amartinez Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 Hi everyone, first post here. Just a brief background... I've been seeing this girl for 4 months now. After the first month she wanted us to be exclusive, the second month asked if we could call each other bf/gf, and the third month had told me she loved me. I agreed with open arms to all of the above. She has 2 preteen boys who I met after a couple months and I couldn't have been happier in regards to everything about our relationship... The first red flag came about when I noticed a pic gallery slideshow on her laptop, featuring an ex "friends with benefits" (FWB). They were very cuddly in a remote lake area, kissing in a few of them, and I could tell by her genuinely wide smile how happy she was. Only thing is, these pictures were rolling off one after the other and it's set as her active desktop background! Of course, there were other misc pics in the slideshow, but this was still prominent and my gut told me there were still feelings there she was holding onto. When I gently confronted her about how I was uncomfortable about seeing that, she became rather defensive and claimed it was nothing, that it happened almost a year ago, and that I was the only one for her. She also mentioned that the "jealous boyfriend" is a dealbreaker (sounded like an ultimatum to me), but since that's far from what I am, I agreed and told her not to worry, but just to know I was uncomfortable with the situation - I mean, her kids do use that computer and wouldn't they wonder who this random guy is in all those pics? She agreed to take the pics down but has not yet (it's now been 3 weeks). She herself rarely uses the laptop and is not computer savvy whatsoever, so it might be challenging and time consuming for her, but still not having made any effort to take them down makes me wonder if there's a reason she's still holding onto them. Despite all this, we moved well past our first disagreement and were enjoying each other's company when in the spur of the moment, we decided to become Facebook friends. I didn't scan her page like some stalker or anything, but I did notice that her ex FWB was still very much around - liking and commenting on many of her current status updates. I didn't see much initiated by her, but certainly he was chiming in, letting her know he's still around. This wasn't too big of a deal, until I noticed that in her pics there were a few featured of the 2 of them together, once again all cuddly. This was apparently a 2-month long FWB thing from a year ago. However, there were no pics of me or mention of me whatsoever, after a solid 4 months together. The kicker? She's still listed as "single". If that's not enough to make me uncomfortable, a major red flag went off the other day, which prompted the need for me to reach out to you all for advice. Her ex FWB texted her at midnight while we were sleeping. The text actually buzzed near my head and thinking it was my phone, I picked it up. I could only make out the first couple sentences, and since I'm not a snoop, I didn't dive into her text history, but I could tell he was trying to tell her how much he misses her, etc. Of course, this irritated me. The next morning I woke up and realized she had texted him back, as her phone laid there next to me with the text window open. While she was in the shower, I couldn't help myself... had to see what she wrote. She said "I'm so sorry, I've been really busy lately... I'm kind of dating someone right now and with the kids and all it's just hard to find the time." Hard to find the time? For WHAT? Kind of dating someone? What about an exclusive boyfriend? Didn't sound too convincing to me. Is she keeping her options open? She certainly hasn't let me know about that text and claimed she hasn't spoken to him since they were last hanging out. That same night she cancelled plans for us to hang out after her work, so she could meet up at a bar with her guy "pal" who's having a hard time and needs a friend. I asked her who, of course to which she said it was someone else. This other guy is someone I wouldn't imagine she'd be attracted to and has apparently been friends with since high school, so for that reason I wasn't worried. However, considering the ex FWB pics, fb activity, and texts, my curiosity was at a high. She didn't text me or anything until I initiated a text to her to ask how she's doing. This was well past 2am when the bars close and she said she was good and getting ready to head home. I asked her where she was, to which she replied "his house". She didn't text me until when she supposedly got home after 3am. Quite a long time to be hanging out with a friend - at a bar - and at his house. I can't confirm that she's cheating on me physically, but since I've become emotionally involved with my gf, I suspect something's not quite right. I believe she's still hung up on her ex FWB and doesn't want to fully close that door. What was the need to hang out so late with this other "friend", most definitely tipsy - ending up at his house, and our plans to hang out cancelled as a result? She's admitted to cheating on ex bf's in the past, but up to the point I noticed the pics on her laptop, things between us were solid as ever. I'm sensing something is not right. Do I have a reason to be concerned? Link to post Share on other sites
Keke1 Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 I lol'd at the excuse she isn't computer savvy. Who put the pix up lol? It isn't hard at all Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 Tell her that you enjoy her company and would like to continue dating her, but that that by your definition the two of you are not really exclusive, and advise her that you intend to also date others. When she tries to discuss this with you, just tell her that you will revisit this topic when you feel that she is really ready for an exclusive relationship. Do not argue or get mad, just state it as a fact and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keke1 Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 Tell her that you enjoy her company and would like to continue dating her, but that that by your definition the two of you are not really exclusive, and advise her that you intend to also date others. When she tries to discuss this with you, just tell her that you will revisit this topic when you feel that she is really ready for an exclusive relationship. Do not argue or get mad, just state it as a fact and move on. Probably the best advice you'll receive. Make the choice before you REALLY REALLY start falling for her 4 months isn't that long. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 There is a reason why she is an unmarried mom of two. Dump her. Link to post Share on other sites
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