I think I understand now WHY I can't date...

[Inflikted]

... Now I need to figure out what to do about it.

 

I've written in the past that I have an incredibly difficult time finding girls attractive on a personal level, so I don't ask girls out, nor have I ever been on a date. I've only found a small tiny handful of girls I've been attracted to, and they've all rejected me. But it's frustrating, because when you're almost 25 and you WANT to date, but can't find any girls you actually want to ask out, it obviously doesn't feel so good. I've never understood WHY I don't feel attracted more often.

 

Anyway, someone said something in another forum that got me thinking. They said that many people instinctively seek someone out that reminds them of their parents. The thing about that is, I have a strange relationship with my mom.

 

Growing up, I was a complete "mommy's boy", I thought my mom was the greatest, and I couldn't imagine a world without her. She's always been a sweet, quiet, shy, innocent, homely, accommodating, loving person. But as I got older, I started to see that that was just an act she was putting down. Deep down, she's a liar, a manipulator, she's incredibly selfish, she's all around a horrible person. She mentally/ emotionally abuses my father, and even cheats on him with old boyfriends.

 

The sad thing is, she has no idea that I know what she's REALLY like, so to me, she still puts on the sweet innocent lady act. That's the act she puts on to the rest of the world, as well.

 

So, I've known for a while, now, that I absolutely positively do NOT want to end up with someone like my mom at all. But I think this is the root of my problem. Often times when I meet and get to know girls, I see in them qualities that in some way remind me of my mom; not necessarily the bad stuff, most often just qualities that remind me of the act my mom puts on to everyone else. And I just... can't feel attraction towards that.

 

The last girl that I had really strong feelings for, she wasn't like my mother in any way. In a way, I think that's what I'm trying so hard to look for, that's what I'm so desperate to find, someone that's completely unlike my mother.

 

But that's easier said than done. From what I've seen, the vast majority of girls I've come across share some basic qualities with my mom. Hence why I rarely ever feel personally attracted to 98% of girls to want to pursue them and attempt to date them.

 

Okay, so this seems like a good "lead" as to why I have this problem. But the question now becomes, what do I do about it? How do I make this aspect of my life less frustrating?