raidsniffer84 Posted July 15, 2013 Share Posted July 15, 2013 My girlfriend has told me she doesn't like clubbing...but she ends up going almost every week because her friends want to go. I get irritated that she goes so much. I don't mind her going once in a while, as I would like her to go with her friends, she's young I get it... But it gets to the point when I want to go out with her or do something she sometimes says no because she has already made plans to go out with her friends. Am I being irrational for getting irritated at this? We see each other almost every day...not because I want to. Some times it just became a routine that she came over after work and her weekends were spent with her friends. I know I can go with her, but I'd rather not since I end up spending way too much money buying drinks for her and myself. Also, I have gone with her in the past, and it gets irritating that she just gets trashed and is uncontrollable. Not to mention she gets emotional and angy. So i'd rather not go with her. just figured I'd get some insight. I've brought it up but we just get into a huge argument about seeing each other too much etc.. (she usually asks to come over during the week)... Kind of curious as to what other people think as my opinion is really biased at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted July 15, 2013 Share Posted July 15, 2013 Plan dates with her in advance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author raidsniffer84 Posted July 15, 2013 Author Share Posted July 15, 2013 But I have in the past and it sucks because we've been in a relationship for almost 2 years. I planned it once a week in advanced just to hang out because she kept going clubbing on a saturday...and we ended up fighting about that because all her friends decided to go to a bday party last minute that night. Might I add the bday party was for my friend, and i didn't even end up going. So we hung out with other friends and watched a movie. Later when we were in a fight for I don't remember what reason, she said who plans things out a week in advance? -__- Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted July 15, 2013 Share Posted July 15, 2013 Does she ever say no to her friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Author raidsniffer84 Posted July 15, 2013 Author Share Posted July 15, 2013 But I have in the past and it sucks because we've been in a relationship for almost 2 years. I planned it once a week in advanced just to hang out because she kept going clubbing on a saturday...and we ended up fighting about that because all her friends decided to go to a bday party last minute that night. Might I add the bday party was for my friend, and i didn't even end up going. So we hung out with other friends and watched a movie. Later when we were in a fight for I don't remember what reason, she said who plans things out a week in advance? -__- Link to post Share on other sites
Author raidsniffer84 Posted July 15, 2013 Author Share Posted July 15, 2013 She says she does... her main group of friends she rarely ever says no to from my point of view. She feels bad for saying no to them. Her reason being that she has ****ed them over in the past or she rarely gets to see her friends. (they all work now so they only have time on the weekend, she still sees them now and then on the weekday for dinner) Almost every weekend however. it's always the same question. Oh my friends are going clubbing can i go? or if i have something planned, oh my friends are doing this, can we go afterwards? etc etc etc... for the most part I say yes to most things and when i say no, she's usually OK, but when we fight she'll bring it up. I know there were times where she'd go clubbing consistently for weeks on end and I'd get maybe actually 2 saturday nights out of 8 weekends because her friends weren't doing anything. Sometimes she'll ask me to go and I say no to her. I'll ask her why can't we just hang out and do something else. she'll ask what we're doing etc etc. or she'll start saying how she rarely see's her friends or we already see each other enough. But it just gets very repetitive. When she hangs out with me she's very sour at times. I'd tell her we're going to watch a movie, and she'll question me about the movie, what it's about etc etc, and not seem interested. I'll bring up something else and it's the same story. Link to post Share on other sites
Author raidsniffer84 Posted July 15, 2013 Author Share Posted July 15, 2013 Oh yea..might I add sometimes when we fight and don't see each other for a few days. she gets sad and whines about not seeing me for a few days. Or when I tell her not to come over during the week because of work she gets sad and whines. There were times when I've had business trips and have been gone for a few days or a week. She says she misses me etc throughout the trip can't wait to see me...and as soon as I get back, she'll be with her friends somewhere drinking and wants to see me afterwards. I tell her no and she'll complain. Only because after travelling and full work week, I'm exhausted and don't want to wait up till 2am-3am for her. She's even had the decency to get mad and say that I don't care that I can't even walk downstairs to open the door for her.... Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted July 15, 2013 Share Posted July 15, 2013 Too much drama and too much maintenance in my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 Too much drama and too much maintenance in my opinion. Agree. Way too much. She's self-focused, perhaps with high arousal/low boredom thresholds. She likes the secure feeling of the underlying connection but doesn't want to make the relationship a priority if there is anything more amusing or action oriented going on. She expects you to be at her beck and call when she has nothing much to do, and pouts when you are assertive with regard to her primary time and attention. My suggestion would be to talk about this with her, and be sure to phrase things in a non-threatening, non-accusatory way. The way to do this is by beginning sentences with, "I feel" rather than "you always." Continue by explaining only how you feel as a result and not directly criticizing her or the behavior. Maybe it will get traction and maybe it won't. If she is just too antsy to enjoy hanging out with you, perhaps fixing something tasty to eat and watching a movie at home while her friends are out clubbing and drinking, then you should assess the long-term implications. You said you don't want to clubbing with her because you spend too much and "she just gets trashed and is uncontrollable. Not to mention she gets emotional and angry." I personally would consider this unacceptable. Perhaps a compromise could be that you go out with her for awhile, but the two of you leave early, only have couple of drinks, and then enjoy each other's company for the rest of the night. If she won't go for that, or can't be content without the constant action, understand the larger implications of what that really means and consider your options. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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