Author hippetyhop Posted July 18, 2013 Author Share Posted July 18, 2013 Have you and your husband discussed MC? Does your H know you are going through IC? If so, does he know for what? How soon you may fall for someone, whether physical or emotional, shouldn't be called pathetic. My xMM and I didn't talk for long (about a month) before we took it to the next level. I know the feeling re. waiting for the phone calls, texts, etc. It's the typical butterflies in the stomach phase. Once nice thing about going NC with someone who is as stubborn as I is that neither one of us will break NC. Don't beat yourself up too much over this. You have a goal, but why wait til after your end the A to start to repair your marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
BruisedBNBroken Posted July 18, 2013 Share Posted July 18, 2013 We briefly discuss marriage counseling every few months and then never do anything about it. I honestly think the marriage needs to end and I'm not sure counseling will do much, but I am certainly willing to try it at least to even discuss best ways to deal with divorce with children, co parenting, etc. The reason I am waiting is because I am so deep into the affair fog that I don't think I am emotionally ready to have the conversation with my husband yet. I don't think I am thinking clearly and I am also completely heartbroken about xAP and dealing with those emotions, and I don't want to say anything wrong or that isn't coming from a clear or truthful place. No, H doesn't know I am in IC. I go during my work lunch hour. I feel like I am leading a double life. One withy husband and kids and going through the motions. And one trapped in my own little emotional torment, grieving the loss of someone I barely know. Thank goodness for LS!!!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kareena Posted July 18, 2013 Share Posted July 18, 2013 Good for you! you have a very bumpy ride ahead of you but don't freak out we're all here to help. Stay strong and keep posting,you'd be surprised at how much posting here helps I don't even know why I pay my therapist anymore! Everything is going to be okay,you will miss him and you will be very sad at times but you have to just keep reminding yourself of all the reasons that lead you to take this decision. Our mistakes don't define us,it's what we do to redeem ourselves that counts just hang in there. PS it's okay to cry,it's part of the process and it really helps lift some of the emotional pressure that results from keeping it all bottled up inside. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BruisedBNBroken Posted July 18, 2013 Share Posted July 18, 2013 What do you got for me @Pierre?! I need some tough love to help break me out this fog! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hippetyhop Posted July 18, 2013 Author Share Posted July 18, 2013 We briefly discuss marriage counseling every few months and then never do anything about it. I honestly think the marriage needs to end and I'm not sure counseling will do much, but I am certainly willing to try it at least to even discuss best ways to deal with divorce with children, co parenting, etc. The reason I am waiting is because I am so deep into the affair fog that I don't think I am emotionally ready to have the conversation with my husband yet. I don't think I am thinking clearly and I am also completely heartbroken about xAP and dealing with those emotions, and I don't want to say anything wrong or that isn't coming from a clear or truthful place. No, H doesn't know I am in IC. I go during my work lunch hour. I feel like I am leading a double life. One withy husband and kids and going through the motions. And one trapped in my own little emotional torment, grieving the loss of someone I barely know. Thank goodness for LS!!!!! Unless I missed it, how long have you been married? I think you and your H should attempt MC. It may be more beneficial than you think. Plus, if your H is up for it, why not? From the sounds of it, that is half the battle (getting both parties on board). Regardless of you telling your H about your IC, I'm glad you are doing what you need to make yourself feel better. What does your counselor suggest regarding your marriage, the A, etc.? That is how my xMM described his life at home--going through the motions. His W didn't like to go out with him (unless it was to shop) and he enjoyed going for dinner with friends, etc. However, that came to halt about a month or so ago. I told him to work on his M. Lets hope he does. Link to post Share on other sites
BruisedBNBroken Posted July 18, 2013 Share Posted July 18, 2013 We have been married 11 years. Never a passionate love affair by any means, but certainly not as empty as its been recently. Hippetyhop, you made it another day!! Hope NC is getting easier and easier for you as the days go by. Link to post Share on other sites
waytogo Posted July 18, 2013 Share Posted July 18, 2013 Hippity, you are doing great. When I left mm, I was just done. He was always great to me and I did miss him. One very interesting person let me know he had had an interest. This guy should be on TV! I won't be surprised if I see him there some day. MM was not all out of my system quite yet. The affair even after over still interfered with potential personal life. I'm not actually sorry about that in one way... Further along met my true love/life partner. I was ready for him by then. After being completely free of the A spell, I found myself with the man I adore more than any before him. He was free to be with me any place any time. He wanted to marry me, not keep another wife and children to display as a show of a success and me satisfy something missing for him. I believe if you are patient you will find your real deal Kudos for your courage! Link to post Share on other sites
Author hippetyhop Posted July 19, 2013 Author Share Posted July 19, 2013 Hippity, you are doing great. When I left mm, I was just done. He was always great to me and I did miss him. One very interesting person let me know he had had an interest. This guy should be on TV! I won't be surprised if I see him there some day. MM was not all out of my system quite yet. The affair even after over still interfered with potential personal life. I'm not actually sorry about that in one way... Further along met my true love/life partner. I was ready for him by then. After being completely free of the A spell, I found myself with the man I adore more than any before him. He was free to be with me any place any time. He wanted to marry me, not keep another wife and children to display as a show of a success and me satisfy something missing for him. I believe if you are patient you will find your real deal Kudos for your courage! Thank you! It isn't easy, but I keep going! I enjoy my time not waiting for him to call/text. Congrats to you find your special someone. I know mine is out there somewhere. My biggest fear to compare him to xMM. That is exactly I want and need--being someone's all, and I want to be someone's all. I know it is very cliche sounding, but it is what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
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