So I did it....

[hippetyhop]

I revised my email. I made it more direct by adding in some language/taking some out. I ran it past a few of my guy friends to see what they thought.

 

I started by sending him a fb message saying I have a lot on my mind and to check his email. After I sent him the message, I blocked him on FB.

 

I just want to cry...but now it is time to take the niece and nephew to the pool.

 

Thank you everyone for your help I'll still be around, but just wanted to say thank you!

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Good job!!!

[canuckprincess]

I don't know your story but stay strong and have fun at the pool.

[hippetyhop]

Thank you everyone!

 

Anyone know how to block him from emailing me?

[hippetyhop]

I created my filter from the email addresses I know, block from FB and will soon block from him calling me.

[hippetyhop]

"XXX,

 

One last email to say I wish you the best in everything. I understand what you are saying and have no ill feelings towards you. You will Do great in everything you attempt. Kepp your chin up, find that guy that you deserve and keep running.

Maybe I'll see you at the finish line one day.

 

Love,

 

XXXX"

 

I'm happy I don't have to worry about if he'll call, etc.

 

Looks like we're both ready to move on.

[canuckprincess]

"XXX,

 

One last email to say I wish you the best in everything. I understand what you are saying and have no ill feelings towards you. You will Do great in everything you attempt. Kepp your chin up, find that guy that you deserve and keep running.

Maybe I'll see you at the finish line one day.

 

Love,

 

XXXX"

 

I'm happy I don't have to worry about if he'll call, etc.

 

Looks like we're both ready to move on.

 

How are you feeling after his response?

[hippetyhop]

How are you feeling after his response?

 

Pressure is off. I'm glad he handled it maturely how I think I did.

[whichwayisup]

I revised my email. I made it more direct by adding in some language/taking some out. I ran it past a few of my guy friends to see what they thought.

 

I started by sending him a fb message saying I have a lot on my mind and to check his email. After I sent him the message, I blocked him on FB.

 

I just want to cry...but now it is time to take the niece and nephew to the pool.

 

Thank you everyone for your help I'll still be around, but just wanted to say thank you!

 

Glad that you're going out with your niece and nephew. That's a great distraction and will keep you focused on them and have some fun.

 

You did the right thing! It must have hurt and it probably will hurt for a while but just know that time does fix wounds. Allow yourself to grieve the loss, vent and write it out (paper and pen, this way you won't cave and break NC) then read your letter, either burn it or rip it up afterwards. Venting it out is theraputic for you.

 

Be GOOD to yourself. Don't beat yourself up or let yourself believe there's something wrong with you. Doing that will just make you feel worse. Look at it like this is HIS loss and you'll be fine without him once you've healed and feel better.

[whichwayisup]

"XXX,

 

One last email to say I wish you the best in everything. I understand what you are saying and have no ill feelings towards you. You will Do great in everything you attempt. Kepp your chin up, find that guy that you deserve and keep running.

Maybe I'll see you at the finish line one day.

 

Love,

 

XXXX"

 

I'm happy I don't have to worry about if he'll call, etc.

 

Looks like we're both ready to move on.

 

This is actually nice and it'll help you with making your own peace and closure with everything.

 

Change your email address completely if you can't block him on that account.

[Ssgrimes]

Good for you. Keep yourself busy and know that you are walking away with your head held high. Just remember that you deserve someone that wants to be with only you.

 

Hopefully he will respect your email and that was his last contact. Be strong!!!

[SoleMate]

In addition to fun things like the pool, this can also be a great time to do some intense workouts and/or deep cleaning of areas like the attic, kitchen junk drawers, etc.

[veryhappy]

The first month it's the worst, but do know that one day it won't feel like dying anyou will smile again. Bonus, you might lose some weight if it's something you're after.

 

His message triggered me. The no ill feelings and the finish line. I got something about "under different circumstances" and the after life.

 

It will be hard, but it gets better.

[hippetyhop]

I'm trying to keep my composure as best as possible. Luckily, in front of the children, I was able to mask tears for chlorine in my eyes

 

I just keep thinking about the thread I read here about what I don't miss. It helps

 

I'm also thinking that I did him a favor by breaking it off and it was weight lifted from him. Now, he doesn't have to worry about keeping 2 people happy.

 

The first month it's the worst, but do know that one day it won't feel like dying anyou will smile again. Bonus, you might lose some weight if it's something you're after.

 

His message triggered me. The no ill feelings and the finish line. I got something about "under different circumstances" and the after life.

 

It will be hard, but it gets better.

