My father seems "off"

[Adele0908]

I'm 29 and was at my parent's house last week and stayed for several days and caught my dad checking me out on various occasions. looking at my figure, chest, thighs, etc. He also looked at my lips while I was talking. my dad has always been emotionally distant and controlling, forbidding me to have boyfriends growing up. any guy that called the house would get cussed out. I couldn't do many extracurricular activities, he wanted me to be a doctor, as if that would give me value as a woman. He always stressed that I should be independent and not depend on a man. He made men seem like they were something to be avoided. He policed my clothing growing up, disliked makeup and womanly things. at first i thought he was just overprotective but now I think it's something more. His behavior became controlling and critical when I hit puberty. He was always criticizing me and never celebrated my achievements. I would win awards and he would say, "Oh of course you won, why the hell did they give you a TV as a prize." He could never be happy and enjoy the moment. I was always afraid of him growing up. I remember when I was younger I was always so scared of my dad. he would shout and if I "disobeyed" in any way he would give me the silent treatment for months. I think my dad feels like he owns me and he might even be sexually attracted to me. I don't know exactly what it is, but catching him checking me out makes me think that he is a pervert and a chauvinist.

[jennaflorrie]

Do you have a mum? A Brother or sister?

 

He sounds creepy. And Controlling.

 

Move away. See him as little as possible.

[Adele0908]

I told my older sister and she denied it to be true. But she is extremely attached to my dad, and is always trying to please him and make him happy, but he is never happy. My mother is very passive with low self confidence. My dad manipulates and controls her.

 

I just noticed these things now, I think I've been in denial too.

[SkyWheel]

Is there any history of alcoholism or any other kind of behavior in your family? (including grandparents, etc.?) My dad was an alcoholic, now he's supposedly kicked the habit, but he is still very manipulative and controlling towards my mom. She's very passive and always tries to please him.

[M30USA]

I think it's good to be objective about things like this. I've seen people get accused and suspected of things which are pretty crazy. Feelings can be deceptive. I would still keep an eye out but don't let this ruin your perception of your dad. It sounds like you might have had some issues with him even before you suspected him of this.

 

How do you dress? If I had a daughter who dressed a little bit too revealing, I might look merely because I think it's inappropriate.

Edited July 15, 2013 by M30USA

[Adele0908]

I dress in contemporary clothing. I wear nice clothes tailored to a woman my age. It's not my style of dress. Nothing I wear is over-the-top sexy.

[M30USA]

I dress in contemporary clothing. I wear nice clothes tailored to a woman my age. It's not my style of dress. Nothing I wear is over-the-top sexy.

 

How is your relationship with your father?

[Adele0908]

How is your relationship with your father?

 

Our relationship could be better. it's strained with little communication. I just find myself being annoyed whenever I see him. I do agree that I had grievances before this. I find him too authoritarian. Somewhat overbearing. And he never respected my boundaries growing up. That might be the underlying issue.

[M30USA]

Our relationship could be better. it's strained with little communication. I just find myself being annoyed whenever I see him. I do agree that I had grievances before this. I find him too authoritarian. Somewhat overbearing. And he never respected my boundaries growing up. That might be the underlying issue.

 

I'm not saying it's impossible that he really is "off", but realize that human nature is deceptive and we often suspect people of doing things simply because we personally don't like them or because we project our own issues onto others.

 

One time I saw a lady call the cops on a man sitting at the park. Turns out his wife had just stepped out for a short while with his daughter and, because of society's paranoia of predators, he basically got interrogated and asked to leave.

 

There was also the national news story about some man saving a boy from drowning. The boys mom came onto the scene and was in such hysterics that she called the cops on the man who rescued her son. The cops came, were about to take the man away, but fortunately there were witnesses nearby who told the cops what happened.

Edited July 16, 2013 by M30USA

[Adele0908]

I'm not saying it's impossible that he really is "off", but realize that human nature is deceptive and we often suspect people of doing things simply because we personally don't like them or because we project our own issues onto others.

 

One time I saw a lady call the cops on a man sitting at the park. Turns out his wife had just stepped out for a short while with his daughter and, because of society's paranoia of predators, he basically got interrogated and asked to leave.

 

There was also the national news story about some man saving a boy from drowning. The boys mom came onto the scene and was in such hysterics that she called the cops on the man who rescued her son. The cops came, were about to take the man away, but fortunately there were witnesses nearby who told the cops what happened.

 

"realize that human nature is deceptive and we often suspect people of doing things simply because we personally don't like them or because we project our own issues onto others."

 

This is true. Thanks, I'll take this into consideration

[Clockwork]

You're 29, but he never abused you. Or your sister by the sounds of it. And obviously he would have had plenty of opportunity to do so if he wanted to, but he didn't. So I wouldn't worry about that side of it. He could have just been looking at you in a fatherly type of way. A father can still think his daughter is beautiful in a "she's all grown up" type of way. Maybe he is starting to look at you as a woman, and not a little girl anymore.

 

As for the emotional problems, well, he is who he is. He sounds difficult to be around and I am sure you know this by now. That being said, an emotionally distant father can still look at his daughter with pride.

[lindsay1990]

You're 29, but he never abused you. Or your sister by the sounds of it. And obviously he would have had plenty of opportunity to do so if he wanted to, but he didn't. So I wouldn't worry about that side of it. He could have just been looking at you in a fatherly type of way. A father can still think his daughter is beautiful in a "she's all grown up" type of way. Maybe he is starting to look at you as a woman, and not a little girl anymore.

 

As for the emotional problems, well, he is who he is. He sounds difficult to be around and I am sure you know this by now. That being said, an emotionally distant father can still look at his daughter with pride.

 

 

judgmental way. I would say instead. I don't mean to fan the flames but maybe seeing your independence it is possible that he was observing your rebellious/sexy "parts" judging you more in general? I don't know if it makes sense.

 

Did you feel maybe his look was of disapproval or even disgust if it felt that intense (as you also appear to be the counterpart to the other passive women in his life) instead of desire?