shoooocked Posted October 24, 2004 Share Posted October 24, 2004 My boyfriend has this friend, which he met a month before me. Before I came in, they would flirt sometimes and I do think there was some spark there (more on her part than his). Well I am very jealous, but I still let everything go. When we started going out (a year ago) she sent him a letter telling him something like "you haven't given me a chance to prove myself". He always says that I exagerate when I tell him that she likes him, or liked him in the past. He always brushes it off. I know my boyfriend loves me, but I also think he is denying a spark or two he might still have for her. We've talked about this many times, and it always ends up in a fight. He still talks to her a lot. And everytime I say something bad about her, he always defends her with the excuse that "she is a good person". This girl got a boyfriend not so long ago, and when I mentioned him in front of my boy he said something along the lines of "that a**h***", and then im like "it bothered you!" and he is like "no baby im just kidding, I was kidding", but I could tell that it did, in fact, bother him. The one thing that did piss me off completely was this time we had a fight, and im like 'choose between talking to her or staying with me" and he is like "I choose talk to her, because this is a lot more than her, is about you wanting to choose who I talk to"... which sounded like crap to me but whatever.... Like I said before, I know my boyfriend loves me and cares about me, we are planning on getting married, and he is always calling me, he drives an hour to see me every weekend, his whole family knows me, and he has admitted to family members he is interested in marrying me... but I just dont want to have a blindfold over my eyes... Link to post Share on other sites
UnicornGirl Posted October 24, 2004 Share Posted October 24, 2004 I'd say stop talking to him about the friend. Trust me, he's more likely to actually keep pursuing the spark he has with her if you are jealous and insecure. You say you know he loves you, so relax. If he were to cheat on you with her or leave you for her, you should just calmly accept it and not show your anger or fear or insecurity to him. Trust me on this! Even if he goes back to her at some point, if you're calm and confident and loving to him he'll run right back to you -- and you get to decide whether you want him or not. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted October 24, 2004 Share Posted October 24, 2004 So far he has had a year to decide if he wants to be with you or her - and he's chosen you. We've talked about this many times, and it always ends up in a fight Then you should stop talking about it. Why do you insist that you know his mind better than he does? He tells you there is no spark & you insist there is - believe me - that is enough to drive any guy nuts. If this girl is his friend then you shouldn't bad mouth her. His automatic reaction is going to be to defend her. Wouldn't you do that for your friends? "I choose talk to her, because this is a lot more than her, is about you wanting to choose who I talk to"... which sounded like crap to me but whatever.... It's not crap - it is actually quite sound. What he is saying to you is that is that he will not allow anyone to exercise that kind of control over him. This is a good quality. Does he try to control who you speak to? What you should do, if you can, is to become friends with her too, because clearly he likes her & it would be easier for everyone if you all got along. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts