Do you miss the AP or is it just the sex?

[hippetyhop]

It wasn't the sex with us. We were intimate in a lot of ways. The sex was great but we had times when we hadn't seen each other for a few weeks and ended up sitting with some wine talking all night and falling asleep together. It was a part of our R but it didn't define it.

 

I can very much relate.

 

Although he lived only 40 min. from me, I understood I came 2nd to his family. I was fine with the fact that he couldn't come see me often due to tball or swimming lessons. I didn't hound him or throw a hissy hit. I think because of that, that is what kept the emotional aspect going. We'd go weeks without seeing each other, but he'd still call me everyday. It makes me wonder if he has another A how understanding the next one will be.

 

With us having to go LC, I knew from there it just wouldn't be the same. I needed to end it. I'm glad he was understanding as how I was with his schedule.

[fanine]

Just give them to a mutual friend and have it be done and over with. It'll be best for you in the long run.

 

Yep I mean I guess they will find out at some point anyway. Why should I worry if he gets pissed that they find out from me....

[hippetyhop]

Yep I mean I guess they will find out at some point anyway. Why should I worry if he gets pissed that they find out from me....

 

He shouldn't get pissed since he made the decision. He has to lay in the bed he made.

[kareena]

It is very similar to an addiction. Brain scans show that the brain looks very similar to the brain of a cocaine addict.

 

Seriously? if that's true then it explains so much! as a former cocaine addict,I was perfectly fine not doing coke while I was with MM and now that he's gone it's becoming harder and harder to resist. So I guess basically this means that I never got clean I just replaced the drugs with MM and now that he's gone I want the drugs back.

[fanine]

He shouldn't get pissed since he made the decision. He has to lay in the bed he made.

 

I could never win with him. I'm trying to make the ending as civil as I can. He should understand that I am sacrificing having a normal life while I am his OW. I want a man I can plan with, live with, not sneak around with, who can love me fully. To have a family and a home with. Not live by myself becoming a sad little woman that spends 5-6 nights a week alone.

 

He made a decision to go back to his wife - but he cannot accept why that should be a problem and why it should matter. He said to me - dont think about my wife - I dont live with her, I live with the kids.

 

I know they have a very odd relationship - but the fact he cannot sort it out with her, and the fact she will take all the crap and bad treatment he throws at her - means he cannot give me what I always said I wanted....that I do sometimes doubt now would I really want???

 

I do feel sorry for their kids too growing up in such an environment. They both seem to think sticking together is the best thing for those kids, but the way the adulta treat each other, I really cannot see why it would be good for them.

[kareena]

I am trying to go NC. (Like I have before - ha!)

 

Final time we had contact he was very cold - but I guess that too is his way of dealing with it - and maybe he thinks it is the best way for me to move on from him. I don't know. (even though he always told me the situation was not fair on me and that we had just met at the wrong time)

 

But he has left his most precious drums at my house. He knows he could get a mutual friend to pick them up. But he hasn't. He goes away on Thursday for ten days. I am sure he wants to keep them at my place during that time.

 

I do not want to start telling mutual friends the score (these mutual friends do know he is married and do know I was his girlfriend) We used to hang out all the time. They were his friends first, so I do not feel it is my position to say anything to them, that I have told him it is over. So I do not want to ask one of them to collect his stuff.

 

These drums are too big for me to just carry out onto the street and I do not want to trash them or throw them in the rubbish. I am not that kind of person and to me that would feel vindictive.

 

I dont really know what to do...

 

You could send him a formal email regarding the matter but I would suggest just waiting,if he really wants them he will eventually send someone.

[fanine]

You could send him a formal email regarding the matter but I would suggest just waiting,if he really wants them he will eventually send someone.

 

I know he will definitely want them. But I think he is using the stuff to try and get back in contact somehow in the future. He is very emotional. Can get very angry but then when it all dies down he is like I kitten.

 

have had calls at 2 - 3 in the morning when he is upset and wants to talk to me and says how could a woman as good as me love him, and what was I doing to him, how come he felt so strong about me.....and he accuses me of being the drama queen!!!

 

He is emotionally unstable and I cannot let his hot/cold action and the fact the is a MM destroy me.

 

Thing is - probably like many of us here - I am too soft-hearted. He knows how to get my attention, he knows what to say, that I will want to help him.....

 

But I will be strong! I will figure out what to do...

[Pierre]

Seriously? if that's true then it explains so much! as a former cocaine addict,I was perfectly fine not doing coke while I was with MM and now that he's gone it's becoming harder and harder to resist. So I guess basically this means that I never got clean I just replaced the drugs with MM and now that he's gone I want the drugs back.

 

Some people are intense and have addictive patterns. I often wander if some of the folks prone to EMRs are like that.

 

I had a lot of EAs and close friendships with MOWs and could always walk away with little withdrawal. But, I met many that were intense and yes, had addictive patterns.