounded vain. Two of my sister in laws are Filipina. So, I understand your personal frustration with my comments. It did sound pretty conceited eh? Anyways, my heart is still with my ex. Before our breakup, we BOTH were dancing (fear) a bit when things got intense and he is the first one to directly break it off, but he wanted me back. I had indirectly broke it off prior to that by backing away etc. but when he broke it, I was too hurt and took about a month after that to get back again with him---So then he found someone else for awhile---then that ended when he realized I missed him still. So, he and I both have feelings for each other but HE technically broke it off first. Even though he has slept with other women, I am not angry with him... No one is perfect and you even say yourself, "love is a battlefield." It is, because we all want it. I was with him last night too. He is not feeling well and hurt his knee at the gym and is on cruches. I also interviewed him for one of my grad classes I am taking now too. Have a great Sunday, Netalia P.S. My sister and brother are physicians, M.D.s Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted October 24, 2004 Share Posted October 24, 2004 Good heart all the above advices written in this thread are pathetic means to make the life of more men miserable Cheers! sex is a battle Love is war Really? With Netalia as the enemy engaged on a mission to make men miserable, aided and abetted by the folk at LS? Sex and love need not always be a war zone, Good heart. I hope one day you'll recover sufficiently from the slings and arrows of misfortune to call a ceasefire . Link to post Share on other sites
Nosmas Posted October 24, 2004 Share Posted October 24, 2004 Slings and arrows??.................................. Meanon, honey, Where have you been? Surely not Manchester! I'm using ballistic missiles......a......large, firm, and erect weapon of mass................... disruption! Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted October 25, 2004 Share Posted October 25, 2004 sigh Nosmas, have you no poetry in your soul? OK, I'll admit, I'm more likely to come across an AK47 or a sawn off shotgun than slings and arrows in Manchester. Last I'd heard, they'd signed up to the Ballistic Missile Treaty. Better stay Stateside, Nosmas. You wouldn't get through Customs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author netrie Posted October 25, 2004 Author Share Posted October 25, 2004 Hey, Guys! LOOK OUT... I am coming your way! LOL!!!!!!!!1 Sexy girl, Netalia P.S. I melt a man's heart Link to post Share on other sites
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