 

Can you elaborate what you mean? When I read about the "no ill feelings" I think that it doesn't matter to him that I ended it.

 

As for the finish line comment, he was (I almost inserted "is" here--I have to remember this is now past tense) train for a half marathon. I'm just thinking this is an early congrats for working towards it.

[hippetyhop]

In addition to fun things like the pool, this can also be a great time to do some intense workouts and/or deep cleaning of areas like the attic, kitchen junk drawers, etc.

 

You're funny! Nothing will shatter me enough emotionally to deep clean! JK! I know what you mean. I actually do quite a bit with weight training/cardio, so this may entice me a bit more to step up my game.

 

Last week when I was really contemplating what to do, I took a break from the gym as I was focusing as to what will happen IF I sent my email. Now I know. It'll be nice for me to now focus on getting stronger now- physically and emotionally.

[hippetyhop]

Good for you. Keep yourself busy and know that you are walking away with your head held high. Just remember that you deserve someone that wants to be with only you.

 

Hopefully he will respect your email and that was his last contact. Be strong!!!

 

Thank you! I plan on doing that. It isn't easy, but it is necessary.

 

I have a gut feeling that was the last correspondence/email ever (unless I run into him by chance at a mutual friend's house).

[hippetyhop]

This is actually nice and it'll help you with making your own peace and closure with everything.

 

Change your email address completely if you can't block him on that account.

 

I figured out a way to block him. I have a feeling this is a wash for both of us. He got away scott free, and I'm able to get what I want from him- no contact.

 

I went one more step and blocked his wife on my facebook. Although I am not friends with her, I do not want him using her account to try and look at my profile (although it is private).

Edited July 14, 2013 by hippetyhop

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Good job. I (anonymous interweb person) is sooooooo proud of you.

[hippetyhop]

Good job. I (anonymous interweb person) is sooooooo proud of you.

 

Thank you.

 

I'm proud of myself so far. Its been 8 hours. Let's see where I am in 8 months.

[hippetyhop]

I think you were referring to another thread but here is the one I did a while back...

 

What I don't miss... - LoveShack.org Community Forums

 

While I wrote it, it still helps me to read it again.

 

Keep it up with the NC. I know his mature response still hurt because of what it didn't say. Just remember, you knew those unsaid things before. Be ready for him to come back with big promises. They will be based on his ego so please prepare yourself to say, "No."

 

You deserve everything from a a relationship. This allows you to get it.

 

Yes! That is the thread I was referring to.

 

I'm not sure what about his response hurt. I'm not sure if it was the fact I pondered sending mine for 3 days and what to say and he came back within 15 minutes with one. That just comes to show me that he is OKAY with ending it--which obviously is fine with me, but something about it still hurts.

 

I'm not expecting him to come back. Knowing how he is, done is done with him. On to the next. If he shockingly does, I do know what to say.

 

My rule for the next relationship--if you can't meet my family and friends, you can't be with me.

[BruisedBNBroken]

@hippetyhop, just wanted to check in with you and see how you were holding up! I admire your strength and determination and really enjoy reading your posts. Due to some work events and things, I cannot go no contact with my xAP until August 5, but I am both counting and dreading the days. Even the limited contact we have now is difficult but something and I just wanted to see how you were doing with everything. And will always take advise and things that help along the way!!

[hippetyhop]

@hippetyhop, just wanted to check in with you and see how you were holding up! I admire your strength and determination and really enjoy reading your posts. Due to some work events and things, I cannot go no contact with my xAP until August 5, but I am both counting and dreading the days. Even the limited contact we have now is difficult but something and I just wanted to see how you were doing with everything. And will always take advise and things that help along the way!!

 

Thank you for your kind words, and I appreciate you checking in on me.

 

I'm holding up. That is a fair statement. I checked out emotionally a few weeks beforehand. I thought that would make it easier, and it kind of does. I am now use to him not calling before/after work, texting during the day, or after work. The low contact definitely prepared me for sending me the email. Even when he called I pushed through the phone calls for about two weeks without giving any indications that I was about to stop the A. Now I'm facing other barriers which time will eventually heal.

 

How do you plan on ending it with your MM?

