When is Cold Turkey NC considered NC?

[anne1707]

Not true' date=' my MM, unless we have an argument, contacts me max half an hour. It is not difficult to contact someone even without being noticed by BS[/quote']

 

Every half hour? That sounds very suffocating,needy and desperate to me. As well as unprofessional as it must be interfering with work. Quite unhealthy IMO.

[So happy together]

Every half hour? That sounds very suffocating,needy and desperate to me. As well as unprofessional as it must be interfering with work. Quite unhealthy IMO.

 

I talk to my bf all day. Phone calls for a couple of hours in the morning and at night, couple of twenty or thirty minute calls during the day, numerous texts.

 

It's not unhealthy for us. We just like one another. Want to share our lives.

[anne1707]

I share my life with my husband but I don't need to be in that much contact to do so. As I said, some of us our less needy than others.

 

 

And no before anybody says it, this is nothing to do with being H and W or AP and WS. It is just about having a healthy relationship where you have independence and the ability to survive more than a few hours without contact.

[So happy together]

I share my life with my husband but I don't need to be in that much contact to do so. As I said, some of us our less needy than others.

 

 

And no before anybody says it, this is nothing to do with being H and W or AP and WS. It is just about having a healthy relationship where you have independence and the ability to survive more than a few hours without contact.

 

We can survive. We wouldn't die if we were out of contact for a period of time. We just choose not to be. Of course, we are in a relatively new relationship, so I'm sure part of it is the honeymoon period, which I hope we never outgrow.

[MissBee]

OMG really???? You know, I wouldn't think it was NC if I didn't hear from my bf for 16 hours but I would be worried. I don't think we've gone more than five hours without some sort of contact since we began dating approx. 18 months ago. I'd worry more that he'd been in an accident, but don't act like I'm (or others) are all sorts of co dependent or obsessive just because we keep in contact with the men we love. I can't help it if we love to chat, tell one another funny stories, say ILY's. I love that he seeks out my company.

 

While it's always enjoyable to hear about you and your boyfriend in every and all threads, I'm not sure of its relevancy here. How can you equate worrying because your bf hasn't contacted you, with worrying that you're in NC??? (Which is what Lil seems to be asking/concerned about). Even you yourself admitted NC wouldn't come to mind, and I think most people who are in love in normal, stable relationships worry about their SO if they haven't heard from them, but don't jump to conclusions about them being in NC....that worry and fear is what seems irrational, although, I suppose in an affair which has been as tumultuous as Lil's has been, it makes sense that one would be anxious and concerned about NC, while in other relationships a general worry or check in would be appropriate and one wouldn't assume one's boyfriend or husband has off and left them because they didn't speak for some hours.

 

To the topic though: I experienced something similar Lil. However it was more gradual versus we were all happy and glorious today then he disappeared forever. I had initiated ending the A several times and being "friends" and it didn't work, I was growing more and more unhappy, I pulled away a bit, but we were still in contact until it started waning from everyday to every few days, to once a week then one day it just stopped completely where I hadn't heard from him in like 2 weeks....I called, he answered, said he'd call back, he didn't. I didn't either. Then pretty soon it turned into weeks and weeks and months and then an entire year of NC. It was hurtful initially, but the best thing in the end as it needed to end but before, neither of us could do it. However, there were clues, it really wasn't a case of we were at the height of happiness and just went away on a trip and then nada...that would probably be way more devastating.

Edited July 15, 2013 by MissBee

[MissBee]

Yes my MM talks to me more than he talks to his BS - it is an emotional connection you see. BS does not need it' date=' I do,!!!. There lies the difference, we know that 17 hours or so is a long time and something is wrong whereas BS would probably not give a ...... about it.[/quote']

 

And the BS is relevant here how????

[Goodbye]

My exMM had a vanishing episode for a day. He said he was taking care of his mother after she injured her eye, but I later discovered that he'd taken a day trip with his wife and son. I suspect if NC happens suddenly, a DDay occurred, or something else bad happened. Usually AP's would at least announce his/her intentions of going NC.

 

Why didn't you want to text your MM and ask him if he was ok? Not quite sure I get what game you were playing.

[LilGirlandOW]

It seems like you want fellow posters to dredge up the moments when were unceremoniously dumped for your amusement. You didn't believe your MM had dumped you so what's the point?

