Being stalked online by someone with mental health problems

[bumpyroad]

Over five years ago I was a member of an discussion forum. I've since been helped with my disorder and it's a thing of the past.

 

This discussion forum had a section where people talked about their problems, and a section where people socialized and played games. I used both and racked up several thousand posts.

 

I was and am still a member of a completely separate online forum. Around three years ago, I received a friend request on the forum from someone from the first discussion forum. I accepted and we got talking.

 

This person told me that he'd had a crush on me for years, but had never had the nerve to tell me. I was friendly, and at the time I was single so I was open-minded to what might develop.

 

But he quickly became a very selfish friend, sending me long diatribes about his problems and never asking me anything.

 

He has an anxiety disorder, obsessional disorders, depression, and he's an alcoholic.

 

I stopped messaging him back because it was becoming very draining, I had my own problems to deal with it, and I wasn't getting anything out of the 'friendship'.

 

He then became very aggressive (not sure if he was drunk) and insulted me with just about everything that you can think of. Mostly calling me ugly and a bitch. So I blocked him.

 

Now, on this second forum, the set-up is such that if you block someone, there is a way for the blocked person to get around it. They can set up a new account with an innocuous name and friend request you. You receive this request in your email, click the link to see whether or not you want to accept it, and in doing so it takes you to their profile.

 

I received several friend requests, always different user names, and on the profiles were messages left by him for me. The messages are insane - they vary from him telling me how much he loves me (we've never even met in real life!) to how much he thinks I'm a bitch.

 

I ignored all of them. He continued to create tens of accounts, and it's been going on for years. In September last year, I couldn't take it anymore, so I went to the moderator of the second forum. They agreed to ban his accounts but said they weren't able to stop him creating new ones.

 

It all went silent until April 2013 and I was so relieved and started to forget about it. Then it started up again. And this time he cut and pasted things I'd said years ago on the anxiety forum (this scared me) and also said he's got a brain tumor (obvious rubbish) and that he wants to kill himself.

 

Later in June I decided to contact him and tell him completely straight - that I would never be interested in him, that I have a boyfriend (this was a fib to put him off) that he cannot love someone he's never even met, and that I wish him luck for the future, but that this has to stop or I will contact the police with his ISP. (Not that I would know how to do this).

 

All was quiet until today when I received a friend request from someone called 'pleasereadme'. So I looked and there was a link. So I clicked in and it was a link to a forum with a load of madness written by him about testosterone disorders and being impotent.

 

This is seriously getting me down and pissing me off. But the thing is - he's obviously insane - so I don't know whether to ignore, or if I take it to the police will this just make him more ill, or maybe even kill himself?

 

He does not know my second name, my telephone number or my address, He does know my first name, age and the city I live in. The city is a very big one.

 

Any advice please?

Edited July 18, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[MrTurk]

You need to decide if its just annoying, or do you feel threatened by the situation?

 

Is it something you can just delete and move on with....or do you think you need to involve the police? Maybe do a search online, for the state or city you are in, and see what kinds of laws there are to stop such a thing. At least you will be a bit informed about it if you do need to contact the authorities.

[bumpyroad]

You need to decide if its just annoying, or do you feel threatened by the situation?

 

 

That's what I can't decide - on the one hand it's just an internet problem (turn off the internet and it goes away) but on the other it is harassment.

 

It stresses me out that I'm the obsessional focus of someone who's obviously very ill.

 

I ignored it for a very long time, all the friend requests he kept sending me, I didn't rise to any of them. But this has been going on for years now, it's ridiculous.

 

I know the easy answer is to delete my account, but I really enjoy it and it's a very good resource, and why should he scare me off it?

 

It's getting me down when I already feel like crap.

 

On the one hand I feel sorry for him, and on the other I can't stand him.

 

This is why I don't know what to do for the best.

Edited July 18, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[NYC-BigKat]

That's what I can't decide - on the one hand it's just an internet problem (turn off the internet and it goes away) but on the other it is harassment.

 

It stresses me out that I'm the obsessional focus of someone who's obviously very ill.

 

I ignored it for a very long time, all the friend requests he kept sending me, I didn't rise to any of them. But this has been going on for years now, it's ridiculous.

 

I know the easy answer is to delete my account, but I really enjoy it and it's a very good resource, and why should he scare me off it?

 

It's getting me down when I already feel like crap.

 

On the one hand I feel sorry for him, and on the other I can't stand him.

 

This is why I don't know what to do for the best.

 

Um..maybe u can use some kind of filters where only certain people on the site can msg u?

Edited July 18, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[bumpyroad]

Um..maybe u can use some kind of filters where only certain people on the site can msg u?

 

No, this is it - he gets around it - I set my filters to 'receive messages from friends only'. But he friend requests me - this can be done by any new member of the site - and those can't be blocked. It the way that site is set up, and he knows how to get round it.

 

When I contacted the moderator of the forum, I explained all this, they could see he had 20 or so profiles, they banned them all. But they can't stop him making new ones.

 

I think he knows how to use proxy's as well.

Edited July 14, 2013 by bumpyroad

[JourneyLady]

Make yourself a new account, don't post a photo or identify who you are. Only message those people who are already your friends letting them know who you are. Mess with your details so it isn't obvious it is you.

 

Do this for every other forum you are in. Over time, he will lose track. Granted, it's not fair to have to do this -- but better to be safe than fair.

[bumpyroad]

Make yourself a new account, don't post a photo or identify who you are. Only message those people who are already your friends letting them know who you are. Mess with your details so it isn't obvious it is you.

 

Do this for every other forum you are in. Over time, he will lose track. Granted, it's not fair to have to do this -- but better to be safe than fair.

 

Thank you yes, that sounds sensible.

 

Do you's think he could be dangerous?

 

ETA: I know which city he lives in and it's the opposite end of the country, it would take hours for him to travel. I know he's reclusive and likely has little money, so I'm not too worried. Also, I feel he's the keyboard warrior type; wouldn't be able to say boo to a goose in real life.

Edited July 14, 2013 by bumpyroad

[bumpyroad]

His newest account has been banned overnight. I didn't alert the moderators to his newest incarnation so he must have been kicking off on the forums during the night.

 

Pathetic.

[Art_Critic]

I would delete my account and create a new one.

 

If his only connection to you is that account then break that link and the problem is instantly gone.

Edited July 18, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[bumpyroad]

^Thank you. I know it makes sense.

 

It's a forum but also records your data, I have over five years of stats and an extensive library, and useful social network. Which is why I don't want to delete it.

 

It really annoys me that I have to lose my account because of some internet moron, but it's seeming like the only sensible thing to do.

 

Or will he just give up eventually? What I really mean is, do you guys think this is a potentially dangerous situation for me, or just pathetic juvenile rubbish that I should ignore?

 

He's in his thirties.

Edited July 18, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[will1988]

Is there a way to tweek your settings so that only friends can view your profile and that new friend request need to know your last name or email adress or something like how linkedin operates? Also, I had an online stalker for the longest time and beefed up my security and just blocked any and all new friend requests (that i knew were not from people i socialized with) on various sights. Another alternative is to write him a very lengthy and nast diatribe to him that makes it clear that in no way shape or form are you all friends and you never want to speak to him again. I had a stalker, in person, who would not leave me a lone and after ignoring her for a while i had to be tactless, blunt, and honest, and i told her "listen, i am just not attracted to you physically or emotionally in any way, shape or form. I have a beautiful girl friend whom I love very much, and I will not cheat on her with you. Nor, if I ever become single will I give you a second glance. So please leave me alone, and part ways. I am sorry to have to tell you this in such a mean manor, but your constant following me and professing to love me and saying creepy things to me has finally taken its toll. Have a nice life!"

[will1988]

that did the trick for me... the girl dropped the class, and never stalked me again. i didn't want her dropping the class, but she was a freshman math major taking a 400 level (senior level) history course just because i was in it... it was a course on nazi germany and she thought the French invaded Poland for christ's sakes! so i didn't feel too bad that she dropped, she would've failed out anyway.

[bumpyroad]

Thank you. I already sent him some months ago a lengthy message about how I would never be interested in him etc. The message was kind /neutral in tone rather than nasty but it was firm. Maybe I should have been really nasty.

 

I thought it had done the trick, until yesterday. The stuff he sent yesterday - drawing me into a forum discussion about him being impotent - was just bizarre and gave me the creeps. I can't imagine why on earth he think I care about his sexual health?! It's just madness.

 

Should I contact him and just tell him to F Off or I'm going to the Police, or is this giving him the contact/attention he's hoping for?

[steveT95]

As others have said, you should make a new account. Maybe talk to the moderators to see if there is a way that you can get some of your old account transferred over.

 

You sound like you seem responsible for his welfare. I was like this with my ex. Realising you're not responsible for his actions is a big step. Whatever they do is out of your hands. You need to do whatever is best for you, and if that has negative consequences for them it is not your fault.

[bumpyroad]

He's just sent me a flurry of friend requests, with abusive profile names.

 

I've just left a message saying if he contacts me again I'm going to the police. I was a bit nasty with it as well.

 

Hopefully he'll STFU now.

 

If it carries on I'll delete my profile but I'm determined not to.