Edited July 17, 2013 by hippetyhop

[BruisedBNBroken]

Ugh my story sucks. My xAP is not married, I am. But I do not want to reconcile with my husband, which is why I am on the OW forum and not the infidelity forum. I really associate more with the people and posts and feelings on here rather than there. I am in a sexless emotionless marriage and had what I guess is an exit affair. Because it was the first physical, emotional, intimate contact with someone, I fell hard. Not even with the actual AP, but with the feelings and excitement. He, on the other hand, saw the light pretty early on and sort of ended the affair as soon as he realized there may be feelings. Long story short, there's some back and forth still and one more opportunity to see each other in August. I'm miserable all around. I miss him (well the affair more than him) like crazy, I don't know how to or what to hell my H, and I know I need to break out of the fog before I do any of it. I'm in IC and its helping thankfully. I do know step 1 us to go NC and I know he won't contact me as soon as I do so that part should go smoothly. But then I know it leaves me to deal with my real life problems. Sorry to hijack your thread!!!! You're doing amazing, really, and every day is a victory!

[hippetyhop]

Ugh my story sucks. My xAP is not married, I am. But I do not want to reconcile with my husband, which is why I am on the OW forum and not the infidelity forum. I really associate more with the people and posts and feelings on here rather than there. I am in a sexless emotionless marriage and had what I guess is an exit affair. Because it was the first physical, emotional, intimate contact with someone, I fell hard. Not even with the actual AP, but with the feelings and excitement. He, on the other hand, saw the light pretty early on and sort of ended the affair as soon as he realized there may be feelings. Long story short, there's some back and forth still and one more opportunity to see each other in August. I'm miserable all around. I miss him (well the affair more than him) like crazy, I don't know how to or what to hell my H, and I know I need to break out of the fog before I do any of it. I'm in IC and its helping thankfully. I do know step 1 us to go NC and I know he won't contact me as soon as I do so that part should go smoothly. But then I know it leaves me to deal with my real life problems. Sorry to hijack your thread!!!! You're doing amazing, really, and every day is a victory!

 

Have you filed for D yet? How long was your A with him? How long have you been M and when did it start to become emotionless/less sexual?

 

I know you are miserable. I know you are in pain--just the thought of doing it would make me break down and cry. I broke down more during the time thinking about ending it and how I would be after I ended it v. now. Don't forget-- you are doing this for you. You are doing this to make your life better.

 

That is how I feel I got myself into this mess. It started as harmless messaging, then we compared what an ideal relationship/marriage would be like (not even including sex), and from there, the rest is written on this board. I'm sure he used the classic lines (I'm only in it for the kids, I'm only going on vacation for the kids, I'd be surprised if it lasts the next few years, etc.). He didn't talk bad about her personally- just the marriage. From what he way saying (although there are two sides to every story) he felt under appreciated.

 

As for the "light", I actually just posted on another thread that he saw the light and he told me that he loves me, but that can't change anything-how could it not?! We both knew it would and did, but neither of us would take initiative towards the next step. I wouldn't take initiative to ask him to leave. I took the initiative and left.

 

As for NC, I know his personality. He's done. I did, however, against the advice of my LSer's did tell him in the email if his circumstances change (aka divorce) to let me know..perhaps we can revisit. I threw that in there as I know he won't divorce and I know he won't come back to me. I don't have my hopes up at all for that. He responded "Maybe I'll see you at the finish line."

 

NC is bittersweet. You dearly miss that person at first, but, it is nice not having to be tied down to them. It gives you time to really appreciate yourself and others around you that you might have missed out on during your A as you can be so wrapped up in that. It shows you how strong you are and how you can overcome the situation. I'm happy I went NC how I did and just not up and left and not say anything to him. I was happy I mentally prepared myself as much as I did. I know I could have more, but no matter how much I would have, it would have never been real.

 

The real life problems are hitting now. One thing that I feel is different between ending an affair v. a real relationship was that I was already alone. I am still alone in my house. I am still eating dinner alone and taking my dog for walks alone. The only difference is I lost a very good friend whom I love.

 

As for your husband, be honest. He deserves to know. Does he have any suspicion?

 

Please don't worry about hj the thread! I enjoy sharing my experiences and learning to grow from others.

Edited July 17, 2013 by hippetyhop

[BruisedBNBroken]

Thanks for your words. No, I have not addressed the marriage in the least and certainly no talk of divorce or seperation yet. We are basically like roommates and coparents to our kids. We get along completely fine - never fight never disagree nothing. He is a great guy and an amazing dad, it's just not there - been 2 and 1/2 years this way and at this point it's so ackward to even bring up.

Affair was emotional since march and only physical since June. Not long at all, and he is long distance so only 4 face to face encounters. Pathetic isn't it that it has affected me this much over something so short and insignificant. I have lost all control of my emotions and hate the person I have become waiting for every text, email, hope for a meeting, etc etc

I have a countdown until no contact - 18 days. And them hopefully I can break out of the fog and start to focus on my marriage problems and talkin to my H.