Am I Mistaken?

[happy4]

Hi Everyone,

 

I made two posts in another section, but I think this might be the most appropriate for the advice I am seeking. I am going to post my first post below and then follow immediately with the second I made the other day. Any advice you can offer is appreciated. Sorry for the length...

 

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FIRST POST:

 

 

I think I’ve lost the ability to know whether I am just running away from something unhappy or to something that could be really great. I am in my early 40’s, married for fourteen years, kids, pets, the whole thing. But the marriage hasn’t been good for a number of years and I think we’re both coexisting more than anything at this point. But I am getting to a place where I am not sure I can keep just coexisting. My confusion comes in though, because it was upon meeting the person I am going to mention that the feeling of no longer wanting to coexist came about. This is why I don’t know if I am just running away or running to something. Any advice is welcome

 

As mentioned, I’m married, have kids, etc. I am an executive who joined the firm a little over eighteen months ago. After starting, I appointed a supervisor to a management role. She is incredibly smart, highly motivated andhad lots of great ideas, which are all the reasons I promoted her. She’s in her early 30’s, unmarried, and had only one long-term relationship many years back from what I understand. She has a beautiful face, perhaps just a little bit curvy, funny and smart. She is very sensual, though I think she either doesn’t know it or she’s a little uncomfortablewith it. I know from our conversations that she wants to find someone, but she isn’t going to just settle.

 

Anyway, after working together for a while now and talking a lot, I found that we are incredibly alike. We like the same shows, food, activities,etc. Also, when we talk in a less open environment (workers not around) or through email, her demeanor is much more open, like she doesn’t feel like she’s being watched. Our conversations can even be somewhat flirty and we both seem to keep them going. Also,we don’t work in the same location, so our in-person visits are less frequent. When we do see each other we hug and I feel like they’re maybe lasting a second or two longer than normal lately. Anyway as you can guess, given my current situation, this has led me to have some pretty confused feelings about her. The fact that she works for me adds another layer of course. I also worry that I could be mistaking everything here for her simple friendliness. Again, I welcome thoughts.

[happy4]

SECOND POST:

 

First, thanks to everyone for your responses to my original post. While it wasn't what I wanted to hear more often than not, I also recognize it was more likely what I needed to hear.

 

With that said, I've been slow to respond because I was waiting to see her again before I added any more commentary to this post. You may recall that she does not work in the same office as I do, so our frequency of physically being in the same place is limited to once every two months or so. Most of our contact are daily phone calls.

 

Well, I've now finished a three-day trip to her location. Aside from work, we had two dinners and so much natural conversation that it is making the emotional distress of leaving very challenging. We are so much alike, despite the age difference and life experience differences. In the end, nothing inappropriate happened, though dinner #1 felt like a very intimate setting and we did touch feet on a few occassions over the evening (could have been completely innocent). At dinner #2, she did seem to back off, though, and I was not pushing for anything more or inappropriate to happen. During the day (remember she works for me), I purposefully kept my distance because it is very important to me that she not be put in any position that would lessen her standing in her team's eyes.

 

So, while I have no idea where and if this ever evolves into anything more than it is, I remain completely confused. I would appreciate again everyone's thoughts on the situation as I described it as well as what you think might be going on from her side and in her mind. I don't ever want to be in a position where she starts getting uncomfortable or feeling pushed inappropriately, but I can't figure out where she is coming from in all of this. Thanks.

[StayBeautiful]

Why don't you leave your wife and find out?

 

I know that may come across as facetious, I just genuinely don't know. If you got divorced you could explore this new relationship.