 

I know you love the attention, but I'm starting to believe you get off on other people's misery because you believe your story is so different.

 

It's typical and actually one of the least likely to end with you getting the man in the end. You're completely self-absorbed and it's really sad.

 

I won't be bothering with your attention seeking threads anymore. I'd also bet you won't be one who posts when you get dumped. That will happen.

 

Actually no I'm not, Some people find it theraputic to talk about their experiences.

 

I have doubts all the time about the future of our relationship, amd I've expressed them here over and over....

 

If I get dumped tomorrow or I leave our A, I'll still post... hope my experiences can help another OW relate & know that they're not alone.

 

If I come off as self-absorbed I dont mean to, I try to give what little advice I have and all the support I have to others.....

 

Also if I hurt any LS posters feelings by dredging up past memories I apologize, its something I know could be a reality for me one day and has been for others in the past so I was hoping to understand how it comes about I suppose

 

I know I'm far from perfect.

 

Peace

[So happy together]

While it's always enjoyable to hear about you and your boyfriend in every and all threads, I'm not sure of its relevancy here. How can you equate worrying because your bf hasn't contacted you, with worrying that you're in NC??? (Which is what Lil seems to be asking/concerned about). Even you yourself admitted NC wouldn't come to mind, and I think most people who are in love in normal, stable relationships worry about their SO if they haven't heard from them, but don't jump to conclusions about them being in NC....that worry and fear is what seems irrational, although, I suppose in an affair which has been as tumultuous as Lil's has been, it makes sense that one would be anxious and concerned about NC, while in other relationships a general worry or check in would be appropriate and one wouldn't assume one's boyfriend or husband has off and left them because they didn't speak for some hours.

 

To the topic though: I experienced something similar Lil. However it was more gradual versus we were all happy and glorious today then he disappeared forever. I had initiated ending the A several times and being "friends" and it didn't work, I was growing more and more unhappy, I pulled away a bit, but we were still in contact until it started waning from everyday to every few days, to once a week then one day it just stopped completely where I hadn't heard from him in like 2 weeks....I called, he answered, said he'd call back, he didn't. I didn't either. Then pretty soon it turned into weeks and weeks and months and then an entire year of NC. It was hurtful initially, but the best thing in the end as it needed to end but before, neither of us could do it. However, there were clues, it really wasn't a case of we were at the height of happiness and just went away on a trip and then nada...that would probably be way more devastating.

 

I already addressed this.

[Summer Breeze]

My MM and I connect frequently throughout the day, everyday.... from goodmorning till goodnight. Its been 16hrs since I've last heard from him, I am worried cause thats unusual, but I'm also not contacting him... If he doesnt wan tto hear from me, I'm not going pursue. Any cold turkey NC'ers out there? When did you realize that you were in NC?

 

Thanks!

 

I don't quite know why you've had so many crappy responses on this thread. If people don't want to listen to you then why are they reading, let alone responding? I think this is an interesting topic and it is no more drudging up anyones past and pain any more than any other thread is.

 

That's me fully vented.

 

I never had a scare like that but I can imagine how it would be frightening to all of a sudden have it stop. DMM and I were in contact almost constantly too. I agree with Happy that it was, and is, us. We don't need to be in constant contact but we like to be so we are. The quantity is high and so is the quality. Someone basically alluded that it isn't healthy. Well I've seen more Rs fail because of lack of contact than an overabundance of it. Its whatever works for 2 people in the R and their own circumstances.

[Got it]

To think that not hearing from someone in 16 hours is NC would mean that the OW in question is intensely co-dependent and obsessive. The MM who has that OW had better watch his :bunny::bunny:s.

 

Really? If I didn't hear from someone that I was used to hearing from multiple times a day I guess I would be "codependent and obsessive" as well. I guess caring means crazy.

 

Where is it this rule that an OW should be okay with no contact? I am not sure what play book y'all are reading from but this old OW had a whole different set up. And just being dropped for hours isn't one of them. I wouldn't be okay with it from anyone if we have a certain schedule and we suddenly deviate from it with no notice.

 

 

Lil- I would just contact him and ask.

[William]

We appreciate it when our problem members all collect into one thread, as it makes review and processing so much simpler. Thanks! Thread closed for review.